#deanissa

   “Can we talk?” 

She swallowed hard as they walked to the sitting room and he moved towards her. She subtly bit at her fingernail as she stood with an arm bent. It dropped and she finally spoke, attempting to keep her voice steady. “I...Dean--”

Dean stood his ground this time and shook his head a little. “Alissa, I need to tell you something and I need you to listen. Please.” His words prompted her to lift her eyes to his and he saw that she had been crying. He smiled faintly, trying to mask what, he could only guess, would be disappointment and closed the space between them and took her face in his hands, his thumb grazing her cheek. “You really don’t know, do you?” he asked quietly, searching her eyes.

Ten minutes prior...

Dean sighed as he walked down the path from Alissa’s house. She wasn’t home and the maid wasn’t sure where she’d gone. Glancing around the Settlement, he looked in the direction of his father’s house and considered going there. Instead, he turned and walked the other direction, suddenly having an idea of where he might find her and hoping he was right. Sure enough, she was leading her horse back to the stables nearly at the exact moment he stepped foot on the Cavalli estate where she kept Ash. She looked slightly windswept and lurched to a stop when she spotted him and quickly pulled her gaze away and led the horse into the stables. 

Dean sighed as she continued to ignore him. “Alissa...” Sighing again and reaching a hand through his hair he took a step towards the entrance of the stable, saying, “Alissa, can we talk?” 

“Now you want to talk?” 

He grimaced a little. He deserved that. “I know you’re mad at me but--” 

“I’m not mad at you. I’m frustrated.” 

“I know,” Dean said quietly. “Look, I’m trying to fix things but it’s not something that’s easy for me to talk about.” 

A look of hurt crossed her features. “It’s hard to talk about. Got it.” She threw up her hands in frustration and started to stalk past him. “Fine.” 

“Alissa, don’t walk away from me.” His bluntness surprised both of them and she turned back to him.

“Why? So we can continue talking about not talking?” 

“Aliss--” 

“Do you have any idea how frustrating you’re being--” 

“-I know but--” Dean tried to interject but was interrupted again.

“--Seriously. What the fuck--” 

Before she could say anything more or have time to catch up with her thoughts, Dean suddenly took a purposeful step towards her and took her face in his hands. His lips zeroed in on hers and he silenced her with a kiss. She let out a small noise of surprise but to her own astonishment she kissed him back. Encouraged by her response he pulled her in closer, his hand moving into her hair. Starting to withdraw, he tenderly kissed her bottom lip and the corner of her mouth and drew in a deep breath that he slowly released. He kept her close, their foreheads touching and the pad of his thumb caressed her cheek, continuing to hold her face in his warm hands. His heart was racing. 

Their eyes met. Finally seeming to process what happened, Alissa’s mouth opened to say something but no words came out. She remained frozen for a moment before she quickly moved away from him and she bolted out of the stable.

“Alis---” He started to call after her but his words fell short and he let out a small sigh of frustration. She vanished from sight. He rubbed at his face with his hands briefly. “No,” he decided to himself aloud, “You aren’t going to just let her walk away.” With quick steps, he left the stable and started back towards Ascalon Settlement.

Present...

Alissa looked at him blankly and opened her mouth to speak but redirected her train of thought. Her brows creased. “What’s wrong?” she asked quietly, noting his visage was riddled with disappointment and something else she couldn’t quite place. 

Dean drew in a breath. Here goes nothing... ”I’m sorry, Alissa. I know you’re frustrated with me and you have every right to be. I’m sorry I kissed you. I should’ve...” he sighed and struggled to continue, dropping his gaze to the floor. “The thing is... I’m in love with you. And I have been for a long time.” He stood motionless and waited for her reaction, knowing he wouldn’t be able to take his words back.

She blinked, looking at him blankly. “Wait, what?”

He slowly lifted his head and forced himself to make eye contact with her. “I love you,” he repeated quietly, trying to decipher her expression but bracing himself for disappointment. 

Alissa stood there in stunned silence and seemed to be deep in thought. Of course he loved her. He had only been desperately trying to get her attention for years and she had been too stupid to see it. “I...” her voice trailed off. 

He sighed and looked at the floor again, trying to hide his disappointment. “I’m sorry, Alissa. I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t want to make things awkward between us. If you want me to go...” 

She interrupted him, putting a hand on his arm and shaking her head. “No, no. Dean...why are you sorry?” To his surprise, she was smiling when he looked at her and she touched his jaw and continued, “You don’t have to apologize for how you feel. I’m just...I wasn’t expecting...I had no idea...” Her words started to come out stammered and she let out a weak laugh. “I feel really stupid...” She sighed a little. “How long have you had feelings for me?” 

“A long time,” Dean admitted. His hand reached up and brushed some of her hair behind her ear, lightly playing with the strands between his fingers. “I wanted to tell you; so many times. There were moments I was sure you would figure it out because I said too much or the wrong thing. I mean, it started out as just a stupid crush. But...the more time I started to spend with you and the better I got to know you, it grew into something more than that. And I tried to just...stop but I can’t and I don’t want to.” 

Alissa let out a weak chuckle, feeling her eyes mist up. “Dean, I’m a mess. I’m bossy and I don’t listen. I’m stubborn and independent and am not good at asking for help. And that’s only scratching the surface when you take into account how self destructive I can be and my horrible track record with relationships.” 

Dean looked at her calmly, a trace of amusement in his eyes and he laughed quietly. “Are you done?” he murmured. “Cause I’m hearing a lot of self deprecating and none of that makes me want you any less. Besides, you’re telling me this like I don’t already know.” He chuckled again and lightly touched her chin, prompting her face closer but he didn’t kiss her as much as he wanted to. He reached for one of her hands and gently held it in his. 

She reached up to wipe at her eyes as she listened to him speak so open and honestly. Drawing in a breath, she looked at the floor. “I never realized how much I really needed you. You’ve...always been right there. Patiently waiting.” 

“I never wanted you to feel like I wanted anything from you. I just wanted you to know I was here if you needed me.” He lightly touched her chin with his thumb. “I’m sorry this is overwhelming. I didn’t want it to be but I’m not sorry that I finally told you how I feel.” He glanced at the floor. 

Alissa still looked stunned and was unsure what to say but she caught the look of disappointment on his face and moved in closer to him, encircling her arms around his torso. “I’m glad you told me, too,” she said quietly. “So, what happens now?” 

“Well. I kind had this plan to ask you out and everything and then tell you I was hopelessly in love with you but...well. --Yeah.” He reached up a hand and lightly scratched the back of his head and let out a soft laugh. “It didn’t go as planned. I didn’t plan on kissing you in a horse stable either, but it was also the only way to get you to shut up since you wouldn’t let me get a word in edge wise.” He smiled lopsidedly. 

She laughed. “I’m not sure I would’ve been any less shocked if it’d happened any other way, to be honest,” Alissa admitted. “So, where are we going on this date?” 

Dean smiled broadly; boyishly. “Well. I have some plans. You free tonight?” 

i love my man i love my man

ᵐʸ ˡᵒᵛᵉʳᵇᵒʸ 🦢🪽

ⁱ ˢᵘʳʳᵉⁿᵈᵉʳ ᵗᵒ ʸᵒᵘ ᵐʸ ˡᵒᵛᵉ

my beloved <3