#deception 2009

( UPDATE: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS ALREADY READ THIS POST I HAVE ADDED SOME NEW MOVIES!!)

A looong while ago I saw a post somewhat ranking Sean Bean movies in this manner, it was fun to read, so I decided to kinda make my own version, but for Hugh Jackman. A longtime, never disappointing, inspiration of an actor whom I have kept close by for many a year when I need comfort as well as looks and emotion from a character. I have realized in the last week or so that over the years I have watched and/or own nearly(update: it is in fact now) TWO DOZEN+ of his films.. (which is, by the way, the most films of one actor that I have ever watched, with a nearly 15+ margin over anyone else) BY ACCIDENT btw!! 'Cuz I've never done the *collecting the filmography of such and such celebrity crush* for him. He just, appears, in a MASSIVE bunch of my movies...Which is cool and I applaud him for being able to sneakily infiltrate my life. Everyone else is always invited, Hugh Jackman apparently just crashes my party...yeay!

To the ranking! (this will be actually ranked by how much I personally like the movie, but you will also see the *however many outta 10 stars* for hotness as well!)

(ALSO SPOILERS WILL ABOUND) And swearing as well. And yes, I used the sluttiest gifs I could find...you're welcome.

Starting with the worst one and ending with my No1 favourite.

#28 Chappie. (2015)

I hate this fucking movie and not least because of that weird-ass mullet. Don't get me wrong, it's a great little movie, fantastic acting, really good story. But I hate it. The philosophical musings surrounding AI/robots and whether they can possess consciousness make me livid. Hugh's character is just hot enough for me to say that I would fuck him and yes, I can probably make him worse. ( 0/10 for personal watchability(PW). 3/10 for hotness.)

#27 Flushed Away ( 2006)

I hated this movie the first ( and only) time I watched it, but that was because I was 9 and I was watching with siblings and cousins with the stupidest senses of humour who would NOT SHUT UP and were constantly laughing at the cruder jokes so I never got to enjoy the actual story. I have since somewhat revisited it! And remembered the stupid slugs.......I would not, however object to rewatching it. Just not with those same siblings/cousins. Kate Winslet and Hugh Jackman being the leads definitely helps. I remember the scenes with the jewel and Hugh's character's development fondly. The rat, however is not that hot.

(1/10 PW, 0/10 hotness) ((P.S. my little sister had Rita as a doll w/ stickers in her belt when we were younger...good times.))

#26 Deception ( 2009)

Not my most loved movie by far, but it's fine. Like the camera work. Wyatt is a hoot, and he's hot, and he's toxic. Kinda wish he hadn't bit the bullet at the end.

( 1/10 for PW, 4/10 for hotness)

#25 Happy Feet (2006)

Another cartoon that is a true mixed bag for me. Had a really bad experience related to it thanks to an older sister accusing the guru character of being a homosexual masochist drug addict or something like that, so she stole my little sister's copy before we got to watch it, I tried to get it back, she caught me, it did not go well, me and lil' sis did not see the film for nearly ten years. I was 7 and she was 5 1/2, by the way. When we finally watched it we were definitely no longer in the right age group to enjoy it. And no, I did not find the guru to be like how my sister had portrayed him. I do remember that the dad penguin ( again, Hugh's character) was a really good character and I did like him.

(2/10 PW, 0/10 hotness)

#24 X Men: First Class (2011)

This film is frankly meh for me, but it's better than some Fox Xmen films. Does not have enough Logan AT ALL, but boy does he use his time well! This is a rough Logan that I would love to spend a hot summer (or 20) with.

( 2 1/2 outta 10 PW, 10/10 hotness)

#23 Pan (2015)

Another movie that I lowkey hate but I don't fully dislike. I saw this once in theatres and that's it. SOME of the cgi is cool, the natives' costumes are beautifully coloured, the pirates are actually pretty cool/funky and Blackbeard ( Hugh) is the only character that one cares to keep watching for. He's also the only character that I remotely remember anything about as well.

