#dethklok interview

INSECTS

N: You know that there are animals that, um, are poisonous? Do you know that?

M: I once believed that, when I was a child

N: Have you ever caught a scorpion?

M: Yes I have

N: They have a tail that is... dangerous. And poisonous

T: I don't likes insects its in- in Norway they frozen. Frozen insects

N: For those of you who don't know, it's cold there... in Norway

T: Freeze bug

N: But- you know about, there's a frog-

M: Scorpions not an insect! It's related to spiders! Oh!

Whole Band: Ohhhh!

T: Gots the ?? On the face, that's breakfast!

N: Alright, alright, alright... okay, uh...

P: Hey guys, y'know how I have to take 5 from you cuz I kind of... y'know, every once in a while I have to... kind of just, be alone?

M: Yeah

P: Y'know, cuz I can- sometimes it's just to much hanging out with ya, y'know?

S: Yah, I know

T: Why don't you go?

P: Because I... cuz, I would- remember I stayed down here for-

N: You want us to leave the room?

P: Yeah

T: Okay

S: I, uh-

T: How do we know whens to come back in?

P: You could knock- knock... on the door-

M: You knock!

P: Alright, I'll knock on the door,

M: Alright

P: Go in the closet

M: Okay

N: Okay

(Door opening)

S: How long do we-

P: I'll tell you when... when it's time to get out of the closet

(Door closing)

P: Just being alone. Just-

M: Being alone!

P: Just want some time by myself so I can just- y'know, breathe? (Deep breath) Y'know, when you're on the road all the time and you- there's just always people around. Sometimes you wanna... y'know...

N: Hey, guys? It's kinda weird being in this dark closet with you with no eyes that we can see

M: ??, just the whites of our eyes, looking around

N: Yeah. I never realised- how white our eyes were

M: Yeah. Until this darkness

N: Yeah, the only thing I can tell that makes it seem like we're even moving at all is occasionally- occasionally we'll blink

T: Yeah, ocassionallys- it's.. you blinks

P: Guys, what's going on in here?

M: I don't hear no knocking!

DISASTERS

P: In the, uh, Midwest, we always uh, we have-

M: Yeah

P: Growing up there, there was always tornadoes, y'know. And, uh, every time there was a tornado... warning, I would- I would have to- as, y'know, a teenager, I'd have to disassemble my drumkit. And reassemble it downstairs, and y'know if the tornado wants my f🎸cking drums... going around in the, y'know, in the- in the tornado

M: Oh, that sounds pretty good, though

T: Yeahs, in Norway we just had frozen rain-

P: So- so I'd go down to the basement

S: Yeah, and one time- we had really the cold wind, that was a... natural disaster

T: Yeah

S: One time... I, uh, was in a... uh... line at the bank, uh, trying to cash in a paycheck when I work in uh- as a teenager, and, uh, I actually... took so long in line I had a natural disaster in my pants

EDUCATION

M: Oh, it- well that's g- I mean, like, I- education. Well, you know a very... special highschool principal made... me- bass. It's important

N: Yeah, education, I- I did not know this until recently, but... education helps you... learn, it helps you be able to spell, it helps you be able to, uh... education helps you to be able to do math

M: It's just all about learning

P: Dude, and math helps you learn how to add... and math helps you learn how to- to subtract-

T: Yeah-

S: Yeah, ands... also... it helps you- what else, with egducation- computer!

T: Yeah!

S: Computer like... with- ah... 'cause one time, this was- uh, six years ago and the Internet was slow... heh? Remember that?

T: Yeah, that's-

N: Yeah, S- that's how- yeah, we remember-

T: Just dialup!

N: Yeah, dialup

S: Yeah, but, now I know how to work a computer that's- I guess that's my point

T: Well, I know-

S: And, I mean- that was not because, um-

T: I- I like to say something!

S: To want to say- let me finish my thought! You don'ts interrupt people! Heh?

T: So finish!

N: Yeah, finish

P: Dude, just- say it

S: Hold on! I have the floor for a second, I just want to enjoy this-

M: Well, enjoy it!

