#deaf!sam

Chapters: 24/24 Fandom: Supernatural Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester, Gabriel (Supernatural), Eileen Leahy, Jessica Moore, Meg Masters, Anna Milton, Alfie (Supernatural), Mary Winchester, John Winchester, Original Novak Character(s), Benny Lafitte, Andrea Kormos, Charlie Bradbury Additional Tags: Deaf Character, Deaf Sam, Deaf Gabriel (Supernatural), Hearing Dean, Hearing Castiel, Fluff and Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, John Winchester and Mary Winchester are Divorced, strained relationships with parents, interpreter Castiel, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel and Sam are best friends, Castiel and Gabriel (Supernatural) are Siblings, Gay Sex, Bottom Dean, Top Castiel, Karaoke, Musician Dean Winchester Summary:

Five years ago, an accident happened that changed the course of Sam Winchester’s life - and in turn, the life of his brother, Dean, and the Winchester family. Dean wasn’t sure how to deal with the “after,” so he distanced himself from his brother at a time when Sam needed him the most. Now, at Sam’s invitation, Dean has decided to visit him in Boston, where he’s been living on his own. He expects his brother to be struggling, but is surprised to learn that he’s not only surviving, but thriving. Sam has two jobs, graduate school, and amazing friends - including an attractive interpreter named Cas - and although Dean has had some success in his chosen career, he longs for the true happiness Sam has. When Dean seeks Cas’ help to reconnect with his brother, Cas eventually agrees but Dean finds that his usual way of dealing with things won’t work with the captivating man who is firmly in Sam’s corner, and he will have to learn much more than a new language. Dean’s journey forces all three men to confront themselves, and eventually teaches them about assumptions, friendship, and love.

Told from three perspectives, this is a story about love, acceptance, and learning what it truly means to listen.

Chapters: 17/? Fandom: Supernatural Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester, Gabriel (Supernatural), Eileen Leahy, Jessica Moore, Meg Masters, Anna Milton, Alfie (Supernatural), Mary Winchester, John Winchester, Original Novak Character(s), Benny Lafitte, Andrea Kormos, Charlie Bradbury Additional Tags: Deaf Character, Deaf Sam, Deaf Gabriel (Supernatural), Hearing Dean, Hearing Castiel, Fluff and Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, John Winchester and Mary Winchester are Divorced, strained relationships with parents, interpreter Castiel, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel and Sam are best friends, Castiel and Gabriel (Supernatural) are Siblings, Gay Sex, Bottom Dean, Top Castiel, Karaoke, Musician Dean Winchester Summary:

Five years ago, an accident happened that changed the course of Sam Winchester's life - and in turn, the life of his brother, Dean, and the Winchester family. Dean wasn't sure how to deal with the "after," so he distanced himself from his brother at a time when Sam needed him the most. Now, at Sam's invitation, Dean has decided to visit him in Boston, where he's been living on his own. He expects his brother to be struggling, but is surprised to learn that he's not only surviving, but thriving. Sam has two jobs, graduate school, and amazing friends - including an attractive interpreter named Cas - and although Dean has had some success in his chosen career, he longs for the true happiness Sam has. When Dean seeks Cas' help to reconnect with his brother, Cas eventually agrees but Dean finds that his usual way of dealing with things won't work with the captivating man who is firmly in Sam's corner, and he will have to learn much more than a new language. Dean's journey forces all three men to confront themselves, and eventually teaches them about assumptions, friendship, and love.

It was a trap. Dean should have realized it. Everything came just a little too easily but he was tired and he wanted to get back to the Bunker and well, if for the first time in his life the hunt came easy, well he wasn’t about to question it. He should have and he knew that but he didn’t.

Sam was closest to the explosion. He wasn’t sure if there was a tripwire or if the explosion was on timer or what but he was the closest. He was blown backwards, his blade falling out of his hands and hit his head on a pile of rubble and then ceased to move.

Dean crawled over to him, ignoring the pain that was in his leg (it wasn’t bad, some shrapnel was in it) and grabbed Sam’s face, holding him, begging for Sam to hold on, to not let go like this, that Dean would take care of him.

