#demisexual reader

You never intended to be a virgin at your age. I mean, does anyone, outside of religion or other cultural norms? You couldn’t help that the idea of a one-night stand or, honestly, hook-up culture in general gave you the ick. You were no prude; you had sexual desires and fantasies, but only situationally. You had to know/have a strong connection with people for sex to ever make it onto the table, let alone act on your desires. No, instead, you avoided romance altogether and spent your youth focused on your schooling and career. While you were damn proud of yourself and what you accomplished as a nurse practitioner, there was a never-ceasing nagging thought in the back of your mind of how you’d never experience love like others do so easily. That envy kept you up at night, wishing you could just be ‘normal’. Not that losing your virginity while having a threesome with your partner and his husband would be normal, but it’d at least take away the societal pressure and the title of ‘virgin’ that’s been hanging over your head since forever.

Your head snapped up as Jack’s truck pulled up in front of you. You were surprised to see that both Robby and he had made the fifteen-minute trip to your place. Robby met you with a smile as he hopped out of the truck and pecked your lips before taking your bag from you. He shepherded you into the front section of Jack’s extended cab. You could feel your face heat as you realized you’d be taking the middle seat, the gearshift between your legs.

Fuck, why did you have to be wearing a dress?

“Hey,” Jack greeted with a grin,

“Hey,” you replied with a small smile, nerves still teasing your stomach.

“So, how were your first couple of days off?” Robby asked, piling in after you before Jack pulled away from the curb.

“Good, I’m actually caught up on book club for once.” You answered.

“Is that the one you’re in with other nurses?” Jack asked.

“Yeah, everyone works in the Pitt, so there’s no pressure to finish the book fully because of how chaotic our schedules are like, but Dana always knows when I don’t finish it,” you laughed.

“Does she call you out for it?” Robby asked,

“Worse, she just smirks at me over her wine glass, like she knows everything.” You say with an exaggerated sigh, “I mean to be fair, she does, but still,”

“What book were you reading this month?”

“One Last Stop, it is a queer romance book that Princess picked out.” You answered,

“Is it normally romance?” Robby asked, his left arm comfortably resting on the seat behind you.  

“Not necessarily, it just depends on whose turn it is to choose. Jesse picked out a sci-fi thriller last month.” You responded.

“Are you accepting new members?” Jack asked,

“Oof, sorry, no doctors allowed,” You answered with a teasing grin, “While it’s about the book, we mainly meet to veg out or vent.”

“Couldn’t make an exception for us?” Robby asked, right in your ear, causing an unconscious shiver to shoot through your spine.

God, you hated how unconsciously in tune your body was to him. You couldn’t already be wet, could you?

“Afraid not,” you laughed, attempting to cover up your reaction, “The only doctor I could see us making an exception for is Mel. She looked like a kicked puppy when we told her it was just a nurse thing.”

You settled into a comfortable silence as you got outa and settled into their townhouse, your bag parked at the bottom of their steps. Casual conversation flowed freely as you helped make dinner and relaxed on the couch afterwards. Everything had gone smoothly until you were three hours in, curled up between them, watching a movie. That was until a sex scene started to play. You could feel the heat of embarrassment crawl up your neck as you played with your hands, attention solely on your lap as the moans got louder and louder, until nothing.

Your head shot up seeing the scene had been paused; Jack and Robby looking down at you.

Fuck, this was happening,

“You alright, sweetheart?” Robby asked, squeezing your shoulder.

“Y-yeah,” you nodded,

“We can watch something else,” Jack offered,

“No, it’s fine, really,” you replied, face on fire.

“You sure?” Jack asked,

“Yeah, it’s not the movie itself, it’s just…” You trailed off,

“Sex in general?” Jack asked, finally addressing the elephant in the room.

“Yeah,” you nodded shyly, “I’m just, um”

“Turned on?” Jack said, not one to beat around the bush,

“Mhm,” you hummed, looking back down at your hands.

“We’ve talked about it a bit already, but are you sure you want this, sweetheart?” Robby asked.

“Yes. I’m physically 1000% there, fuck, I get so fucking wet thinking about you both, even when I should really be focusing on anything else. I just get caught up and have to try so fucking hard to school my thoughts and focus up again.” You confessed.

“Are you wet right now?” Robby asked,

“Mhm,” you hum with a nod,

“What do you think the problem is?” Jack asked,

“I guess, well, I just get in my head and lock up.” You sighed, looking up between them, “Like I want it so badly, emotionally and physically, but the second my brain gets there, I choke.”

“Do you masturbate?” Jack asked,

“Yeah,” you nod, feeling heat crawling up your neck.

“Is it mainly clitoral? Or do you penetrate with your fingers or any toys?” He followed up.

“Both?” you replied shyly, “If I’m intentionally masturbating, I have a thin, penetrating vibrator that looks like a long bullet vibrator. It’s like the width of a large tampon. If I’m masturbating after a hard shift, I will just use my fingers after I get out of the shower to relax.”

“And you can orgasm that way?” Jack followed up,

“Yeah,” you nodded,

“Do you watch porn?” Jack asked again. His clinical tone took away your anxiety; it was just simple yes-or-no questions. Your emotions were only a small factor; he was working to ease your brain from jumping the gun like always.

“No, but I um, do listen to audio erotica,” you swallowed,

“Why do you like it?” he questioned.

“It’s just more intimate,” you answered after a moment, “I’ve always felt a disconnect with traditional porn.”

“Do you like that it tells you what to do?” He asked in a reassuring tone.

“Yeah, it’s just nice not to have to think about anything.” You confessed, “It um, feels nice to be bossed around.”

“You like it when Mikey bosses you around at work,” Jack asked, smirk plastered on his face like he already knew the answer.

“Yeah,” you nodded, taking a breath, heat flooding your face as Jack gets more personal and steps away from the clinical talk.

“Do you get wet when he’s mean?”

“Mhm,” you hum, biting your lip as you break eye contact.

“Do you like when I’m mean?” he asked, catching your jaw, forcing you to maintain eye contact.

“Yes,” you confessed.

“Alright, I got a plan then,” Jack said, smiling at you,

“Give us a minute,” he said, looking over your head at Robby. He helped you up before pausing, “What’s her safe word?”

“Code, and the traffic light system,” Robby replied.

“Got it,” he nodded, fingers interlaced with yours as he guided you to their bedroom.

“What’s the plan?” you asked, looking up at Jack. He hummed as he came back from their walk-in closet. You let out a sigh of relief as you saw he was just holding a blindfold, knowing that that was where they kept their sex toys.

“Well, based on what you and Mikey have told me, you tense up and get ahead of yourself when he starts to move past kissing. The farthest you got was going down to your underwear, right?” he asked,

“Yeah,” you answered bashfully.

“So, I was thinking we give your mind a break and take your vision out of the equation. Instead of watching and tensing up when you get into unfamiliar territory, I’ll be there the whole time guiding you. Does that sound okay?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, “That makes sense,”

“If at any point you feel uncomfortable. Tell. Us. Your only job tonight is communicating whether you’re alright or not.” He said, looking down at you sternly.

“Got it,” you nodded,

“Good,” he rewarded you with a peck before shifting behind you,

“Is this too tight?” he asked, securing your blind fold.

“No,” you answered.

“Can you see at all?” he clarified,

“No,” you answered again.

“Good,” he affirmed, his gruff voice causing you to unintentionally squeeze your thighs together, “You can come in, Mikey.”

You hear a familiar gait pass you. You assume he takes a seat as the bed creeks. Jack gently turns and walks you slowly over in front of Robby.

“Alright, good. We’re gonna skip ahead if you’re comfortable. I want you to slowly strip for him. You can be a big girl and do that right, baby?” Jack husked.

“Yeah,” you answered, nerves still present. Jack acted as your anchor, your back flush with his front.

“Good, now I want you to strip down to your panties,” Jack ordered,

“Kay,” you replied, your arms tentatively crossed before grabbing the hem of your dress and slowly shifting it over and off, leaving you in your panties and bra.

“Keep going,” Jack encouraged. Robby remained silent, only giving away his positions from the small creaks of their mattress. You hesitantly reached for the center of your bra’s front clasp. A shiver ripped through you as Jack helped you out of it and threw it to the floor to join your dress.

“Fuck, she's beautiful, isn’t she, Mikey?” Jack asked,

“Fuck,” you heard Robby groan, “So stunning,” he agreed.

“Can I touch you, sweetheart?” Jack rasped,

“Yeah,” you nodded, before you choked on an inhale as Jack cupped your breasts, teasing your nipples. “Jack,” you moaned as his callused fingers tugged and rolled your nipples.

“Fuck, she’s so sensitive, Mikey,” Jack said, addressing him like you weren’t stationed between them. You whined as one of Jack’s arms looped around you, pulling you back for support as his other skirted down your front, hovering above your core. Your breath caught in your throat at the feeling of Jack’s member against your back.

“Can I take these off?” he asked,

“Please,” you whine, rubbing your thighs together. A moan cut through you as he cupped your core.

“Fuck,” Jack groaned,

“How’s she feel?” Robby asked, voice tight.

“Wetter than you could believe.” Jack answered, “Fuck, sweetheart, we’ve barely started. You always get this wet? How many panties have you ruined? Fuck, I bet you could leak through your scrub bottoms. Everyone would know then, huh? How wet a needy little slut like you gets over a little man handling.”

“Jack,” you couldn’t help but whine, face hot, thighs gripping his hand tight.

