{Ghost Mrs Afton}: "Just h-how could I ever love you the same after everything that you have done....?"

{Springtrap}: "You shouldn't, I am a devilish monster. But you are a beauty, I don't deserve anything as precious as you, I don't deserve you.."

friday the 13th before Valentine's Day..

- I hope you die first.

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Warning: Major Character death.

This drabble includes: Immortal Wei Ying, Poet Lan zhan, Dead Lan zhan, angst but make it poetic, inspired by poetry (Iamnotapoet), love letter, this entire fic is a love letter, first person pov of wei ying.

Summery: Immortal Wei Ying falls in love with Lan Wangji, a Navy Soldier and poet. His faith catches onto him and he looses his love, down to the ocean. In order to forever engrave Lan Wangji's face in his mind, Wei Ying makes paintings and sculptures of him, waiting for the eternal end where he can get a glimpse of him again...

Word count: 969

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M U S E

Lan Zhan, my dear,

The smell of soil after a drizzle, the sound of leaves grumbling with the wind, the sight of the sun setting under a blanket of purple and orange clouds, the taste of fresh water after a run, nothing can compare to the feeling of your skin against mine. 

I don't remember when my life began, I don't see it ending anytime soon either. However, I remember one thing, when your eyes met mine, I felt the most alive. 

You were frowning, I was not. I met you on a whim, in the midst of an adventure, but I forgot my purpose when I caught a glimpse of you; your brunette hair flowing with the wind. 

You sat straight viewing the vast ocean in front of you, the sunset in front resembled your hazel eyes. Oh, you were breathtaking. I had gathered my courage to approach you, and with God's wish, I had succeeded. 

And since then, I remember my days clearly. 

At first glance, one might assume you were somewhat of a crude man, even I assumed the same. However, you were as gentle as a lily on a lake, your soft gaze, kind laughs and gentle kisses kept me awake at nights. Even during the sleepless nights, you laid by my side. Then I would admire your lips, your eyes, your pretty scar on your left cheek and you would chuckle.

Your chuckles were my favourite, it still is. It will forever be. 

When I look out into the sunset, I see your eyes. When I make my way to the market and come across the water lily on the lake, it only reminds me of your touch, your fragrance. 

Pity me, for falling for a sailor, a soldier, a poet and a writer. You were all those things, but to me, you were always my friend, my family and my lover. 

You had pages after pages of poems about my eyes, I had a hut full of paintings of your face. How can we be so different and similar at the same time? As if, you were the full moon who only shows up every twenty eight days, where me, the sun, waited to meet you everyday. 

Pity me, for waiting for you still, knowing you will never reach the shore. 

Pity me, for being a widower without ever eloping with you, my love.

My love,

You were the one I would paint with, laugh with, the one I was willing to die with. If only I had known, you would never return, I would’ve drowned myself in you, with you. 

Dying with the earth seems to be a blessing to an outsider, only I know, how much of a curse that is, how dying and lying beside your astray grave is more peaceful than living forever with the thought of you gone from this world.

Why? Why must I suffer? Why must I be cursed with such a power? 

I remember very less, my family, their image is something I can’t seem to recall. I only linger with their voices and some words they have written down; I cherish them. My acquaintances from childhood, I neither remember their faces nor their names. They have escaped my memory; like wind flows through spring. 

However, I can not bear to forget you. Forgetting you is equal to losing the most precious treasure of my life. I can’t bear it.

Slowly, my little hut became your shrine. The painting of you, your details that only I know of, your smile that only I saw, your gaze that only I received, each moment, each fond memory ended up on wrinkled paper with paint made from berries you and I planted together. Your face, body, hands, I captured them in soil from the island I first met you on. 

Tears roll down my freckled cheeks as I sculpt your face, from memory that is as vivid as my dreams of you. The softness of the soil can not justify your soft skin, however I had to make do of what I had. As my fingers go over your jaw, I almost expect the lifeless sculpture to smile and tell me “I love you,” like you used to. Oh, how I wish that came true! How I wish I could sculpt you back to life! 

All I, a hopeless man, can do is wish for something that is not meant to stay mine. 

God gifted me you for only thirteen years, equal to spec of dust in a desert compared to my lifetime. However, how pathetic am I to hold onto that for the rest of eternity? Hold onto a grain of sand and think of it as my desert?

