#dbshumor

You were not a cat person.

You weren’t a dog person either. You were just… neutral.

Sure, cats were fine. Dogs were fine. Animals were fine. But you never had that burning love for them like some people did. You weren’t the type to squeal over cute kittens or go out of your way to pet every dog you saw.

And yet.

Somehow.

They always found you.

Strays on the street would follow you home. Friend’s pets would ignore their owners and curl up in your lap. Even the most aloof of felines would take one look at you and decide, “Yes. That one. That human.”

It was annoying.

But nothing—nothing—compared to what happened when you met Beerus.

The first time you met the God of Destruction, it took approximately five minutes before you felt his eyes on you.

You had done nothing to attract his attention. You weren’t some powerful fighter. You weren’t an important figure in the universe. You were just there.

And yet.

Beerus sat, lounging on a floating pillow, staring at you like a cat that had just spotted a brand new toy.

It was unsettling.

“Uh…” You shifted awkwardly. “Do I have something on my face?”

Whis, who stood beside him, smiled in amusement. “Oh my. It seems you have a rather unique presence.”

Beerus didn’t blink.

“You’re interesting.”

“No, I’m really not.”

He leaned forward, tail flicking lazily. “I’ll decide that.”

You should’ve known that being on Beerus’ radar was dangerous. But at first, it wasn’t too bad.

Sure, he’d call on you randomly. Sure, he’d show up when you least expected it. Sure, he’d stare at you like a predator watching prey.

But you weren’t afraid of him. If anything, you were just confused.

It got worse when you realized he started treating you like a real cat would treat their human.

Like how he’d show up at your place without warning. Like how he’d take over your couch, your food, your personal space. Like how he’d bop you with his tail when he wanted attention.

You squinted at him one day as he stretched across your entire couch.

“Beerus.”

He cracked an eye open. “Hmm?”

“I am not a cat person.”

He yawned. “And?”

You sighed. “Then why are you acting like I am?”

Beerus grinned lazily, fangs peeking out.

“You say that, yet here I am.”

“…That’s not an answer.”

Whis, watching the exchange with his usual amusement, chuckled. “Oh my. It seems you’ve become quite the favorite.”

Beerus just flicked his tail.

You groaned. You weren’t a cat person.

But it seemed the biggest cat in the universe had already decided you were.

And there was no escaping it now.

Masterpost

You may never reach “friendship level 4” with him, but that won't stop you from casually bribing the alien bastard with Earth food to share in return, like your hyperfixation. Even if he doesn't care and doesn't listen to your excitement, you share ideas and headcanons with him (when Shin isn't around and he's busy with his work lol) Whis comes next time - you already have a new interest and the dude will probably have to be distracted for a second to find out the meaning of your interest and study the characters to get the gist of your thoughts

Nothing to do with Vegeta, I just liked the picture

Shin thinks you and Whis are friends.

You’re not sure if Whis thinks the same.

Sure, he stops by often, but not because of you. No, no, the dude simply likes free food. Whether at your place, Bulma’s, or anywhere that serves something new and interesting, Whis is there with an effortless smile and impeccable table manners, indulging in whatever earthly delicacy is available.

It took you a while to figure him out.

Shin, bless him, was different. The Supreme Kai genuinely enjoyed your company. He laughed at your jokes (even when they didn’t make sense), listened with interest (even when he didn’t understand), and spent time with you for no reason other than because he wanted to.

Whis? Whis was different.

He was a companion at best, a casual acquaintance at worst. He would listen to your hyperfixation rants with a bemused smile, responding just enough to acknowledge you were talking—but the moment the conversation strayed from food or divine matters, he mentally checked out.

So, you learned. You adapted.

If you wanted Whis to engage with you at all, you had to bribe him.

First: Food.

Easy enough. You always had some unique Earth treat ready to go—something he couldn’t easily replicate.

Today’s offering? Strawberry mochi.

Whis gracefully accepted it with a hum of approval, taking a delicate bite before offering his own half-hearted input.

“Ah, delightful. A wonderful combination of textures.”

“Great, now listen to this—” You leaned forward, eyes gleaming. “So, I’ve been obsessed with this one series lately. It’s about an intergalactic war, except the two main enemies have the most ridiculous tension. Like, if they stopped trying to kill each other for five seconds, they’d totally be—”

Whis nodded along, making an encouraging noise between bites. He was not listening.

Second: Persistence.

The next time he stopped by (again, not for you, just for a new dessert you promised), you had already moved on to a new obsession.

Before he could even take a sip of his tea, you ambushed him.

“Okay, so forget the space war. I have a new fixation. This one is about—”

A brief flicker of interest crossed his face.

“Did the other obsession not satisfy you?”

You squinted at him. “Wait. Did you actually look up the last one?”

Whis smiled, taking a slow sip of tea.

“Perhaps.”

Your jaw dropped.

Third: Success.

The cycle continued.

You shared, he pretended not to care—but next time, he always knew just enough to comment on it.

Even if he didn’t fully listen. Even if he didn’t genuinely care. Even if the concept of friendship was still fuzzy to him—

You’d take it.

Because maybe, just maybe, Whis was starting to enjoy your conversations too.

Even if he’d never admit it.

Masterpost

Shin, who explored these internet discourses for the sake of flirting with the reader: if we were on a date, I would pay for you :) The reader, playing along of course I'd trust you to pay for the restaurant. Because you're the only one of us capable of creating any currency out of thin air, in any quantity

Yeah I mean, Shin, after spending way too much time reading human internet debates on dating etiquette (not the best idea, believe me), declares this, then reader plying along is like:

"Of course, I'd trust you to pay. Because you're the only one of us capable of creating infinite currency out of thin air."

Shin blinks. Then turns pink.