#devilsadvcate

I feel proud that love is something I am emboldened by now. I am moving through the world with love and I firmly believe that it protects me, in every which way. I know this now. I am loving with strength now, which is not to define the fervency of my love but the willpower behind it—I choose to love, I am an active participant in it. It flows through me and I decide what I want to do with it. I am no longer a victim to love.

The problem is that you were held up by the women who raised you. You’ve already been showered by all the love I want to give you. I can’t do anything for you, and that makes me mad. In some sick way, I wish you had been deprived of sisterly love just as I had, so that my friendship mattered more to you. I wish I could give you the things that that boy can. I wish the hole you needed filled was waiting for someone like me, because if it was, I would make myself readily available to you. I just want to be your friend, but I want in very bad ways. I beg desperately and I wasn’t born a man, so I won’t be pardoned for it. Instead you’ll shun me, as you already have. I’m sorry if this reads like a love poem- it’s because all of my desires are like burning passions. I can’t seem to want normally.

If you really loved me you’d let me read The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka to you and next up would be The Pit and the Pendulum by Edgar Allen Poe please let me read to you pleeeeasseeee

I am proud of all the scary phone calls, appointments, and conversations I got myself through this year.

Thank you, feet, for taking us to wondrous places. Even if we’re not happy about it, thank you for believing in us anyways.