#tikani

It’s been a while, Diary, I know. I’m aware that it has been.

So here’s the thing. A lot has happened in the past few months, so here’s a catch up post.

I moved in to my own apartment and learned that living on my own is much more fun than I planned, but that money saving is a must because rent/bills. But that’s not too terrible, I’m doing good there.

I also got another rat named Tikani, and she is a precious lil baby who has the tendency to be a friggin brat. But I love her nonetheless, even when she is throwing bedding out of the cage and trashing my apartment floor. She’s settled in well with the mischief and I’m so grateful for her personality. 

I also realized that I’m not as okay as I thought but I’m also not as terrible as I thought. I know, contradictory. But, true. Some days I miss him more than others, some days hurt more than others. Recently, a friend had somebody pass away. She’s in the same situation as I was, when he passed. She asked me how I got over it. I told her I didn’t. 

I also stopped saying his name and I took down the pictures of him except for one. It’s on my mirror. It falls down daily so I have to put it back up almost everyday, so really, I should just take it down but I don’t I just keep putting it back on my dirty mirror, and wait for it to fall again. I stopped saying his name because it hurts to say it again. I don’t know why, but it does. It doesn’t make sense, I was handling this way better. 

I stopped writing poetry also, but that’s because I don’t really have time. I have so many things I wanna write about but no time. I need to make time.

I have 24 hours in a day, why don’t I have time? 

I feel like I’m losing all my time. 

I feel like I’m losing the things that make me who I am and I need to get back to that instead of letting work consume me. 

I have 24 hours in a day.