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At this point I feel so depressed I don't even know how to talk about it. It's been there my entire life, but today it feels so terrifying I want to ask for help. I have a support system and people who want to help but I don't even know what to ask of them. Then the embarrassment.
It's a whole cycle that's taking place between my ears and all that's left is a loud ringing. I don't know what to do
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my sleep schedule is fucked up, i'm beyond depressed, i woke up at 3pm today and already want to take another nap. i haven't been this low in over a year and it's so frustrating. i know i need to be kind to my body and let it do what it needs to recover, it needs a deep rest and a reset but i feel like a waste of space
i don’t think it’s a coincidence that so many authoritarian governments are severely cracking down on their populations during the pandemic, when fleeing as a refugee is near impossible. usa, central china, brazil, poland, probably a shitton more that aren’t making the headlines where i’m reading.
i don’t really have a point. it’s just soul crushing. governments are just... fucked.
Feeling like a glitch tonight. Or maybe an annoying pop up ad. I tried to spend some time with my parents after dinner — my father fell asleep on the couch and my mother preferred the company of In Touch magazine. Tried texting a friend and actually got a response but she went silent the moment I mentioned I was having a bad mental health day stemming from a desperate need for human interaction. So. Me and the cats are in bed and I’m contemplating going to sleep already at 8:51 despite having already slept fourteen hours today. Things are just... easier. When I’m asleep. People give a shit sometimes in my dreams.
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I kinda just want to stop existing right now. I feel like things would be easier for everyone if I did. My mom would have more money for bills and the other kids, my friends wouldn't have to be burdened by my emotional weight, and I wouldn't have to constantly feel like a problem. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I don't know if this is a thing other people do, but sometimes when I'm really depressed I just get this huge urge to go outside and walk until I can't walk anymore. There's no specific place I want to go, there's no reason for me to go anywhere, I just want to walk.
Like literally right now. It's snowing outside. I know there's ice under the snow It's 2 in the morning. But I still have this very strong urge to get out there and walk and walk and walk and walk until I literally collapse.
When I was younger I would walk in my backyard at night for hours on end. There was a path worn into the ground where I walked. I haven't felt the need to do this for so long. Why has it come back now?