He was still breathing and Dean took that as a win as he picked up his brother and carried him to the Impala, still talking to him, hoping that the sound of his voice would bring Sam back but Sam didn’t respond. He’s starting to open his eyes but they’re cloudy and unfocused like he’s not really seeing anything and Dean’s not sure how to feel about that. A hunter without his sight is a dead hunter.

By the time they get to the Bunker, Sam’s talking a little bit. It’s grabbled words almost like he can’t get his mouth to form the right words and sounds and Dean reaches across the cab to grab his hand, squeezing it lightly before he got out, walked to the other side and helped his brother inside the Bunker.

Sam clung to Dean, his fingers digging into Dean’s jacket as he walked on wobbly legs inside and all the while Dean was talking to him, telling him that he was going to be okay except Sam didn’t respond, at all and that worried Dean.He laid Sam down on his bed, brushing his hair out of his face and still Sam kept a hand on Dean’s jacket, holding him tight.

“You’re gonna be okay, Sammy.” Dean muttered, removing Sam’s shoes before coming back up to his head, once again pushing the hair out of his face, running his fingers through it. “I’m going to be right back. Okay, Sammy? You just wait here. I’ll be right here.”

He had to pry Sam’s fingers off his jacket to run to get the first aid kit. There was a cut on Sam’s forehead that needed to be stitched up and while he hit the back of his head, Dean didn’t feel any blood there, just a bump. However that still had him worried. Sam wasn’t responding to him like he should have been, staring out in front of him without really looking like he was seeing anything.

When he came back into the room, Sam was sitting up, calling out Dean’s name in fear. Dean rushed towards him, dropping the things that he had gotten on the bed and grabbed Sam’s face.

“I’m here, Sammy.” Dean said, cupping Sam’s face. “I’m here.”

But Sam was shaking his head, eyes still unfocused. “I can’t… I can’t see, Dean.” He muttered, voice still slightly slurred. “I can’t… Dean, I can’t see.”

“It’s okay.” Dean said, trying to keep his voice steady even though he knew that it wasn’t going to be okay. Sam hit his head, hard and he lost his vision and Dean wasn’t sure what to do with that. “You’re going to be okay. We’re going to fix you.”

Sam still hadn’t stopped shaking his head, his whole body shivering as he reached out for Dean, hands grabbing at nothing until he found contact with Dean’s body and held on tight. “Dean…” He sounded so close to crying now. “I can’t hear anything. I can’t… are you…”

“Shh…” Dean shushed despite the fact that Sam just told him that he couldn’t hear anything and he ignored the tug at his heart that this might not be something that he could fix.

Broken bones and gashes he could fix. Reset the bone and stitch up the cut and everything would be okay. Give days, weeks, months, it would heal but the head, when there was something wrong with the brain, Dean couldn’t fix that and if Sam couldn’t see or hear and if he couldn’t do that then he couldn’t hunt and if Sam couldn’t hunt then that meant...

That meant nothing. 

Dean decided right then and there that it didn’t mean anything. At all. If Sam couldn’t hunt, then he wouldn’t hunt either. If Sam couldn’t see, then Dean would be his eyes and if Sam couldn’t hear then Dean would hear for him and that would be it.

And maybe they were finally given an out to get out of hunting. They’ve tried to get out before but it never seemed to work. But then again, they never tried to get out together. However with this, Dean couldn’t still hunt, not when Sam needed him.

So that was it. He would stop hunting and he would help Sam.

Sam cried. He kept a hand on Dean, gripping his jacket until his knuckles turned white and held onto Dean like he was afraid that Dean was just going to disappear and leave him in darkness and Sam cried. Dean felt like crying too. Seeing his brother like this, completely vulnerable and unable to defend himself against anything but he refused to cry. Not like Sam would know anyway but one of them needed to be strong.

Dean needed to be strong enough for the both of them.

He kept talking to Sam despite the fact that he knew that Sam couldn’t hear him as he cleaned up the wound on his head, washing away the blood. It seemed to comfort Dean, hearing some kind of sound that blocked out the silence and didn’t overwhelm him.

