this blog is dark and full of terrors

This has been the worst month. First my birthday was a disaster. It's three days after my father's and since my mom was mad at him she did nothing for both of ours. I didn't even get a cake, and she always makes it a point to get us our own cakes. Then my grandmother's card got lost in the mail (our post office had some huge screw up that messed up post for the whole town) and she got really pissy with me about it. My grandfather died. I did my father a favor the weekend of the funeral and he's been constantly trying to slack off his single house chore and push it onto me ever since. And my therapist has cancelled two of our four appointments this month and while they're for legitimate reasons it still looks really bad for my disability hearing this summer.

And then my aquarium chiller breaks. Awesome. I can't afford to replace it. I live off $100 a month from my mom and it's barely enough to feed my cats. If anyone is able to donate $5, $10, or $20 towards helping me replace it, I'd be so grateful. If I can't replace it I have to rehome my axolotls. The chiller is $295 with tax on Amazon. Please help us. 🙏🙏🙏

This has been the worst month. First my birthday was a disaster. It's three days after my father's and since my mom was mad at him she did nothing for both of ours. I didn't even get a cake, and she always makes it a point to get us our own cakes. Then my grandmother's card got lost in the mail (our post office had some huge screw up that messed up post for the whole town) and she got really pissy with me about it. My grandfather died. I did my father a favor the weekend of the funeral and he's been constantly trying to slack off his single house chore and push it onto me ever since. And my therapist has cancelled two of our four appointments this month and while they're for legitimate reasons it still looks really bad for my disability hearing this summer.

And then my aquarium chiller breaks. Awesome. I can't afford to replace it. I live off $100 a month from my mom and it's barely enough to feed my cats. If anyone is able to donate $5, $10, or $20 towards helping me replace it, I'd be so grateful. If I can't replace it I have to rehome my axolotls. The chiller is $295 with tax on Amazon. Please help us. 🙏🙏🙏

Hey everyone! If you liked this wallpaper when I first posted it, I’ve now put it up for sale on redbubble! There are two versions, “Eden Compilation,” which is this exact image, and “Eden 2,” which has been slightly adjusted for size to use on tapestries and blankets.

This is going on day ten I've cried every single day and can't get out of bed. I'm stressed out which makes my head hurt worse than when I was in retail, I'm unable to focus and get out of bed.

I need counseling to help apply for disability. I can't do that with no counseling. I can't even start the application without being in therapy. I've been depressed since I was six and unable to function in society for the past four years. It's gotten worse in the past two. I have $500 to my name. I've tried fundraising - didn't get anything. I've tried selling things - no buyers. I haven't been able to work my freelance gig for over a week and a half because of my headaches, and even then I make maybe a dollar a day.

I lost my new boyfriend a few years later due to my father's interference. My father doesn't want me here. Before I moved home he actually hadn't spoken to me in three years, because my previous boyfriend was black. He says I deserve all the abuse "that n*gger" put me through, which included complete alienation of all my friends, complete control and exploitation of my finances, brief homelessness, and the death of my child. He tried to throw me out a month into dating my new boyfriend because "he can put you up now." Between my job and my father, I was always stressed and miserable, and my boyfriend couldn't take it. Then he got cancer, and told me he couldn't deal with my problems on top of his own, he couldn't take my father anymore, and we couldn't do this anymore. We broke up. All his friends, even the ones who were supposedly my friend too, sided with him.

I lost a tooth at the beginning of the pandemic, right in the front of my face. It was a crown that had broken. I can't afford to fix it - I need an extraction of the remaining tooth and an implant, which is $6k total. I only have Medicaid, which the oral surgeon doesn't take and which doesn't cover implants anyway. My self esteem tanked.

I don't have any friends. I'm autistic and have never been great at making them in the first place, and wasn't able to repair the friendships I lost because of my ex. I don't talk to my extended family, who my father has been telling for years that I'm an ungrateful, horrible bitch he wishes he never had. They agree with him. Talking to my mother is like talking to a brick wall. She's so burnt out putting up with my father's abuse that she can't even pretend to be a support for me. She never has been anyway.

Most of the time I feel like a glitch in a computer program. I'm not supposed to be here, so people ignore me until I cause problems (whether I actually did or not). No one cared when I was being abused by my ex, even when I came to work crying every day and couldn't afford to eat. No one said anything in my defense when I was being harassed at work, and after I was assaulted HR told me it was all in my head when I'd report things like "Joe and Brian are telling people they fucked me in the stock room." Sometimes I'll vent on social media - both where I know people and where I'm anonymous - and get no response, except maybe "stop saying xyz about people, be grateful for what you have." I had to delete Facebook because it added to my depression.