(2 1/2 outta 10 for PW, 3 1/2 outta 10 for hotness.) (yes folks, we have half stars now)

#22 X Men Apocalypse. (2017)

Probably my least favourite xmen film (this one and First Class play musical chairs with least favourite ranking). It does not have much Logan in it, which does not help it's case for me. Oscar Isaac is in this, so I do remember enjoying it a little more during my OI era. Would 100% let feral Weapon X claim me in a way that is concerning to both wingéd feminists.

(2/10 PW, 10/10 hotness)

#21 Deadpool & Wolverine (2024) ((or as I like to call it, Wolverine & Deadpool))

This...is not my favourite. It has so many MarvelMovie/Deadpool problems with it, first off. Not only did I gasp in horror at the entire exhumation and desecration of (our) Logan's long gone corpse, but I actually DeTesT Deadpool ( live action deadpool) with a passion. Worst!Logan, however, means everything to me! I want to hug him and never let go. I love every time he's on screen, especially when he's stabbing the little red guy in the face, and I will quote "Shutting the fuck up is also free." all day, every day if I have to. The Logan Variants are veeerrry welcome to drop by any day of the week, thank you!(except Cavill!rine...just...ewwnoooo) And if I have a slight preference for Weapon X: Age of Apocalypse!Variant, I'm sure you saw that coming anyways! ( reference the previous review if you will)

(5/10 PW, 15/10 hotness( I'm counting all the Logans, minus Cavill, in this one.)

#20 Prestige (2006)

Awesome movie, kept me on my toes despite the fact that I had actually figured out the third act about 45 minutes in, ( I had the keyword, _____) could not and will not like Christian Bale's character(s) despite the fact that he did a phenomenal job. Hugh's character grabbed me by the guts and didn't let go for one SECOND. He also did a fabulous job with his....other part. DAVID BOWIE IS IN THIS PLAYING NICOLAS TESLA!!?!?!?!!!!!! ( best casting choice ever). Andy Serkis is also in this. As is Scrooge( Michael Caine), Black Widow( Scar Jo), flippin' NILES FROM THE NANNY, that girl from Covert Affairs, Rebecca Hall, a slew of other actors whose faces I know and I swear I saw Derek Jacobi for like a half-second(maybe not). Robert Angiers is the sweetest guy ever for the first act at least,( like, did you see him kiss his wife's leg when he wasn't supposed to? So cute!) and I will NOT apologize for rooting for him UNTIL THE END! YES!! Even once he's made certain....choices, we'll go with that.

(5 1/2 outta 10 PW, 7/10 hotness)

#19 Reminiscence (2021)

Everything about this film is top-notch. The acting, the story, the twists, the aesthetics, the ruined sci-fi noir landscape, abso-fucking-lutely everything about Rebecca Ferguson's character, the subversion of tropes, hello Nick Bannister!! Also, babe BABE I NEED YOU TO JUST. SLOW DOWN AND GRIEVE. PLEASE. I'LL GIVE YOU A HUG. JUST. SIT AND CRY FOR A SECOND!!! Basically I love this movie, MINUS the last 5 minutes, we do not mention the last 5 minutes...ever. Gave me fucking nightmares for a whole goddamn week.

(5/10 PW, 7/10 hotness.)

#18 The Fountain (2006)

This movie.....ooof....I love it, honestly. And that says alot, 'cuz I fucken hate Darren Aronofsky's works. Admittedly, I did realize VEERRRYY early on that the theology/history/science in this film is total & utter bull and that I should focus on the emotions, the visuals and the characters instead. Best decision I could've made. This is a film for feeling and for grieving and for grappling with the doomed scent of ours and our loved ones' ever approaching meeting with death. I would recommend that you watch it without the intent of trying to make sense of it. That said, I do wanna give Tommy the longest hug in existence. Damn, this film is so sad.

(5 1/2 outta 10 PW, 8/10 for hotness. If you won't bring up the future Tom look, I won't either.)

