#devon anderson

Words and photo by Devon Anderson, Managing Editor at RockRevolt Magazine.

Let’s talk about the time I cried at two shows for the same band in four days, shall we? Oh, yes, we shall.

I have been an Against Me! fan for a while now, and as far as I am concerned, Laura Jane Grace is a goddess who can do no wrong. Her songs make me feel things I have never felt before, and her lyrics have shaped me and saved me from myself more times than I can count. She is the voice of my soul, and she knows all my secrets; with her voice, she shares them with the world.

“I don’t want to settle for a half-life.”

Laura Jane Grace is the unlikeliest of heroines; to hear her tell it, she’s lucky to be alive. Moving from a rocky upbringing into an adolescence and adulthood riddled with Punk successes and failures with lines in between blurred by countless and seemingly endless supplies of drugs and alcohol, Laura Jane has been through shit that many would simply call it quits over – and she almost did. However, through discovering who she really was and finally obtaining the medical and emotional support to become her true self – in all of her beautiful glory – Laura Jane Grace has survived and thrived to tell her tale in her new book, Tranny: Confessions of Punk Rock’s Most Infamous Anarchist Sellout. And her tale has made her a heroine for many who have felt, or currently feel, as she once did, as readers can see from this book. 

“Cross-dressing feels like self-mutilation. I can never be anything more than a pervert dressed in women’s clothes. So sick, sick, sick. I want to black it all out.”

Within the pages of this incredible, emotional, moving book, based on real journal entries that Laura Jane Grace had written over the years, unfolds the story of Laura Jane Grace of iconic Punk band, Against Me! Readers are taken along the journey of the band’s anarchist roots to “selling out” in the industry to where they are today. In the past, Laura Jane was constantly plagued by gender dysphoria, and self medicated with drugs and alcohol to suppress the yearning to dress and act more feminine. She knew nothing felt right physically – the body she was assigned at birth was not the one she inhabited – and through real-life scenarios that absolutely broke my heart, readers see Laura Jane struggling with her identity. She also knew that telling her friends and family would mean the destruction of relationships, and it was that knowledge that kept her from being honest with the world for as long as she was able.

“I can’t help but wonder how different of a person I would have turned out to be had I simply been born her.”

From dressing as who she fondly called “her” in secret to finally realizing she would only be happy when she fully became “her”, Laura Jane Grace takes readers from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. To learn the origin of her name to seeing her at once as father doting on his daughter to a mother taking the stage with her child, every single moment in this book made me feel something. As readers, we grieved when she did, laughed when she did, and were cheering through tears as she came out to friends, family members, and the music media about being transgendered and transitioning. Not all of the relationships in her life survived, but she held her head high, knowing she finally had to do what she needed to do to feel complete – to feel like herself. Readers can see that it wasn’t an easy journey, and it’s a road that Laura Jane still walks herself, but she doesn’t walk it alone. And it is through that honesty in her journey, that has led her to become a heroine for many. It was through bravery and a sheer will to continue on that she was able to emerge as herself – and for that, she holds a special place for youth struggling with gender dysphoria, crippling self-doubt, and a need for acceptance in a world that, even in many places today, cannot wrap its head around where transgendered people can use the restroom, let alone exist in peace.

“I’m not fucking anyone but myself.”

Laura Jane wrote this book with such poise and profoundly painful memory recollections – from her two marriages that did not stand the test of time to the losses of two people with whom she was very close and even her own suicidal thoughts and intentions – and it is clear that every piece of this book was intentional, from her words to the graphics inside. It was incredible learning the background meaning of some of my favorite songs, and to see her bravery in including her transition and struggles into her music was truly eye opening.

“I find the major label world attractive in the way that I do any other vice. It makes you feel great while making you hate yourself at the same time which makes you need it more until you can’t remember any other way to feel love.”

This book is a must read for anyone who is a fan of the punk industry. As readers, we learned a lot about how the industry works – at least as far as the experiences of Laura Jane Grace and Against Me! – in terms of the insider experiences that many folks outside of the business are not privy to. From contract dealings to upfront expenses and just how much money it takes to make a record, there are details in here to captivate any person interested in the business. The band members become real people with real problems, and it is through the pages of the book that readers see that snapshot.

“The band and crew can find me blue-faced and cold to the touch in the morning.”

Tranny: Confessions of Punk Rock’s Most Infamous Anarchist Sellout is also a must read for any fan of the band, anyone interested in Laura Jane Grace’s beginnings and experiences, and anyone who wants to understand what exactly has gone into the music of the band. The lyrics of so many songs make sense once explained through Laura Grace’s voice. And her voice in this story is strong – the emotions she poured into every single page come through so that readers are not just seeing words but are watching a film behind their eyes, feeling everything. Tranny: Confessions of Punk Rock’s Most Infamous Anarchist Sellout is easily one of the best books we have read this year, if not ever, and it is because of the language she uses to tell her story. It’s simply beautiful, even when it hurts – much like punk music itself.

“There are moments when I believe it and I can visualize myself as her, fully female, rare moments when life does not seem so daunting. I can imagine an emotional wall coming down and a part of me finally coming to life.”

Lastly, Tranny: Confessions of Punk Rock’s Most Infamous Anarchist Sellout is a must read for anyone finding themselves, or someone they love, in the grips of gender dysphoria. Laura Jane Grace’s honesty is unmatched by many public figures who have been through the trials of coming to terms with being transgender. Other transgender individuals can find comfort knowing that they are not alone, and sometimes, that knowledge is enough to make someone realize that they, too, can continue and fight to live their lives as fully as possible. In Tranny: Confessions of Punk Rock’s Most Infamous Anarchist Sellout, there is no shortage that the final message – even through the torment she felt – is one of hope. And it is this message of hope that will keep readers coming back to this book long after their first reading. 

Tranny: Confessions of Punk Rock’s Most Infamous Anarchist Sellout can be purchased wherever books are sold.

Review by Devon Anderson and Kinsey Blake Haynes – RockRevolt Journalists

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