Even the sunset in a desert reminds me of your eyes. 

My lips have gone chapped, by kissing the hard stone that I made into your lips. My fingers have calluses from moulding your pretty face out of the soil. My cheek now has the same scar you had, whilst mine was intentional. All my clothes have the same paint stains as the hundreds of paintings I made of you.

I would rather die than forget you, I wouldn’t let you be the gust  of wind that flows through spring, that blows through my mind in a few years.

I don’t know when My time will come, but when I will get to meet you, if I do, I want you to look at me the same way you did for thirteen years. With your eye-smile, with your blushed ears and with a tight hug.

I will forever wait for that day, while I spend my life recreating you in every art form there is.

playlist 24/?: songs for characters that lost their lover

# of songs: 60

about: the feeling of your other half being gone for good. waking up in the middle of the night and rolling over in bed before remembering they're not there. an ode to characters like todd anderson, richie tozier, marvin falsettos, and nick carroway.

features: die alone by FINNEAS, john my beloved by sufjan stevens, places we won’t walk by bruno major, i want you by mitski, and more.

summary: steve thought these were just nightmares of his dead lover eddie, but seems like the line between reality and dreams sometimes become blurry. because a heart that stopped beating is still capable of love

note: the dark topics were always one of my favourites!! it’s a really long fic, which i started before my mental health got bad again, but finished when i started to look for something to get out of its pit hole. it made me avoid writing for the last couple of months, time to get back to it !!

A hot night in July. That’s when it happened.

Steve was sitting on his balcony in the late night hours, drinking a cup of tea. He enjoyed the life of the rich way too often after his lover Eddie passed away in mysterious ways. No one knew how the accident happened really, and Steve was dreaming of him ever since the night he left. He sometimes thought he saw a shadow from the corner of his eye, but whenever he turned to take a better look, no one was there. He sort of became paranoid and his friends were honestly worried about him. Nancy adviced therapy, while Dustin offered late night talks with him. But Steve turned these off, telling his mates he is completely fine. Even if a part of him was missing, that Eddie took with him.

After a while he decided to get ready to sleep. He did his usual routine, and shifted to sleep quickly, his mind tired from the constant memory flashbacks he had through the day. All of them were of Eddie. Because Steve smiled and laughed, went on with his days, but the grief was slowly killing him, too.

As the clock striked midnight, a noise was heard from outside of his bedroom, somewhere down the hallway. Steve thought he must be dreaming, but as he heard something again, little drops of cold sweat started to appear on his forehead. He lighted the candle right on his bedside table and got it in his hand. 

His bedroom door opened with a loud creak, and Steve’s heart jumped into his throat. He didn’t even know what could have made the noise, but his guts were filled with horror and curiousness. He took each step slowly, ready for anything that was waiting for him in the darkness.

At least he thought he was ready for anything.

The wax was slowly running down on the side of the candle as Steve approached the sound in the kitchen. His kitchen was gigantic, you could basically get lost in it. Someone was there, facing the cabinet. Steve’s heartbeat was in his throat as he was looking at the back of the man. Long, dark curls were falling onto his shoulder and Steve thought he must be dreaming. His clothing was dark as well, giving his body a beautiful shape. Steve never believed in ghosts, which is well.. a good thing, since this person wasn’t a ghost. He looked just as alive as Steve, and Steve started to get creeped out.

He bit his lip, bruising the soft skin on it with his teeth, while on the top of his tongue there was a name. A name that wanted to knock his tooth out to finally be heard. He rubbed his eyes, still holding into the last bit of hope of this all being only a fidgement of his imagination, a trick that his mind was playing on him.  He thought running would be the best option, so he started to back up, but he didn’t dare to take his eyes off the person in front of him. He wasn’t looking where he was going, so he accidentally knocked down a glass which luckily didn’t break, but made a sharp noise in the silence. 

Steve’s heart jumped into his throat once again as the person turned and now was facing him.

“E-Eddie?” Steve’s voice was weak, filled with fear. The candle was shaking in his hand and little drops of sweat started to form on the back of his neck.

