#deitykin things

To them, the identity has to be about being self-centered. And first off, I don't see what's wrong with that. Whether they identify that way because they are "self-centered", or they have a disorder that makes them identify as or feel like a God, or any other reason, that's valid. What does it matter? Reasons do not mean action. Why they identify that way is not guaranteeing how they will act. So why assume they must be "evil" and "manipulative"?

Second off, at least in my experience, I feel quite the opposite way. My deitykin identity makes me feel worse about myself oftentimes. (As in how I experience it, not the act of identifying with that label.)

Because all I can think as I look at the state of the world is- "If I just had my powers, if I just had my deity abilities, I could fix it. I could help so many people. I could save so many. I could make it better."

And maybe by definition that is egotistical. To think I alone can change the world. But it isn't in the way people assume it would be. I don't feel pride. Just guilt. Guilt at not being able to do what I could if I was my deity self. I don't identify as a deity because I think so highly of myself. Instead, sometimes I feel so low about myself because I'm a deity. Because I'm a deity who can't do anything godlike.

If that sounds "evil", then that's fine.

Besides, as I said, I think it's fine if those who identify with such labels do so for "evil" reasons.

As a deity kin, my anger often feels closer to a divine rage. There is nothing wrong with feeling it or those who feel it. But it is overwhelming.

It feels like my anger is too big for my body. Too hot for my human vessel to hold. It burns and I feel like it will consume me. I can do nothing to sate it except to wait for it to pass.

But each time it comes, I am swallowed by the urge to destroy. To use the fires of my anger to burn everything down.

I had made my own little camp there, made something out of the nothing to make someplace a bit more hospitable for those who may visit me and also to entertain myself.

But I also vaguely remember a place that was similar to that void, but everything was outlined in bright, almost glowing outlines.

It looked vaguely like this:

(Although better and more realistic looking objects. I am not the best artist.)

I do not know if this place was separate from the void I know or a part of it. This place could have existed within the void, or the void could have existed here. I am unsure.

Other than this, I remember a blue wolf in this realm.

Even if they are "doing better'".

Even if they are trying to improve.

Even if they are finally treating you nicely.

Even if they apologized.

Even if they are sorry.

You don't owe them forgiveness.

That is your choice when and if you forgive them. No matter what they do or what people say. The choice is yours. And whatever you chose is valid. If you decide it is the right choice, then it is.

I am dietykin. I only have one deitykintype. I am only one God. Yet inside me, I have many forms, each with their own names, looks, and personalities. I, Vera, am on the nurturing side. Peaceful and calm. The mother and the caretaker of the realm I live in and of the souls who stumble upon it.

Yet, I have other forms. One of my other main forms is a young child. Bound to chaos and fun. Who may cause destruction simply because they grew bored.

And then there is the form that is Hunger. That has an uncontrollable urge to consume the universe around me.

It is a confusing existence.

While my plan was to only use my mothering form and keep this blog as Vera, I am curious if anyone would wish to meet my other forms. Be warned, they can be intense. The two I just described, aside from me, are known for their destruction.

I am hungry in a way that mortal things can not sate.

I feel disconnected from the world around me. I can not taste it. I should be able to reach my fingers out and feel the energy all around me. I should be able to taste the essence of those around me. I shouldn’t have to read people's emotions because I'm made to taste them. I should know everything by the flavor on my tongue. My awareness should be made by the feeling on my lips.

I am filled with the urge to devour the things that irritate me.

I am made to consume. To taste. To feel. To eat.

I should know and taste and connect.

I am hungry.

So I send my love to those in a similar situation.

To the vampires that crave blood.

To the predators that crave meat and prey.

To the monsters made to hunt

To the beings who desire food that their human body can not eat.

To the entities who crave for something not in this realm.

To all who can not eat what they crave.

And those who can not sate their hunger.

I see you and your hunger, and I offer you my support and empathy. It is difficult to hunger for something you can not have.

I hope one day you shall be able to consume what you crave and sate your hunger. Until then, do what you can.

I was wondering: do you have any tips for living as a god here? I find… I get pretty burnt out easily, and my emotions feel too big for this brain, sometimes. If you have any advice, let me know. Anyway, it’s good to see another deity around here.

Hello, my fellow deity.

It is an honor to meet you.

As for advice, I don't have much to offer as I also struggle with much of what you said. But I can offer this.

First of all, do not let anyone, including yourself, talk you out of your identity. If you are a god, you are a god. Do not doubt yourself, and do not let others sway you. With that, you also get to choose how you portray and express your identity. For me, I enjoy making colorful posts (as you can probably tell). For me, that brings me much kin euphoria. Find what helps you and makes you happy, even if others might disagree.

Second. Remember that you are not your body. While we may be stuck in human vessels, it isn't our body that we are. This distinction can be helpful when dealing with the dysphoria this human vessel can bring.

Third. You are a god. Feel free to worship yourself. Treat yourself. Gift yourself offerings. I've found it's been helpful to my self-esteem and self care habits when I view it that way.

Also, connecting with others has helped me, which is why I made this blog.

Sadly for the emotions feeling too big, I have yet to find a good way to deal with that. I'd recommend creating something as a vent. Whether art, a poem, a flow of thought rant, or even just a piece of furniture. I have found that to help. Also, taking a moment to take care of yourself can help. Do things you enjoy to take your mind off what is bothering you. I've also sometimes talked myself through big emotions like a mother would to a child. That has helped me, though it isn't for everyone.

The main thing is to just take a breath and remember who you are.

I wish I had more to give you, but I hope this helps.

Have a lovely day/night, and may you be blessed.