#wn.dcd

“hello,” he greets, quiet and shy. his cheeks are a soft pink and it’s likely the tips of his ears are, too, though conveniently hidden by his overgrowing, curled hair. “I’m de:code’s milo. ah, force of habit. my name is in the live title, right?” his laugh is airy. “it’s my birthday today.” he continues, letting the any and every thought that comes to mind roll off his tongue. “thank you for all the well wishes! I saw some of the comments on social media— well, I saw lots of cake emojis. this is the first year I haven’t gotten to eat mum’s cake on my birthday. ming— magnus’ mum always bakes each of us a cake on our birthdays, but I was so busy today that I couldn’t go home.” he sits forward once more to read what he can of the fast-paced comments. “oh! don’t worry, don’t worry. we’re going home over the weekend to see his parents, so we’ll have cake then! I’ll bring slices home to the dorms for all the members.” 

he pauses to read again, clearly struggling even when he moves closer. he’s long-sighted, but the font is so small that it’s hard to see regardless. “did the members get me anything?” he reads with a tilt of the head. growing up, won rarely received presents on his birthdays. sometimes he’d get a little cash from his parents, or a hand-me-down, until he met mingyu and thus began the traditions of spending as much of the day with the kims as possible. though he still doesn’t think too much of material gifts, he cherishes the thought each of them have always put into choosing something for him — either for its sentimental value, love and effort put into creating them, or relevancy to his interests. he chuckles to himself as he remembers the time mingyu bought him two bottles of coca-cola knowing he had been craving it but unable to afford any. “so far, a.c’s gift is top of the ranking. when I woke up for practice this morning, he gave me the biggest hug before I could even make it to the bathroom to start getting ready. I think it’s going to be tough to beat cute cuddles from our youngest.” he teases, concentrating so hard on reading once again that his phone vibrating on the table just out of frame startles him. 

he glances down to check, unable to hold back a grin. his eyes trail back to the camera, lips pursed, then to his phone as he picks it up. “magnus just texted me. he’s watching from the dorms; everyone say hi!” he waves. “he’s nagging me. he’s telling me to put my glasses on, but I don’t have them with me...” a pout tugs at his bottom lip. “I’m long-sighted!” he answers when he spots the question before it scrolls off screen. “ah, he text again. he asked me where they are. ah... I think I left them on the bedside table. it’s fine, though! I can manage; I can see! I always take them off to sleep so they don’t get broken— but then I forgot to pick them up before I left earlier. this is my tmi for the day.” he laughs, leaning forward again. a few notes about wanting something more interesting for his tmi catching his eye. honestly, he isn’t really sure what constitutes a tmi in the first place — he’d just heard it around on other idols’ vlives and broadcasts. still reading, he hums to the beat of another buzz of his phone. “ah, he’s good to me. magnus is coming to deliver them!” he sucks in a deep breath, resting his chin against the palm of his hand, his elbow propped on the table. 

“oppa, why do you look so good? hyung, what should i eat to look like you?” he reads, chuckling loudly until his nose starts to crinkle. “cheetos.” he answers simply, still eyeing the comments. “they’re my favourite snack. I would always try to save up my allowance and treat myself to a bag when I could.” more messages flood in about which flavours, about other snacks he enjoys and what his favourite food is, but won catches one about his voice that makes his cheeks flush so bright that he instinctively leans back in the hopes that it becomes less noticeable. “to the person who said they loved my voice and that it was one of their favourites, thank you! that’s an honour... just in de:code, we have so many talented vocalists. I’m happy that you enjoy my singing. or is it my talking voice?” he all but giggles. “I’ve been told since my early teens that I have a really deep voice. I might get in trouble with him for telling you this but I always thought it was just in comparison to mingyu — his voice dropped after mine even though he’s a little older. I thought my voice can’t be that deep, but it really was all that time.” he hums, noticing a surprised question. “mhmm! I used to be taller, but now mingyu has a few centimetres on me. a lot of the de:code members are either very tall or very short. even though I’m tall, almost everyone around me my whole life has been taller than me. mingyu’s step dad is taller than me, too. I’m not tall enough! I want a couple more centimetres but I think it’s too late for me now...” he pouts once more, but it doesn’t last long. “did it hurt when you fell from the sky? did it hurt when you did?” his counter is embarrassing but he’d have had that same red tint to his cheeks either way so why not? 

i entered for the chance to come to your birthday fanmeeting but i didn't get chosen ): but i am glad you are doing a vlive and that i can still see you on your birthday. i hope that you've had a very enjoyable day, milo, i love you 😭 happy birthday!! 

