Exploring the person and the attachment

What was it about him that felt so special to you?

I'm not really sure. He wasn’t even the “chosen one” until I got to my junior year. Then I was like ohhhh hell yea. I am unsure if it was because the one I was really focused on got a girlfriend, or I just naturally pivoted but yeah. I actually remember my sophomore year, one of the girls I used to hang out with pointed him out to me saying that she thought he was cute. After that just the tiny things like how our names looked good together and a bunch of other stupid shit.

How would you describe your relationship with him?

Parasocial. Im delusional not dumb

How much of your attachment is based on who he actually was versus who you imagined him to be?

All of it. I have never even talked to this man. The only interaction I have ever had with me was that I requested to follow him on Instagram, which he promptly deleted, THEN I REQUESTED IT AGAIN

If you had to describe the version of him that lives in your mind, what would you say?

You see, I think this is an incredibly hard question because like I have said before, the scenarios I create in my head are just repeats of me looking amazing and him looking in on me. Like how fucking stupid am I. He is also the only one where I have given myself the ok to think about sexually, but other than that  his version is still stuck being whatever I have thought up for him and thats kinda fucking gross. Like I can only imagine what he looks like now, I have seen a photo and personally I feel that it did not do him any justice. But still, his face is literally only a jumble of what I can imagine him to look like. And that's boring asf.