“Baby, if you want me to help, I’m gonna need my hand back.” He teased. You took a breath before parting your thigh to let him out, only to find yourself whining at the cool air hitting your now exposed core; ruined underwear fallen to your feet.

“Alright, fuck if it were anyone but Michael, you wouldn’t even need lube.” Jack groaned, “We’re gonna get in bed, okay?”

 “Kay,” you nodded, blindly following behind Jack. You could hear them both shuffling around as you stayed still, kneeling on the bed.

“Okay, I’m against the headboard, you’re gonna sit in front of me,” Jack said, guiding you over to him. Once seated, he looped his arm around you and pulled you back so you were flush against his front. You anxiously swallowed when your back hit his warm, bare chest. You could feel the absence of his prosthetic as his legs rested outside of your own. The only thing separating you was the cotton of his boxer briefs.

“Still good?” Jack asked,

“Yeah,” you blindly nodded.

“Good, now Mikey’s gonna kiss you, and then he’ll start working down your body. Then he’s gonna eat you out, is that still okay?” Jack asked,

“Can’t-can’t he just fuck me?” you asked, nerves rising.

“He could, but I think you’re gonna like this a lot better. We don’t want it to hurt anymore than it has to.” Jack answered, “Do you need to stop?”

“No, um, it’s just,” you took a breath, “It’s just hard to gauge if you guys are into it with the blindfold on.”

“Sweetheart, I can assure you that we are very much into it,” Robby reassured, “I’ve wanted to have you cumming on my tongue for months.”

“I want to see how pretty you look when you cum,” Jack said. You gasp as you feel him grinding lightly up against your back.

“Okay,” you nodded, “we can keep going,”

“God, you’re such a good fucking girl for communicating,” Jack husked, nipping at your neck. You couldn’t help but whine as he focused in on that spot, sucking and nipping at your throat. A gasp escaped you as you felt a second pair of lips on the other side of your neck. Robby’s beard tickled you as he worked down your throat, skirting down to your chest.

“Fuck,” you gasped as he sucked your nipple into his hot mouth, while his hands teased the other; his massive hands making you feel small. Your head lulled back onto Jack’s shoulder as you whined from every suck, twist, and pull of your nipples.

“Do you like that, sweetheart?” Jack asked, finally pulling back from your throat, “Do you like him playing with your chest?”

“Mhm,” you hummed, trying to rub your thighs together, only to be stopped by Robby’s body kneeling between them.

“Baby, you gotta talk when I ask you a question, or we won’t know what you like,” Jack said,

“I lik-fuck,” you whined as Robby’s teeth scraped against your nipple, “I like it, mhm, please,” you begged,

“What do you want, love?” Jack asked, as Robby started to trail kisses down to your mound, beard scuffing against your stomach.

“I wanna cum, please,” you panted.

“Alright, baby,” Jack allowed, “you’re gonna feel some pressure on your outer lips as Mikey opens you up,”

“Fuck,” Robby groans, hot breath fanning over your exposed core, “She’s so pretty, Jack,”

“Yeah?” Jack asked,

“Mhm,” Robby hummed, “She’s got the prettiest little pussy I’ve ever seen,”

“Michael,” you whined, pussy pulsing,

“Sorry, honey,” he laughed, pressing a kiss to your clit,

“Fuck,” you gasped,

“Like that, sweetheart?” Jack teased, “Like Mikey playing with over 10,000 of your never endings?”

“Mhm,” you moaned as Robby took a tentative lick against your clit, “Fuck, please,”

“What do you want, baby?” Jack asked. Robby’s facial hair tickling you as he honed in on your clit.

“Wanna, fuck-” You gasped as he started to trace over your opening, mouth still attached to your clit, “Wanna cu-PLEASE,”

“You heard her, babe,” Jack said, letting out a warm laugh, his mouth going back to your throat as Robby dragged a finger up and down your slit before thrusting a finger into your heat.

“Fuck, please, mhm,” you moaned, enveloped in pleasure. Earning a harsh suck from Robby as he slipped in another finger and curled them against your front wall.

“Fuck,” you gasped, as his fingers found a rhythm, too far gone to be embarrassed about the squelching as he fingered you to the base of his digits and back.

“Jack,” you shuddered as he began to play with your nipples, mouth still attached to your neck. Your inhibitions slipped away, a stroke of heat burst in your core, sending you over the edge.

“Fuck,” you moaned, spasming around his fingers, thighs shaking as you cum. Robby worked you through it as Jack whispered praises in your ear.

“Fuck, just like that.” Jack groaned, “Such a good, fucking girl.”

You could only pant as you came down from your high, Jack’s hand rubbing gentle circles into your hip as Robby eased his fingers out.

“Can,” you took a breath, “Can I take the blindfold off?”

“Of course,” Jack said, sliding it off with one gentle tug,

You blinked as your eyes adjusted to the light, Robby’s face hovering above you.

“There’s my girl,” he smiled down at you. You returned a shy smile, heat rushing to your core at the sight of his wet beard.

“Do you want to keep going or call it for today?” Jack asked,

“I wanna keep going,” you decided, “Wanna feel you cum in me.”

“Fuck,” Robby cursed, as you looked up at him through your lashes. His own face reddening.

“Do you want me to leave, or-”

“Please stay,” you interrupted, “I was kinda thinking I could give you head while he fucks me so I have something else to focus on.”

“Fuck,’ Jack groaned, “Okay, how do you want us, sweetheart?”

“I was thinking he could take me from behind, while I suck you off?” you half-asked, half-told.

“So, you want to be on your stomach, while giving me head, and Mikey will fuck you from behind?” Jack clarified.

“Yeah,” you nodded.

“Alright, you heard her,” Jack said, smirking up at Robby. He flipped you over on your stomach as soon as Robby slipped off the bed, catching your jaw as you went to look back at Robby.

“I think it’d be best to wait and see him afterwards, I don’t want you stressing over it,” Jack said, stroking your cheek.

“’kay,” you nodded, pushing yourself up onto your forearms to give Jack enough room to shed his underwear. You unconsciously bit your lip as his cock came into view. As a medical professional, it was far from your first time seeing a penis, but the sight of it still made your breath catch in your throat. You could feel saliva pooling in your mouth at the idea of sucking him off.

“Still with us, kid?” he asked, cupping your chin and tilting it up to force eye contact.

“Yeah,” you replied with a gulp,

“Alright, if at any point you want to stop, but can’t talk, I want you to pinch my thigh hard, okay?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. He smiled down at you before swiping something off his nightstand and tossing it over you to Robby. You then heard Robby, uncap it, and squirt out what sounded like a lot of lube.  

You involuntarily whine as the slick head of his cock taps your entrance.

“Ready?” he asked,

“Yes,” you replied evenly, a whine immediately keened in your throat as he breached your entrance. His fingers found your clit and rubbed it to ease the burn of his stretch. Despite his snail’s pace, it still felt like you were being split in two.

“Fuck,” you moaned, tears kissing the corners of your eyes at the new sensation of pain and pleasure. The tap of Jack’s leaking cock on your lips pulled you out of your head.

“Still with us, sweetheart?” Jack asked,

“Yeah, fuck”, you moaned as Robby thrust into you deeper than any finger could.

“I know Mikey’s a lot, but you’re doing so well,” Jack praised,

“Can I-Fuck” you asked, losing your thought as Robby pressed flush against you, his head kissing your cervix.

“Fuck,” Robby gasped, grip tightening.

“She tight, sweetheart?” Jack asked teasingly,

“Like a fucking vice,” Robby groaned, “Still doing alright, baby?”

“Yeah,” you moaned, involuntarily flexing, “I’ve never, fuck, never been so full,”

“Fuck, please don’t do that, honey,” Robby gasped, his grip on your hips turned bruising as he rested his forehead against your back, draped over you as he panted.

“Gonna cum so soon, handsome?” Jack teased,

“Shut up.” Robby groans, “Fuck.”

“Do you want to move?” you asked,

“Fuck, I’m alright, sweetheart, your body’s gotta get used to me first.” He answered, fingers never leaving your clit.

“Jack,” you said, pulling his attention back to you, “Can I,” you asked, nodding at his cock,

“Gonna have to properly ask,” he teased

“Can I suck you off?” you asked after taking a breath,

“Go ahead,” Jack answered, smiling down at you. A moan immediately ripped from his chest as you gently held his cock, and kitten licked from just below the head of his cock, up and over his slit, before sucking the head into your mouth. You minded your teeth as you took more of him into your mouth, eyes fluttering shut as the saliva pooling in your mouth streaked down his cock. You kept your grip light as your fist circled around what you couldn’t fit into your mouth. You tightened your grip until you heard Jack’s breath stutter, before you began to jerk him off. You twisted your wrist while giving him a hard suck every time you bobbed up around his head.

“Holy, Fuck,” Jack moaned, head tilting back. His hand wove through your hair, not to control you, no, Jack was holding on for dear life. Panicked, you pulled off, hand still wrapped around his base.

“Was that okay?” you asked, nervously.

“Okay? Fuck, baby,” he panted, stopping to take a deep breath, “Where the fuck did you learn how to do that?”

“Um, I-um, I did a deep dive on giving head for beginners. I know I wouldn’t be able to deep throat either of you, but I still want you to enjoy it.” You admitted bashfully,

“Was it okay?” you asked again.

“Yeah, fuck, yes, angel, it was more than okay. Fuck, haven’t felt like I was gonna cum that fast in ages,” Jack confessed, cupping your cheek to wipe off the excess drool on your face.

