#de:code:noveval

dancing. 

dancing is, by far, one of the worst performance skills that seonho has up his sleeve. in the two years he has been a royal trainee, he has had so many different evaluations in the months to learn and practice dance. he has spent so much time in the practice rooms working on dance until his feet ache and his knees bleed.

but still, dancing is not something he’s very good at or something he’s ever really enjoyed for that matter. he’s a singer, and vocal skills are what he has always been graced in talent in. 

“ggggghhhhhaaa.” is the sound that leaves him as he slowly lowers to the ground after having run through the groups choreo for what feels like the thousandth time. he isn’t good with dance, and he knows that. but these dances... these dances are the ones for his group. the ones for his debut group--de:code. the group he is set to debut under. 

he wants to do good at these dances. 

“okay! one more time!” he cheers himself on in the mirror, striking a few cool poses before moving over to hit the music again so he could another run through. here was still some time  time before they were supposed to show off to the coaches as a team. to show not only their own skills, but skills as a group. to move as one and to follow the dance in the fluid movements of those idols on stage. he thinks of his noonas, luxe sunbaenim, and their stages when they perform at music shows. 

“5 and 6, 7, 8...” he starts up again, sweat rolling down his forehead as he starts again. even singing along with the track as he thinks about his part along with the dance. knowing one day he was going to be required to dance and sing this song. that when he debuts he might end up on the same stages as his sunbae and that he would have to do what they’re doing too. 

each run through feels like it gets easier and easier, but seonho is determined to make sure he is on time, and his steps are sharp. thanks to baekhyun’s help, he’s finally starting to understand the feeling behind the music. 

shifting on his spot on the floor to cross his legs underneath him, baekhyun takes a look around the practice room. gaze following the steps of some other members who are using their time waiting for their coach to arrive for a little more practice -- it makes him proud, somehow. that they’re not sitting around, that they’re working so hard.

he should do the same. probably.

go through the steps once more, working through their routines to make sure each step sits right and that he remembers all of them well. perfection is expected, flawless teamwork and moving fluidly like well-oiled machines even at this stage of their preparations. no room for mistakes ( as they saw last month with jihoon ) and, he thinks, with him as the leader even less. not only does he have to make sure that they all are doing well, that they all spend enough time with practice and are prepared for evaluations like these but he also can’t make any mistakes himself. has to take care of them but also himself, keep up with everything as much as they do.

and it’s a hard task. one he still tries to ease himself into because it’s different from simply watching over the royal boys, offering to be there for them in times of need, making sure they take their breaks. 

but still all he does is watch the others as his fingers move against his thigh, absently drumming to the rhythm of the music that’s playing. their songs. his head softly bops along to the demo as well, wondering when they will record their lines, when they will get to hear the full songs. their voices, their colours in it. all of that instead thinking about steps as he should.

that’s alright, though. baekhyun knows he’ll do okay. might not be able to get all the steps to sit perfectly, maybe even get some of them wrong ( he does ) or miss a few of them ( that too ). but it will be okay. he’ll do okay, they’ll do well. because, at this moment, he only cares about watching them. 

de:code:noveval with @rkhoon !!

this is their forte, their comfort zone. he doesn’t bring it up, and honestly, he doesn’t really like thinking about it at all but after the way the coaches spoke to jihoon in their meeting, won thinks getting to dance so much this month possibly brings him a little more joy than usual. it would him, at least, if he were in jihoon’s position. it didn’t feel like the coach had much respect for him, but perhaps the shock of it blew it out of proportion in his head. he thinks maybe it’d have been a conversation better had in private. regardless, he pushes it to the back of his head. they’re dancing this month, their vocal lines are the least of won’s worries. 

NOVEMBER 30TH, 2019 FINAL PERFORMANCES

this isn’t all that different to last month — in fact, it should be easier because he’s a dancer above everything else, but that fact just makes everything worse because he feels like he has more to lose. 

ROYALs WHITE LOTUS Lee Seunghwan alias Seo Kang Joon DE:CODE Pre-debut「Ready」&「Set」 November 2019 Evaluation

dancing wouldn’t be the one thing he would be known for, he thought, whenever he was facing a new choreography to learn. over the course of the last months, kang joon had improved a lot (considering the level he had started off), but he still knew that he would never be able to pull off an awesome freestyle dance like the other members would be able to. he just hoped his effort was enough for him to not be bashed by netizens for his lack of dancing skill ever again. kang joon didn’t wanted to be the weakest link of their chain, though reality was different. compared to the others he was just too less of an angel to grow wings on stage and fly effortlessly.

nonetheless, despite of the knowledge about his own limits kang joon struggled through every bit of the choreography, memorized every detail that had to be recognized after being taught by minho. as long as he would be able to follow the choreography, it would be ok, wouldn’t it?

de:code:noveval with @rkmg !!

though performing what they’ve been working on for the month on the last day isn’t any different to their trainee evaluations, their performances as de:code feel a hundred times more stressful. he knows that it’ll take much more than messing up a bit of their new choreographies to get him kicked out the project, but even just the thought of being scolded ( in front of everyone, too ) scares the shit out of him. dancing is his speciality, he should be fine — should. it’s just as dangerous, if not more, to be complacent, though. god, he doesn’t know. instead, he cards his fingers into his hair, hangs his head in his hands and tugs on the strands. he hears mingyu softly exhale beside him. just in case he’s noticed, won lets go before mingyu can encourage him to. he uses his now free hands to reach for mingyu’s right, the one closest to him, and squeezes. 

de:code:noveval with @rkmg !!

being in the dance studio after hours isn’t unfamiliar to won at all. he’s accustomed to the harsh lighting above his head, how it’ll irritate his sensitive eyes when he goes outside later to head home in the dark of night. he knows the ache of every muscle being pushed to its limits well, knows the fatigue of practising when you should be preparing for bed or winding down for the night. above all else, though, he knows mingyu — his loving boyfriend who isn’t as confident as he should be in his dancing, who sits opposite him with their legs folded at their knees and intertwined with each other’s as they face each other. mingyu’s taking a swig from their shared water bottle, catching his breath as won does the same. won might be a dancer, but mingyu is an athlete — his stamina is undoubtedly better but won doesn’t have to push himself quite as far, especially if he’s teaching more so than learning. 

this month is full of more questions than answers, misgivings and uncertainties that haunt him and keep him up at night.  but there’s still work to be done, and the future won’t wait for him to catch up to it.  so while hongjoong may have misgivings and uncertainties that he doesn’t know how to talk about to anyone in decode, he still has to put in work.

he’s not sure what it is, but the evaluations for de:code, while different, seem to fall into an easier category than when he was a trainee.  perhaps it’s from experience, or the time he spent on training that things seem to fall into place  -  or maybe, it’s just that currently all the things that they’re working on are strictly falling into performance categories that he’s actually good in.

it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t get reprimanded though.  these days, hongjoong’s mind tends too wander and he tends to think a little harder than allowing himself to focus on the here and now.  after another snap from the coach teaching them the choreography, hongjoong grimaces and nods his head  -  he gets why they’re annoyed.  he just can’t seem to get his head on straight.

what if i walked away?

hongjoong sighs, his back sliding down the wall with a frown heavy on his lips.  his body slumps and his head rests on kangjoon’s shoulder  -  rather than showing him that he’s upset, instead he pouts.  “ hyung .. why is this so hard?”

as long as he can’t read into the fact that this shouldn’t be, and isn’t, as hard as hongjoong is making it out to seem.