I can't hold a job anymore. I'm terrified of people and being outside. I recently got a freelance gig doing transcription but the pay is very low and only per minute of audio, and I suffer from migraines which makes it difficult. I've posted on social media that I can also do editing and proofreading, with no takers. My health has always been very poor and my mental health is trash. No therapist near me takes Medicaid and I'm afraid to go out and talk to one anyway. I've been denied state assistance, though I was recently approved for food stamps. I can't get cash assistance. I'm burning through all of my savings with student loans (which apparently can't be put on hold because they're all private) and the rent my dad demands.

On top of all this, my mother just told me she's divorcing my dad, because he's abusive and cheats constantly. She's disabled and won't be able to keep the house so she's moving out. She's the only reason I've been able to stay here. I'm pretty sure my father will kick me out, or tell me I can only stay if I become the maid and yard caretaker. He's already trying to sell my car (which he had to put in his name because my ex destroyed my credit), which will leave me trapped in the house, and my mother has made it clear I can't move in with her.

Today my applications for SNAP, medical assistance, and cash assistance were denied. So that’s great. 

In case you missed it, I am currently trying to raise money to escape my abusive father and move in with my disabled mother upon the finalization of her divorce. Neither my mother nor I can afford to live on our own. I moved back in with my parents at the start of the pandemic after suffering an unrelated mental breakdown. This was a mistake.

I do have a redbubble shop, where I sell mostly stickers (Fruits Basket, Haikyuu!!, and Persona) and some wallpapers I’ve made as my only source of income, as well as a paypal - Laurrante@ gmail. com (no spaces). I am trying to raise at least $2,000 to cover the initial costs of moving into an apartment with my mother (rent, car insurance, utilities, groceries, and medication for both of us) without my father finding out. He doesn’t know about the divorce and we don’t want him getting wind of it. 

My father is abusive emotionally, verbally, and financially. Some of the things he’s done to us include: Refusing to put in the window AC units during a heat wave which almost put me and my mother in the hospital for heat stroke, threatening to poison, kill, or throw out our animals, insults the animals almost daily (calling them stupid, ugly, disgusting, etc, and threatening to eat them), constantly berate and insult us for not being able to work or “not doing anything” during the day, completely control every penny spent and meticulously monitor mail for packages, berate and insult us whenever he has a bad day at work or is annoyed, scare the shit out of our cats by screaming and stomping around and then yell at the cats for not wanting to be near him, and every day undermine everything we say, act like we’re stupid and don’t know what we’re talking about. My father also cheats on my mother, and has since the last time she got out of the hospital after heart surgery. He expects her to do all the housework, yard work, and grocery shopping with no help, and if I attempt to help or do it myself he yells at us both. He’s called me a failure as a daughter, an adult, and a human being. 

My father is extremely racist and attempted to disown me several years ago for dating a black man. The only reason I was allowed back in the house was because my mother begged. Our only relationship is his abusive commentary and my trying to ignore it. 

Please help my mother, myself, and our cats escape my father. Any amount helps at all. The last time I posted we received $175! I am adding more stickers to my redbubble shop, and am accepting donations through Paypal. It’s my goal to raise at least $2,000 without alerting my father.

Yesterday my father announced that we’re not doing Christmas because “I hate Christmas.” This means we aren’t going to the family’s holiday party (my dad’s decision was not influenced by COVID, which he thinks it’s a hoax), no Christmas dinner, no presents. I know my mother has already bought some small presents, and if this is anything like in years past, me receiving them will have my father screaming that I’m ungrateful, selfish, and a drain on his resources, and my father getting presents will have him screaming that my mother wasted money and he hates this day.

The truly fucked up thing is that if she doesn’t buy him presents, or if she and I exchange without him, he also pitches a fit about how we’re excluding him and hate him.

We are both disabled women trying to escape from an abusive situation. To get a little more cash, I have a redbubble shop and we scan all of our receipts in Ibotta, but this has still only brought us up to $402 this month. I am trying to raise at least $1600 more to be able to move into a new apartment with my mother away from my father.

Here's a link to my redbubble shop

Today my applications for SNAP, medical assistance, and cash assistance were denied. So that’s great. 

In case you missed it, I am currently trying to raise money to escape my abusive father and move in with my disabled mother upon the finalization of her divorce. Neither my mother nor I can afford to live on our own. I moved back in with my parents at the start of the pandemic after suffering an unrelated mental breakdown. This was a mistake.