“So, can I?” you asked, nodding at his hard-on, “I’ve never tasted cum before, and I want you both in me now,”

“Yes, but I’m not coming down your throat today,” he said sternly, “When I get close, I’ll pull you off and finish on my stomach, okay?”

“Okay,” you said with a bit of a pout,

“Baby, it’s your first time. I’m not gonna force it down your throat if you don’t like it, you could throw up. We can build up to that, alright?” Jack said, stroking your cheek,

“Okay,” you nodded, “Mikey?”

“Yeah?” he asked, taking a deep breath, as he lifted his head off your back.

“Can you start to move? It only stings a little now,” you asked,

“You, sure, sweetheart?” he asked,

“Please, if it hurts, I’ll pinch Jack. Promise.” You replied,

“Alright,” Robby agreed, as he started to slowly ease out of you, before thrusting back in a bit at a time.

“Fuck,” you whined, pulsing around him,

“Still good, honey?” he asked,

“Don’t stop, please, Mikey,” you border on begging, “So full, fuck”

“Fuck,” he moaned in agreement, gradually picking up speed. You started to feel spacy as you sucked Jack’s cock back into your mouth. Your eyes fluttered shut as his fingers once again found their place threaded through your hair. You started up again, only lasting a few bobs before a moan ripped through your chest as Robby’s short strokes turned into deep pulls.

“Fuck, baby, I’m close,” Jack cursed. You doubled down, your bobs quickening and grip on his cock tightening. Suddenly, you were ripped off of his cock, as he cum splattered across his lower stomach up to his pecs.

“Fuck, please,” you begged Robby, “Please cum, I wanna feel you.”

A moan punched out of his chest at your earnest tone. His hips stuttered before he slammed himself back into you to the hilt. You whined as his warmth filled you. Robby fucked you through it before stilling, arm looped around your lower stomach to catch you from falling flat on the mattress when your arms gave out.

“Fuck,” you moaned, as he started to slowly ease out of you, cum leaking down your plush thighs.

“Still with us, baby?” Jack asked, wiping a bit of his cum off your face with his thumb before you greedily sucked it into your mouth.

“Mhm,” you hummed around it, whining at the loss as he helped you fall on your back between them. Robby was still panting to your left as you were busy catching your own breath. Jack smiled down at you both as he wiped his spent off with his discarded shirt. He nudged your shoulder when your eyes fluttered shut,

“Not yet, baby, gotta get you cleaned up before you sleep,”

You reluctantly pushed yourself up on your forearms as the thin layer of sweat coating your body began to cool and feel uncomfortable.

Your eyes widened as you took in Robby's flaccid penis,

"That was in me?" you asked, dumbfounded.

"Mhm," Jack hummed with a laugh, Robby groaned still recovering, "That's why we're taking an epson salt bath. You okay to move?"

“Yeah,” you nodded. Soon, you found yourself once again reclined against Jack in a steaming bath, warming your bones as they took gentle care of cleaning you up. You practically melted between them as they held you close under a set of freshly cleaned sheets. Happy to lose your long-lived title.

A/N:

Thank you so much for reading :3

Sorry for the gap in updates, I had writer's block. I'm gonna attempt to update on Mondays until school inevitably becomes too much. Hope you all had a lovely weekend and great start to your week ^_^

She immediately threw her arms around you. “Oh my god! It’s been so long!” She pulled back and then looked at Curtis, her eyes widening. “Holy smokes, he really does exist! When your mom told me you were bringing someone, I couldn’t believe it. Figured it had to be a figment of her imagination. But look at him! He’s real!”

You took a deep breath. “Uh, yeah. This is Curtis. Curtis, this is my Aunt Jan.”

Curtis reached out to shake her hand, a completely bewildered expression on his face. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Jan pulled him into a hug instead. “So nice to meet you, honey! You don’t know just how much of a miracle you are!” Once she let him go, she ushered you both inside. She called into the house, letting everyone know you were there. “And she’s brought her real-life boyfriend!”

“What the fuck?” Curtis mumbled.

You squeezed his hand. “That’s just how she is,” you whispered.

You moved through the house, greeting various aunts, uncles, and cousins, weathering the over-the-top shock from all of them. You could tell Curtis was getting irritated, so you tried rubbing your thumb over the back of his hand in soothing circles. You finally reached the den and found who you’d been searching for. 

Your dad leapt up from the couch excitedly to wrap you in a big hug. “Hi honey,” he said. Then, low enough for only the two of you to hear, “You should have turned around when you had the chance.”

“Yeah, well, this idiot,” you affectionately gestured to Curtis, “really wanted to meet my family.”

Your dad shook his head with a chuckle, “Rookie mistake,” he said, then pulled Curtis into an equally big hug. It’d never not make you so warm inside, just how much your dad loved Curtis. 

Once he’d been let go, Curtis just sort of gaped at the two of you sheepishly. “I’m not sure I knew what I was walking into,” he muttered. 

“Rookie mistake,” your dad said, again, before sitting back down. “Your mom is in the kitchen.”

You made your way there, finding her cooking away with Jan and the rest of her sisters. Just like your dad, she was thrilled to see Curtis. It made your heart swell.

A few of your aunts continued to make “good-natured” comments on what a surprise and relief it was that you’d finally brought someone. You nodded through it, barely listening, before tugging Curtis behind you to go find your grandma. 

He stopped you as soon as you were in the hallway. “Babe, do they not know you’re demi?”

You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you. “God, no! Can you imagine? It’d take forever to explain it, and then when I was done, I’d just get a lot of ‘Isn’t that how everyone is?’ while still giving me all of this bullshit. It’d be a waste of breath.” Curtis did not look happy about that, so you grabbed his hand. “Hey, all of the people I actually care about know. That’s enough for me. These are just people I have to see once a year because of an accident of birth. They don’t get to know all of me.” He seemed to relax a little at that and you smiled. “All right, let’s go find Grandma. Get ready. She’s gonna say all sorts of shit that’s gonna make you really uncomfortable.”

Sure enough, the first thing your grandma said to Curtis was, “I’ve been praying a nice young man would come into her life. She’s been so lonely for so long.” You turned your head away as you rolled your eyes, hard. But luckily you looked back in time to see the shocked look on his face when she said she sure did hope she didn’t die before she got to see you get married. You tried so hard not to laugh, that you sent yourself into a coughing fit.

Extracting yourself with a chipper, “Ok, grandma! We’ll see you at dinner!” you took Curtis into the backyard to kill time before food.

Sitting on the decorative retaining wall, Curtis threaded his fingers through yours. “I can see why your sister doesn’t come to these things.”

“Oh yeah,” you laughed. “She has to deal with all that and go hungry. These people have no idea how to cook for a vegetarian. They put chicken broth in the mashed potatoes!”

He just stared at you for a moment, then shook his head. “You’re too nice to them.”

You took a step closer, fully in his space, and shrugged. “They just– They can’t conceive of a life experience outside of their own. They all got married in their early twenties and had kids right away. The traditional way works for them, so why wouldn’t it work for everyone else? They don’t really know what to do with someone with different priorities, different feelings, and attractions. It’s how it’s always been. I’m used to it. I mostly just think it’s funny now.”

He wrapped you in his arms so that you could feel his warmth in the crisp fall weather. “I hate that you’ve had to get used to this.”

You rested your head on his shoulder. “You make things better,” you said softly. “I’m really happy you’re here.”

You stayed like that for several moments before your phone buzzed with a text from your dad, letting you know that dinner was ready. 

You both settled down at the far end of the table, about to start filling your plates when your heavily pregnant cousin Kat took the seat across from you. “Oh, sunovabitch,” you muttered under your breath, causing Curtis to look concerned. 

Before you could reassure him, Kat got both of your attention. “Oh my gosh, it’s been such a long time! I’m so glad you could come!” Then she turned to the man next to you. “And you must be Curtis! You’re all anyone can talk about. I’m Kat, her favorite cousin.” Before Curtis could respond, she continued. “So tell me, ‘cause I’m dying to know, how exactly did she get you here?”

Curtis looked at you, confused, then raised an eyebrow at her. “Excuse me?”

“Well, she’s just never brought anyone before. Not ever. And then when she finally does, it’s someone who looks like you?? My theory is she hired you off of Craig’s List. That or blackmail.” And then she laughed, in that very specific way that was just friendly enough that she could claim she was only joking. You knew it well. She’d been doing it for over thirty years.

You felt Curtis stiffen next to you, One look at him told you he was itching to respond, his mouth beginning to open, but you knew Kat. You knew she was just getting started and whatever response would just feed into whatever she wanted. So you covered his hand with yours in what you hoped was a soothing manner to hopefully stop him.

You caught Kat’s eye and she smirked, but then it faltered when you matched it with one of your own. “Actually, Kat,” you said, so casually, “I also have something I’ve been wondering. Is it the pregnancy hormones that have made you so unpleasant or have you always been this way? Since I genuinely can’t remember the last time you weren’t pregnant, I thought I’d ask.”

She gaped at you for a moment, as you looked at her calmly, patiently waiting for an answer. You didn’t need to look at Curtis to know that he was trying to hide a grin. Across from you, Kat finally found her words, “How dare–”

“I’m sorry,” you cut her off, “was that invasive? Rude? I should probably mind my own damn business, huh?”

“I–” she started again, but you weren’t done yet.

“Someday, I hope you’ll figure out that there are so many ways to be happy, not just one prescribed path. And hopefully, you’ll find whatever you’re looking for on the path you’ve chosen.”

