#dear prudence.

         Q. Ethical breakups: My boyfriend, “Peter,” wants to break up with me. Obviously that’s his right, I know that, but it feels like I’m actually being irresponsible by just leaving. Peter has always had an interest in the paranormal and things like that. So do I, although I prefer M.R. James to actual, real-life creepy places. Over the past six months, however, Peter has moved further left of the socially accepted idea of normal. He’s become convinced that I’m the reincarnation of an evil witch. And sure, maybe he just thinks I’m an evil witch and wants an excuse to dump me. I’d actually be relieved if that were true, to be honest. Peter really seems to believe that I’m an evil soul, though, and is quite sad over this.        

         I just don’t know how to navigate this breakup ethically and respectfully. He’s not violent or a risk to himself, and there are plenty of worse conspiracy theories out there. On the other hand, he also wants to end a three-year relationship because he’s realized he’s dating an evil spirit. That doesn’t seem like the decision of a healthy psyche, and this has all just happened in a relatively short space of time. He doesn’t talk to his family—he’s always said they were weirdly religious, which seems relevant now—and he’s distanced himself from his old friends so he could find ones with the same interests. Right now it feels like I’m the only person in his life with a healthy dose of skepticism, and that it would be irresponsible to just … leave for saner pastures. But he’s a grown man and he doesn’t want me around anymore (since I am apparently unconsciously feeding on his purity), so is there anything I can do? He’s obviously not inclined to take my evil-inspired advice right now.     

  Q. Crocodile tears girlfriend: My girlfriend of 10 months and I have pretty different upbringings: She has rich, divorced parents; an elderly aunt raised me. I never gave our backgrounds much thought until recently, but I have noticed a pattern. Several times when my girlfriend has fallen behind on her obligations, she will call up her mother or father and get them to send her money. The first time it was a car repair bill, which seemed reasonable. But then it was the musical festival, the out-of-town concert, and then a huge shopping trip. Last time, I was helping fix her computer and her roommate complained about late rent. My girlfriend picked up the phone, dialed her dad, and started fake sobbing. He didn’t want to give her the money until she broke down: “You left me, you left me behind.” (Her dad remarried and moved away when she was in high school.) After the phone call, my girlfriend acted perfectly normal.

It left me uneasy. My girlfriend defended her actions by saying her parents “owed” her for the divorce. We ended up fighting about it; she called me out for “judging” her. We both are still in college but over 21. My parents were married and had me at this age. I would be embarrassed not to act like an actual adult when I am one. I do love my girlfriend, just not this sense of entitlement she has. She is smart, funny, and sweet when she wants to be, but she is hurting her parents, who have never been anything but kind and concerned. She made her mom cry.

I’ve had previous relationships with people who were abused by their parents. My girlfriend’s not in that situation. How do I deal with this? How do I talk to her about this? Am I overreacting and overreaching?

A. Part of me just wants to say: It’s been less than a year, you’re both in college, just break up. And that may eventually happen! But if you don’t want to call it quits just yet, that’s understandable. Look, “judging” isn’t the worst thing a person can do to another; if you saw her do something you think is wrong, judging is a pretty appropriate response. Your girlfriend seems to want to conflate “objecting to a pattern of behavior” with “saying she’s an eternally bad person who should be ashamed forever,” but that’s not the same thing. You say that your girlfriend is “sweet when she wants to be,” which is definitely cause for concern. You’ve seen her switch instantaneously from calm and collected to wounded and desperate in order to get what she wants from her parents, and you’re rightly concerned. I don’t think you need to start hounding her about it, but you shouldn’t apologize for objecting to it.

“I didn’t like what I saw, and while I can’t tell you what to do, I hope you find other ways to talk to your parents about your feelings” is a perfectly appropriate thing to say. If she keeps doing it and you find yourself growing less and less impressed with her character, it’s a perfectly appropriate reason to break up, too.