I do have a redbubble shop, where I sell mostly stickers (Fruits Basket, Haikyuu!!, and Persona) and some wallpapers I’ve made as my only source of income, as well as a paypal - Laurrante@ gmail. com (no spaces). I am trying to raise at least $2,000 to cover the initial costs of moving into an apartment with my mother (rent, car insurance, utilities, groceries, and medication for both of us) without my father finding out. He doesn’t know about the divorce and we don’t want him getting wind of it. 

My father is abusive emotionally, verbally, and financially. Some of the things he’s done to us include: Refusing to put in the window AC units during a heat wave which almost put me and my mother in the hospital for heat stroke, threatening to poison, kill, or throw out our animals, insults the animals almost daily (calling them stupid, ugly, disgusting, etc, and threatening to eat them), constantly berate and insult us for not being able to work or “not doing anything” during the day, completely control every penny spent and meticulously monitor mail for packages, berate and insult us whenever he has a bad day at work or is annoyed, scare the shit out of our cats by screaming and stomping around and then yell at the cats for not wanting to be near him, and every day undermine everything we say, act like we’re stupid and don’t know what we’re talking about. My father also cheats on my mother, and has since the last time she got out of the hospital after heart surgery. He expects her to do all the housework, yard work, and grocery shopping with no help, and if I attempt to help or do it myself he yells at us both. He’s called me a failure as a daughter, an adult, and a human being. 

My father is extremely racist and attempted to disown me several years ago for dating a black man. The only reason I was allowed back in the house was because my mother begged. Our only relationship is his abusive commentary and my trying to ignore it. 

Please help my mother, myself, and our cats escape my father. Any amount helps at all. The last time I posted we received $175! I am adding more stickers to my redbubble shop, and am accepting donations through Paypal. It’s my goal to raise at least $2,000 without alerting my father.

Yesterday my father announced that we're not doing Christmas because "I hate Christmas." This means we aren't going to the family's holiday party (my dad's decision was not influenced by COVID, which he thinks it's a hoax), no Christmas dinner, no presents. I know my mother has already bought some small presents, and if this is anything like in years past, me receiving them will have my father screaming that I'm ungrateful, selfish, and a drain on his resources, and my father getting presents will have him screaming that my mother wasted money and he hates this day.

The truly fucked up thing is that if she doesn't buy him presents, or if she and I exchange without him, he also pitches a fit about how we're excluding him and hate him.

Today my applications for SNAP, medical assistance, and cash assistance were denied. So that’s great. 

In case you missed it, I am currently trying to raise money to escape my abusive father and move in with my disabled mother upon the finalization of her divorce. Neither my mother nor I can afford to live on our own. I moved back in with my parents at the start of the pandemic after suffering an unrelated mental breakdown. This was a mistake.

I do have a redbubble shop, where I sell mostly stickers (Fruits Basket, Haikyuu!!, and Persona) and some wallpapers I’ve made as my only source of income, as well as a paypal - Laurrante@ gmail. com (no spaces). I am trying to raise at least $2,000 to cover the initial costs of moving into an apartment with my mother (rent, car insurance, utilities, groceries, and medication for both of us) without my father finding out. He doesn’t know about the divorce and we don’t want him getting wind of it. 

My father is abusive emotionally, verbally, and financially. Some of the things he’s done to us include: Refusing to put in the window AC units during a heat wave which almost put me and my mother in the hospital for heat stroke, threatening to poison, kill, or throw out our animals, insults the animals almost daily (calling them stupid, ugly, disgusting, etc, and threatening to eat them), constantly berate and insult us for not being able to work or “not doing anything” during the day, completely control every penny spent and meticulously monitor mail for packages, berate and insult us whenever he has a bad day at work or is annoyed, scare the shit out of our cats by screaming and stomping around and then yell at the cats for not wanting to be near him, and every day undermine everything we say, act like we’re stupid and don’t know what we’re talking about. My father also cheats on my mother, and has since the last time she got out of the hospital after heart surgery. He expects her to do all the housework, yard work, and grocery shopping with no help, and if I attempt to help or do it myself he yells at us both. He’s called me a failure as a daughter, an adult, and a human being. 

My father is extremely racist and attempted to disown me several years ago for dating a black man. The only reason I was allowed back in the house was because my mother begged. Our only relationship is his abusive commentary and my trying to ignore it. 

