we’re taught by the adults in our life

that happiness is the absence of suffering

Sometimes the things I want most in life feel so far from my grasp. I look at the people around me and so many of them have what I desperately want. They are all starting big adventures while I feel like I have hardly left the start line. In the past few years I have seen friends marry, babies born, and houses built. While I have seen myself fall deeper into bad habits, disappoint my family and become increasingly self aware. 

I know I am 23. I know this is melodramatic, and I hope so badly that I read this when I am 30 and laugh at how worried I was, but what if my hopes and dreams don’t come true. Who am I to be? Am I always going to be the wallflower? The one who helps others raise their children. The one who gives advice on relationships she is never in? I don’t want to be the one people disregard.