#17 Someone like You (2001)

You know those nostalgic rom-coms from the 90s/00s that are always set in NYC and they just capture the essence of humanity that we've all been striving to find but we have only found that that spirit is gone from the world forever?? Yeah, this is one of those rom-coms. It's absolutely infuriating for the first about 10-15 minutes, but then it picks up story, meaning and Eddie Alden. All round feel good movie with a very fit, very disheveled, very young Hugh! And I'm always down to see one of the Judds in a movie.( My mom listened to them in the 90s) (Only thing I hated was the stupid cow theory, I'm a farmer, that entire schtick drove me up the fuckin' wall.)

(6/10 PW, 8/10 hotness)

#16 Rise of the Guardians (2012) ((a.k.a. the only Hugh cartoon with no ugly personal baggage attached for me. :P))

Dude, this would've been my number one cartoon of all time if I had actually watched it in '12 when I was but a tween, but instead I was only ever exposed to it via the insane Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons fandom...queue me not watching it because I believed that Jack Frost was basically the only character. ( no hate to Jack, he's actually really cool) But GUYS!!!! Russian mafia boss tatted Santa, a mute Mr. Sandman, a hummingbird Tooth Fairy, a perfect Del Toro-esque Boogeyman, HUGH JACKMAN AS A DROP DEAD HOT AUSSIE BADASS EASTER BUNNY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!! 12 year old me is having a party and I'm rolling with her energy right now. Fairytales are soooooo my jam and thus so is this movie!!!!!! EEEeePPPP! THE Easter movie in my library right now, my nieces/nephews are gonna love this one too.

(7/10 PW, 8/10 hotness. Shut up, don't at me, I know he's a bunny! :P)

#15 Paperback Hero (1999)

I love this crazy little badly written Aussie rom-com! It's soooooo very nostalgic for me(the 90s béb) and it pairs Hugh's character with a tomboy for once!!!( you could argue that Anna and Sarah and Laurie are tomboys but they are more tomboyish, not fully tomboy.) Jack is very cute and funny and really sweet in his own way! I would NOT be mad if he chased me around a diner! Nor if I had to ride in his truck with him for 2 days ;P I'd even let him throw me in the water tank, just LET ME AT 'IM!!!!

(6/10 PW, 8/10 hotness)

#14 X Men: The Last Stand.(2006)

I actually really enjoy this film, though I haven't watched it in a hot minute. Not the best x men, but it has Logan being an absolutely SASS KING! Also plunges the Wolverine into the deep end of tragedy very quickly in the last fight. OG!Trilogy!Logan is so special to me for many reasons, but the main one is just because this is the version of Logan that I was introduced to in the first place!

(8/10 PW, 10/10 hotness)

#13 X Men: United(2003)

Good movie, gives us more of Logan's background, lots of practical effects which I love, I own it on VHS which is cool, Brain Cox is delightfully dirtbag in this! Love, love, love! the berserker fight in the mansion! We also get Logan in a wife-beater a LOT more in this film which I will never complain about! What a look, eh!

(8 1/2 outta 10 PW, 10/10 hotness)

#12 Oklahoma (1999)

Does he sing? YES. Does he dance? YES. Does he fight? YES Does he have a shirtless scene?? It's Hugh Jackman, OFC HE DOES! pretty sure it's mandatory in every contract that he signs. Does he have a song where his character tries to convince another, albeit dark ,character to commit suicide?......also yes?....yikes this is a dark ass musical. The acid trip is so well done but oh so terrifyingly triggering for probably most women. The entire cast is honestly golden. Love that Laurie is tomboyish! Maureen Lipman was magnetic. Everybody on this show seems to have had about 23 different talents. Shuler was delightfully awful. The peddler was a hoot. Hugh is, in my opinion, the best Curly ever! No ifs, ands or buts!!!! He shines so much in this production and he is so....oh *chef's kiss* perfect!

(8/10 PW, 10/10 hotness) THE CURLSSSSSSSS!!!

#11 X Men: Days of the Future Past. (2014)

This. is. such. a. good. superhero. movie. EEEEEP! It's got action, it's got soul, it's got Hugh in his silver fox/grey streaks era, it's got wibbley-wobbley - timey-wimey shenanigans, it's got the 70s, it's got apocalyptic whump, it's got Hugh without clothes on, it's got Sir Ian McKellan and Sir Patrick Stewart being extra good in their roles, did I mention Hugh Jackman in 70s clothes? No? Well now I have!