When Dean pressed the needle into Sam’s skin, Sam yelped but he didn’t pull away and Dean wished there was someway that he could have warned his brother what he was about to do but there was nothing that he could do. So he stitched Sam up, running a comforting hand through his hair when he could and let Sam grab ahold of him.

After that, when Sam was all stitched up and had stopped bleeding, Dean was at a lost what to do. Sam needed to get clean, take a shower but he didn’t want to just lead his brother aimlessly through the Bunker and then dunk him in water. He wasn’t sure if that would send Sam into shock.

Then an idea crossed Dean’s mind and he quickly shed Sam of his jacket and held out Sam’s arm and wrote the word ‘shower’ on Sam’s arm with his finger.

It took Sam a couple of moments to realize what Dean was doing and he grabbed Dean’s hand again, placing it back on his arm and told Dean to do it again.

This time he said every letter that Dean spelled out.

“Shower?” Sam asked, every bit of uncertainty that he was feeling coming out in his voice. “You wanna take a shower?”

“Not me, Sammy. You.” Dean said before he caught himself with the realization that Sam couldn’t hear him. So he wrote on ‘no’, waiting for Sam to say it out loud and then wrote ‘you’.

“You want me to take a shower?”

Dean quickly wrote out yes and Sam nodded in agreement and let Dean lead him into the shower room. He stood there, completely pliant as Dean undressed him fully and walked him backwards underneath the spray. Sam kept a hand on Dean, fingers still digging into muscle but it was reassuring in a way. Dean was carefully, his movements slow and methodical as he washed Sam, washing his hair and his body, making sure that every inch of Sam was clean before he dried him off and dressed him in the softest clothes that he could find.

Dean lead him back to his bedroom and set him on the bed and wrote ‘stay’ on his arm, waiting for Sam’s acknowledgement that he understood what Dean wrote before he continued to write ‘food’.

Sam looked up at him, face hopeful and nodded eagerly.

Dean placed a hand on top of Sam’s head, a comforting weight before he disappeared to head off to the kitchen to make something to eat. He made a couple of sandwiches and cut an apple up for Sam and brought it back to his brother who looked as if he hadn’t moved an inch.

Sam refused to be feed by Dean. He closed his his mouth and refused to open it before Dean finally handed over the sandwich to his brother.

It was a little awkward. Dean wouldn’t deny that. Sam couldn’t see the sandwich and he took small bites but he ate it and the apples and he thanked Dean for it. Dean wrote on his arm that he was going to go clean up and was back within minutes.

That night, Sam didn’t let go of Dean, even as he slept. He held onto Dean like Dean was the only thing that was anchoring him to the earth.

The sight and hearing loss was temporary. Not that it really mattered because Dean was fully prepared to do everything in his power to help Sam get his senses back and if that failed, then he was fully prepared to help him for the rest of his life. 

But it was only temporary and while there was no need for Sam to keep a hand on him at all times, keeping close contact and there was no need for Dean to keep Sam right next to him, none of that changed.

He hasn’t expected things to be easy. He’s deaf, Dean is furious and Cas is missing. That’s a perfect recipe for chaos in their little world, and he’s not even adding Mary in the mix. Honestly, Sam has given up on trying to contact her a few days after the banshee’s incident-- at least for a while. It’s not like he doesn’t want her to know what happened. He truly does. He just has a lot to deal with already.

Dean is a lot. His big brother is just pure drama and tons of self loathing and Sam... well, Sam is more than done with that shitty attitude. At this point, there’s little he can do to reassure Dean that he shouldn’t be blamed for what had happened.

They’re hunters and humans. Being broken, beaten and permanently damaged was part of the job. It has happened before. If angels and demons and gods hadn’t showed up to mess with their already fucked up lives, Sam is pretty sure one of them would be dead or in a worse state than deaf. But with cosmic powers popping around them day in day out, they’ve grown careless and Sam knows that. It’s easy to be living legends when there’s ancient god-like powers backing them up and fixing them whenever they need it.

Reality had hit them harder when their personal, all powerful first aid kit had vanished into thin air.

Sam isn’t sure if he should laugh at the irony of that or just get worried. Cas could be in trouble. But hey, it’s happened before and the angel always came back in one piece.

Right now, he knows that if Dean tries to call Cas one more time, Sam is going to smash that damn phone in the nearest wall.

“Dean.” Sam knows he’s being louder than necessary--Dean almost jumping out of his skin at Sam’s sudden voice is enough for him to know, but hey, at least his brother is staring at him now. “Stop.”

Dean’s eyes wide for a second and then narrow slightly, lips pressed into a thin line. He wants to argue, to tell Sam to stop being a stubborn asshole but there won’t be any childish banters between them again, at least for a long while. Adapting is hard. Dean is upset.

For a moment, Sam wonders if it’ll be too humiliating to call Eileen and ask for some experienced help here.

Dean’s touch is soft against his arm and Sam barely flinches away. They won’t be hunting for a long time, but the instincts are still there, always on fight or flight mode. But it’s Dean here, and he smiles softly at his brother.

“You sure?” Dean mouths, slow and suddenly patient enough for Sam to understand what he’s saying. It’s not so difficult if they’re patient enough but Sam is no fool. There’s no way they’ll be doing it without stumbling over each other again and again.

Even so, Dean’s hands are comfortable and warm on Sam’s skin and for the first time in all those weeks, Sam finally feels at ease. He’s home. He nods and smiles again, leaning closer and closer until his lips are pressed against Dean’s in a soft kiss that is slowly building up into something else. This is good. They’re good.

They can deal with everything else later.

{ deaf!sam au }

We definitely do, anon! Here’s everything I could find relating to all things Deaf!Sam (with some bonus Deaf!Jared thrown in too).

Deaf!Sam Series by readysetspeak1. What a Thing to Have Done / 2. In the GapPairing: Gen | Rating: R | Wordcount: 1,300 & 1,450 | Archive: LJ1. Sam starts to shut down after Jess dies. / 2. Sam feels, and John never quite gets it.

Your Hand In Mine by Marianna MorganPairing: Gen | Rating: T | Wordcount: 9,126 | Archive: ffnetPre-Series AU – Deaf Sam, Big Brother Dean – Dean had cringed at Sam’s request for him to join the kid at the play but had agreed because that’s what Dean did…whatever Sam needed. And tonight, Sam needed him to interpret.

Deaf!Sam Verse by CastielWinchester96 ( @jaredsnuggles )Pairing: Gen/Sastiel (depends on fic) | Rating: (not listed) | Wordcount: 60k+ | Archive: A03Sam is profoundly deaf and unapologetic about that fact. Over 40 fics (and counting) of both original works and episode based tags. You can also find the masterpost on LJ here, and the series always takes requests. 

A Canine Companionship by RayneSummerPairing: Gen | Rating: K+ | Wordcount: 3,013 | Archive: ffnetDeaf!Sam AU with a Hearing Dog called Bones, set Season One. On a brief hunt for a witch, Bones demonstrates that he’s not just a Service Dog; he’s family and he will protect his owners. Dean reflects on this as he performs his own job as a big brother.

4 out of 5 Series by mishaphappens1. Can’t (But I Can)/ 2. I Hear Your Hand / 3. Too LatePairing: Gen | Rating: Gen | Wordcount: 1,131 / 2,174 / 996 | Archive: A031. Just because you can’t hear, doesn’t mean you can’t. Sam has always been deaf and Dean has always been a little stupid. / 2. Sam has to work harder, harder than everybody else, because they can retain a hundred percent of their surroundings. Sam receives only eighty percent. You’re working with four out of five senses, John always tells him. Four out of five. Those are Sam’s numbers, the definition of his being, the handicap that describes who he is, the only thing he’s ever going to be. / 3. John is always too late to save the ones he loves.

Life on Mute by jennytorkPairing: Gen | Rating: (not listed) | Wordcount: 506 | Archive: LJ“What’s it like?”… “You’re trying to understand what being deaf is like?”

You Can Hear it in the Silence by EspoirPairing: Gen | Rating: Teen+ | Wordcount: 9,888 | Archive: A03Sam suffers from permanent hearing loss after a bout of childhood measles. He might be deaf, but he’s still Sam, still Dean’s kid to look out for. The Winchesters deal, just like they do with everything else.

