Jul 17, 2021
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I haven't wrote a post in awhile,
mainly because I have a lack of internet and have been using my queue,
but right now I'm sitting at Black Crown and just became a puddle in my seat because it's been five months.
I just will never understand.
“Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
That's what this all is right now. Friends come and go to shape you with a new story, then the universe pulls them away and you are left with those memories. We grow and change, and this is a changing point. I'm not sorry for the faults I now see, I'm not sorry for the way I've handled things that are just trivial to the circumstances that are right in front of some. I'm just sorry that things are just a temporary state of being.
There are times I want to scream,
If you fucking cared about me like you said you did, and felt as close, you would have been there very night I texted you that I needed that care in the world. That moment when feeling you against me briefly would have subsided the pain of the hole that is in my heart because the person that would do that died and can't. I don't want to fuck, I just need a love that is not romantic, but just enough.