There was a long beat of silence. Then, quietly, her eyes a little wide, she said, “I have. I’m happy.” There was a note in her voice, you thought, that sounded a little like she was trying to convince herself as much as you.

“Good,” you nodded, decisively, “I’m glad. I’m happy too. I was happy before Curtis and I’m happy now.” Without waiting for a response, you turned fully to Curtis beside you. He was beaming at you, pride just oozing out of him, his eyes sparkling. You smiled too, the biggest since you’d gotten there. “Do you want some stuffing?” you asked him, completely shutting down the previous conversation. “Aunt Jan’s stuffing is really good.”

Tag List

When you had been asked to partecipate to the “Call her daddy” podcast, the first thing that had come to your mind had been an HARD NO! There was no way you were going to let anyone convince you otherwise: you were a shy person, you felt uncomfortable when people asked you too much personal questions during interviews. This side of you was so well known that many of your costars were always ready to come to your help when you started to get too flustered about the questions you were asked during interviews.

So no, there was no way that you were to be a guest of a podcast during which you were going to be asked personal questions for sure. 

Your agent had asked you to think about it a little bit more before turning the invitation down, she had pointed out that even though you had been an actress for long people still didn’t know much about you, and even though there wasn’t nothing bad with being a private person, it would be good for your career if you would be able to open a little bit more, just a little bit so that your fan could know you and sympathize with you and your life. You had promised her to think about it, because she actually had had a point, even though you were sure that after giving a couple of more thoughts and after talking with your boyfriend, you would have still come to the same conclusion: you couldn’t do it.

Instead... 

Your boyfriend, like the goddman perfect man that he was, had told you that he couldn’t make the decsion for you, that it would be something huge for you, so that you had to really think  it through to understand if you could do it: it wouldn’t make any sense if you decided to go but in the end wouldn’t be able to be very honest and answer even some uncomfortable questions. He had also told that you could never know if your interview wouldn’t end up helping someone finding out new things about thmselves.

So yes you had decided to try in the end and here you were trying to sit comfortably on a sofa ready to do this.

“Y/n Y/sn, welcome to call her daddy. How did you decide what you wanted to wear today?”- the host, Alexandra Copper, asked

“Well I just wanted to be comfortable so there wasn’t much of a choice. For a moment I had thought to come in my sweatpants, but then I thought I should at least put a little bit of un affort, so yeah in the end it was a jeans and a sweater ”- you smiled, you hadn’t expected fot that first question, but it actually helped calm you a little bit.

“I mean, sweatpants would have still been a great choice but you look really cute and comfortable so that’s what matter. So Y/n you are a very well known actress and I saw when you arrived how many paps followed you, how do you deal with that?”- Alexandra asked

“Well first of all thank you for the’ very well known’… I mean it’s not ideal and it’s not my favorite thing about my career for sure, but I think what helps is that they mostly bother you when you are in LA, anywhere else they are few and far and they usually are more interested in me when I am with my boyfriend. If I am alone most of the time I manage with just a couple of photos you know, so they can say they did their job; but when my boyfriend Henry is with me they go bananas. So I get that the solution for me would be to change boyfriend”- you and Alexandra both laughed in the end, both knowing it was a joke.

“So let’s get into it, you are in a relationship with one of the most famous person in the world, Henry Cavill, Superman himself. What are the best parts?”- she asked

“Well for starters Henry is one of the best person, if not THE best person, i have ever met in my life, he is one of those people that always thinks about others, that always does his best to make people happy and comfortable. So yeah the very best part I think his Henry himself. We met in a very delicate moment of my life and, even before we started dating, he had always been there for me, to support me, he is like my rock you know, my best friend”- you said, hoping that you didn’t sound like a fangirl with her first crush

“You guys are really cute together and I think that the love you two share is so pure and authentic that a lot of people can see it, even from the outside, even just watching you talk with one another, I think that’s a reason why like almost everyone really love you together”

“Thank you, it’s really nice to know people are supportive of our relationship, not that people hate would change how we feel about each other, I mean he would still be my soulmate even if there was a lot of hate direct at us, but it’s nice”- you smiled and you really meant it because when Henry had asked you out the first time 6 years ago you had been very unsure: he was already very much famous and you had just started your career and the last thing you wanted was for people to even remotely think that you were just dating him to boost your career. And adding to that there was an age difference that didn’t make either of you uncomfortable but you knew that most people probably wouldn’t like that. It had taken you a little bit of time to let your fear of what people could think behind and just decide to do what your heart was telling you to do.

“How has you dating such a famous person impacted your identity?”

“That’s a good question, I think that dating Henry, as Henry not as famous person you know, has added to my identity a lot like any other relationship would. I was a lot younger and he was a little bit older than I am now when we first started dating so I actually grew up during the relationship so yeah it has changed me for the best I think. Dating him has for sure helped me become the woman I am now; I dont’ know if I am explaining myslef”- you laughed sure that you had made a mess

“No no I get it, every relationship teach you a lot you know, have you ever received hate at the beginning of your relationship because of the age gap?”

“I mean people can be judgimental and at the beginning of our relantioship it was a real fear of mine, not of Henry, he didn’t care, again he was more mature than me back then so he was like ‘I am not doing anything wrong, I’m not hurting anybody so fuck them’ you know. And in the end Henry’s attitude rubbed off on me and when the months went on and then years went on and we were still together and people couldn’t say that he was with me only for sex or I was with him only for his money or his fame, it all passed. So yeah, he never cared about the possible hate and I started to not care anymore after some time too.”

“I get it, you know haters gotta hate so the only thing you can do is be happy”- Alexandra said

“Exactly”

“So this is a question that I hadn’t planned to ask so you can decide not to answear without any problem I swear, but it has been a curiosity of mine for so long that I have to.”

“You are scaring me”- you laughed trying to stay calm

“no no don’t be scared, I’ve watched your last film the other night, wonderful job by the way”

“Thank you”- you stopped her for a second

“So  there was a very intimate scene in the film and I have always wondered how are you able to play that scene, I mean I know you are an actor and of course it’s your job but isn’t it difficult to pretend?”-Alexandra finished her question

“Oh my god, you really scared me but I can answear that. It’s difficult, it really is, for me in particular it is more difficult to shoot an intimate scene than one where I am supposed to be sad or angry or whatever. It becomes easier with the experience of course but it wasn’t at the beginning. I still remember my first sex scene, it was such a flop because when you shoot an intimate scene it’s basically like you have to fake an orgasm and I really didn’t know how to”

“Oh come on every woman knows how to fake an orgasm because everyone has had to fake at least once”- alexandra argued

“I know it sounds difficult to believe but I haven’t, I have had my first sexual relationship, and can’t believe I’m actually saying it, with Henry and I haven’t ever needed to fake”

“Wait, leaving behind that you have never needed to fake with your boyfriend so lucky you, you didn’t date anyone before Henry?”- you thought a second before answering, you weren’t ashemed of who you were, of your experience but this was the first time you actually opened up about this side of yourself

“I had some dates before Henry but never a sexual partner before him. I am actually demisexual, I don’t feel sexual attraction if I don’t have an emotional connection first and a lot of people don’t have the patience to wait for me to get there. So I tried dating for a while but once I saw people getting impatient after the second or third date I actually stopped dating for a while. Beside I had just started my career and I knew I needed to be focused so I swore off dating, at least untill I met Henry, that is. And even then it was a while before I agreeded to a date but he is a very stubborn person”- you took a deep breath

“I didn’t know that”

“It’s ok, I don’t think anyone did other than my friend and family”- you smiled at her

“I’m really glad you decided to open up and now for the most difficult questions”- she started and you both laughed because you knew what was coming -”this is the part where we talk about your sex life if it’s ok”- Alexandra double checked even though you had already given the all clear before the interview began

“I’m ready”

“We need to give the fan what they want, to give them a little taste. So are you a morning sex or a night sex person?”- she asked

“I’m more like the morning sex kinda girl because it gives you a boost for the day you know. But both Henry and I, we work a lot and even though we try to make sure our work plan align as much as we can, it’s not always possible. So the real answear would be whenever we are together and have time.”- you could see the mirth in Alexandra’s eyes

“You gotta make it count right?”

“Right”- you nodded at her

“Has anyone ever tried to have a threesome with you and Henry?”

“If you mean if anyone ever have approached us in person, no, but a lot of people have asked on tweeter And the answer would be a no anyway, not only for me but even for Henry. He is not into sharing I’m afraid and not even I am. Sorry guys”- you laughed , yu were finding yourself to have actually fun… who would have thought

“Do you and Henry have the same favorite sex positions?”

“I think so”

“Can you give us one?”- Alexandra smiled trying to get more from you

“We like to change and experiment but my all time favorite would be cowgirl”- you answered in the end

“You heard it here, what is the sexiest think that Henry does that turns you on?”

“I mean you have seen my boyfriend, he can just look at me with those beautiful eyes of him and the love that I always find there is always enough to get me ready to go”- you laughed not even understanding how was possible for you to feel so comfortable to answear withouth any problem -”but one of the thing that turn me the most on is actually watching Henry work out”

“What is the sexiest thing that you do that turn Henry on?”

“wearing his clothes probably”

“Y/n Y/sn we are done, thank you for being here and thank you for being so open and honest, it was really nice to have you here”- Alexandra said at the end.

“Thank you for having me, I thought long and hard before agreeing to come because I knew of course the question would be really personal but I am actually gald I accepted to come”

And you meant it, you were glad in the end that you had changed your mind but you couldn’t wait to leave the building and go back to your boys.

