#dear2022

Dear 2022, 

My school is weird and made me go back in person since I’m in a first year course while the rest of my courses don’t go back in person until next week. Luckily I had a few friends in my year on campus to keep me company. However, I think my day started going downhill after talking to THE homie Mikey. He didn’t do anything wrong himself--it was actually really nice of him--but I think he just jinxed me. 

I don’t remember how we got into that conversation but he apologized for not walking behind me on an escalator. This happened in the summer during the time we were frosh leaders. Basically, I am directionally challenged and get quite lost pretty easily. So he walked me to my bus station downtown (trust me the new station is pretty fucking confusing). But to get to my platform we had to go up a set of escalators. Mikey was just worried that he would make me uncomfortable by being behind me since...my ass would literally be in his face. Since it wasn’t him behind me, there was another guy and he made a comment about my ass *sigh*. Long story short, I told Mikey it would’ve been okay if he was the one behind me because I know he isn’t like that and I know that he’s more of a tiddie man LMFAO. 

Okay, fast forward to when I needed to take my local bus home. I was just tired, my feet were in pain and I was just trying to get to the terminal. Then in my peripheral vision I see a guy CHASE me down and stopped me. I thought I dropped something or he was going to ask for directions. NO. This guy who looks at least 40-years-old says, “I just saw you from the distance and I needed to tell you how beautifully attractive you are.” 

I just blanked, said thanks, and tried to leave. This dude could’ve just kept admiring from the distance, he really didn’t need to RUN ME DOWN.

Nah this guy keeps GOING. His “compliments” were so damn specific it was creepy. This guy said: 

“I just loved your big dark brown doe-like eyes.” 

“You look so put together, the outfit makes you look stunning.” 

“Even the way you walk is so dream-like!”

Bro who the fuck says that???? I told him I was just tired and that I really needed to catch the bus. His response... 

“Oh shit I’m so sorry but you just have to know your walk is nice and floaty. At least let me walk you to the doors of the terminal so you can catch your bus.” 

I was so panicked at this point because I didn’t want this random man trying to hit on me to follow me. So I said, “Uh, sorry sir but I’m seventeen.” 

I’m not--I’m a few years over legal but I’m short enough that it could pass. But ayeo this man is fucking weird and didn’t even apologize. 

“Oh no no we can’t have that. I thought you were at least eighteen with the way you looked so nicely.” Then I don’t remember what happened exactly, but he BOOKED it in the direction he came from. This brown dude looked fully grown, had a beard down to his chest and was only like an inch taller than me. 

I specifically said brown dude because the SAME EXACT thing happened to Rose at the same mall but at least one that was younger. The way both these guys both first said, ‘I just saw you from the distance and had to tell you you’re beautiful.” NAH BECAUSE WHERE ARE THEY SPAWNING FROM????

Then there was one that spawned in my Instagram DMs. I don’t know if it’s a coincidence since I visited the engineering building on campus with Mikey today but this guy’s bio had ‘software dev’ from *insert school name*. I only followed him back because we’re from the same school so why not right? Yeah no. I SWEAR. WHO SLIDES INTO SOMEONE'S DMS LIKE THAT???? I was still reeling from the earlier situation and did not have the energy to deal with more bullshit. Should I mention I’m on my period? Anyways, here’s how the whole conversation went.

Guy #2: Hello 👋 what’s your major? Guy #2: I mean what year haha

Me: Hi! Biomedical science 2nd year 🕺 *Guy #2 reacts w/ ❤️*

Guy #2: Oh poor you for doing it online

Me: Dafuq we go back in person next week 

Guy #2: Haha Guy #2: I’m just teasing you

Me: Mhmm

Guy #2: Don’t mind Guy #2: You live on campus or off? 

Me: Off

Guy #2: Oh which area? 

Me: Okay bro what do you want? 🗿🗿🗿

Guy #2: Oh lol just curious and random Guy #2: Nvm 😂 *I react w/ 🕺* Guy #2: What are your hobbies? 

Me: Are you done yet?  *Guy #2 reacts w/ 😂*

That’s where it ends. I really don’t know what he was trying to achieve but the group chat definitely had a good laugh about it. 

...

Nah because what the fuck was this???? 

