I have been in the military community since I was born. However, I have never heard of the term dependa until this past week. It was brought to attention by a military spouse and naturally since it is something that I am unfamiliar with, I researched it aka googled it.
According to the seasonedspouse.com, “'Dependa' is a horrible insult mainly used by military spouses to put each other down. Every military spouse is a dependent (unless they are active duty), but to be a dependa infers that someone is useless or stupid.” The second definition that was told to me by the same spouse is a person who posts things on social media to gain attention or sympathy for their service member is away.
Let me start off by saying this, the first definition there is one part that stood out to me. “This is a horrible insult mainly used by military spouses to put each other down”. This is wrong on so many levels. Being on our different MILSO journeys we all have a set of our own challenges. There are already so many external factors that already brings us down, why are we doing it to each other? We, MILSO are a community that should encourage and is there to support each other while our service members are away serving our country. What our loved ones do, it’s scary and carries huge occupational hazards that sometimes cost their lives. We are expected to hold it together on the outside, but really most days I just want to scream. I depend on my little community when times are tough.
The second definition of a MILSO who posts. Many times we are separated from our friends and family due to duty station changes. We deal with time differences, new jobs and trying to make new friends. It isn’t easy, sometimes we only have social media to validate our feelings. Who am I to judge what tools you use to cope. This may be their way of asking for help. Other times such as for me, I use my blog (this blog) as my outlet. A way to lay my whole basket of emotions out rather than taking it out on my soldier while he is deployed. Being this is my first deployment as a MILSO there is a lot of feelings that I am still learning to process. It is different than when my dad was deployed or my uncle. It’s a different situation altogether. I found it easier for me to just write it out and feel better. It’s also there for me to look back on and reflect. This is my process and the best way for me to go on this journey.
I understand that some people believe that dependa give the community a bad name. But instead of screenshotting and talking behind each other backs why don’t we let them know to their face. Name calling is bullying! Remember we are in this together, so let’s stop putting each other down.