Henry Cavill and charachters taglist: @xxxkatxo @mansaaay @thorins-queen-of-erebor @maan24 @grounded-in-light @omgkatinka @xprettyqueenx @marytudorbrandon @kebabgirl67 @narnianaos 

All around taglist: @jwspiter​

It was then at 666 Darkmore that you'd first met Herbert. The ad had been put out by Herbert due to the loss Dan had with his fiance. He felt that by having a female presence around it might help him recover from his grief sooner. An odd way to try and help, but seemingly sweet nonetheless. You asked him what kind of comfort you were supposed to provide, and he adjusted his glasses before replying that your presence would be able to act as a comfort over time, but any additional comfort would be up to your discretion. After asking about rooming schematics and rent cost, you both agreed that you would be their new roommate.

Dan met you when you moved in, and you could see why Herbert put out the ad. The man was stricken with grief so deep that he worked, ate, and stayed in his room for the most part. Sometimes he would be in the living room, staring at the tv or a wall lost in his thoughts. You introduced yourself and he greeted you in return, introducing himself as well. But there wasn't anything in it. This poor man. So, when you had time you tried to involve him in things and bring him out of his shell. He would speak briefly at your prompts, but it left a lot to be desired. It took maybe a month or two before he took the bait and played some card games with you. After your second roommate went to his room for the night, you went to find Herbert and share your progress. You found him in the basement with a bright green substance in a syringe and a dead body.

At your surprised shout of "what the fuck" he set down the syringe and moved to you, grabbing you so you couldn't run. With the secret out, he told you about his work and how he could being people back from the dead. He also told you that Dan knew about it and helped him with it before his fiance died in the fire of Miskatonic. Seeing as his former helper wasn't in the right state of mind for the job it had just been him bringing in bodies and going out and testing his theories. Letting you go, you stayed put, floored by the discovery Herbert had made. 

"Wow. This could change everything about medicine." And with that you'd managed to bond with both of your roommates that night.

The longer you stayed and were an active part of the household, the more Dan had started coming around. You weren't Megan --not even close-- but you weren't trying to be Megan. You were unabashedly you, and Dan liked having you around. With Herbert in the basement so often, sometimes it got lonely for him. But you always put in the effort to at least wish him a good morning, good afternoon, good night, or a hello even if you weren't mentally up for cheering someone else up. Herbert was seeing how well Dan was doing and was thrilled to see that his grief stricken lab partner was gaining metaphorical and literal color again. Not that he showed it. 

That was one thing that didn't surprise you about Herbert. As a person who had a hard time letting people in, you understood keeping people at a distance, and once upon a time you were considered a person to keep at a distance. But just as you talked with Dan and spent time with him, you did the same with Herbert. Frequently you would have a plate of food, your own work or portable hobby, and a beverage in your hands when you came down, setting them to the side so he could eat and work simultaneously, content to watch him as he worked and work on your own things beside him. Sometimes you'd ask questions and he'd give you straightforward answers, not always delving too deep into it so you wouldn't be completely lost. 

As the months turned into a year you'd finally been comfortable enough for physical touch, willing to give hugs, lean on them, and sit close enough to slightly invade each other's space. You had made it clear to Dan that you were not interested in him and that your touches were purely platonic, and he was readily willing to accept that. Herbert was not the man to go to for any kind of physical touch, and it wasn't until you both hugged that Dan realized how much he missed physical closeness with someone even with it being purely platonic. Afterwards you'd went to check on Herbert, going downstairs and seeing him with his notebook as per usual, the coffee cup you'd given him earlier emptied and the plate accompanying it only containing crumbs. Good, he was eating.

Wandering over to him you wrapped your arms around him, your hands resting over his heart, and rested your head on his shoulder. He paused his work and tilted his head enough to acknowledge you.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked. 

"Displaying affection." you replied.

"Have you considered that maybe I don't want it?"

"Have you considered that I think you may need it regardless?"

Giving a sigh and rolling his eyes he went back to work, scribbling down plenty of numbers, words, and scientific symbols. Looking at what he was writing he seemed to be making a table of dosages and the circumstances around administering them, including the means of the doses and the reaction times as well as standard deviations and acknowledgement of outliers. Incrementally he relaxed into your touch, slowly enough that you didn't realize, to focused on observing him work. Herbert truly didn't mind having you hold him like this, but he wouldn't allow for you to know that. It would give you power over him. But the touch felt warm and comfortable, and it was the most he'd gotten in a long time. As much as he loved being married to his work, he realized that he was neglecting his needs for it as those needs got fulfilled by you. His need to eat, his need for other forms of mental stimulation, and his need for physical touch.

Unlike with Dan, you never told Herbert that your touches were platonic. You didn't need to, it was obvious to him that you didn't possess any ulterior motives. But admittedly as the year continued on he would find himself imagining that your touches could be romantic. In his mind nothing would change but the intent behind the touches, as seemed to be your way of doing things.

Then you'd gotten yourself a date. A few of them, actually. It wasn't often that you scored in the dating scene, so Dan had been happy for you, wanting you to enjoy yourself. Herbert acted like he was appalled that you had come to his lab in the middle of his work to tell him that, but in truth he was somewhat jealous. This man didn't know you like he did, didn't know about all of your quirks and what made you special like he did! Instead of voicing this Herbert simply stated that you shouldn't bring him around in worry of him finding out about the reagent. You nodded, wishing him a good evening before heading back upstairs. Obviously to talk about the date Dan was the guy to go to. 

First couple of dates had went off without a hitch. He was kind, smart, and funny. He had a good job that paid well, and he even had a dog. But it didn't feel like you got to know him enough before you both went to bed after the third date. This was not to say that the man didn't know what he was doing, nor was he bad at sex, but he was giving you physical pleasure and not also giving you mental pleasure. The physical feelings were there but the mental feelings weren't helping the process to move forward, so while he got to cum in the condom he used you didn't get to cum. It was frustrating, and it was made worse when he asked you if you wanted him to try and give you oral to help you climax because his cock was spent for now. Shaking your head you sat up. 

"No, it's fine. Thank you for the wonderful time, but I think I should go home." you told him, grabbing your clothes and starting to get dressed. 

"Are you sure you don't want to spend the night? We can make breakfast in the morning and cuddle on the couch." he offered, and if you'd just been able to be normal it would've been an offer you couldn't refuse. 

"I'm sure. I'm sorry, I should go." you replied before grabbing your small purse and making to leave the bedroom. He meanwhile was also getting dressed.

"Do you want me to drive you home?" he asked, trying to comfort you and make sure you end up home safe. Knowing it would be too far to walk and not wanting to call and wait for Dan or Herbert to pick you up, you nodded. With both of you dressed, he grabbed his keys and drove you home.

You both pulled onto the side in front of the house and he spoke up before you could leave. 

"You don't seem okay, is there something going on? Anything I can help with?"

"Yeah. There's something going on, but I don't really understand what or why it happens. It's nothing you can help me with though, I know that much. I'm sorry. I think we should see other people, you deserve better." you said, getting out of the car.

"What? Wait! Hold on! I want to be with you! You're an awesome person and I like our dates. You always have something amazing to say when we talk. Please, give it another chance." he begged. 

Shaking your head, you looked at him. "I can't. I can't. I'm sorry. It's not you, I promise that it's not you. And I know lots of other girls say the 'oh it's me' thing but I promise you that it's the truth. I have something going on and I need to figure it out. Until I do I don't want you to wait for me. So please, go home." you told him before heading inside with tears streaming down your cheeks.

In the rare time Herbert was out from the basement he had been talking with Dan in the living room. Hearing you come home they both looked at the door, seeing you head up the stairs and hearing you slam the bedroom door shut they then looked at each other. 

"I wonder what happened. He seemed like a nice enough guy when he picked her up." Dan said.

Going upstairs Dan knocked on your door gently, Herbert standing behind him. "Hey, are you okay? What happened?" Dan asked.

Knowing that they wouldn't leave you be if you didn't answer, you got up from the bed and unlocked the door. "Come in..." you said with your voice cracking, heading back to the bed and sitting down. 

The two men came in and Dan sat on the bed with you while Herbert stayed by the door. 

"What happened?" Herbert asked, not bothering to ask you if you were okay. It was obvious that you weren't okay.

"I did my best, I really did. But I just couldn't do it. He was doing everything right and I just couldn't do it." you cried rubbing at your face to try and stop the flow of tears.

"Do what?" Dan asked.

"Cum! I couldn't fucking cum! Everything he was doing was right, and the physical sensations were there but I couldn't fucking do it! I didn't know him well enough yet, but he was so nice and I thought what we'd shared would've been enough but it wasn't! So I embarrassed myself, I embarrassed him, and I broke up with him. Fuck, why can't I just be fucking normal?" you cried, burying your head in your knees, your hands going into your hair. 

"Hey, hey. It's okay. Lots of people need a connection with someone before they have sex. It's not unusual."

"Not like I do. I can't do one night stands, hell I couldn't even do a three date fuck. My last boyfriend it was eight months before I was able to have sex with him. Eight months. But in a world dominated by speed sex culture it doesn't allow for me to find someone like that. And unless I find someone else like me or someone willing to wait for me, I'm gonna be on my own forever." Looking up at them your eyes filled with horror. "I'll probably die alone." you said before starting to sob again.

"No no no, it's okay." Dan said, hugging you tightly to him. "You won't die alone, it's the sadness talking. So you need more time to enjoy yourself with someone, it's not a bad thing. And if he's worth it he'll be willing to wait for you. Right Herbert?" Dan asked, looking at the bespectacled man for assistance.

