#deadspider

Tomb

*coughs up dust on your altar* I’m not worthy to write spideypool for you but I somehow managed. 

Also…as all the prompts tonight seem to have done, this got away from me. So here’s an 800+word “drabble” (that i might write even more of shhh don’t judge me)

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Peter walks into his lab sipping coffee with his eyes half-shut and glaring daggers down at the itinerary on his tablet. He’s somehow got two business lunches scheduled today, and he needs to put in a new order for the biotech sockets he’s been missing for over a month. Not to mention the three-quarters-of-the-way finished project that’s taking up most of his lab space, and the fact that he can barely take a deep breath in without feeling the now healing ribs he broke thwarting a robbery last night.

He just got here and his brain is already so overwhelmed he doesn’t notice the bright flash of red in his peripheral until his tablet and coffee are both clattering to the floor and two strong arms are wrapping around him; a hand coming up to cover his nose and mouth.

The sharp scent of old tacos and dirty leather gives away his attacker before Peter even has time to panic about his spidey-senses failing, and he finds himself wriggling an arm free and pulling the hand away with a huff.

“Wade.” He says carefully. “What are you doing?”

“Kidnapping you.” Deadpool tuts somewhere near Peter’s ear. “I figured that would be kinda obvious. Ya know, with the whole grabbing you from behind thing.”

It says a lot about how much time Peter’s been spending with Wade, both in and out of costume, that the first quip on the tip of his tongue is about better things that involve being grabbed from behind.

He force-swallows it and clears his throat, “Why?”

Deadpool scoffs and loosens his grip enough to turn Peter around to face him, moving one hand to cup Peter’s cheek, forcing Peter to stare into his masked eyes. It would look romantic if Deadpool’s other hand didn’t land on Peter’s side, giving a knowing squeeze to the sore spot so hard that Peter can’t help but release a shocked wheeze.

“That’s why.” Deadpool reasons, letting go of Peter completely and wagging a finger in his face. “Me thinks Little Petey Parker could use a day off.”

Peter clutches his side and bends down to retrieve his fallen tablet. He has to wipe a bit of coffee off it with his sleeve and grimaces. “Don’t be ridiculous. I can’t just take a day off because some guy kicked me a little harder than expected. I’d never make it to work.”

“Ah, ah, ah!” Wade moves to grab Peter again, but this time Peter expertly dodges. Wade is unperturbed. “No refusals, Baby Boy. Hence the kidnapping.”

“No.” Peter says with more conviction. “I have way too much to do to just toss it all up in the air for even a day, okay? It doesn’t work like that.”

“Petey.” Wade whines–definitely sounding more like Wade than Deadpool–as he makes a swipe for Peter’s tablet. “Do you know how many alarms I had to disable to get in this place? At least come out for breakfast to make it worth all my painful, heartfelt efforts. We can do pancakes, waffles, eggs, greasy nasty American bacon, the whole nine yards.”

“Still no.” Peter says, albeit more gently as his stomach tries to growl and betray him. Someone has to do work today, he reminds himself and cocks an eyebrow at Wade. “And you didn’t disable anything, Wade, I added your mask and face to the scanners a year ago.”

“Huh.” Wade says, trailing after Peter as he turns to head further into his lab. “I guess all those little beeps and green lights were achieved rather quickly.  And here I thought I was finally becoming a grandmaster of high tech B and E. Way to kill a man’s ego, Petey.”

Peter rolls his eyes, already flicking through his tablet for his secretary’s contact while trying not to be too obvious about it.

“Shouldn’t you be used to me killing your ego by now? And be honest,” He sighs, finding the contact and hovering over it as he looks back at Wade, “if I don’t agree to leave how long are you going to stick around and how many things are you going to break?”

The victorious smile that spreads across Wade’s face is visible even under his mask, and Peter almost regrets asking.

“Well…” Wade trails off and makes a flippant motion with his hand. “I didn’t bring any C4 if that’s what you’re asking.”

Peter surveys all the important equipment in front of them, calculating the costs of replacements as he goes, before looking back at Deadpool. He’s seen Wade leave a state-sized trail of destruction on accident, and can only imagine that a purposeful effort would wreak thrice as much havoc.

“I hate you.” He says with no heat, and Deadpool’s grin gets wider as Peter slams the call button on his tablet. His secretary picks up after two rings. “Can you tell A.M. to cover my lab today? I’ll forward my itinerary, but it appears I’m going to be…out…for a bit. ” He eyes Wade as the other man gives a quiet victory whoop. “At least until the afternoon…”

Wade (in Peter’s body): Well our favorite couples activity is cuddling. Peter (in Wade’s body): That has never happened… EVER

Peter (in Wade’s body): and I hate having to force Wade to take the trash out.Wade (in Peter’s body): Look, I told you, I can’t take myself out, I live here now.

lololololololol. I loved this one too much. and i wrote this little drabble that i might totally expand on later or use in a scene in one of my larger fics. Thanks for this prompt omg.

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“Okay, I get that you think the guns are necessary, but do we really need bombs? It’s a baby shower.” Peter asks gently.

Wade gives him an incredulous look and hands him a brick of C4.

“A super-baby shower.” Wade sing-songs. “One that I also heavily suspect is actually a trap. I mean, who sends out invitations three days before?!” He cocks a non-existent eyebrow before jerking his mask over his head enough for just his mouth to be visible.

Peter sighs, “She obviously didn’t know she was pregnant! They even wrote that on the little apology-slash-rsvp card!” He lays the C4 to the side warily just in time to catch the two sticks of actual dynamite that Wade tosses at him. “All I’m saying is that this seems a bit extreme. Even if it is a trap how are bombs and dynamite going to help us out of it? I have superpowers Wade. You can’t even die.”

Wade laughs, outright and terribly harsh. “You said it’s in the basement of the Lowel building right? Well there’s only one way in, and one way out of that not-so-secret supermutant hidey hole unless…

He trails off  with a vague wave of his hand.

Peter gulps. “Unless?”

Wade picks up his own stick of dynamite and twirls it with a grin.

Peter (in Wade’s body): Aaaand now he’s laying on me, why is he laying on me? Wade (in Peter’s body): I mean, technically I’m laying on ME

Wade (in Peter’s body): Uncle Ben Peter (in Wade’s body): ??uh.. yeah... same