#defiancerpg

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ACCESSIBILITY:

this is not my favorite fansite theme, mostly because it is so commonly used, but you guys have done a really good job of making it your own. the links you’ve chosen to highlight on the main page very helpful and i’m happy that you’ve included so much information about the world you’ve created in the navigation. 

unfortunately, i also feel that most of your writing is incredibly dense. as a newcomer to your universe and the concepts you have presented, it takes more than one read in order to understand what is being presented to me and that’s a bit of a turn-off. 

i see the most problem in pages such as your rules– which, as an ooc page, should be very easy to navigate, but instead is organized in a way that I don’t feel encourages people to actually read your guidelines. this wordiness combined with the placement of your password, leads me to believe that most would just skip to the end and not read what you’ve written. i’ve suggested changes that i would make in the ‘RULES page’ section down below.

as a general structure, accessibility is great. however, for people wanting to discover more about your world, i think there must be a better way to organize the details of your story. 

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PLOT:

I really do think that this is an original and lovely plot idea, but I stayed on this page for a very long time and I’m still not sure I understood the whole concept. Though this plot is not particularly very long, it feels that way. 

The very first sentence does not grab your attention and the first paragraph is a lot of exposition for an audience that is not quite invested yet in your RP. In particular, the first two sentences introduce three completely new concepts and terms to potential applicants, and it feels a bit sprung unto you.

It is just dense and hard to understand.  I’ve done a bit of retooling of the first section that I feel better conveys the idea of your RP.  I am not saying that it is better or that your writing is not Amazing (bc I firmly believe that it is), but I want to give you an option. .

A centuryago, Sector Zero of the American Government began work on PROJECT GENESIS, aclassified experiment that resulted in the creation of supersoldiers.

These supersoldiers,known as Novas, were a subspecies of humanity gifted with extraordinaryabilities. Though they looked and behaved just like any other humans, theirpowers made them more valuable and more dangerous than any human could ever be.And thus, though they had been exploited by their creators for decades, their veryexistence was kept a secret for the public.

It wasonly in 2015 when the world found out about Novakind.

And it wasthen, that the world changed for good.

Within three years, Novakind were forced to registerthemselves or be imprisoned. For the next decade, Novas and Humans would waragainst each other, attempting to find the delicate equilibrium that wouldallow both sides to coexist. When the acts of terrorism from both sides grewmore and more violent, the government was forced to step in, passing the Nova Protection Act of 2026— a piece of legislationthat saw to the imprisonment of all Nova kind under the guise of“protecting” both them and the humans.

Toavoid being forced to live in the walled-off camps and be subject to the crueltythat the Protection Act established, many Novas became fugitives. There, they seek refuge in abandoned neighborhoods, hoping tooutrun the reach of the government until the horrible injustice comes toend. 

In general, I advise that your plot 

relies less on terminology (Sector Zero, Project Genesis, Nova, Novakind, Novum districts,..etc. are all words we have never heard before and thus we need a slow introduction to them. 

tries to be more immediately attention-grabbing rather than expository

++ there’s a few grammatical and spelling errors in your plot and extra information pages and that’s a big turnoff for me. i would read through your plot one more time and proofread. 

I wish the summary and notes section was separated from the rest visually (perhaps with a few line breaks?) rather than indicated under another subheader. It makes more sense to me to have it stand apart from the rest of the plot as it can be and should be read on its own,  rather than as a continuation of the more detailed plot. 

Though the READ MORE section is helpful and should be included in your rp, it does look a little bit out-of-place on this page, especially directly after the summary. I would rather see a READ MORE link that directs to a page with all 5 separate links right after your detailed plot. 

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AESTHETIC/GRAPHICS:.

I have genuinely nothing bad to say about your fonts or your layout. I wish I could write as long a section on how much I appreciate the colour scheme you’ve chosen and how consistent it is as I wrote about your plot. 

You’ve made everything work for you and I’m really impressed. 

I wish I had your eye for colour and your ability to pick pictures. Good job!

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SKELETONS:

I love the diversity in your skeletons and the ideas behind them. The freedom of choice in the faceclaims and the unique connections are really appreciated. 

 However, none of the skeletons really stand out to me. A lot of the skeletons feel like bullet points, rather than like a quick look into their lives. 