“ah, that comment disappeared before I could read it out loud, but I saw it! thank you! I’m sorry there wasn’t a chance for you to come to the fanmeeting; I’m glad I could do a vlive for anyone who couldn’t make it. I was really surprised, actually. I was... kind of worried no one would come.” he laughs now, but he almost hadn’t slept last night stressing about it. perhaps it still hasn’t quite sunk in yet that he’s really an idol — in one of the top five companies, no less. “you can thank magnus when he gets here for persuading me to do both the fanmeeting and this vlive. I really wanted to do the vlive especially, but I was worried I wouldn’t be very entertaining. are you having fun?” his grin is probably a little too hopeful, but his viewers at least humour him. “you are? that’s a relief. but... should we listen to the music? what songs are everyone listening to lately? I’ve been listening to ‘love is the way’ by red velvet a lot.” he begins to sing a little as he scrolls through the music player on his phone, periodically glancing back up to catch a few comments. 

however, he squeaks when the door to the practice room clicks open suddenly. 

“ah, my knight in shining armour!” he’s all sparkling eyes and wide grins as he looks at mingyu off camera, arms raising to grabby hands at the glasses case in his boyfriend’s hands. “my glasses! oh, how I’ve missed you.” it takes an embarrassing amount of force to prize open the case as mingyu busies himself taking off his jacket. he pushes the frame up his nose, blinks a few times to adjust to the change. “that’s so much better. gyu, come sit with me.” he pats the chair beside him he’d saved just in case anyone popped in. he suspects seonho will bounce in later ( literally ), though he had hoped mingyu would come to lend him a hand soon after he started, too. said jacket is draped over the back of won’s chair, though he doesn’t realise until he feels the weight of the fabric brush his arms. he barely has chance to turn around before mingyu’s arms hang around his shoulders, pulling him back towards his chest. they sway, left to right to left to right, to the rhythm of mingyu’s gentle “happy birthday to you”, won’s grin growing to crinkle not only the bridge of his nose but the corners of his eyes, too. he’s still in a daze when he gets a birthday kiss to the cheek, mingyu finally taking his seat. 

“hello!” 

dumbly, won replies, “hi,” then realises, “oh, you weren’t talking to me— that’s embarrassing. a-anyway, what were we talking about? oh! songs. what songs you’re listening to lately. what have you been listening to, gyu? ah, I don’t think all of you have been listening to gorilla twenty-four-seven. you can tell us the truth, you know, we won’t tell anyone! it’ll be our little secret. shh.” once mingyu’s settled, he answers.

"if you have been listening to gorilla twenty-four-seven, though, I would like to personally thank you... but also encourage you to take a break to listen to to you 2020 by teen top and o sole mio by per_se." won hums in agreement, turning back to the comments. 

“someone else just said o sole mio, too.” he tries to point it out, but the message is long gone before he can even raise a finger. “you guys are so fast... there’s so many of you here.” there’s wonder in his voice, disbelief at the numbers displayed in the top left. are that many people really watching him sit around? and sending him that many hearts? he almost feels like crying. “I’m really bad with technology.” he admits, trying unsuccessfully to scroll back to some older messages before mingyu gently nudges his hand aside to take over. “our manager had to set up the live for me. he asked me what emojis I wanted in the title and I didn’t even know what to answer. I only know like, five emojis, and the cake one just makes me hungry.” he hums, patting his stomach once, then again for good measure. “what I mean is if I don’t see your comment, it’s probably a combination of bad eyesight and the speed the little feed moves, please don’t feel disheartened! keep sending it if I haven’t answered! w-wait, will they get banned for that? is it spam? word it differently each time!” he advises, though truthfully, he has no idea how it works. 

eventually, he spots one he feels he has to address, even if he isn’t too sure how best to answer it. “do I have any tips for someone that wants to be an idol...” he reads. “I know it probably feels a little like a boring answer and a given, but hard work absolutely pays off. also, if you don’t pass an audition, it does not mean you didn’t work hard or aren’t talented; there’s so much more to it than that. the casting agents might be looking for something specific for a group already planned out, for example.” for a moment, he pauses, purses his lips as he tries to piece together the words he’s looking for. “I think you should always be yourself and make yourself proud. your time will come; the agent or company that sees your worth and potential is the one you want to work with, anyway, right? practice as much as you can, but practice healthily and enjoy it. if you’re not having fun, take a break. it’s important to pace yourself and be good to yourself. there were times before I went on the mgas where I didn’t dance for weeks because I wasn’t in the right head space, but when I came back to it, I wanted to put more into it because I enjoyed it again and missed it. don’t build a bad relationship with performing. do it because you love it. a-ah, I think I got a little off topic there. do you have anything to add, gyu?” he smiles at his boyfriend as he begins to speak. 

“hm? oh... yeah! don't give up. I know that's probably irritating to hear after a while of trying as hard as you can, but I know how easy it can be to get disheartened. if it's really what you want, you can take a break if it'll help, but get back up and keep fighting for it. sometimes, doubt will make you think that it's pointless and that you should settle for something more ‘realistic’, and other people might urge you to, too, but don't listen to any of that. if you know in your heart that you can do it and it's truly what you want, don't let anyone or anything beat that dream out of you. you can do it!” 

for a little while, they continue to answer questions he spots in the comments — ones they realistically can answer, anyway. too many people are asking about a comeback or upcoming plans and he’s almost certain they aren’t allowed to even hint at anything or face their company’s wrath. between telling everyone for the tenth time that he rooms with seonho and mingyu, his curiosity gets the better of him as he eyes the bag mingyu brought with him. 