Deaf!Sam Series by btch sprinklesParts - 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5Pairing: Gen/Sastiel (depends on fic) | Rating: M | Wordcount: Varying | Archive: ffnet

Not Your Typical Hunt by BlackBeautyQueen33Pairing: Gen | Rating: T | Wordcount: 12,205 | Archive: ffnetSam has been deaf since birth and lately he’s starting to feel left out. John treats him like he’s useless and he wants to prove that he’s not. Sam is 20 and Dean is 24.

A Different Type of Hunter by BlackBeautyQueen33Pairing: Gen | Rating: T | Wordcount: 31,021 | Archive: ffnetPrequel to Not Your Typical Hunt. All Sammy wants to do, at 11, is prove to his father that he can do the job despite being deaf.

How to Fix a Broken Family by JesssyPairing: Gen | Rating: K+ | Wordcount: 63,694 | Archive: ffnetAfter years of being ignored by his father for being deaf Sam turned his back at hunting and family. Years without any contact went by when a tragic death reunites Sam and Dean. On their first hunt they have to stand up against demons, ghosts, angels and a very angry father. They have to try to become a family again.

The Noise of Stars by hishn_greywalkerPairing: Gen | Rating:  | Wordcount: T+ | Archive: A03Even when you know it’s coming, dealing with the consequences of a deal made with a demon is never easy.

Bonus Deaf!Jared

Chapters: 20/? Fandom: Supernatural Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester, Gabriel (Supernatural), Eileen Leahy, Jessica Moore, Meg Masters, Anna Milton, Alfie (Supernatural), Mary Winchester, John Winchester, Original Novak Character(s), Benny Lafitte, Andrea Kormos, Charlie Bradbury Additional Tags: Deaf Character, Deaf Sam, Deaf Gabriel (Supernatural), Hearing Dean, Hearing Castiel, Fluff and Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, John Winchester and Mary Winchester are Divorced, strained relationships with parents, interpreter Castiel, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel and Sam are best friends, Castiel and Gabriel (Supernatural) are Siblings, Gay Sex, Bottom Dean, Top Castiel, Karaoke, Musician Dean Winchester Summary:

Five years ago, an accident happened that changed the course of Sam Winchester's life - and in turn, the life of his brother, Dean, and the Winchester family. Dean wasn't sure how to deal with the "after," so he distanced himself from his brother at a time when Sam needed him the most. Now, at Sam's invitation, Dean has decided to visit him in Boston, where he's been living on his own. He expects his brother to be struggling, but is surprised to learn that he's not only surviving, but thriving. Sam has two jobs, graduate school, and amazing friends - including an attractive interpreter named Cas - and although Dean has had some success in his chosen career, he longs for the true happiness Sam has. When Dean seeks Cas' help to reconnect with his brother, Cas eventually agrees but Dean finds that his usual way of dealing with things won't work with the captivating man who is firmly in Sam's corner, and he will have to learn much more than a new language. Dean's journey forces all three men to confront themselves, and eventually teaches them about assumptions, friendship, and love.

The doctors took him away but neither one of them were scared. Mary got to hold him John got to hold him and now the doctor had to run test, catalog his weight, eye color, that sort of thing so they took him away.

John was sitting in the overly stiff chair with Dean asleep in his arms, the toy train that he was playing with hanging loosely from his fingertips and John had his hand clasped with Mary’s, fingers intertwined, just waiting for the doctor to come back with their son. With Dean’s little brother.

Except when the doctor entered the room, he didn’t have Sam in his arms. Instead he was wearing a frown and he closed the door behind him.

John placed Dean in Mary’s outstretched arms and rose to his feet, approaching the doctor.

“Where’s my son?” John demanded. “Where’s Sam? Is something wrong?”

The doctor shifted from foot to foot and he wasn’t sure why he was so nervous. He had delivered news like this many-a-times before. Told numerous parents before John and yet there was something about John that caused him to be nervous. Maybe it was the look in John’s eyes. Maybe not. Maybe it was something else but regardless he felt nervous telling John the news.

“Sam… he’s… uhh…” The doctor stuttered.

