smile bomb!

how envious to have someone watching him to throw the first ball. even if there was a chance for him to do the same in some future, things would be actually never the same for kang joon. there was no father who could see him doing well in his career and the thought alone made him miserable. not that he wanted to disturb anyone’s good mood with it, when it was such an exciting day today. and that’s probably one of the reasons to play it off and to make the best out of a bad job.

“is that so?” he asks, blinking away his own train of thoughts. cackling a little at the other’s reaction and the way he froze at kang joon’s suggestion, the older man shrugged his shoulders. it should be obvious that he was joking as usual, but that was their daily game of dog and cat. “dunno, don’t you think it would be nice to have some kind of ritual or tradition to follow before stages? spices things up a little.” their new life as idols was different from the chapters of training, and yet he couldn’t say there was more freedom to it. in fact it was on the contrary. teasing and not taking things too seriously was one of the few ways out. at least from kang joon’s point of view.

shrugging his shoulders again, he crossed his arms behind his head, wandering off a little, before coming back to joong. “well, yeah. you did, but who knows if you might not be opposed to the idea of getting a little kisses from me, when i ask you every time.” he laughs a little, when the other member wondered about the timing of his suggestion. “i just felt like it. you look so cool and handsome today, so i just went with the flow~”

as much as hongjoong may skirt around it, he noticed the flash of jealousy in kangjoon’s eyes.  maybe it’s because of their talk from before, that night when his nightmare had kangjoon jolting awake in a cold sweat and even startling hongjoong when he awoke.  but he figures he should tread carefully now, so as not to upset him.  that’s the last thing he’d want to do, especially for something like this.

so it’s with ease that hongjoong eases past the topic of conversation, instead focusing on kangjoon’s  -  once again  -  ridiculous suggestion.  it’s with a little bit of guilt in his heart that he does so, because he wants to be happy to show off in front of his father but bringing that up in front of kangjoon feels a little bit like betrayal.  in this case, he’d rather not cause more harm than good, and keeps a smile wide on his face.  enough for kangjoon not to notice his train of thought.  “ we can have some kind of ritual that doesn’t involve you kissing me.” he snorts, shaking his head.  it seems that kangjoon will never learn.

the steps that are about to lead him out of the room, out of the darkness of the nigh, are heavy, heavier than usually were. there was no way to tell how hongjoong would react to his explanation, to his story and part of him felt like running away. back then, it’s been revealed to the public through an interview during the mgas, but he doubted anyone remembered it. it’s a story that was both tragic and traumatizing to him and yet he didn’t wanted to personify a sad boy. something he didn’t actually wanted to burden his members with, but then again he guessed it was better if at least one of them knew the reason of why he possibly act out of it.

silently he follows the younger man, not replying to joong’s observation. what was he even supposed to answer? it was not like anyone could help him get over his past. it would always haunt him, would always remain a scar on his soul. kang joon looks from watching his steps in the dark and musters the other’s back. it was a sight he didn’t liked to much, as it remembered him of being left behind. far too often he had gone through this feeling and the nightmare had just served as reminder of what he feared the most. now that he finally had gotten back on track and had successfully made a big step towards his dreams, he could also feel it slip away from his hands. what if he would be abandoned and thrown out of de:code someday, what if royal decided that he was just too old and not talented enough to stay in the current line up? what if he would be alone all over again?

he picks up his keys and his purse, before stepping out of their front door. as they are greeted by a fresh night breeze, kang joon breathes in deeply. "hey, let’s get some soju. i need some right now.” amber-coloured eyes look over to the younger man and he let his gaze linger for a moment, as he points to a nearby streetfood stall. “and i think i owe you an explanation.”

kangjoon is definitely having a rough night, aside from the nightmare.  hongjoong can tell in the way that he follows him quietly  -  how he isn’t close and in his personal space.  it’s a big warning sign, that something is really wrong and that kangjoon is having a lot more trouble than he’d probably let onto.  it’s not something that hongjoong wants to press either, preferring instead to let the older man confess his worries as he saw fit.  if he wanted to talk about it, he would.  if he didn’t, he was still allowed to keep it to himself.

he shuffles around and looks for his phone and his keys before slipping on a pair of slides to head out into the night air.  it’s still warm enough that he won’t feel chilled by his tee and his shorts, so he keeps his pace slow and waits for kangjoon to either catch up to him or follow as he pleases.

Hyun’s smile immediately gets wider when he sees his best friend come into view, rather glad at he’s able to steal him away from the mundane passage of time that occurs in music show waiting rooms before recording happens. To be honest, it also saves himself from the similar bore of doing … not much, really. Sometimes games can be had in the CONVEX space, but if they can’t sleep, what is the point?

“Aaah~ Sorry~ The portal through to here from Dream World had a bit of traffic and my winged horse broke down so I’m a bit late~” Jonghyun explains casually, glancing around to make sure they’re not in the way of anyone while they’re standing in the hallway here, chatting. He then turns his gaze properly to Hongjoong, taking in his outfit and styling for tonight’s performance. The choices are bold, and give off a bit of a sultry, mature vibe. Hyun is envious.

“You look so sexy for today’s performance, Joong~ I kind of wish we had your stylists. You get to wear such bold stuff.” He looks down at his own outfit today, which is mainly a white shirt and dark slacks; he has to try to not spill anything on his shirt between now and performance time. “Are you allowed to eat? Lemme buy you a sandwich~”

hyun’s appearance is timely.  he’s been getting less sleep than usual these days, especially with the exhaustion of promotions and the near daily long days that usually don’t end with him slumping into bed but rather, waiting up for others to take a shower or being too wound up to sleep.  if he dozed off, he would have been in trouble.  thankfully, hyun saved him from that scolding.

