Jul 25
I can't fill this hole. Not ever.
SUPERNATURAL - “Family Remains”
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I can't fill this hole. Not ever.
SUPERNATURAL - “Family Remains”
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wanting to rewatch s4 for the post-hell dean studies but then it's like, ok but you also really need to rewatch s3 too because the lead-up to hell and his shifting mindset throughout the season is important context. BUT THEN it's like, well, you also need to rewatch s2 because the lead up to him making the deal in the first place is super important and the complicated grief and resentment he feels abt john's death and the deal john made for his life while also telling him he may have to kill his brother is what has him believing his life is worth trading for sam's. and then! you're like, well to fully understand WHY dean feels so worthless and properly contextualize all that anger and resentment toward john you really should rewatch s1 too. and that's how you end up watching seasons one through four. just to understand how much going to hell was, in many ways, inevitable for dean. he was always going to end up there. not because fate or destiny but because of an intricate game of cosmic chess of life circumstances and choices he'd keep making every time based on how he was raised to view himself as object an shield and put everyone else first over himself.
Every Episode of Supernatural: 76/327
4x16 On The Head Of A Pin, Dean and Cas pt7
DEAN Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean? Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean! CASTIEL I don't know. DEAN Bull. CASTIEL I don't. Dean, they don't tell me much. I know our fate rests with you. DEAN Well, then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cas. It's too big. Alastair was right. I'm not all here. I'm not—I'm not strong enough. Well, I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me.
Haunted - Suptober Day 20
My other Suptober art: Campfire, Lost, Orchard, Garden, Picnic, Pumpkin, Fortune Telling, Surprise, Poweroutage, Rainstorm, Blanket Fort, Sunrise/Sunset, Stargazing, Can You Hear Me?, Nightmare, Freckles, Crossover, Seance, Flying, Ladies of SPN, Undercover, Carnival, Cemetery, Game Night, Witchcraft, Baking, Fireworks, Closet, Decorating, Halloween
spn20rewatch 4.16: on the head of a pin
what can you say about the episode of all time?
that every time i watch it, it becomes more and more clear how predatory and violating alastair was/is toward dean, how much is hinted at and hidden just in the shadows; it is confirmed by being unuttered. that alastair is lying through his teeth about john not breaking in hell. that i know it will take dean years to realize that and it breaks my fucking heart. that i love watching how much cas is starting to care about dean.
that dean says:
You ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out.
and then - and i cannot emphasize this enough - he does not walk out. he is carried out, beaten nearly to death.
that alastair clearly doesn't know how reluctant dean was to try to torture him. alastair thinks this is something dean sought out:
ALASTAIR: Do you really think this is gonna fix you? Give you closure? That is sad. That's really sad. Sad, sad.
i wonder what alastair would do with the information that dean basically had to be kidnapped and threatened to even be there. but even then the only reason he actually tries to torture alastair is because cas asks him.
and it was all for nothing anyway. uriel was killing the angels. uriel wanted to get rid of dean (to guarantee lucifer would win). so he just orchestrated this entire torturous, godawful scenario to kill dean basically. (i keep harping on the uriel thing because there is a moment in 5.13 that fucking haunts me and i want to build up the proper weight).
there is something so gut wrenching about alastair saying, "Looks like God is on my side today." because, honestly, chuck kinda is. like this is his story and he's enjoying watching it play out in all the drama and pain.
i'm always struck by the parallels of what dean was forced to do in hell and what the angels try to force him to do in seasons 4 and 5. becoming a weapon, letting his body be used to hurt others, saying "yes," through coerced "consent". there is so much overlap to me. and, here, there's the moment where dean decides he is going to kill alastair - no matter what anyone else wants him to do.
DEAN: No. I don't think you are lying. But even if the demons do win... You won't be there to see it.
it reminds me of this part from 5.18
ZACHARIAH: Michael’s not gonna kill me. DEAN: Maybe not. But I am.
righteous but not by some stupid angelic definition! that is a man who loves the world so much he frees it from god.
anyway, so much has been said about 4.16 and i don't want to take words out of other people's mouths so i'll just leave it here.
DEAN: I just didn't wanna ruin my shoes.
there aren't words for my love for him.
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“I’m not all here. . . I’m not strong enough.” // Marble Arch by Erin LeCount
more educated spn fans of tumblr can yall do me a favor
do they ever say that Sam/adam experienced the same type of time dilation that Dean did in hell?
cus Dean I remember they explicitly say it was 4 months on earth but 40 years in hell
but I can’t remember anything like that for the other two?
and i say, oh well, just tell me when i can open my eyes and realize i've died.