#dayposts

Today, I woke up at around 10:30 and I felt absolutely disgusting. I ended up grabbing a coke from the fridge in hopes of succumbing the dire pain in my throat and stomach, though it didn't prove itself to make so much of a difference. I was on my computer, talking to a friend of mine... and then I knocked out.

Suddenly it was 3:00, and i look down to see my coke spewed all over the white rug fastened to the floor of my room. I was more upset for the loss of my drink than the rug, though.

It was then that I realized that I hadn't eaten anything the entire day, and I even worried about such; thinking that I should grab a bite to eat then and there, anxiety shriveling up inside me at a tremendous pace.

... But I wasn't hungry - not at all. My eating habits are getting worse, I guess, so I went downstairs and got an iced tea from the fridge.

I went back on the computer. I tried to watch more of this anime called Outbreak Company, and after five minutes I remembered my iced tea, which was now spilt all over the bed; lovely -- this was the second time.

I cleaned it up. I gave up on that anime. Then my mom came home, yelling about something unimportant per usual. I just said 'yeah', though I didn't actually listen.

She pretended she cared afterward, and then allowed me to know a whole load of things that all sum up to why she's 'perfect' and is 'such a great parent' and how i should be grateful for being blessed, even, to have such a great mother like her.

Then she used her favorite similie, the one about comparing our lives to the poor kids in africa, but i don't think she realizes that even with a comparison, it still doesn't make her constant neglect okay.

We went to pick up my sister from work after that, and I desperately tried to cheer her up. Though she was in a bad mood. But I was in a good one, I think it was because I was eating food for the first time, and that i got to see her. I tried to make her laugh but she told me to shut up.

I felt pathetic after that, like the gum at the bottom of her shoe. I felt like nothing.

2.03.12

lol at the people who believe that i am going on holiday.

NOOO, its not a holiday.

I will go to visit my mother and my brother at the hospital just because i will take the plane doesn't mean its a fucking holiday. I really hate it when people believe is that easy and i should smile and be strong. I cant do those things while i am thinking the worst.

Today early in the morning i was thinking what will happen if the plane will fall. I have so much stress and the only i feel anymore is that people try to control me and the only thing the do is ask for favours.

4.02.12

Your head is a mess:

and you are asking for:

We all want the same thing:

You keep saying:

One day you said to me:

I told you

I love you, i want you alive by killing yourself you will also kill a piece inside me:

Most of the time:

But:

That’s why: