#dgmw

thinking

'bout

them 😩

I have a bunch of positivity appreciation challenge spreading or whatever asks in my inbox and I want to answer them and send them to other ppl I really do but also I’m kinda tired so I’ll do it at some point

I’m lowkey thinking about saying I’m heteroflexible?? I was browsing Reddit the other day in a quest to find additional information about Duccio and somehow I discovered the term? Idk I just feel like it summarises where I’m at with my sexuality crisis (I say crisis bc I like the word and I have a lot of crises but they’re always at like the back of my mind so it’s not stressing me out too much).

Then again, I might not lol. Almost every single one of my friends is queer and it’s gotten to the point where the word hetero makes me cringe a little lmao idk if I want to refer to myself as hetero anything, but also it feels more straight than saying bi with strong preference which I appreciate kind of with my whole issue about not feeling like I can say I’m gay? Idk I may or may not come to a decision, maybe my indecisiveness will last long enough for the oestrogen to kick in or for me to emotionally mature and I’ll have a crush on someone and then the crisis will be resolved a little. Who knows? Am I procrastinating figuring out my sexual identity? Yeah I guess you could say that it’s pretty in character for me ngl

Also I’m trying to be more productive and I have exams coming up and we actually have study leave this year so it’s a bit more serious n I may be a littttle lax in replying to stuff etc

So I’m being a little dramatic with this because I don’t actually care that much but if I hear one more person tell me I’m lucky I don’t have periods I think I might like, scream or something. Internally probably but who knows maybe this art history revision will push me off a cliff I didn’t know existed. That’s a metaphor I am once again making it known that I’m not actually depressed.

But yeah just someone I was pretty sure knew found out today and was like omg ur so lucky u don’t have to bleed out of ur vagina, etc etc and I was like

yeah bitch but I also have a lack-of-sex-hormones induced sexuality crisis, a snowflake complex (which is actually rly bad because not only am I autistic and adhd but I also have this like super rare disease oh boo hoo it just enables all the self pity ugh do you ever just find yourself insufferable like I literally have nothing to feel sorry for myself about I kinda want to smack some perspective into my subconscious), am at risk for osteoporosis, pretty severe heart disease should I not get enough oestrogen (which is worse considering I’m also Indian, and like a bunch of my relatives have died from heart attacks), have to take vit d bc Indians are low in it and it poses complications with the POI and shit, not to mention I can’t have children plus a bunch of other shit

Also I’m seeing that that whole last bullet point is just one big block of self pitying bullshit about what are ultimately my first world problems n I’m rly wishing I could just shake some perspective into my subconscious right about now UGH

I kinda want to rewrite it without the self pity but I cba bc I’m so tired just bear in mind I’ve gotten like no sleep as of late :)

This all sounds much angstier than intended but I am actually doing ok and I’m not super sad or depressed or angry at all I swear

I’m actually pretty well balanced

Well, relatively. Idk

Now I’m kind of wondering what the point of this post was

Oh well

Enjoy the life update ig

in the Twilight universe a lot of people have what amounts to low-grade ESP powers. normally they’re too low-level for anyone to notice-- someone might just be really persuasive or really intuitive or really good at calming other people down or really good at guessing what’ll happen next 

but when you become a vampire in the twilight universe, everything you are is suddenly More. you turn into... if I said “the anime version of you”, would you understand what I mean? everything about you is exaggerated, intensified. so people with those low-grade ESP powers... get bonkers vampire powers. 

Bella’s low-grade ESP power is that, for whatever reason, her mind is shielded from all the other bonkers powers. her mind-reader boyfriend can’t read her mind. his clairvoyant sister can’t see her future. the creepy evil vampires who can send you into agony with a glance can’t do shit to her. 

 ...naturally, a poorly-written romance protagonist, who makes the kinds of decisions a poorly written romance protagonist makes, is not going to come off as the brightest tack in the box. Bella is no exception. And since her mind-reader boyfriend looks into her mind and sees n o t h i n g ...