I love the graphics associated with each skeleton and think each of the blurbs on the skeletons are perfectly adequate, but none of them really come to life for me. Lupus and Leo are, in my opinion, the best of the batch, but I want more– 

I’m sorry that I can’t really elaborate on what I’m looking for, but, in the future, I hope that you can try for a less expository description and something more imbued with animation and emotion. When skeletons are written livelily, it really does allow potential applicants to connect more with your vision of the character. 

At this point, I wouldn’t change anything, but I hope that you keep this in mind for the future. 

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THE PAGES:

—– THE ‘RULES’ PAGE

If I would change one thing about your entire RP, it would be the rules. This page is hard to read through. Some of it feels repetitive and, at points, it even directly contradicts itself (no age limit, but also strongly recommended age limit). 

I understand the need for all these rules, and, actually believe that most of them need to be there. However, the presentation could just be a little different. 

For example, IV, V, IX are all the same topic with slight variations and can be summed up into 

OOC Drama and Bullying will not tolerated in this RP. This includes forcing of ‘ships’ or ‘plots’ on other players without consent. If you feel uncomfortable of have any problems with any players, please contact us and we will resolve the issue. If found to be instigating the drama, you will have two warnings before you will be removed from the RP. 

And instead of 

We(as admins) promise to try and accept applications in a timely manner. We willtry to do acceptances every Wednesday and Sunday, however due to life outsideof tumblr things may change. We promise to make announcements regarding anychanges in acceptance dates/times as soon as possible. 

Wedo reserve the right to deny applications, though it is a very rare occurrence.If we do deny an application, it will be for one of three reasons: 1. We feelyou do not understand the skeleton for which you’re applying. 2. Someone elseapplied, and even if your app was spectacular, we felt that the other applicantunderstood the character more, and you chose not to have a secondary optionwhen applying. 3. You failed to use spellcheck or other grammar resources whenwriting your app, to the extreme that it was very hard to read. If you weredenied and would like the reason why, just let us know and we’ll gladly talk itover with you. That being said, even if you’re denied, we would absolutely loveto see you apply again.

I would simply put 

Acceptances are every Wednesday and Thursday. If conflicts arise, we will make an announcement regarding any changes in acceptance dates/times. 

We reserve the right to deny applications. If you were denied and would like the reason why, please feel free to message us. Regardless of the reason why you were rejected, we will be happy to see you reapply. 

As you can see, this is far less wordy and still conveys the same message. 

I also firmly believe you should never have a TLDR on your rules page, because well… the players Should read your rules. 

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—– THE EXTRA INFORMATION PAGES

There a few spelling and grammatical errors on these pages and it continues to be a little bit hard to understand. 

I would read over these and try to edit them in a way that is more concise.

—– RANDOM COMMENTS

The Dinah Drake name throws me off a little bit, as there is a popular superhero character by that name. It shouldn’t be important, but it just took me out of it. 

I highly suggest that you stylize the title of your RP when it shows up (ie DEFIANCE vs Defiance.) It helps distinguish that this is the name of your RP rather than just a noun. It also looks a lot more dynamic. 

I would avoid using slang and  other colloquialisms when answering asks (ooh, oh, lol..etc.) as usually you are explaining more about your universe and your vision. You want to answer asks clearly and portray your professionalism. Otherwise, I really like the vibes you give off! You seem welcoming and I’m really glad about that.  

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TLDR; what i would like to see changed

EDIT your Rules & Plot so that they are less wordy and more engaging (also reread for grammatical errors).

I genuinely found your plot hard to get through because it was a lot of ‘telling’ (rather than showing) and it felt a little bit dry. When introducing so many new concepts to potential applicants, you have to ease them into it and sort of sweeten the waters by using a little  (but not too much) purple prose and description. It gives life and atmosphere to your RP. 

Your rules are just too long and, if I were applying, I would just avoid reading them if possible. I also don’t like the use of a TLDR at the end as it feels unprofessional and implies that one can skip over your rules.

Stylize the word DEFIANCE when you are referring to your RP, so we are aware that it is the title of your RP, rather than just a word.

Really not much else! I like this RP a lot! It is truly beautiful and I wish the best for you. 

as a last note and reminder, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE ANY OF MY SUGGESTIONS AND I WILL NOT CARE if you have not taken any of them. There is no ill-will from me to you. As always, this is not intended to be hate and I genuinely want the best for you guys. I’ve done my very best to make sure my advice is constructive, but please call me out if you find any of this offensive or crude.