"If he doesn't value you enough to wait then he is not someone you would want in your bed." Herbert said with certainty as he walked over to the bed, sitting on the other side of you. He didn't hold you, he didn't even touch you, but his presence on your bed was enough to help you alongside Dan. The tears lessened, and you were able to look at them again.

"Thanks you guys. It means a lot." you said, wiping your tears away.

"Anything you need, we'll be here for you. Would you like to watch tv and have some hot chocolate?" Dan asked.

You nodded in reply and Dan got up to make the hot cocoa, leaving you in Herbert's capable hands until he came back.

"I feel awful about it. He was such a nice guy. He cared, and he somehow ended up with a shitshow like me." you commented.

"Could you tell me a bit more about your...affliction?" Herbert asked.

"Well, I was receiving physical pleasure from him, but my mind wasn't into it. I liked the sex, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't enough for me to get off. But it's always been like that for me. I want sex and I want intimacy, but if I don't have a deep bond with that person I can't cum. And the men don't understand. They think it's them, or that I'm on some medication keeping me from cumming or something but I'm not. It's like I'm hardwired with cum blockers."

Herbert took a moment to think about what you'd been saying. He'd heard a word to describe it before, but he wasn't fully aware of what it meant. "Demisexual."

"What?"

"I've heard it referred to as demisexuality. The need for a deep bond to sleep with someone. I don't know if it's the correct hypothesis, but it's the best I can provide for you currently."

"Demisexuality, huh? I fucking hate it."

"It does have its emotional and mental benefits. By sleeping with someone you know you won't have to worry about the person's intentions or what they may be hiding. Then it keeps you from having to overthink to make up for any unknown variables. Plus it in theory allows for you to have a relationship and know that by the time you do sleep with them that they won't be going anywhere."

"If I can ever get a guy to wait that long to begin with."

"Yes, unfortunately it's rare to find someone who doesn't participate in the 'speed sex culture' you mentioned earlier."

Dan came back into the room soon after. "The hot chocolate is ready. Come on let's head down." he said, leading the two of you down to the couch in the living room and sitting with you. The hot chocolate was good, the company from the two men was lovely, and before you knew it you had settled enough to actually relax for the night. You were dozing on the couch when Dan shook you slightly. 

"You should get to bed, you've been through a lot tonight. We can worry about things in the morning." he told you.

Nodding, you wished the two men a good night with a big hug, Dan returning it in equal measure and Herbert taking it like a champ before you headed up the stairs and went to bed. 

"Do you think she'll be alright Herbert?"

"I think so. Not right now, but eventually."

_____________

Over the months since that night, you'd found that Dan took over your role. If you were down he would be the one to cheer you up when he could, and getting assistance from Herbert if he couldn't. For whatever reason, hearing validation and words from Herbert meant more to you. Maybe it was because he didn't let praise slip from his lips easily. But when it did come out it filled your soul to bursting.

Dan had gotten back into the dating game last month, and tonight he had a date with a girl he was seeing. You didn't mind it, he needed to continue living his life too. Though he always tried to make sure that they had sex at her place to not rub salt in your wounds. As he was heading out you wished him good luck and went back to your work. It was unfortunate that you had to bring work home with you again, but it was better than doing nothing and being bored. 

After about another hour of working you finished your paperwork and set it in your messenger bag to take to the office tomorrow morning. Looking up at the time you saw that it was a bit past dinner time. On cue your stomach rumbled and you sighed. You didn't really want to make anything, but you didn't want to order out either. Getting up, you went to the basement to see what Herbert wanted to do for dinner. 

"Hey Herbert, what do you...what're you doing?" you asked, seeing diagrams and books laid out that had no relevance to his work. 

"Since I've reached a block with my work I've decided to try and study your needs and how they fit in a sexual and intimate context to understand it better. But there are a few things I'm missing."

"Like what?"

"A generalized average duration of time it takes a demisexual to bond enough to have sex."

"Seeing as there aren't a ton of demisexual people who are sex neutral or sex positive and open about it, I don't think you'll really be able to find an answer for that."

"I have a single score, but I need another for an average even if it's a weak one." 

"A single score? Mine?"

"Mine."

Your eyes widened at him coming out to you. "Really?"

"Really. Studying up on the topic has made me realize a couple of things about myself. So tell me, what is your typical duration of time to bond with someone enough?" he asked.

"Um, maybe five or six months as an average of my experiences."

Writing that down he then made a loose average and circled it.

"So what's the study? Just seeing how different we are compared to other people?"

Before he could answer the front door slammed shut, two pairs of feet moving to go up the stairs. Seemed Dan brought his date home tonight. 

"Lovely, a distraction from my project." Herbert snarked.

"I'm sure we can still talk over them. But seeing as the rest of the house is free, what do you want to do for dinner? Eat in, take out?"

"Take out would probably be best. It's quietest down here, and hopefully by the time the food arrives they'll be done or close to it."

"I'll go and grab a menu." you said, heading up the stairs and to the kitchen, grabbing a couple of menus from the kitchen drawer and the house phone, and as you headed back to the basement you heard Dan's girlfriend start to moan. Quickening your speed you shut the basement door behind you and headed back down to Herbert. 

"So we have the Chinese place that delivers, and we also have the Italian place here that delivers. Any preference?"

Herbert opened his mouth, but before he could speak a loud pleasure filled cry permeated the conversation. Shutting his mouth he then tried to speak again. "Let's go with Chinese. Whatever we don't eat can be saved for later."

Passing him the menu, you dialed the number but didn't press the call button yet. You knew what you wanted already, but wanted to give him time to peruse his options. Another moan --from Dan this time-- made its way down to the two of you. 

"Is it always like this?"

"Only when it's inconvenient."

He picked what he wanted from the menu, showing you so you could call. You pressed the call button and placed the order. The person on the line said it'd be about twenty five to a half hour. You thanked them and said you'd pay in cash before wishing them a good day and hanging up.

"So what now?"

"We try to continue our work until the food arrives."

Oddly enough, the more you got into the project Herbert had going on the easier it was to ignore the sounds of Dan's sex life. It were as if it were just the two of you and the world didn't exist.

Until the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it." Herbert said, going to his coat and pulling out some cash before heading up to get the food. 

As he was gone you thought to yourself for a moment. Were you starting to catch feelings for Herbert? You never had that 'us against the world' feeling with Dan, and the last time you felt it it was with your previous ex --the one who dumped you, not the one you dumped after three dates. You still kind of felt bad about that.

What would happen if you told Herbert?

The door opened and down came Herbert, a large paper bag in his arms. Setting the bag down on the table you both grabbed your respective foods and the chopsticks the restaurant provided before digging in.

By the time you both were halfway done with your meals Dan and his girlfriend had stopped, making it easier to eat and talk again. 

"So what would you like to study with the information you've gathered?" you asked.

"I'm not quite sure. Maybe intensity levels of pleasure when it's with someone who's known rather than someone who isn't to start off then work from there."

"How are you going to place a measure on intensity?"

"A self report questionnaire with a one through five scale asking about different aspects of the sexual experience."

"Are you planning on being the participant in your study? Because I don't want to have sex with someone I don't know."

He gave an acknowledging hum as he thought of an answer. "The guy you briefly dated. How well did you know him?"

"Not super well. I knew his job, what he liked to do, that he had a dog, stuff like that."

"That'll be fine. No need to make yourself do something you don't want to do. The willingness and consent of a participant is important when it comes to this topic."

"And what're we going to do about the other part?"

"Hmm?"

"The 'sex with someone we know' part. If we both sleep with the same person it could skew the results. Plus, I don't think Dan nor any of our other friends would want to sleep with us for an experiment."

He sighed. "You're right. Unless..." he started, looking over at you.

"...we sleep with each other." you finished, looking back at him. "Would that screw with our results?"

"Not if we don't let it."

"Do you consent to sleep with me in the name of scientific study?"

"Yes. Do you?"

"Yes."

"I'll prepare the self report questionnaires and go through the test measures, and then whenever we're ready we can begin."

You both finished your food and you went upstairs with the leftovers for the night, leaving Herbert in the basement for a while longer.

________________

There was a good amount of time that passed between your consenting to the project and the actual act. Enough for you to not really think about it anymore. 

That is, until you were told to join him in the basement after your stomach settled from dinner.

Seeing that this was an experiment you didn't bother to dress up or anything. Didn't want to create any confounds, after all. 

You'd showered yesterday morning, so you weren't worried about smells being a factor. Nothing you could do to really prepare yourself, once your stomach settled from dinner you made your way to the basement. 

You understood the desire to remove alternative explanations, but you wished you could have sex with him in his bed at least. Maybe next time, if there was one.

At the bottom of the stairs you turned to Herbert's table and saw that it was cleared of everything. No notes, no bottles, strikingly bare. In any other circumstance you would've been scared by such a clear space. 

Towards the other side of the room there was Herbert putting a couple of rags aside and cleaning his hands. As if he knew you were there despite not seeing or hearing you come down, he spoke.

"I washed and sanitized the table. We wouldn't want any harm coming to either of our participants tonight, would we?" he rhetorically asked before drying his hands and turning to look at you. 

"It feels weird knowing we're the scientists and the participants. It feels like we're breaking rules."

"In times of need and not many options, rules are allowed to bend and break. Besides, it's not as if our findings will be published anywhere. Despite being a scientist who likes my work to be acknowledged, I don't want to kiss and tell."

