do you look out at your new city
and wish you were with me?
isnāt this silence deafening?
my head is throbbing
i replay the nights we spent too often
and now youāre gone and
i just need to know
if you still think of me as your home
-t

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do you look out at your new city
and wish you were with me?
isnāt this silence deafening?
my head is throbbing
i replay the nights we spent too often
and now youāre gone and
i just need to know
if you still think of me as your home
-t

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Diary005.Feb821.Need to care about myself and make moves.
Iāve been so depressed Iāve been finding it really difficult to care about myself or my life. There seems to not be a point but I need to just work through it anyway.
If I want to date someone worth dating, I need to be someone worth dating. And I should want to better for myself for other reasons than just dating but I have to remember that other people are dating ME too. I need to have something to bring to the table and what Iām doing now is not it.Ā
I need to remember to be a person. Have a life. Do things.Ā
Go for a walk. Workout. Stretch. Take some fucking advil if your back hurts. Smoke less weed. Paint more. Plan for youtube. Get your schedule on Twitch. GET IT TOGETHER.Ā
Diary003. Feb4.Ā āHaving a lifeā and what that means to me.
I was thinking recently about codependency and how one avoids becoming codependent. In order to not be co-dependent, you have to have your own life and do your own thing outside of the other person. So, what does that look like? What kinds of things are apart of my life and hobbies? What do I need to improve or work upon?My life / hobbies right now:
the internet: Reddit / YouTube commentary vids
My family: Hanging out with my mom and grandparents.
My friends: Occasionally hangout with best friend.... needs work
Art: paintings, resin, drawing
Reading: Novels, self-help books, reddit forums, internet articles
Videogames: AC...
What I imagine when I imagine "having a life":
Being active daily and going outside
Doing chores and being a person
Hanging out with friends and being social with people
Going out for activities or groups or clubs (wine painting? hiking? idk?)
Having a daily routine and being productive
NTS: Seriously lacking a cummulative overview of my previous days/weeks progress. How can I be inspired by myself if I never even look back at my accomplishments and know what I've done? Remember you need to do weekly/monthly overviews with habit tracking, etc.Ā
_______
Okay, so say I want to imagine tomorrow and meĀ āhaving a lifeā. What would an ideal day of meĀ āhaving a lifeā look like if I executed it perfectly tomorrow?
-Get up, brush teeth, wash face
-Get dressed in cute clothes I feel comfortable going outside inĀ
-Hangout with friends like I was supposed to
-Go on walk or jogĀ
-Stretch before or after walk/jog
-Do something productive? Work related? Think? I dunno? This is the part I need help with...Ā
DESPERATELY NEED AĀ āSHIT I DIDā JOURNAL TO JUST WRITE DOWN LITERALLY ANYTHING I DID DURING THE DAY WORTH NOTE
Iām also realizing it feels pretty difficult to have a life when you do everything alone. I keep imagining this one friend I have and his life and heās just so active. He snowboards and drives around all the time and does stuff with his friends a lot. He can also afford to do all those things though and I guess I canāt. I donāt really have anyone to do anything with either. Itās whatever I guess. Hopefully Iāll make some new friends when I move?
March 4th, 2019.
God damn, would you believe its been almost 2 years since I wrote a journal entry? I kindāve dropped off the face of tumblr once college came around and then after that, work started and I just kindāve lost track of shit, hm?
Iāve been doing well though, and thats what matters. Iāve moved to a new place, and Iāve got my own rat room and Iāve got two seriously adorable but annoying cats, lol.Ā
Life is going well right now, even though its stressful at the restaurant because itās winter, and Iām not making a lot of money due to it being so slow.Ā But other than that, life is going well.
Sierra, 10:21 PM.
Hey there,
So I have decided today that I really need to start getting back into eating a healthy diet and going to the gym! There truly is no better feeling than looking in the mirror and L O V I N G your body and the feeling you get after a workout is indescribably amazing

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November 24th, 2017
Itās been a while, Diary, I know. Iām aware that it has been.
So hereās the thing. A lot has happened in the past few months, so hereās a catch up post.
I moved in to my own apartment and learned that living on my own is much more fun than I planned, but that money saving is a must because rent/bills. But thatās not too terrible, Iām doing good there.
I also got another rat named Tikani, and she is a precious lil baby who has the tendency to be a friggin brat. But I love her nonetheless, even when she is throwing bedding out of the cage and trashing my apartment floor. Sheās settled in well with the mischief and Iām so grateful for her personality.Ā
I also realized that Iām not as okay as I thought but Iām also not as terrible as I thought. I know, contradictory. But, true. Some days I miss him more than others, some days hurt more than others. Recently, a friend had somebody pass away. Sheās in the same situation as I was, when he passed. She asked me how I got over it. I told her I didnāt.Ā
I also stopped saying his name and I took down the pictures of him except for one. Itās on my mirror. It falls down daily so I have to put it back up almost everyday, so really, I should just take it down but I donāt I just keep putting it back on my dirty mirror, and wait for it to fall again. I stopped saying his name because it hurts to say it again. I donāt know why, but it does. It doesnāt make sense, I was handling this way better.Ā
I stopped writing poetry also, but thatās because I donāt really have time. I have so many things I wanna write about but no time. I need to make time.
I have 24 hours in a day, why donāt I have time?Ā
I feel like Iām losing all my time.Ā
I feel like Iām losing the things that make me who I am and I need to get back to that instead of letting work consume me.Ā
I have 24 hours in a day.Ā
12:36am
this guy I hooked up with over the weekend was so freaking cute I could dieĀ
today is going to be a great day, I woke up early have 4 miles down and will continue to make the most out of this lovely Saturday I have offĀ