Effacement.
a drabble of sorts, that I needed to get out of my head.
Characters: Kahzan (He/Him Awoken Hunter), Deka (She/Her Ghost), mentions of Cayde, Hawthorne, and Amanda.
Rating: SFW
Word count: 1,255
Disclaimer: Contains minor Destiny 2 spoilers
“Do you ever wonder who I was?”
The little blue light that was dancing out among the flowers of the small grove, stopped, turning back to look at their friend. The question had surprised the Ghost, as she had been more occupied with chasing the lightning bugs around then focusing on her apparently, contemplative Guardian. Deka’s little form contracted, thinking for a second, before relaxing again and floating over to the log Kahzan had stretched himself out on. His eyes closed, with his cloak folded neatly under his rifle beside him, he looked peaceful despite the chaos of the last month. When he opened his eyes and looked to his little levitating friend, Deka could see that he was not feeling that way.
“No, not anymore.”
They stared at each other for a moment before Kahzan looked up to the sky with a short sigh. Obviously, her answer didn’t satisfy him, so she continued. “At first I did. I wanted to know why it was you, why when I finally found you -which took forever by the way…” She paused, looking up as well. “…That I just knew who you were. I wanted those answers but, then it didn’t matter.”
His yellow eyes focused back on his ghost, chuckling halfheartedly, “Why? Was it my overly charming personality or smile? Hope it’s my smile.”
“No, though I appreciate the fact you do smile, it’s weird when you Awoken are all sullen… Do you remember when we first got to The City?”
“How could I forget. I felt so over whelmed by the size of the walls and the Traveler! I was sure something was going to fall down and crush me… then poof, no more new Guardian.”
“I meant, what you did, when we actually explored The City for the first time.”
“No? I know we ate at that great little bakery…” Kahzan sat up, looking at Deka more directly.
The little Ghost huffed, “You overheard a conversation about a bill, and no questions asked, you went and traded your gun for the glimmer. Handed it to the man and then just walked away.”
He raised an eyebrow, a questioning look of disbelief crossing his face. “And that was the moment you stopped wondering? Because I helped someone.”
“At the time, you were a lousy shot, and for a hunter that is not a good sign. You looked like you were barely an adult, and you shook so bad the first time a Vandal jumped out at you, I thought I was going to have to resurrect you…”
“To be fair I’m still not a great shot.”
“But you went out of your way, and you gave up something to help someone. It wasn’t a heroic moment for Cayde to tell a story about but, it was the moment I knew I chose right.”
They went silent again, Kahzan leaning down to pluck a small purple flower from the grass. He twirled it in his fingers a few times before just holding it. He remembered the moment now, though he would admit that it seemed so small compared to all the action and adventures they had been on over the years. He would have never expected Deka to have held such importance over it, especially since she’d always given him a hard time for his need to just do normal, every day helpful things. Even more so because she was always one to say what was on her mind, so it surprised him she hadn’t told him back then. He was about to probe further but, She beat him to the next question.
“Kahzan, what brought this up?”
He tucked the flower behind his ear, then folded his hands together as he leaned forward on his knees. He pressed his palms to his eyes, applying pressure to help control his thoughts. Oh sure, he could talk about ships all day, or even the struggles they faced together but this? He wasn’t quite sure how to express it. His voice was so quiet when he finally did speak, they were both glad for their cerebral connection.
“When we lost the light, we could have died. I could have died. Gone, no chance at coming back. I was terrified that one wrong move, one misstep and it could be over. You know that even with the light, it’s hard on me, the dying, and that I need some time afterwards. I don’t… like, that part of this. But, it got me thinking though, that at one point I had already been really, really dead and I wondered if back then… I was just as terrified to die.”
He took a breath and looked at Deka who had settled a little closer to him, “You found me in a ship wreck, and that entire thing was torched. Barely anything left of it, or me. Did I know I was going to die? Or did something just happen then, poof? I know I was afraid now of the obvious but, also I was scared for others. I lost people this time, did I lose people then…”
He faded off, and Deka didn’t have an answer. She knew how it felt on her side, how scared she was that she could lose him; however, she couldn’t compute with how it must feel to potentially die, permanently, for a second time. Or face the fact that at one time, you lost everything. She couldn’t speak to that at all, and she knew him well enough to know he didn’t expect her to. He was just clearing his head.
“Maybe you over heated your engines. While speeding.” She responded finally after a few minutes, dead pan, which got him to quietly chuckle.
“Maybe things haven’t changed then. Maybe… I am the same person as I was the first time? That would be comforting, to be honest.” Kahzan mused, looking back up at the stars. Little pieces of light, and a million destinations. Somewhere, possibly, the answers to his questions.
Taking his tone slightly lightening as a sign, she asked, “So back then you were a flower child too?”
She promptly got a nudge in response, and then the said flower tossed at her. And then a few more as he plucked them from between his feet. He laughed, watching her narrow as they bounced off of her shell. Deka tolerated it for a few more moments before “nudging” him back, rather harshly on the forehead, almost sending him backwards off of the log. When he regained his balance he laughed again though, which she was grateful for.
They both fell back in to a comfortable silence, watching the little grove and the little creatures that were rustling about. Ten minutes passed of just quiet enjoyment before Kahzan stood up and stretched.
“We should head back, Hawthorne could probably use another body for patrols around the farm.” He said, pulling his cloak on and slinging his rifle over his shoulder. “And that is one woman I don’t want to disappoint.”
“Her and Amanda have something in common then.” Deka muttered, which caused Kahzan to throw her a look. “What? I’m right.”
“I admire them.”
“Oh. You ‘admire’ them?”
“Amanda has been a good comrade, and a good friend. She’s been there when I’ve needed someone more… composed, to talk to other than Cayde. Plus, she used to always let me help out around the hanger when I first arrived. And Hawthorne-”
“Don’t you dare say she’s just-”
“-She’s just a friend.”
“Oh you’re impossible.”