“ who do you think you’re talking to?” hongjoong snorts, waving him off.  “ you can knock it off with the god hyun act, i think you’ve forgotten i know what you look like when you haven’t taken a bath in three days.” hongjoong pauses when hyun gives him the once over, looking down at his own clothes.  “ my clothes wouldn’t suit you ..” he mumbles, lifting his gaze to grin back at hyun.  “ they’re made for me ~~ besides, convex doesn’t have this kind of concept.  you’re fresh and bright, remember?”

it’s oddly not that difficult to train his eyes to catch the camera.  

at this point, hongjoong knows all too well that de:code won’t be getting their first win with can you feel it.  it doesn’t really hurt his feelings; they managed to come far and place second on a music show and for him, that’s growth.  the ending stages of music shows still hold meaning  -  just because they aren’t in the limelight while the top contenders for the win are announced, doesn’t mean that the cameras aren’t on them.  today, hongjoong’s expression is just for the fans  -  at least, until he hears that convex has had their third win with don’t wanna cry.

his attention immediately turns to the group and he can’t help the smile that radiates from his expression.  hyun looks baffled this time, and hongjoong has to hold a snort back.  at this point, it should be expected  -  convex is rather popular, and don’t wanna cry is an amazing song.  what it must feel like to win.  

as the song begins to play, marking the beginning of convex’s encore, hongjoong makes a move to follow the rest of de:code off the stage.  he isn’t expecting, though, the tug on his arm and he almost trips over his own feet when he looks at hyun incredulously.  hongjoong knows he probably shouldn’t ask him what the hell he’s doing, but being dragged back to the stage is more than a little confusing.

he decides to go with it.

after all, they finally got to a point in both of their careers that they can actually stand on the same stage together  -  even if it’s not as part of the same group.  they can both have a little fun, can’t they? hongjoong doesn’t think there’s any harm in it.

when the note marking the point dance sounds, he falls in line with hyun to dance along to their choreography.  he’s been fascinated by the complicated motions and the way they stay in sync, and he’s even more surprised that he’s actually keeping up with the others in spite of never practicing with them to begin with.  hyun looks surprised  -  probably an act, considering he knows hongjoong’s dancing history.  he sticks his tongue out and bites down on it gently, as if he’s the winner of this little challenge.

part of him wonders if he should stay, but hyun doesn’t let him leave, even when they’re no longer dancing.  he keeps his arm locked tight around hongjoong’s shoulders, and hongjoong just sways in time with hyun’s beat.  this is what they’ve been working towards.  this is how far they’ve come.

there’s more riding on this pitch than just potential embarrassment in front of his fans.

when he heard about the opportunity, the first thing he did was text his father to check on his schedule.  he didn’t let on about his opportunity, wanting his dad instead to be surprised when he realized it was his son throwing the first pitch of the evening.  hongjoong wanted him to be proud that he was popular enough to even make it there, he wanted him to be proud when he saw him pitch and perform and announce his own son’s name at the game.

it’s not just his pride as an idol on the line, riding on this pitch.  it’s his pride as a son, too.

thankfully, hongjoong doesn’t find himself too nervous.  after all, his father basically made him hold a baseball the minute he could even grip his hand around one and although the sport wasn’t really his thing  -  throwing the ball was something he got pretty good at.  especially because it was a way for him to spend time with his dad, when he was often working with his older sister instead.

today, he just wants to make him proud.  today, he wants to know that his father is sitting in the commentator’s box with his voice swelling with pride for the son he saw on the field.  hongjoong isn’t exactly blind.  he knows that his father would have wanted at least one of his kids to play baseball.

it’s something that he always felt bad about.

when he’s on the mound, he stares down the line at the umpire and the catcher, eyes narrowed in concentration.  from this point, the distance seems long but hongjoong has at least a little bit of confidence in himself.  he’s his father’s son, after all.  he always said his dad was the best at baseball  -  for a minute, he can be, too.  at least enough to throw a pitch.

with that thought, he winds up with a deep breath.  the posture seems familiar and as the ball releases from his fingers, he wills it to reach the catcher’s mitt.  the crack of the leather tells him that he’s done it, and his eyes immediately find the commentator’s box above the stands.

his vlive this time seems to be going well.  “ mm .. what?”  his eyes scan the comments quickly, tilting his head.  “ what do you mean there’s someone behind me?” hongjoong pretends to play along, eyes wide as he turns his head from one side to the other, but he gives away his lack of fear when he starts to laugh with a too - wide grin.  “ are you playing tricks on me? you know i don’t scare easily ...”  his smile turns mischievous and the comments are coming at a faster rate.  “ you’re going to have to try a little harder than that.”

playing around with the fans like this just because he has a little bit of spare time is exhilarating.  it’s nice to be able to just talk, to answer questions, to be the idol that they want him to be.  “ show you my nails?” his eyes pick up on a question, and he lifts up his pinkie.  that’s all he has painted for today, an orange that matches the colour of his hair.  “ what do you think -?”

the comments are all so rapid fire though, that hongjoong can’t realistically keep up with everything.  especially not when he wants to talk on his own, aside from picking out some fan requests and questions.  today, he puts on music and it just so happens that someone else asked him what he’s listening to lately.  “ i really like don’t wanna cry lately ~~” he hums along with the beat and at one particular part, he drops to his knees on the floor and does the complicated searching motion with his hands.  “ did you know? hyun told me that he calls this the ‘ searching for glasses’ move -” at this, hongjoong laughs, brushing his hand through his hair as he stands back up with a little hop.  “ oh.  yeah, hyun and i have been best friends for years -”

when the questions start taking a turn, hongjoong wags his finger.  “ hey, hey.  i can’t tell you all my secrets  -  let’s get to know each other slowly, okay?”