Not as ‘high on life’ as yesterday, but good in a more realistic way. My students were still pretty rowdy, but I managed for the most part. I talked to one of my Chinese colleagues, LL, and we both agree that our students definitely have some behavioral issues when it comes to how they treat the language teachers.

C told me about a potential job at a training centre in our city where one of the potential candidates for my job next year currently works, so that’s something. Lol, it would kinda be like swapping lives or careers in a weird way.

The recruitment for mine and C’s jobs aren’t going that well though thanks to N. She insists on hiring people with next to no experience or zero zest for the teaching jobs at our school. Why does my school willingly want to shoot themselves in the foot like this? This kinda cements my feelings that I just don’t belong there anymore.

I went to a department store after work to get some apple-scented shower gel that I’ve bought a lot since moving to China. I haven’t used it in three months since X and I broke up because of the bad memories attached to it. I love that shower gel and I brought some with me on mine and X’s trip to Bangkok a year ago. She loves that shower gel too, and me being me, shared that with her, as well as other interests we both had.

I don’t know why, but I couldn’t use that soap in the shower and not think of X somehow. So I just stopped using it for a while. But after spending a small fortune on shower gel from ‘The Body Shop’, I’ve decided that I’d like to make a change. My apple shower gel may be cheaper, but it smells incredible and the scent stays on my skin for longer.

My current grapefruit scented shower gel only makes my shower smell nice, but leaves nothing on me.

Maybe that’s how X was: all luxury and sweet smelling scents, but nothing that actually stays with you.

Or maybe I’m just mixing metaphors.

The point is, I can’t hide from everything I used to love, including shower gel, just because X broke my heart. She shouldn’t be allowed to take everything from me.

That’s just unacceptable.

I bought KFC for dinner and I’m watching ‘Atypical’ on Netflix. I think I might turn in early tonight, I’m pooped. Hopefully I’ll have enough energy to make dinner and exercise tomorrow.

AS expressed interest in having a movie marathon this weekend and I suggested my place as a venue. It would be nice to have friends over to kick back and drink some alcohol with. Me, C and AS have been way too stressed lately. Actually, it’s been pretty busy for everyone in our office recently - must just be that time of the year.

I can’t believe it’s a month till Christmas. I need to talk to C about whether she’s really able to make a turkey for a Christmas meal. I feel bad asking her to help me, she’s got so much on her plate in-between work, doing her Masters, moving back home, finding a new job and getting roped into all of N’s crazy recruitment shenanigans.

Still, I hope myself, C, AS and CI can have a nice Christmas together. No matter how crappy things get in my life, Christmas is the one time of the year that actually makes me feel grateful that I have enough money to spend on gifts for my family and friends.

It’s Friday tomorrow, thank God. I live for my weekends now as a full-time teacher. Still, I like those moments at school when I can say hello to the students in the hallways and joke around with them.

I feel like I’m getting happier and more content these days. I still have really bad moments of depression and self-doubt that consume me. But for the most part, I’m doing 100% fine without X in my life.

Sure, I get kinda lonely and I find myself thinking about those good moments with X and our previous relationship sometimes. But that’s all they were really were: just good moments.

Only fleeting moments of happiness that weren’t meant to stay with me.