#destructive behaviour

"You aren't trying hard enough." When I'm desperately trying to balance my fucking life has got to be the worst feeling ever.

I will win, even if it's only through sheer spite. I will have control over my life, even if it kills me. I will be free.

Either pass me a blunt or a gun.

Please, please, don't set standards for me, don't expect anything from me. Any hope you have of me becoming better is going to get crushed. I hate feeling like a disappointment, even though I always do.

Pray for me fellow jirais. Final important exam today, next week is physic, that's easy. I just need to get a B in electronics and I'm going to be fine and I can devote myself to watching movies and reading and making a videogame among other stuff.

I don't even hate other people anymore. It's far past just disappointment in humanity, it's closer to genuine hopelessness. I know there are good people but man is it hard not to just say all humans suck, including me. I'm not a saint but I'm aware and trying to fix myself.