I know you've been tired lately and we haven't gotten to talk much, but that's okay because I love you and it won't always be like this šā¤ #MissYou #LoveYou #DayNinetyFour
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I know you've been tired lately and we haven't gotten to talk much, but that's okay because I love you and it won't always be like this šā¤ #MissYou #LoveYou #DayNinetyFour

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143/365 That sunset though. #springphotochallenge #dayninetyfour https://www.instagram.com/p/CQHyBwblNJs/?utm_medium=tumblr
333/365 The colors in this one. #fallphotochallenge #dayninetyfour https://www.instagram.com/p/CIPhzIYlJZU/?igshid=wwq6dkfmf6m4
Friday, April 3rd, 2020. Today was not a particularly easy day, but I persevered. At the end of the day, all that matters is taking a deep breath after each tough moment; and guess what? I survived, and if youāre reading this, you survived this day too! š After work and after making dinner I decided to make some masks. Thanks @theharveyfierstein for sharing the pattern. I picked some Disney fabric, Nicole picked some with birds. Easy enough to work with and it has pockets in it for us to slip some HEPA filters for added protection. #fridaynightvibes #sewingparty #keeponkeepingon #dayninetyfour #dayninetyfourof366 (at Santa Clarita, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-jWF8rgm0Y/?igshid=tk8zhe4360dd
As hard as it is to believe, I had another good day.
Not as āhigh on lifeā as yesterday, but good in a more realistic way. My students were still pretty rowdy, but I managed for the most part. I talked to one of my Chinese colleagues, LL, and we both agree that our students definitely have some behavioral issues when it comes to how they treat the language teachers.
C told me about a potential job at a training centre in our city where one of the potential candidates for my job next year currently works, so thatās something. Lol, it would kinda be like swapping lives or careers in a weird way.
The recruitment for mine and Cās jobs arenāt going that well though thanks to N. She insists on hiring people with next to no experience or zero zest for the teaching jobs at our school. Why does my school willingly want to shoot themselves in the foot like this? This kinda cements my feelings that I just donāt belong there anymore.
I went to a department store after work to get some apple-scented shower gel that Iāve bought a lot since moving to China. I havenāt used it in three months since X and I broke up because of the bad memories attached to it. I love that shower gel and I brought some with me on mine and Xās trip to Bangkok a year ago. She loves that shower gel too, and me being me, shared that with her, as well as other interests we both had.
I donāt know why, but I couldnāt use that soap in the shower and not think of X somehow. So I just stopped using it for a while. But after spending a small fortune on shower gel from āThe Body Shopā, Iāve decided that Iād like to make a change. My apple shower gel may be cheaper, but it smells incredible and the scent stays on my skin for longer.
My current grapefruit scented shower gel only makes my shower smell nice, but leaves nothing on me.
Maybe thatās how X was: all luxury and sweet smelling scents, but nothing that actually stays with you.
Or maybe Iām just mixing metaphors.
The point is, I canāt hide from everything I used to love, including shower gel, just because X broke my heart. She shouldnāt be allowed to take everything from me.
Thatās just unacceptable.
I bought KFC for dinner and Iām watching āAtypicalā on Netflix. I think I might turn in early tonight, Iām pooped. Hopefully Iāll have enough energy to make dinner and exercise tomorrow.
AS expressed interest in having a movie marathon this weekend and I suggested my place as a venue. It would be nice to have friends over to kick back and drink some alcohol with. Me, C and AS have been way too stressed lately. Actually, itās been pretty busy for everyone in our office recently - must just be that time of the year.
I canāt believe itās a month till Christmas. I need to talk to C about whether sheās really able to make a turkey for a Christmas meal. I feel bad asking her to help me, sheās got so much on her plate in-between work, doing her Masters, moving back home, finding a new job and getting roped into all of Nās crazy recruitment shenanigans.
Still, I hope myself, C, AS and CI can have a nice Christmas together. No matter how crappy things get in my life, Christmas is the one time of the year that actually makes me feel grateful that I have enough money to spend on gifts for my family and friends.
Itās Friday tomorrow, thank God. I live for my weekends now as a full-time teacher. Still, I like those moments at school when I can say hello to the students in the hallways and joke around with them.
I feel like Iām getting happier and more content these days. I still have really bad moments of depression and self-doubt that consume me. But for the most part, Iām doing 100% fine without X in my life.
Sure, I get kinda lonely and I find myself thinking about those good moments with X and our previous relationship sometimes. But thatās all they were really were: just good moments.
Only fleeting moments of happiness that werenāt meant to stay with me.
So all I can do now is try to look for happiness in my life that will last longer than grapefruit scented shower gel from āThe Body Shopā.

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"The truth is rarely pure and never simple." O. Wilde - Trying out some new acting tecniques for the next #100DaysOf series. #100DaysOfWriting #dayNinetyfour #filmmaking