#dearalex

i didnt mean what i meant

i did mean it

but i didnt want you to go.

I think you knew.

The whole time.

That I was so desperate, for acceptance,

begging for anything,

clawing at the walls.

I think you knew how I was broken,

And who broke me.

I used to be so happy, seeing the best in you.

This magical person, who makes me laugh

and has big dreams like me,

Spends time talking to me.

But you used me,

Threw me away,

I've had enough

the first time that i saw him

he was laughing the other side of the room

he was larger than life

a colourful flower in bloom

the next that i saw him

face pulled tight and gaunt in fear

it took a while to heal his wounds

eventually they seemed to disappear

the last time that i saw him

he avoided meeting my eye

he hurt me irreparably

and that led to our goodbye

i wish I had the words that meant everything

to say thank you, im sad and goodbye

but i know that sometimes words

It's the little things in life

You said you loved me

You painted my rainbow skies

And beautiful words dribbled from your mouth.

But when I saw the ink turn grey

and everything it touched shrivelled and died,

For the first time in my life

I left.

I believed you

The days are passing by quickly now

Since our "goodbye".

My door remains silent, untouched.

So much has changed within me,

I have softened and hardened, over again.

I wish you had fought harder for us,

But I'm grateful you are exactly as you are,

Always almost enough.

Maybe one day we can see each other again,

When the sun is older and wiser, and I am too,

And the pain has melted away.

But for now I can only say