"Well, that's a relief." you replied. You couldn't imagine having your sexual experiences published for the world to see. 

Not that you were ashamed to say you had sex, but it seemed more like a thing you wouldn't share because it was between you and your partner.

"You seem stiff. It won't do to have a stressed participant. Is there anything you need before we continue?"

"I'm uh, heh, I'm just nervous. Could you possibly...hold me?"

"Certainly." he replied, walking over to you and holding his arms out for you to bury yourself in. Hugging him firmly, he held you close and before long those nervous feeling started to ebb off.

"Better?"

"Much. I consent to continue, Herbert." you replied softly.

He pulled away from you a little, and you were about to ask how to proceed, but the feeling of his lips on yours silenced any thought you had in your mind. His lips were soft and perfect. Slightly salty due to dinner. He must've really put work into making sure the lab was safe enough for the both of you. Your eyes closed and you melted into the kiss, unable to see that Herbert had done the same. It was odd to know that you were going to sleep with someone you'd been friends with for so long --years at this point--, but it was an exciting experience all at once.

Participating just as much as he was, you licked at his bottom lip and he didn't respond to it. He would tell you later that it was because it had caused his own mind to go blank. You then nipped at it firmly, and snapping back into it he parted his lips, allowing your wandering tongue to join his. Your tongue gingerly touched his, but as he got more comfortable you ran it over his languidly, exploring his tongue and teeth. He gave a moan when your tongue had gone deeper into his mouth before giving your tongue a warning squeeze between his teeth.

Pulling your tongue away his moved to follow. As a reward you sucked on it a little before pulling away with a chuckle. 

Eyes opening you saw that he had lust and admiration in equal measure in his own. You were sure you probably looked the same way, if not very similarly. 

"I'd like to say the initialization process was a success. Would you like to continue?" you asked. 

"Yes." he replied immediately before diving in and kissing you again. You gave a surprised moan at his urgency, moving a hand into his hair as he continued to kiss you like that. Firm, passionate, and needy, so needy. But you wouldn't have it any other way because you needed it too. You tugged on his hair a bit and he gave a moan against your lips, pulling you closer to him though you'd already been close.

Knowing that you could get lost in his kisses forever, you knew you needed to help move this along before you fell in too deep. Breaking the kiss you grabbed him by the tie and led him to the table, hopping up slightly to sit on it. Naturally, Herbert slotted himself between your parted legs, hands resting on your hips as he gazed down at you. You smiled at him before loosening his tie, tossing it away once it became loose enough. Then you unbuttoned a couple of the top buttons of his shirt and leaned back slightly to just look at him.

"You're beautiful." you told him. His cheeks dusted pink and he licked his lips trying to find how to respond. Eventually he settled with,

"You're quite lovely yourself."

"May I undress you?"

He looked over at the tie on the floor. "A bit late to ask for permission, isn't it?"

"Would you prefer I ask for forgiveness instead?"

Herbert leaned in close, his lips at your ear. "Only if you're willing to beg for it."

You gasped, clenching around nothing as goosebumps appeared on your skin.

"Something tells me you like the sound of that." he said before starting to press kisses down your neck, making you sigh in pleasure.

"Please."

"Please what?"

"Undress me, touch me. Herbert please."

And he did as you begged, carefully pulling off your shirt and unclipping your bra, letting the materials fall away to show your breasts. They weren't even, and unlike pinup models they weren't perky, but they were yours and he loved them immediately. Moving down he pressed kisses down your neck and chest, continuing to lay kisses on your flesh as he palmed at your breasts. You gave a slight gasp as he circled your nipples into hardness, never having gotten pleasure from that before.

With that said, you let out a whine when he started to lick and suck on them. You moved you hand back into his hair, holding onto him as he worshiped your breasts, his hands resting at your plush waist. As he pulled away from them you took the opportunity to undo the rest of the buttons on his shirt, pushing it open to reveal his chest and torso to you. He wasn't athletically fit, but he was still toned and strong within his lithe figure. Running your hands over his chest and torso, you pressed kisses down his neck and moved to his chest, pressing kisses and sucking on the skin. He gave a sigh, petting your head as you left marks on his chest. 

"You're such a good girl for me, thinking of things so I don't have to." he praised, causing you to moan against his skin. 

"You like when I call you a good girl?"

You nodded. 

"Keep doing so well and I'll call you whatever you like."

"Is there anything you want me to call you?" you asked.

He gave it some thought as you continued to kept kissing his chest, happy with the amount of marks you'd given him. "Call me Sir, or Doctor, whichever you want."

Giving a pleased chuckle you winked at him. "Yes Doctor."

The light in his eyes changed once he heard you speak that title, and he quickly took off your leggings and panties.

"Tell me, where does my favorite participant need me the most?"

"Inside me. Fill me, I need to feel full." you begged, placing a hand on his arm. 

He gave a sly chuckle before nodding. "Then get to work."

With that you unbuckled his belt, then made quick work of his pants and underwear, leaving him as naked as you were. Reaching down, you started to stroke his cock. He was average size, maybe a little bit over, and he had an average girth to him. Since he seemed to know what he was doing, you were excited all over again. His grip on your waist tightened as you jerked him off, huffing under his breath and holding back his moans.

That wouldn't do.

"Come on Sir, let me hear you. Reinforce my good behavior." you said seductively. Approving your request, he started to freely make noise. At a particular squeeze and stroke he let out a shout of pleasure, his hips bucking into your hand. 

"Enough. It's your turn." Herbert said, removing your hand to place his on your cunt, teasing the entrance to get some of your juices on his fingers before starting to rub at your clit. 

"Unh, Herbert." you moaned, feeling yourself quickly race to climax due to his perfect speed and pacing. How was he so good at this? 

Before you knew it you moaned loudly as he gave you your first climax of the night, your hips bucking into his hand as he rode out your high. When you whined with overstimulation he removed his hand, giving you a soft kiss which you returned wholeheartedly.

"Such a good girl for me. Didn't even make me command you to cum. It's like your body already knew what I wanted. But we're not done here." he said, leaning into your ear again. 

"We've only just started."

You whimpered at his statement, anticipation making you want to continue but overstimulation making you want to rest for a moment. Luckily he was willing to be patient and thorough to get the results he wanted, rubbing your sides and thick thighs, running a hand over your hair and petting you lovingly. Keeping your body warmed up without using your sensitive clit as you rested. 

You ran your hands over his body as well, over his chest and torso, up his back and down his shoulders. His skin was warm compared to the slight chill of the basement. Even if you both stopped here you would be happy. You got a nice orgasm and now you were also getting the mental and physical intimacy you craved. Herbert knew you and you knew him, having developed a deep bond from living together and spending time together, and it satiated the deep needs inside of you to be able to be with him like this.

As your body settled again you nudged your hips into his touch. He smirked before using your entrance to lube up his fingers before sticking two inside to judge if you needed more preparation or if you could take him. He knew he wasn't massive, but he could still accidentally hurt you and that was something that Herbert wanted to avoid. Pumping his fingers in and out of you, he studied your reactions, and as your body prepared to take and handle more of him he knew you were ready. 

Cupping your cheek and looking into your eyes he spoke. "Are you ready to continue?"

"Yes. Are you?"

"Yes." he replied before grabbing a condom from a small table to the side, opening it and taking out the condom inside. You placed your hand over his, causing him to make eye contact with you. 

"Let me. Please?"

Nodding he let you take the condom and slide it down his length, groaning as you stroked him a couple of times as you did.

You backed up on the table and laid back, allowing him to get on above you, slotting between your thighs and holding himself up, his arms slightly shaky. "Are you ready?" you asked him.

"Yes."

"Then why are your arms trembling?"

"I haven't given myself to anyone like this in a long time."

"Then what an earned treasure it is to be able to be like this with you." you told him before pressing a soft yet firm kiss to his lips, him returning your affection for a moment or two before pushing himself inside of you. You both broke from the kiss with sharp gasps at the feeling of being together. 

Herbert may not have been the biggest you've had, but it felt so much better than most of the other tries you've had in your life. Within the top five and he hadn't even started moving yet. You pulled him down so he was completely laying on you, and you wrapped your arms around him, holding him close as you both relished in the physical intimacy. 

He rested his head on your chest, hearing your heart beat while also trying to slow his own. As long as he focused he wouldn't have to worry about ruining the experiment. Before long your muscles relaxed around him and he felt it appropriate to continue. Lifting himself up he started to thrust into you, beginning at an unhurried pace. You both had all of the time in the world, so why hurry?

Wrapping a leg around his waist, you moved your hips in time with his thrusts, which encouraged him to go faster once he got used to the feeling of you around him.

"Fuck, you feel so good." you breathily told him.

"As do you. Holding me so tightly, it's just the right side of suffocating." Herbert replied before letting out a groan as you clenched around him. You let out an accompanying moan. 

He started thrusting harsher with more purpose as he made love to you, feeling you wrap your arms tighter around him. 

Moving his weight to one arm he used the other to tweak at your clit, keeping up the pace and intensity. 

You cried out as you felt your senses heighten, the pleasure too much and not enough. Unfortunately that started to get ruined when a cramp started in your right hip. You tried to shift a bit to get it to stop, but it only made it worse.

"What's the matter?" Herbert asked, slowing down but not stopping.

"My hip's cramping."

"Allow me." he said before moving the hand on your clit to support him and have his other hand tenderly squeeze your cramping hip. Somehow it actually helped, and after about a minute of him gripping your hip he let go again, the cramping gone.