T: Oh, educations-

S: Oh, yeah! I learn online how to work a computer, but- here's the joke, I can't get online... because, uh, d- I ca- uhm, 'cause that's what I need to do... uhm, like, uh... da- I- you- learn how to work computer online, but- how do I get there?! Hah!

T: Get on the computer?

N: Yeah, just get on the computer?

S: Yeah, but- but I don't know how...

T: Whats you gots to- you need a car to learns how to drive a car!

P: Oh, wait, I get it! How do you do it- 'cause you can't do it, right?

N; Yeah

M: Oh, that's a meta- meta joke. Meta

N: Yeah, and you- what I learned, is that without education, you can't get drunk. You can't... crash cars... you can't... pee into someone's face-

M: Yeah. Education

N: Yeah, that's- that's the smartest thing you've ever said

M: 'Cept that one thing

FAMILY

M: Ohhh. I- I have nothing to say... about this subject

N: I have to say that I think even having a family is, uh... the very idea that, um... I have relatives? That know things about me, makes me very angry inside

P: Yeah, I could see that

S: I don't, uh, have anything to say about family... so I will, uh... be shuttings down now

T: I often thinks of the days in Norway, when the... family... pants down, spank

M: I resemble my grandmother and it makes me wanna burn up from the inside, to the out. Side. That- (burps)

N: I have my, uh... I have my mother's nose... in my ??-

M: Oh- hah! Cut it off!

N: Alright, next question

FANS

N: Oh, the fans- well, y'know, I don't think we even... I don't think we would've sold one record without the fans

M: Yeah, I s- I- well, I'd have bought one, we all would've bought one! We would've sold five records!

P: Yeah, though, I wouldn't g- I wouldn't have bought one, 'cause I would've gotten one for free when-

M: We would've sold four records. Without the fans

S: Yeah, I wouldn't buy one neither-

M: We would've sold three records without the fans-

N: I wouldn't- I'm not going to pay that I did-

T: Oh, I'd have boughts one for all my friends!

S: More like- solds one imaginary friends records-

M: Ohhh, pshhh...

N: But I have to say, if the fans are out there, if they're listening- y'know, we- we always say a lot of stuff like, y'know- we hate you, go die, y'know-

M: Yeah, and we mean it!

N: Go-

T: Yeah, we means it!

N: Eat glass, and the truth is- actually, guys, the truth is we do mean it

T: I wants them to... push on their eyes so hard it goes back into their heads

P: Yeah, dude- or take your tongues, and take some- like, kids scissors- 'n fucking t- cut your tongues off!

N: We, uh, we wish you were all, uh- y'know, dead

N: I- y'know, they always say the best f- breakfast... is always the first- meal of the day

FOOD

M: Sometimes we would have- breakfast for dinner

P: When I was a kid, I said- 'when I grow up', which I am, 'I'm gonna have popsicles fpr breakfast', and what did I have- Toki, what did I have for breakfast?

T: I thinks you had-

S: You had popsicles

T: Those was fudgesicle!

P: What, I had a fudgesicle?

T: Yeah!

P: Well that's not a popsicle

T: Well, it's- the sicle?

M: Y'know, when we were in Mexico, they had...

N: No-

M: Beans, for breakfast?

N: Yeah, they just give you a b- they give you- a- you think they'd give you a bowl of beans but they put it on a stick

M: Yeah. God, in London there's three meats! Sausage, bacon, and ham. Three meat breakfast

S: Yeah. Back in Sweden, for breakfast sometimes, we would just have snow. Like, when times was tough

T: Or we'd have ???, the- smoked fish!

P: Dude, in, uh... Wisconsin-

T: Fish eggs!

P: My mom would make, uh, mayo. And that's it, just mayo

M: Yeah, bowls of mayo, I was there once

S: Hah, guitarsicle! Hah? Remembers.. a guitarsicle? That's- my own invention, it never really take off... y'know

T: Well, not for breakfast-

S: Well I don't like flavour!