Please help my mother, myself, and our cats escape my father. Any amount helps at all. The last time I posted we received $175! I am adding more stickers to my redbubble shop, and am accepting donations through Paypal. It’s my goal to raise at least $2,000 without alerting my father.

Today my applications for SNAP, medical assistance, and cash assistance were denied. So that’s great. 

In case you missed it, I am currently trying to raise money to escape my abusive father and move in with my disabled mother upon the finalization of her divorce. Neither my mother nor I can afford to live on our own. I moved back in with my parents at the start of the pandemic after suffering an unrelated mental breakdown. This was a mistake.

I do have a redbubble shop, where I sell mostly stickers (Fruits Basket, Haikyuu!!, and Persona) and some wallpapers I’ve made as my only source of income, as well as a paypal - Laurrante@ gmail. com (no spaces). I am trying to raise at least $2,000 to cover the initial costs of moving into an apartment with my mother (rent, car insurance, utilities, groceries, and medication for both of us) without my father finding out. He doesn’t know about the divorce and we don’t want him getting wind of it. 

My father is abusive emotionally, verbally, and financially. Some of the things he’s done to us include: Refusing to put in the window AC units during a heat wave which almost put me and my mother in the hospital for heat stroke, threatening to poison, kill, or throw out our animals, insults the animals almost daily (calling them stupid, ugly, disgusting, etc, and threatening to eat them), constantly berate and insult us for not being able to work or “not doing anything” during the day, completely control every penny spent and meticulously monitor mail for packages, berate and insult us whenever he has a bad day at work or is annoyed, scare the shit out of our cats by screaming and stomping around and then yell at the cats for not wanting to be near him, and every day undermine everything we say, act like we’re stupid and don’t know what we’re talking about. My father also cheats on my mother, and has since the last time she got out of the hospital after heart surgery. He expects her to do all the housework, yard work, and grocery shopping with no help, and if I attempt to help or do it myself he yells at us both. He’s called me a failure as a daughter, an adult, and a human being. 

My father is extremely racist and attempted to disown me several years ago for dating a black man. The only reason I was allowed back in the house was because my mother begged. Our only relationship is his abusive commentary and my trying to ignore it. 

Please help my mother, myself, and our cats escape my father. Any amount helps at all. The last time I posted we received $175! I am adding more stickers to my redbubble shop, and am accepting donations through Paypal. It’s my goal to raise at least $2,000 without alerting my father.

Today my applications for SNAP, medical assistance, and cash assistance were denied. So that’s great. 

In case you missed it, I am currently trying to raise money to escape my abusive father and move in with my disabled mother upon the finalization of her divorce. Neither my mother nor I can afford to live on our own. I moved back in with my parents at the start of the pandemic after suffering an unrelated mental breakdown. This was a mistake.

I do have a redbubble shop, where I sell mostly stickers (Fruits Basket, Haikyuu!!, and Persona) and some wallpapers I’ve made as my only source of income, as well as a paypal - Laurrante@ gmail. com (no spaces). I am trying to raise at least $2,000 to cover the initial costs of moving into an apartment with my mother (rent, car insurance, utilities, groceries, and medication for both of us) without my father finding out. He doesn’t know about the divorce and we don’t want him getting wind of it. 

My father is abusive emotionally, verbally, and financially. Some of the things he’s done to us include: Refusing to put in the window AC units during a heat wave which almost put me and my mother in the hospital for heat stroke, threatening to poison, kill, or throw out our animals, insults the animals almost daily (calling them stupid, ugly, disgusting, etc, and threatening to eat them), constantly berate and insult us for not being able to work or “not doing anything” during the day, completely control every penny spent and meticulously monitor mail for packages, berate and insult us whenever he has a bad day at work or is annoyed, scare the shit out of our cats by screaming and stomping around and then yell at the cats for not wanting to be near him, and every day undermine everything we say, act like we’re stupid and don’t know what we’re talking about. My father also cheats on my mother, and has since the last time she got out of the hospital after heart surgery. He expects her to do all the housework, yard work, and grocery shopping with no help, and if I attempt to help or do it myself he yells at us both. He’s called me a failure as a daughter, an adult, and a human being. 

My father is extremely racist and attempted to disown me several years ago for dating a black man. The only reason I was allowed back in the house was because my mother begged. Our only relationship is his abusive commentary and my trying to ignore it. 

Please help my mother, myself, and our cats escape my father. Any amount helps at all. The last time I posted we received $175! I am adding more stickers to my redbubble shop, and am accepting donations through Paypal. It’s my goal to raise at least $2,000 without alerting my father.