"Being a doctor is really paying off, isn't it?" you teased.

"More than you know."

"Wouldn't find the clit otherwise?" you asked. He then used his finger and thumb to grab onto it, squeezing it and causing you to whimper.

"Watch who you mouth off to. You may not like the consequences." he warned. "So how about you keep being my good girl and we continue our work?"

You nodded, desperate to keep going, but holding onto the idea of teasing and snarking for later. 

"Perfect." he replied before speeding up again and going back to rubbing your clit, giving a pleased sigh as you both brought each other back to where you were before. His work led to fantastic results as you reached your peak and fell off of it, crying out for him as you came.

"Herbert! Fuck, fuck, fu-uck!" your voice cracked as you rode out your second orgasm of the night with him. Slowing down, he then pulled out with a hiss. Looking down you saw that the condom hadn't been filled at all.

"But Herbert you didn't..."

"I'm not done yet. I felt it best to give you a small break."

"But Herbert you should-"

"Are you really going to question the scientist, participant?"

"Only in regards to the other participant's health."

He sighed before pressing a kiss to your cheek. "There's no need to worry. We still have the rest of time and beyond for me to climax. But it'll mean nothing if you aren't in the right space for it. With that, do you want any water?"

"...sure." you replied begrudgingly. Nodding, he got up and went to the fridge, opening it up and grabbing a bottle of water from inside before heading back and passing it to you. 

You took it and opened it up, taking a sip before then taking a long drink of the cold water. As much as you hated it, he was right. Meanwhile Herbert was slowly stroking himself to keep himself hard as you took care of your needs. About half of the bottle was gone before you capped it again, offering it to him. He set it aside and moved back over you, kissing you and moving a hand to your cheek. You kissed him back and wrapped your arms around him again, keeping him close.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

He entered you once more, this time starting with an intense pace and not letting anything get away from him achieving his results. Still somewhat recovering from the last orgasm you had, you felt everything he did with heightened senses, and it was working in his favor. He'd been able to stave himself for this long, but there were consequences of that, and he wanted to give you a third orgasm before he let go. Starting intensely, it allowed for that to have a higher probability of happening.

As he brought you higher than you'd been in a long time, you thought of one thing that would make it better.

"Herbert, choke me. Please." you begged in between moans.

"Fine, administering blood restriction. Count backwards from ten." he said before properly pressing his thumb and fingers over your throat where they needed to go, firmly but not too tight. He didn't stop his harsh thrusting.

Thriving off of the sensations together you started counting down mentally before switching to verbally once hitting "five"... "four"... "three"... "two"... "o-one" you whined before he released your neck to allow for you to recover, you sucking in a greedy gulp of air despite it not being your trachea that was squeezed.

"Again." you demanded as soon as you could speak again. 

Picking his battles, he did as you said. He could always punish you for giving him demands later, though if he were to admit it to himself he actually didn't mind it much. Maybe it was because it came from you, or maybe it was because he liked following some directions. It would definitely be something to think about when he had a moment.

"Count again." he replied,  wrapping his hand around your throat and squeezing where he needed to.

"Ten...nine...eight...seven...six...five...four... three...two...one."

The sound of you counting turned him on more than he thought it would, and it sounded better the second time around. Next time he could see how it would sound to have you count up while he edged you, see if you could make it to one hundred before cumming.

He released your throat again and you whined impatiently. It felt fantastic, but you needed more. You needed to cum, and you needed him to cum too.

Nearing his own end he wrapped his hand around your throat once more. "There will be no counting this time. Let me know when to let up." Herbert said to you before choking you once more.

As you felt his hand firmly squeeze you held your breath, feeling your pleasure increase rapidly due to his hold and his rapid thrusts. You let out stifled moans and whines as you neared the end, and as you had your final climax of the night your hips bucked up into his, drawing his end out of him. 

That was the way your and his world ended. Not with wails or moans, but with whimpers. 

Immediately after, you tapped his hand and he released your throat. You then grabbed onto him and held him close, not wanting to miss a single moment of physical touch from him. He melted into your touch, resting his head on your chest and catching his breath. You lovingly pet his sweaty hair as you both came down from your respective highs. 

As you settled down you realized that this world, the one you and he had created, was gone now. The bond was there and you felt the pleasure, but it was an experiment. You were a participant and so was he. Herbert actually was dual wielding the roles of the scientist and the participant. He didn't do it because he cared and wanted to be with you, though you found yourself wanting to be with him. You...you loved him.

Gaining a second wind, Herbert separated himself from you and took off the condom, tying off the end before setting it aside to dispose of later. He carefully rubbed at your legs and arms, trying to feel for any irritated muscles or anything that might hurt you. 

"You did brilliantly. Thank you for helping me with my research." he said to you. 

Tears welled up in your eyes and you started to cry, causing Herbert great alarm. "Talk to me. Did I miss a tense muscle? Do you need some water, or ice?" he asked.

"You don't care..."

"If I didn't care I wouldn't be asking."

"Not that."

"Then what is it?" he asked slightly impatiently.

"This was only an experiment. There were no feelings involved."

"Initially yes, but it appears to me that you wouldn't make for a good scientist."

The tears stopped, lost to your confusion. "Huh?"

"You make a hypothesis, but then deny all of the data that counters it."

You took a moment to think about what that meant. "So...you do have feelings for me?"

"At the start of the experiment I was only doing as scientists tend to, but through the experimental process I had realized just how far the bond we share went and because of that I'd realized how much I care about you."

"Really? You mean it?"

"I wouldn't joke about something like this."

You shook your head. "No, I guess you wouldn't. But since we both have feelings for each other, how should we go about this? Because it's not going to always be like this. This space we made for ourselves with this experiment is lovely, but life isn't always going to be like this, you know?"

"I would hope not. As much as I enjoyed having sex with you, there's more that I want to do with my life than that."

"And I wouldn't want you to stop doing that, even if it's gotten us into trouble quite a few times."

"You have an affinity for barging in at the wrong times." he commented.

"Yes, because coming down the stairs to see you being choked by a reanimated corpse is a 'wrong time'. Surprised that you don't have a kink for it by now with how much it's happened."

"You don't know that."

"Oh? You enjoy getting choked out by your experiments, do you? Gets you hot and bothered under the tie?" you joked.

"Yes, because I love nothing more than to have the real threat of death during intimacy." he said monotonously.

Looking away you laughed. Some people either didn't like or didn't understand his humor, but you did and you thought it was funny. Looking back at him he had a satisfied smile in seeing that he made you laugh. It was cute to see him smile. It was also nice for him to see you laugh, especially since you'd been in tears earlier.

"As an actual answer, I have trepidations with being choked seeing as I haven't had a good experience with it, however choking is something I did not mind performing for you. In fact, I rather enjoyed it."

Sitting up, you pat the now free spot on the table to let him sit. Shaking his head, he grabbed some clean cloths from under the table and handed you one. He used the other one to clean himself off before tossing it away.

After cleaning up you felt better, and he passed you back your clothes. You both got dressed and he took the time to resanitize the table again.

"So what happens now, Herbert?"

"The most beneficial conclusion would be to become a couple seeing as we're able to satisfy each other and have a deep enough of a bond to allow for the modification of our relationship. At any rate it's better than starting over with someone else."

"But what if we come across some issues?"

"That's bound to happen regardless, but I'm sure that we would be able to work something out. Trust and communication are important aspects of any kind of partnership, including ours."

"That's fair. So, you want to be my boyfriend?"

"Does that seem shocking to you?"

"A bit. I mean, I'm not exactly the typical man's type."

"If you haven't noticed by now, I'm not known for being the 'typical man'."

You chuckled. "Yeah, I suppose that's true."

Herbert moved over to you, holding your waist as he held eye contact with you. You always thought he had beautiful eyes. 

"I care very deeply about you, and that is not conditional to your size or anything you consider undesirable due to the scrutiny of society."

You gave a giggle of disbelief before hugging him tightly. "Thank you..."

He leaned in and pressed a kiss to your lips. "Of course. Now, shall we get started on the questionnaire?"

You sighed. "If we must."

Herbert went over to a smaller table, picked up a pen and looked over at you. 

"All of these are on a one to ten scale. Intimacy level?"

"Ten out of ten."

"Enjoyment of the activity?"

"Eight out of ten."

"Enjoyment of performing with the bonded partner?"

"Seven out of ten."

"Potential discomfort levels?"

"Two out of ten."

"Bond before sleeping together?"

"Eight out of ten."

"Bond after?"

"Ten out of ten."

Herbert then glanced at the paper before glancing at you again.

"Overall satisfaction?"

"Nine out of ten."

"Nine out of ten? Why?"

You gestured to the setting around you both. "Maybe next time we don't do it in the basement I'll give it a ten out of ten."

He gave a half shrug before also filling out his paper and then set the pen down.

"Seeing as I have such a willing participant with me, we can see if setting changes anything, or any other kind of exploration you may be thinking of. But not tonight, I have data to configure."

Getting up, you walked over to him and pecked his lips. "Do you want me to bring you some coffee?"

"Yes, you know how I like it."

"I'll be back soon. Don't work too hard, and I expect to have you in bed by at most two in the morning. I get lonely and I want you to get some good rest."

"Make it three and I'll be there." he said begrudgingly.

"Deal." you replied, giving him one more kiss. "I love you." you said to him before heading upstairs to make him some coffee.

Looking up at the ceiling above him, hearing you step to the kitchen he sighed.