#2022recap

about studying: I became a freshman in Ho Chi Minh University of Science and got to experience the life of a Computer Science student. I never regretted the decision to join APCS, in fact, the programme turned out to be better than what I expected when I arranged the priority list. After all, it lived up to the name of one of the most high-quality CS programme in the South. But I doubted if I had the capability to pursue it. There was a lot of self-doubt, stress, and self-depreciation from exams, deadlines, peer pressure, strict rent house... But I met a lot of people here. They were interesting, intelligent, and passionate about what they are learning and striving for in life. I realized so much more things about the world, from people who are similar to me. Turns out, making bonds was not that at all difficult. I could never ask more from such a suitable environment. But there are a lot of things I have to overcome for myself first. I want to be a great person, after all. 

about relationships: I broke up from the most toxic relationship I could ever have, then jumped to another relationship with my 4-year best friend, only to break a relationship I treasure. My love line stories are definetely a mess. I would never let myself be caught in emotions again, stopping at friendship level is enough for me. But at long last, I have my freedom. 

bright points:

+ met quite a few good friends

+ i could be more sociable than i thought

+ i love listening to others’ stories and am quite good at it too

+ technical knowledge (particularly in Physics and Maths) are not that really out of grasp for me

+ i love my quirkiness, goofiness, dorkiness, whatever I name it and many love that side of me too

+ balancing kindness and sarcasm is quite hard, but I think I am still keeping it good job

+ i can focus more and understand things more deeply given the time

dark points:

- i feel like i am always wasting too much time for anything

- i could feel my health is starting to get revenge on those overnights and abnormal diet

- i ALWAYS get nervous and lazy before exams, hence my poor performance

- after a poor performance, my coping mechanism always reassure me with fake comforts (social medias, OTPs, “useless” knowledge that I dont really need at the moment...), hence the endless loop of procrascination that prevents me from actually doing something and achieving more

- yes, alotofprocrascination

- cramming strategy does not work, reading and writing down formulas in notebook do not work

- i really need to fix my sleep schedule and my study methods

- due to a circumstance called “filling out that USA dream application for abroad studies”, i lost my track and motivation for other things I am supposed to focus on

- in other words, i do not know which to focus more on and easily get lethargic

- i might have relied too much on my non-existent abilities back in the younger days, should have aware that there is this thing called “time”

- my relationships are a total mess and i am really a bad person