T: That's... That's true-

S: I like- what I likes to make- do... herring, beef broth, and there's also- lemon, but toothpaste... flavour

T: Yeah, pickle herring guitarsicle. That's what you need!

S: Yeah, yeah- but I already said- herring flavour, so-

T: The pickle herring, that's fresh herring with pickle! Right, Pickle?

P: Uh, yeah. That's right. Folks, it's been great talking about food with you. Good day

P: When I think about Dethklok in the future, I think about... colonising a planet

FUTURE

M: Yeah. 'S-

N: Yeah, we've been- we've talked about this a lot, haven't we guys?

M: L- oh, yeah-

P: Yeah, we have. Yeah, uh-

M: It's the only way

P: Yeah, but, y'know, you gotta... first of all, develop a... self suh- fficiant- bio... dome, sphere, where they- uh, there's f- uh, I- whatever, cans of food...

M: If a bass falls over in a martian forest, but no-ones there, does it still make a sound? A space sound?

N: If a what falls down in a-

M: A bass falls over in a martian forest-

M: Like a- bass that you would play-

M: A bass that you would play, f-

N: Oh, yeah-

M: Falls over in a martian forest

N: Yeah, that would, I think-

M: And there's no-one there

N: Yeah

M: Does it still make a sound?

N: Uh, is it plugged in?

M: Ohhhh... I'll get back to you-

N: You'll get back to me?-

M: I just need to figure it-

N: Yeah, you'll get back to me on that one?

T: Yeah, it's all in the details, Murdyface

N: Yeah

S: Yeah, I'm going to come- in the future, im goings to have, uh- an attic- chin- uh, chamber, I live in- and then, I won't- and then someone has to get my mail, who's it gonna be, which one?

N: I'll get it

S: H- okay, then, that's you

T: I wouldn't minds gettings the mail. For once

M: And I guess that's where we'll be, in the future

WOMEN

N: I gotta say, I've- uh... I've had a couple of long-term relationships... and it's- it's, y'know, keeping a woman... uhh... it- keeping, uh- the excitement in the relationship? That is not easy

P: No, that's... that's always hard. Y'know

N: But, y'know what helps, a little surprise

M: Yeah, s- things are a lot more exciting when someone's about to die. That's just the way I look at it

N: But you bring home, like, gifts or something, like, 'hey, look wh'-

M: Hey?!

N: 'Hey, look...'

M: Hey look?

N: Yeah, and then you open up your- and there's... some hay in there-

M: Oh, like putting the diamond bracelet on your cock? Say- 'dive for it!' Like- like that?

N: Yeah

S: Yeah, roo- ladies and gentlemen, uh- our bass player- the most classiest guy in the world

M: Awh, suck it!

S: Ah, girls loves it when you takes control, like say- 'SIT DOWN!!! Start eating- I ordered fo- y'know, you order for the lady!~

T: That's right

S: That's what girls like!

T: Whats the difference between the goils and womens... yeah, I likes to hear the degradations of the womens. That's Arnold

N: Yeah, that's ???, heh

M: A lilalililil!

N: Yeah, a lilalalilliaulaulaulaulilaul, that's code to have the barbarian

M: Yeah, I was at-

P: Yeah, dude, the ilaulaulaulililaulaul-

N: Aulaulaulililaulaul-

M: Ilaulilau!

P: Ilaulaulaulaulaulau-

N: Aulaulaulilaulau-

P: Ilaulaulaulaulaulau!-

M: Ilaulaulau-

N: Ilaulaulau-

S: Lowlowlowlaylowlowww, right?

N: No, that'd be- you don't get it

M: Well, their souls were created in hell

N: That is true, women's souls were created because- women... ate- what, the forbidden fu- fruit?

M: The forbidden rip!

N: In a fantastic piece of fiction I love to call the Bible

M: Blegh!

S: Yeah but they got a serpent in yeahh!

T: Yeah, I thinks the serpent's supposed to be... the penis- with the apple supposed to be one ball, like Hitler!