“My, my..” a grin creeped onto Eddie’s lips. He was thrilled and excited to see his lover again. He literally went through hell just to get back to him. “It’s so nice to finally see you again, my dear.” Eddie stepped closer and Steve and Steve almost screamed. He was so close to throwing the candle at him, risking that he burns down the whole house.

“No, wait! Get away from me, you freak!” he cried out, stepping back as much as the wall would let him. Now there was no escape. “You can’t be him! He.. he..”

“Died?” Eddie tilted his head, curiousity hiding in his dark eyes. He was now so close to Steve, that if he reached out, he could have touched him. “Death doesn’t mean leaving, Steve.” Eddie gently shook his head, warm smile spreading on his lips. “I missed you so much, my dear.” he touched Steve’s face. Eddie’s hand was stone cold, like he didn’t have any blood flowing in it, while Steve’s cheek was burning like the sun. “Didn’t you miss me?” he asked as he took the candle, placing it to the near by table. Steve was shaking, terrified to close his eyes for even a moment. He didn’t know what he could possibly do if he didn’t pay attention.

“You can’t be him.” he said as he thickly swallowed. “It’s not possible.” Steve was mostly saying this to himself, because he was a bit scared that he might have gone mad. He should have listened to his dear friends when they offered help, but he had no clue about what was waiting for him.

“I am real, darling. I am so real, and I am here to take you with me.” Eddie said, leaning closer to his scared to death lover. He gently pressed his lips against Steve’s, who was still shaking like a leaf. He felt like his knees are about to give up as Eddie deepend the kiss, so he grabbed his arms and tried to keep himself steady. Eddie’s skin was like porcelain, but he kissed so hotly. Steve felt like every part of him was on fire, burning him to the core. He finally closed his eyes, his limbs giving in as Eddie’s hands wondered over his whole body. He was familiar with every inch of Steve, he knew every secret of his.

“Please.” Steve didn’t know what he was asking for. He was confused, scared and so, so lost.

“Steve, oh Steve!” Eddie raised his voice like a royalty before his most solemn speach. “People think that when your body starts to rot, all the love poures out through the holes on your skin, but it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Love still lingers in the core of my bones and every part of me aches for you.” he breathed heavily onto Steve’s neck, as his lips found their perfect spot on the senstivie skin. “My mind is fogged up with the thought of you and I can’t seem to go on without you. I am your lover, right? Do you still want me, Steve?” Eddie touched Steve’s neck, which made the man jump.

“You’re so cold..” he whined softly, eyes traicing over Eddie’s painfully gorgeous face. He used to paint him, sit in front of the canvas for days because he wanted everything to be perfect. Eddie just seemed to casually exist with all of the beauty of his, not even noticing the looks on the streets he got from strangers. And seems like death didn’t change a single thing. He was just as beautiful as he was on the day Steve lost him in the accident. Everything stayed the same; the rasp of his voice, the gaze of his doe eyes, the shape of his mellow lips. Steve’s face got flustered just from the memory of where have those lips been on his body before and now he ached to his soul, pressing up against Eddie. He missed him, he longed for him and he felt like he is about to break under the weight of the grief. But now somehow Eddie was there, more alive than ever.

“Regardless of that, I have a burning desire for you, Steve..” he lowered his voice. He wrapped his hand around Steve’s wrist then placed it onto his hip, dangerously close to his crotch. He was flaming hot there and Steve might have gave a small, needy whine. He was at the edge of crying as he lied his head into the crock of Eddie’s neck, breathing heavily onto the ice cold skin.

“Jesus Christ..” Steve murmured, the soft curls of Eddie’s tickling his face. “You’re.. real?”

“Haven’t you listened to me before, sweetheart?” Eddie asked, wrapping his other arm around Steve’s waist. “So real, and so yours.” Steve finally moved his numb limbs, pulling Eddie closer to him, not even caring about how bizarre the situation was. He was fighting for air, his lungs were desperate. He was at the edge of hyperventilating. “Breath for me, my dear. I am here.” he whispered into Steve’s ear, who needed to listen and he started to feel a bit lightheaded. “Nothing will take you away from me anymore.” he was brushing over Steve’s back, so gentle and careful. 