( 9/10 PW, 10/10 hotness)

#10 Les Misérables. (2012)

Ah. This movie. So controversial. So badly managed. Yet so dear to my heart. I want to start off by saying that Jean Valjean had been a favourite literary character of mine for nearly a DECADE by the time I watched this movie, which was also my first screen adaptation of Les Misérables to watch. And Hugh Jackman will ALWAYS. BE. MY. Jean Valjean! My introduction to Valjean was a comicbook of my dad's from the 60s where Valjean's entire character arc was being righteous and JACKED! So Hugh fit the bill in my brain to PERFECTION! Even if his vibrato is a little off the charts in this film...highkey kinda love it. Would let Hugh's Jean Valjean do things to me that are considered less than pure.

(8 1/2 outta 10 PW, 10/10 hotness)

#9 X Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

Another one that I haven't watched for a hot minute, but not because I don't like it. I looove this film. We get Logan in all his romantic and feral grandeur and it rocks! His hair is so good, it makes ME feral! And we get more Logan on a motorcycle, which is always a bonus! If we just get rid of Deadpool, then this movie is set for life! Best part is still just getting to see Lumberjack!Logan !!!!!!!

(9/10 PW, 11/10 hotness(for the lumberjack look. Yes, I'm Canadian, what gave it away???))

#8 X-Men (2000)

My beloved! The one! The Only! The movie that started it all! And introduced thousands(including me!) to THE WOLVERINE! I love almost everything about this, expecially the 2000s nostalgia that courses through my veins every single time I watch it( shout-out to the old CBC news report theme being played in the Alberta bar at the beginning, my toddlerhood right there). Rogue is one of my favourite film heroines of all time. But, of course, the best part is Logan! Young Hugh is infuriatingly good as the Wolverine, and I'm not sure we all give him the respect he deserves for this movie. Sidenote, I LOVE the hair and if I see one more person make cat jokes and snide remarks about it, I will haunt their ass. If I ever had to have short hair, this is how I would style it, tbh. Another sidenote, when I first watched this at 15, I totally adopted many of Logan's more *charming* traits as permanent and it drove my family nuts. Worth every bit of it.

(9/10 PW, 11/10 hotness.) ((what? did you see him as a cage fighter? the best damn entrance in cinematic history.)

#7 The Greatest Showman(2017)

THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW!!!!! WE LIGHT IT UP! WE WON'T COME DOWN!!!! AND THE SUN CAN'T STOP US NOW! IMPOSSIBLE COMES TRUE!! INTOXICATING YOU! OH! THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW! The costumes! The colours! The lights! The music! The dancing! The singing! La Joie de Vivre! Oh! This film is another that I hold very near and dear to my heart! Hugh's P.T. ( and I do make the distinction) was quite the sexual awakening when I was 18, and no, I will not elaborate further.

(10/10 PW, 10/10 hotness)

#6 Australia (2008)

I randomly put this movie on, having never watched it before, just to have something on in the background whilst I knit and I ended up crying for 3 hours straight. ( I love long movies so that was okay!) So much of this film resonated with me personally, ( if you want a short explanation why, all I can tell you is that Canada and Australia have A LOT in common.) I love that the female lead has the same name as me!(not as common as one would imagine) And Drover, ooohh boy, he.is.fucking.FINE! Indescribably so. Hugh as an Aussie cowboy is not what I would've thought that I needed in my life, but I am far from mad about getting it anyway! ....do I now feel the urge to marry that man, yes, and it's an issue, I can't shut my brain up about the Drover...(and in case anyone is wondering, No I will not be watching the extended series Faraway Downs if the alternate ending is what they say it is, either.)

(10/10 PW, 11/10 hotness.Added one for the shirtless scene, yes THAT shirtless scene!)

