his thoughts on childhood were he had once been a child and managed to get over it. ughhhhh. declan is incapable of seeing his treatment of matthew as abuse bc matthew is fed and clothed and supported and cheerful and never made to feel like a burden or a mistake or Too Much for anyone. what more could he possibly want. that declan treats him like a child means he's lucky enough to have protection the way declan never did. never being granted a childhood ruined declan. he has to believe infantilizing matthew means he's breaking the cycle and doing him right--he can't afford to see that they're both different forms of dehumanization. i read this buffyfic where she starts dating a 19 year old girl at 23, and worries about the age gap, but when the girl asks her about angel she says it was different. she was the only slayer. she could handle it. and then she realizes, for all that it doesn't matter now.....she couldn't, and hadn't been able to handle it. if confidence in your ability to take it is the self fulfilling prophecy that's gotten you this far.....how can you let go of the framework of violence that was necessary for your survival? declan treating matthew like the child he no longer is well into greywaren as a way to recover his own power, and prove to himself he's better than his family (his father).....buffy's s5-s6 arc being abt pulling dawn into her life and no longer seeing her as only something to be shielded......buffy is not abusive to dawn. obviously. but the approach of rooting your newfound personhood in your younger sibling, seeing the gaps, resenting your position as it lays bare what you've been trained to conceal. and this is why the csa lens is essential to both buffy and declan and the violence they face and perpetuate to serve their roles. in this essay
