Nov 5, 2025
Deperson
Website / Steam
Loading...
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from China
seen from China
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Finland
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Jordan
seen from Jordan
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Syria
seen from Germany
seen from Germany
Deperson
Website / Steam
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Sorry I need to vent and it’s too much to write in a journal rn my hand would hurt.
It’s not fair how bad I’m suffering. I’m going to the therapy appointments, I’m doing the work, I’m trying different medications, I’m putting in the effort and pushing myself out of my comfort zone and it’s not working. When you’re dealing with severe mental illness, these are the things people tell you to do to get better. What the fuck happens when that doesn’t work? I know I have to be hopeful and keep experimenting but I’m so exhausted. I want to get better so bad, but I feel so out of control of the outcome. The daily panic attacks and derealization and depersonalization are terrifying. At least a few times a week I’m forcing myself to cry to feel the endorphins. It’s like my new replacement for self-harming. I feel like I’m so close to needing a hospital stay. My sympathetic nervous system is so dysregulated. I thought increasing my medication again would help but it’s worse even after almost four weeks. I might need to give Prozac another try. I’m only taking benzos max twice a week but I wish I could take them everyday. I understand why people get addicted to them. It’s so nice to feel normal even for a few hours. I’m trying so hard to manage my anxiety without them. It must be fifty times a day I’m looking around going “okay 5 things I can see, 4 things I can feel, 3 things-”. I’ve made some positive changes in my life the past month and my brain is still giving me hell. I’m starting to convince myself I need to get an MRI to rule out a brain tumor. It’s impossible to be a functional member of society when you’re in constant fight or flight every day. I wanted this transition to be a new start where I could really focus on myself. I want this so bad. I need this recovery. I have to find something that works. I am crumbling before my own eyes. It hurts watching people around you able to live their lives so easily. I know I’m not the only person going through this, and it’s not permanent. But thinking about the future makes me spiral with fear. I hope one day existing in peace feels effortless.
Fragile Self - Hour of The Wolf (lyrics video) 2019
‘The hour between night and dawn ... when most people die, sleep is deepest, nightmares are most real. It is the hour when the sleepless are haunted by their worst anguish, when ghosts and demons are most powerful. The hour of the wolf is also the hour when most babies are born.’ Ingmar Bergman in his notes for his 1968 film ‘Hour of the Wolf'.
From the modular synthesiser compilation album 'Modularism 2: Noises Off’ released by Law & Auder records. Available on all major streaming platforms. All sounds were made on a modular synthesiser. Main modules used: Noise Engineering’s Basimilus Iteritas Alter, Hexinverter drum modules, and the Befaco BF22 filter.
Background footage by Teri Varhol
©The Deperson Society | http://www.fragileself.com/
RT: Google Deletes 6 Million Of My Search Results LOL 🫣👉🏻🇺🇸 #censorship #shadowban #delisting #deranking #deperson Many of us are going to suffer or die at the mercy of digital curators, computers even, we’re never going to see or reach. 😵👇🏻 https://thorstenjpattberg.substack.com/p/google-deleted-6000000-of-my-search https://www.instagram.com/p/Cmy2xOxPE9H/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=