Sincerely,  Me 

P.S. I know I literally haven’t been keeping up with writing all this but it was because school started up again. So most of these would’ve just consisted of ‘ah yeah I did this school work today.’ I’ll keep up eventually. 

Dear 2022, 

Okay I’m picking up from where I left on my last post. 

While I was scrolling through the TikToks Mikey sent me, he asked if I wanted to watch One Piece. Since I absolutely refuse to watch it by myself and the only reason I’ll watch it in the first place is because it’s his favourite anime. So we hopped onto discord...we literally did not start watching until about two hours later. 

We got a little sidetracked because he started talking about work. Somewhere along the line he mentioned secret Santa for his work place. Therefore, turning the conversation to the secret Santa between our group of friends. It ain’t even a secret for me because I helped 75% of the group choose the gifts for their secret Santa’s. The other 25% is me and obviously my secret Santa. So I knew who has me--Mikey has me LMAO. This is probably one of the worst situations for me bruh. I genuinely did not want to know anything for this secret Santa but NO. Now I know who everyone else AND they took all my ideas for future birthday presents. I should’ve just left them to figure it out for themselves lol. Damn I love giving gifts but now I’m panicking! You know what I’m taking it as I gave everyone their gifts. All those secret Santa gifts came from ME! Okay I’m kidding but if you really think about it 😗. Yeah but we haven’t been able to exchange presents yet because of COVID restrictions. It ‘s going to be secret Valentines at this point. Also I’m STRESSED because of the upcoming birthdays. WHY IS HALF OF OUR FRIEND GROUP BORN IN JANUARY. WHY DID ALL THEIR PARENTS CHOOSE  TO GET LAID IN APRIL!!! 

As a group we decided that we’ll get individual gifts if the person chooses to throw a party and if they don’t then we get them a group gift. 

I don’t think James is getting a gift from the group since I don’t like him anymore.

(I was the one that brought him into the group so technically the group are my friends and not his so they’re technically obligated to get him a gift)

I’m still his friend and I’m just going to make him a painting of his favourite anime character aka Tanjiro Kamado (he did say he wanted more decorations for his wall.

We’re getting Mikey a pair of shoes (don’t know which ones yet but adidas has a sale) since I jokingly asked if he wanted shoes too while we were talking. 

He actually said ‘YES please actually get me shoes! When we got the shoes for Kyle’s birthday I was like damn I wish someone would get me a pair because I actually need them’ or something along those lines lol.

Mikey also asked if we didn’t go over budget with the shoes if we could throw in something anime related in there too and I was like sure.

Oh don’t think of him as greedy or anything because this is justifiable? Like he’s done so much for us especially for the girls (unlike Kyle someone) and he’s one of the nicest people you could ever know. You literally can’t hate the guy

Rose’s present has me stressing the most

I got her for secret Santa and I already got her so many presents.

The strict COVID restrictions might lift before her birthday and she already has a party planned (don’t worry we’re not being totally irresponsible; it’s 11 people at a big ass rented skating rink) SO I MIGHT HAVE TO GET HER A GIFT OF MY OWN S T R E S S

I don’t know how it got to the point of MIkey and I talking about what we’re trying out for the new year. I meant to keep this blog a complete secret but after him saying that I was only person to know what he was doing I just exposed this. However, he does not know the name of this blog so I can continue to shit talk him if I choose to. Mikey just knows this exists and that’s all. The other reason I chose to tell him was because he’s good at keeping secrets. Mikey is the ultimate homie. 

After going off topic a few more times, we finally got to watching One Piece. We talked a little too much so he left at around 6 am. I can’t believe I got ✨emotional damage✨ from a dog. How dare he put me through that SMH. In my opinion I have no opinions on One Piece. It’s just chill. To be fair we only got until episode 10. 

Since Mikey left, I finished watching Kiss Him, Not Me. The ending made my jaw drop because of the sheer audacity. I should’ve expected it because it’s the literal joke of the show but I DO NOT ACCEPT IT. Now I’m gonna have to read the manga to be satisfied. I still recommend to watch it because I found it absolutely hilarious! I embarrassingly laughed out loud for most of my time watching it. 