“Just spit it out. What’s wrong with Sam?” Mary was now sitting fully up on her bed, Dean slowly waking from his nap, his small hands curled into fist as he rubbed at his eyes. John and Mary shared a look with each other that was full of fear before turning back to the doctor.

“He was… Sam was born deaf.” The doctor explained and John looked down at the floor, trying to process it. “However, it’s not as bad as it seems. There’s a procedure, a surgery that we can do… we can implement a device that’ll give him the ability to hear. It’s not that big of a surgery and…”

“No.” John said suddenly and the doctor sputtered to a stop.

“No?” He repeated. “It’s not, it’s not that big of a deal. We can get his hearing back and it won’t…”

“No!” John said again, more forcefully this time and the doctor had to physically restrain himself from taking a step back. “No. We’re not doing that. We’re not changing, Sam.”

“But sir, we’re not changing Sam, we’re just giving him the ability to hear.”

“No! What part of that do you not understand. You come and hear and tell me that you want to change my child before he really knows who he is. We’re not doing that. If Sam was born deaf, then he’s born deaf but we’re not changing who he is.”

The doctor nodded, taking a step back, casting his gaze over to Mary and Dean on the bed before nodding again. “Okay.” He said in a small voice. “Okay. Then… then I’ll bring him in here.”

“You do that.” John said and turned back to his wife and child.

Dean had woken up fully, the toy still gripped in his hand and he looked at John before looking around the room.

“Where’s Sammy?” Dean asked because Dad always had the answers that he was looking for.

“The doctor is going to get him.” John said with a tight smile as he sat back down beside the bed before grabbing Dean’s hand, forcing his son to look at him. “But you listen to me, Dean. Sam… he’s different, okay?” Dean nodded, soaking up every word that his father said. “You’ve gotta be there for him, Dean. You’ve gotta watch out for him. He’ll need it.”

Dean nodded again, shaking his head vigorously. “Of course. I’ll watch out for Sammy. He’s my little brother.”

oh my gosh, you don’t know how much i love this head canon. like what if dean knew that there was something wrong with sam after the fire. like before the fire, anytime dean would talk to sam, sam would react, smile and giggle a toothless grin and reach out for dean but after the fire, when dean would try to talk to the infant, sam would hardly react at all. he would just stare up at dean with his hazel eyes wide and dean kinda put things together in his little four year old head, the best that he could. (i mean, it’s not like he knew exactly that sam was deaf but he knew that sam couldn’t hear his voice anymore).

so dean just stops talking all together because what use is a voice if the person that he cares about more than anything can’t hear it?

it’s not sign language per se. at least, not the technical movements. they form their own kind of language (and while john desperately tried to learn the movements and what they meant, he never quite could. they never made sense to him and it made him feel even worse that he couldn’t properly communicate with his kids). but they become closer.

dean was always the odd kid out at school because he never talked and sam, well sam stuck to himself because he couldn't hear when people talked to him so the only people that they had were each other.

it’s not natural for two brothers to fall in love but then again, everything about there life wasn’t natural. it’s not natural for their mother to burn on the nursery ceiling. it’s not natural for a demon to force demon blood down sam’s throat. it’s not natural that neither boy talks. it’s not natural that they live on the road, never really staying in one place for long, hunting down monsters. so really, falling in love with each other might actually be the most natural thing that happens to them.

john can’t separate them from each other. no matter how hard he tries, he just can’t. there was a time that he tried to get sam to sleep in his own bed but when john went to wake his sons up, he found sam and dean, wrapped around each other, sound asleep, looking more peaceful than they look awake and well, he stopped trying because they were like magnets, attracted to each other.

at night, in the dark, dean would lay sam on his back and he would hover above him, whispering that he loves him, that he’s his into his skin and sam would feel dean’s lips moving against his flesh and he would know what dean is saying and then sam would spell it out on dean’s body with long, bony fingers.

and maybe john finds out one night. he walks in on them not really meaning too and he sees his eldest son hovering above sam, whispering praise into sam’s body and he slowly backs out and he feels sick to his stomach because he feels responsible for what’s happening between the two of them.