#5 Song Sung Blue(2025)

Uhmm, oh boy, woof, this movie is everything I never knew I needed in my life and then some. It's such a good, heart-breaking, soul-lifting gem of a film and I will never be able to fully express the depth of passionate fondness with which I love this movie. Hugh's portrayal of "Lightning" had me in tears and made me feel more seen than honestly anything or anyone else ever has........Aaaanyways... Between that, us getting more Hugh in flannels & muttonchops and the immaculate 90s vibes( you can probably tell that I live for the 90s by this point) , yeah it's no wonder it ranks so high on my list.

(10/10 PW, 11/10 hotness, adding an extra just for the absolute gall of the man for being so sexy.)

#4 The Wolverine(2013)

Oh.OH.OHHH. I watched this one on repeat, and repeat, and repeat again. For an entire summer back in '17. It was a good time. The Western set in the East vibe is immaculate and it has one of my all time most cherished versions of Logan ( long-haired, reclusive mountain man!), as well as my favourite Logan scene. ( when he confronts the hunters about the bear. Most wolverine scene ever that isn't a fight scene. Gets wonderfully paralleled later in the film in the scene w/ Mariko's dad) I'm very fond of this film as well as this version of Logan. Also, Mariko is honestly the best of Logan's girlfriends. And Yukio is great fun. ( EDIT NOTE: I watched the extended cut and lemme tell you that those extra 11 minutes make all the difference, do not skip watching that version if you can!!!!)

(10/10 PW, 11/10 hotness(extra point for my scruffy mountain man!)

#3 Kate & Leopold(2001)

OH! Anyone who has read a previous post that I made about this will know that K&L has haunted my brain for 20 years. 10 of which I hadn't realized that this was an actual FILM! I will love K&L to the ends of the earth and back again. I get both super nostalgic and super lovesick anytime I watch this.( Have you seen Leopold be all gentlemanly? No? Then go watch this NOW!) This is top of the line rom-com whilst also being fantastic timey-wimey schtick and it's such a gentle & sweet film for one to watch at the end of a bad day or just for winding down. Leopold is peak husband material and I will stand on that hill till I croak.

(10/10 PW, 10/10 hotness.)

#2 Van Helsing(2004)

Yeah, Van Helsing got second place. Wild huh? I got this film for a song at a second hand shop back in 17' for no other reason than I knew it had the red dress ball scene. ( anyone who has seen my only popular post will know what I'm talking about) I literally knew jack squat else about it. Put it on and the friggin' Wolverine of all people struts onto screen in that badass leather coat, luscious locks and donned in a righteousness that was a breath of fresh air in a decade full of morally grey cinema heroes. I was hooked. Gobsmacked. Unbelievably aroused. This movie hits all the right spots for me in terms of rewatchability. It is the epitome of fun, the polar opposite of the movie in first place. I can literally watch this once a month and not get tired, (or run out of water for tears. As is again the case with movie #1) And if it's not Hugh's Van Helsing that's doing it for me, it's Richard Roxburgh's Dracula, and if not that then it's the Victorianesque monster high I get from it. But seriously, Gabriel is always hot as sin and he's never NOT doing it for me. When he's in* fighting the werewolf inside* mode, I melt into a puddle of goo. ( That.gorgeous.long.hair, Christ have mercy on my soul. Amen.)

(10/10 PW,10/10 hotness)

#1 Logan(2017)

Did I bawl my eyes out about six times the one and only time that I was ever brave enough to watch this whole movie through in one sitting??? Abso-effin-lutely. I still can't make myself sit down and watch it. 'Cuz I know that I ain't getting through it with my heart intact. Logan traumatized me to no end and it was all in a good way. Dude, the way I ugly cried at the end. And I wasn't spoiled when I watched it.(way back in '18) I HAD NO IDEA THAT LOGAN WAS ACTUALLY GONNA DIE!! I was thinking the whole time that there was maybe a chance that he'd be okay and then I got to the berserker rage in the forest scene and I lost it. Knew right then that he wasn't getting out of it this time. This entire story just gutted me from the opening scene to the credits. And the cherry on top of this tear-fest is, of course, that I got catapulted into the rabbithole that is Old Man Logan thirst. What a way to spend one's 18th birthday, huh?

(10/10 PW, 10/10 hotness)

Sorry, that's actually a really fucked up gif to end on. here's a saucier one.