“what else did you bring?” subtlety hasn’t really ever been his forte. “you brought a whole bag with you just for my glasses?” his voice has dropped to a mumble, but it’s likely viewers can still hear him. the stream is the furthest from his mind as mingyu smiles and reaches for said bag, dragging it closer and as his hand delves inside, won’s neck cranes to see. 

“stop trying to peek, it's supposed to be a surprise!” won huffs as mingyu laughs fondly. “I brought you a birthday snack, too, in case you were hungry. you're welcome.” 

he should be embarrassed by the gasp that parts his lips but at the sight of cheetos ( and other snacks, but cheetos! ), his image is long forgotten. “ah, kim mingyu... once again my knight in shining armour.” he teases, fingers itching to tear open the top of the packet. “I haven’t had cheetos in a long time even though they’re my favourite.” he tells the camera. “I know earlier I said that to look like me you have to eat cheetos and that’s true, but I don’t know if any of you watched us on the mgas in season four but... I was very small. my height hasn’t changed; I’ve long since stopped growing.” he pouts shortly. “but I was very thin. I started working out with mingyu when we signed to royal and eventually some of the other trainees when I got more confident. these days I could bench press mingyu! I’m telling you! I had to stop eating cheetos, though, so you have to let me know if it was worth it; do I look good?” briefly, and embarrassingly, he flexes one arm, losing what little cool he had at mingyu’s over-dramatic ‘woah!’ and amused chuckle. “a-ah, n-no, don’t ask me to prove it. you just have to trust me!” he giggles, finally popping the first cheese puff into his mouth. 

“I want to play a game, but I don’t know what we can play with everyone. someone suggested we watch videos of ourselves on youtube, but I don’t think I’m quite used to seeing my own face in public yet.” his laugh is gentle and his cheeks pink. “maybe next time. leave suggestions in the comments and we’ll prepare something next ti—” 

his squeak gets caught in his throat when the door flies open, mingyu’s hand patting his back to help him catch his breath again. seonho’s bouncing over in all his glory, a shit-eating grin on his cute face. his arms wrap around his shoulders as mingyu’s had not too long ago and won can’t help but smile. “another very special guest.” the comments explode, ‘maknae on top’ filling the screen and won’s nose wrinkles in another laugh. he pulls mingyu’s chair closer and nudges his boyfriend to the side so that the three of them can fit across two seats, seonho settling in beside him to respond to comments with them. periodically, he offers the two cheetos, watching secretly with a hungry stomach as their hands dip into the bag. 

he doesn’t realise quite how long they’ve been live until someone says they have to go to bed to get up early in the morning. his eyes widen at the forty minute timer on the display and with a small content sigh, he turns to each of the boys beside him. “I think it’s about time we rounded this live off, right? it’s getting late and everyone should be getting plenty of rest.” with waves and a chorus of ‘bye!’s and ‘sleep well!’s, mingyu and seonho are out of frame for won to say his final goodbye for the night. 

considering he had always had reservations about his appearance, standing in front of a camera should be a source of stress for him. he’s loved the concept of photography since the moment he could understand it. a precious moment and memory forever immortalised in a snapshot that takes mere seconds to capture? what could be better? when your memory deteriorates with age, or even just the natural passing of time since that day, you can never forget a photo. when de:code have been around for years, hopefully comfortable in their position in the industry and experienced enough that the sluggishness he feels today from lack of sleep is so ingrained in him that he doesn’t notice it anymore ( not that this is a good thing, but a product of their line of work ), he might forget how it felt to debut, to be rookies. but he’ll never forget a teaser image, or a music video he can look up on youtube in seconds. it’ll always be there to remind him of what he’s achieved. 

yet, that’s not the reason at the forefront of his mind when he thinks about why he’s starting to enjoy this experience so much. it definitely isn’t the constant fresh dabs of make-up to touch up where he’s accidentally brushed his skin or the frantic hands fixing nudged hair. it certainly isn’t the heat of the professional lighting either. instead, it’s selfishly how confident it makes him feel. it’s hard to feel like he doesn’t fill out his clothes or he doesn’t have the most charming smile when the photographer is here solely to take pictures of them — him included. it’s surprisingly easy to pose in a way that looks natural once he settles in, even more so to control his expressions. ( after all, he had been doing it to lie to everyone around him for the best part of the first seventeen years of his life — he’d be disappointed if he’d struggled. ) it’s surprisingly easy to think maybe mingyu’s right, maybe he is a little handsome, because when the teasers drop, just like last time, people will say kind things about the sharpness of his jaw or the sparkle in his eyes. he doesn’t want to place so much of his confidence on external praise, particularly from strangers looking at final, touched-up photographs of him, but it certainly doesn’t do any harm to be showered in compliments. he’d already come leaps and bounds with just his loved ones, but now a fanbase of de:code listeners? and they’re all telling him the cruel words he’d heard his whole life are lies? a certain kind of joy bubbles in his chest.