I think I’m going to start watching either “Brothers Conflict” or “The Devil Is A Part-Timer.” I’m going to watch two episodes or so before going to sleep at 12 pm again. So I might as well post this now. I can always edit it later anyways. 

Edit: I watched the first minute or Brothers Conflict and it already got too weird for me. I gotta read descriptions more carefully yikes.

I really need to fix my sleep schedule. I am the definition of a vampire right now, I haven’t seen sunlight in almost a week.

Sincerely, Me

Dear 2022,

It’s midnight and it’s James’ birthday. I was really debating to be petty and just wait a little longer to greet him. Yeah no…I knew I was gonna forget later so I just did it. However, I quite literally just sent: Happy 20th Birthday James!! 🥳🥳💖”.

Do you see that heart? I purposefully sent that one instead of the red one. He’s been ballsy and sending red hearts more recently but now I want it to STOP. Everyone knows what the red heart means and I don’t want to get involved with it anymore. That’s just NOPE territory. Also I used to send really long messages of how much I would appreciate them on their birthday but not today. I just got really salty because he’s been pulling a lot of shit. My grudge probably coming through oopsies. Then there’s the thing where I just don’t wanna be attached to that. “I need to work on myself.” This guy is a whole walking rough draft, I cannot— I KNOW I do not emote like this. Wait until I get back to “normal” me.

sigh… after all that I just picked up “Takt. Op,” again after I left it on hold. Well I finished it and I had one of the biggest B R U H moments. IT ENDED LIKE THAT AND I FIND OUT THE ANIME WAS ONLY PROMOTION FOR A VIDEO GAME SO THERES NO SECOND SEASON. I would say it was a good anime but it was still P A I N. How many times am I gonna get hurt by one person playing a piano and the other playing a string instrument. I would have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s strange that it happened twice.

I was in the mood to watch some shoujo romance so I started “Kiss Him, Not Me” since I kept seeing a bunch of clips on Instagram. The concept is kind of strange but it’s HILARIOUS. It’s about a chubby girl who’s an otaku obsessed with BL, but her favourite anime character died so she stayed in her room for a week. She got skinny and accidentally got her own harem. I’m rooting for her senpai since he still liked her even before she lost weight. I stopped at episode 4 before deciding to go to sleep...it was 12 pm after all. 

That was pretty much my day because I woke up at 11 pm oops. 

Sincerely, Me

Dear 2022,

I literally did nothing today. I couldn’t sleep the night before so I slept around 1 pm and woke up at 7pm. I woke up had “dinner” and have been scrolling on TikTok since. I was planning to be productive and finally start on my paper that’s due in a few days. Then I was reminded I’m still in demon week. So that plan flew out the window. Also, Rose asked me if I could mod for her and her boyfriend’s stream. To be honest I wasn’t really in the mood and lied I had stuff to do. In other words: what I thought I was going to do. However, I did sign up for a bunch of different wait lists for the booster vaccine. Yup…literally nothing.

Sincerely, Me

Dear 2022,

I just want to start off by saying that I finished watching “Vivy: Fluorite Eye’s Song,” and I would 10/10 recommend. It’s about an idol AI who was entrusted to prevent the war between humans and AIs that’s set to happen in 100 years. Take it as you will but I definitely didn't see those plot twists coming. 

Anyways, in the middle of finishing up that anime, my best friend/crush (we’re calling him James) called me. We’ve been friends for 5ish years (I can explain that another time if anyone actually finds this and asks) and we’ve recently confessed to each other. Yeah...I’m pretty sure I’m regretting saying anything now. We did mention to each other that our feeling have been on and off for each other throughout the whole time we’ve been friends. We literally confessed about two weeks ago and now I’m thinking I might not actually like him as much as I do. Actually I’m questioning if I really had feelings for him at all. Here are my reasons: 

It may have just been a hyperfixation 

I might be doing the thing where I’m just people pleasing so I only confessed because all my friends have been wanting us together [long story short]

All my friends were or are getting into relationships and I was feeling left out 

I may not actually want a relationship with him but I just liked the idea of being in a relationship 

I keep getting blindsided by how good he is as a person but he’s actually really childish

I really need to emphasize that last point here. You can trust me when I say he’s sweet and has a big heart...but he’s just too childish and immature. There are some things I can tolerate as a best friend but could never as a girlfriend, even the stuff he’s doing now his giving me a headache. He does things that can get him arrested and yet when he was literally told not to do said specific thing--he continues to do them to the point it can get other people in trouble. Yeah I get wanting to have fun but it’s the fact he tells me afterwards and apologizes to me in baby talk. He knows he’s done something wrong but continues anyways. Honestly, I don’t even know why he’s apologizing to me because it doesn’t affect me. However, the more things he tells me, the more I realize how irresponsible and immature he can be. 

