#depression bpd

Literally.....

I’m going to be honest ~ I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed about a year ago with @BPD Borderline Personality Disorder. I don’t claim it but i know its apart of who i am. I struggle daily with my thoughts and feelings and how to treat other people. I tend to push ppl away and i rarely get close to anyone. But I believe with all my heart God is going to change that.  I wanted to share this information because its a constant battle daily. Some days I cant get out of bed or I wouldn’t leave my house. I have insecurities about my weight but that has a lot to do with my depression. I don’t eat a lot which means my appetite changes once I get in that “MOOD” No I’m starving myself.. I want to be all that God called me to be. I am getting professional help -Oprah, Doctor Phil, LOL no foreal i am. My doctor prescribed me anti-depression medication ( Mirtazapine) which helps with my mood swings and increase my appetite. So its a win win for me. I really hate taking pills and I don’t like the side affects of the medicine. I take them every now and then. *starts to think maybe i should start again” I know that’s not how it goes but I tend to do things my own way. which is unhealthy, maybe thats why I’m in the boat i’m in now. Well let me keep going! I was seeing a therapist for about 2 years. She’s an African-american woman located in st. Paul. I formed a great relationship with her. I was able to learn about myself in sessions as well as get advice from her. Connie- she diagnosed me with BPD. I would see her once a week and slowly started going to speak with her every two weeks as my symptoms progressed and life got better. Around Dec 2016 or Maybe November I don’t really remember. I admitted my self to a partial hospitalization program for 30 days from 9am-3:30pm. I met so many amazing people that are dealing with the same thing as me. I seen a lot of growth in myself as the weeks past by. When the program ended i believed i was ready to take on my regular life again... different situations that i deal with affects my behavior and thinking. I will get to that another time but at the end of the year I found myself alone and having suicidal thoughts. That’s another thing that comes with my mental illness. I never harmed myself physically but those crazy thoughts of “I rather be dead than alive” tend to pop every now and than. I went to the emergency room and explained my behavior. I was told the only way to be admitted is to take pills so i can be monitored. I spoke with a case worker and she found another mental health program at another hospital. I went for a few weeks and decided it wasn't for me. what’s funny is I have no idea why I did that. I really enjoy art therapy, and group therapy. the simple things. But my therapist also recommended I go to BPDgroup which i still haven't tried that yet. I hate that my emotions control my life. I had quite a few jobs due to my mental illness, all these thoughts come to my head and I start thinking the worse and I dont want to be bothered. I’m going to be delivered from everything thats attacking my mind and spirit. God has carried me along way. The devil wants me to be dead or struggling living with a mental illness that is controlling my whole life. Everyday is different ~ I know i’m one step closer to being healed. I Love that I’m still Alive and able to speak out about my health. It is serious and its important to get the right help. Its never to late. You see I did because I know its not the end of the world. GOD has the final say. . . . Please pray for me & share :) 

Michelle M

Michelle M

Me: Oh yeah...