Sanctuary

I hate my job, I'm fucking miserable, I only want to cut so deep it wont ever fucking heal. I am a fucking scholarship student. I deserve better than this. What did I do wrong to have to cry myself to sleep every fucking night. My libido is at an all time low, this is a good way to get new scars, I hate it here. My psychologist is gonna have a field day tomorrow.

Red wine is a bitch. My head hurt so bad I had to force myself to throw up for the first time in a while.

I am a sick person... I am a spiteful person. I am an unattractive person. After everything I am a bad person

God scars itch like a bitch just before they heal

Rawdogging multiple crisises without meds is fucking crazy. I'm falling apart I'd love to be on xans right now. I wanna give up. I don't wanna be me. My identity is compromised. My self image is compromised. My academic performance is compromised. My whole life is coming crashing down on me.

Having no morals but a lot of empathy is wacky. Like yeah I wanna sleep with them but I won't, I like my partner.

I did it again, god I forgot how good that felt.

Impostor syndrome is kicking in hard... For a gifted kid, I'm grossly underqualified. For normal students, I'm grossly overqualified. I don't fit in with anybody; I exist only within limbo. I'm not close to anyone, but people still hang out with me.

I've stopped recognizing myself in the mirror... I just don't look like myself.

I will win, even if it's only through sheer spite. I will have control over my life, even if it kills me. I will be free.

Nietzsche, Nietzsche... God is dead. And I'm desperately trying not to think about it. If the self becomes the object of worship, then it's just over for all of us. How did one man, a hundred years ago, predict events of today? I cannot let myself fall into the trap of the self. I, I just want to be a good person.

Why am I like this? Why am I this pretty? Why can't I be as kind as I am attractive? I'm a parasite. I fuck up every relationship I physically can. I'm never satisfied. When I'm in a relationship, I crave freedom, and when not, I crave commitment.