Yes, it’s why I’m starting to lose trust and comfort in him. If he can’t take care of a few simple items--how is he supposed to take care of me. Thus, I came to realize what I truly wanted when thinking this stuff over. My thoughts are so jumbled because this genuinely frustrates me. 

I would want someone to take care of me in a relationship too. Pretty much for most of my life I’ve been the one taking care of everyone within friendships. I’ve been dubbed “the mom friend” too. So it would be nice for a change if someone could take care of me and not make me worry for once. See with my best friend (not so much a crush anymore), I’ve noticed he really only comes to me when he needs something. I mean it’s a fair share of hanging out and doing what the other person wants to do but I mean emotionally. 

To be honest it’s getting a little draining because I would answer him and then he disappears. Yet, for the few times I’ve told him something, he changes the subject quickly. I don’t even bother telling him anymore since I just feel like a burden. I can’t even describe how it feels. 

Here’s the thing: he’s ghosted me for a whole year for a girlfriend on TWO separate occasions. So TWO years I haven’t heard from him. I tried reaching out to him but he pretty much didn’t answer. I understand now that those girlfriend’s were on another level of manipulators. But I am still salty and holding a slight grudge against him because he came back to me apologizing and crying. He said he’s trying to change but I don’t I just don’t see it. 

So it was the audacity of him to beg me about details of my life he missed out on after (1) not replying to my text, (2) telling me he’s going to go back to the place he’s banned from, (3) telling me he’s going back because he left his debit card there in the wallet I gave him, and (4) taking his mom’s car without her permission after telling me had to fix his relationship with her. 

I regret ever telling him during my confession that I trust him and found comfort in him. I also hate that he said that I am one of the closest person to him in his life right now because it definitely does not feel like it. Instead now it feels like I have to take care of a child. With the addition to the baby talk...I want to yeet myself out the window. 

So yeah, I’m probably going to have to talk to him again because I was not in the mood today. Even after talking to him on the phone, I can tell I sounded pretty bitchy. Curse my mood swings for always making me a monster. Am I going to apologize for it? No. It’ll just make things easier for me to explain in the future. 

All these thoughts were really running through my head from a phone call that lasted from about 1-3 am. 

Oh yeah one thing that really irked me too is that I’m always there to pick up his phone calls when he’s out late in the dark alone to keep him company. HE CAN’T EVEN DO THE SAME FOR ME. A LITERAL WOMAN WHO HAS TO MAKE SURE SHE DOESN’T GET ASSAULTED AGAIN. WHILE HE GOES ON TO PROVOKE PEOPLE TO JUMP HIM I--

Anywayssssss after that whole thing I just decided to stay up to fix my sleep schedule at that point. So I gave in and hit up my other friend who’s been trying to make me watch One Piece. So we’re all clear this guy friend (we’re calling him Mikey) is what you call a true homie. I should probably come up with code names in the future but I’m really just trying to figure out how Tumblr works too lmao. 

Ugh I should also bring up other guy friend (we’re calling him Kyle) being a little nuisance today too but he’s being a bitch every other since that day. So eventually y’all will hear about him. I simply cannot--

Yup code names is what I have to do next time. 

Sincerely,  Me

If you ever come across this...hello! This year I want to start something new. There were a lot of things I wanted to say last year that I couldn’t because everyone in my life views me one way or another. I just want a place where I can be purely me and spill all the tea. I think it would be fun to keep track of my life somewhere because there’s truly moments where it seems like it should be a movie scene. Also, I’d love to find anyone that can share the same thoughts as me that I could never anyone close to me. Damn this already sounds really cliche but here’s to a new year and hopefully a new me! This is going to be my 2022! 

Sincerely, Me