Steve lifted his head, just to look into the eyes of death. He never seen such terrifying sight before, and he immediately backed up from Eddie, earning a dark glare. Steve clenched his fists as his jaw tensed. He was sure, that this is his lover, but in a much different, darker form that he had before. That once clean and delicate soul now was dirty and rough, and was painfully yearning for one thing: Steve.

“Leave.” Steve said, voice small, but steady. Eddie tilted his head, pressing his lips into a thin line.

“What does that suppose to mean, Stevie?” he asked, eyes dangerously dark. Steve’s gaze lingered over the wall, where one of his favorite paintings hang. He could barely see the outlines of it in the light of the candle, but he knew what that painting meant for him and Eddie.

“I watched you die, Eddie.” said Steve, avoiding eye contact “I don’t want whatever took over you, to shatter my most precious memories of you. You’re the love of my life, and as much as I want to, I just cannot give myself over the mirage of seeing you here, touching you, feeling you. It’s all so fucking terrifying, Eddie. I am so damn terrified.” Eddie listened, not even taking a louder breath while Steve was talking. “You have no clue how I felt on the first night alone. It was the loneliest night of my whole existence, and I wished to never live ever again after it. I prayed to some God, whoever is up in the skies to just take me, too.” he looked up at him “Whatever or whoever you are, do not shade the memory of my one true love.”

At first, Eddie’s shoulder shook a bit and Steve thought that he is about to start crying. But it was quite actually the opposite. The first few small giggles were like a thorn, pushed right through Steve’s heart. Eddie’s playful grin now became a bit evil, but something, something still lingered behind of it that still reminded Steve of who Eddie once was. Does death changes you?

“Haven’t you listened, Steve?” Eddie sighed, as he softly shook his head “It’s. Me. I know exactly how much you still want me, because death never made a difference.” he took a few steps closer to him, and Steve just couldn’t get himself to pull away again. His body was against what his mind wanted. “Let me take you with me, my dear.”

“No.. no!” Steve snapped, then grabbed the candle and rushed out of the kitchen, leaving Eddie there.

It was the darkest hour of the night, when even the moon decided to hide behind some clouds that gathered on the sky. The candle wasn’t enough source of light, Steve couldn’t even see in front of him. He just hoped that he could find a way back to his room where he could lock himself away, and this nightmare would end as soon as he went to sleep again. Suddenly, everything went silent. The wasn’t any creaking, or owl hooting, but the silence, that ate him up. He stopped, like his legs froze, and desperately looked around in the darkness. In darkness, our minds are more likely to make up figures and movements that aren’t actually there, but the brain just turns on the alarm to be careful, and this time Steve’s brain was right to do it. 

He took a shaky breath, and in the next moment darkness fully hugged around him, as someone blew the candle. He almost let out a scream as he now just stood there, completely unaware of his surroundings. At this moment the moon decided to show her face again and shine through on the only window that wasn’t covered by a curtain. And there was Eddie, face painted by the moon light.

“Oh, Steve..” he sighed, looking at the helpless man, who didn’t know what to do. His whole life flashed before his eyes as Eddie pulled him closer to him, now fully unsure what his intensions were. “Why are you running from me? Don’t you want me back?” he pouted, and Steve’s heart shattered in his chest. The darkness, the silence and emptiness around him, Eddie’s sharp and deep voice made his mind numb.

“I-I..” Steve swallowed as Eddie cupped his face, brushing his thumb over his skin.

“You’re coming with me.” Eddie stated.

The next thing Steve felt was a sharp pain in his chest, then something cold running down on his torso. He couldn’t really breathe and suddenly Eddie’s beautiful face started to became a blurry mess in front of him. His whole body felt heavy and everything in his mind became a blur.

“E-Eddie?” Steve coughed, then he looked down and saw one of those fancy knives that they got for their wedding from their friends, sticking out from his chest. His eyes widened, but oddly enough, he didn’t panic. It was rather strange than scary. Maybe the main part of him really wanted to go with Eddie, and his body finally overtook his mind. His blood was all over him and the floor as he fell onto his knees. “Eddie, please..” he held his hand, pressing his face to Eddie’s hip. “What’s going on..?”

Sequel to this, now featuring more gay and also more thoughts, because originally I just wanted to draw a fancy lady with a skull hat, and it has devolved into me having many ideas, which you can find below the cut!

(Click for better quality <3)