Re:Zero fan week final day! I initially wanted to do something for day three but, ahahahahaha 🙃

Warning: some minor arc 9 spoilers at the very end (and obviously what comes before arc 9 lol)

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“—Hey, test test… Seems to be working well enough.”

With the sound of the Man’s voice echoing across the entire Watergate City, all remaining citizens who were still wandering around ran towards their homes or shelters.

“Alright, so! Hello everyone! This is a message to the Sin Archbishops of the Witch Cult. And to make it clear, I am referring to you, Regulus Corneas, Sirius Romanée-Conti and Capella Emerada Lugunica.”

Moments after the broadcast ceased, the three incarnations of Sins—along with other unrecognizable cloaked figures—surrounded the city hall. Whether they were enraged or intrigued by the Man’s provocations, it didn’t matter. The trap had already sprung.

“I am aware of the reasons you have come to this city. I am also aware of the plans each of you have set to fulfill your desires and personally, so let’s just cut to the chase. The Silver Maiden, Tome of Wisdom and the Witch’s Bones are in my possession. If you don’t come the minute this message ends, I will incinerate the two latter, followed by me eloping with the Maiden away, never to be seen again.” A soft giggle akin to silver bells could be heard at the end of the Man’s ultimatum. 

Before the offended Greed had any chance to share his outrage and respond to the disrespect he was forced to suffer on the city hall, the Sword Saint came down like a lightning bolt and kicked Greed into the air; following him shortly right after. A clash between infinite power and immovable force began to echo across Priestella’s skies.

“This is not an empty threat; I couldn’t care less for these mcguffins even if I wanted to. So unless you come and stop me, your lives will keep being unfulfilled and everything you’ve done up to this would’ve been entirely pointless. I’d usually apologize for being so direct, but I think I’ve lied enough for multiple lifetimes.”

Not giving the other Sin Archbishops time to process what had happened, a beam made from the techniques of the Valkyrie, Finest Knight and Court Mage came down on Lust, tearing her form apart into little chunks of flesh. However, before the body could restore itself as it had for decades upon decades, the pavement on which she lay broke apart, sending what remained of her into the deep depths of the Watergate City. 

“Some of you might be thinking, ‘Who the hell does this guy think he is’. Well, to put it simply, I’m the one behind the demise of the White Whale, Great Rabbit and the one who personally slayed the Archbishop of Sloth.”

Enraged by all that had taken place, Wrath unleashed her chains to set the City Hall and all that surrounded it ablaze—only for the Sun Princess and her Yang blade to descend from the upper floor and intercept the twin strike, using the chains momentum to launch herself towards the Archbishop.

“I could list more and more, but in the end none of that matters. I’m aware enough to admit that at the end of the day, I’m not that special of a person. Like, if even a single Cultist Grunt got a good hit on me, I’d be dead within seconds. With cards like that I should’ve despaired eons ago… If I wasn’t constantly reminded by someone for whom I continue going on again and again. And unfortunately, I can’t remember a single moment where I was alone long enough for that not to be the case.”

Ignoring or not being aware of how their leaders were blind sided, the other Witch Cultists dashed towards the City Hall, showing not a single care for their empty lives. Unknown to them, Warriors of Lower and Higher standing were already waiting for their arrival—Mercenaries from across the West, Guardians of this very City and even a  Disgraced Knight that was forced to fight—they all cut the Cultists down for good.

“To all of you hiding in your homes or shelters, I’m sorry for putting the city at risk. If I could’ve taken this battle to anywhere besides Priestella, I would’ve. I really wish I could’ve. However…” 

While the likes of the Sword Demon and Former Sword Saint exchanged a dance reminiscent of the past, as well as the Failed Shield and Finest Knight proving their skill to the Former War God, the temperature surrounding the City Hall dropped by several tens of degrees. Seconds after, a beam of pure concentrated blue and white shot out of the upper floor directly towards the third district of Priestella. 

“None of you will die. I, Natsuki Subaru, promise that to all of you. So stay safe, be with those around you, and leave it all to me!”

Yet, instead of hitting the center of the district like anyone would expect, the beam of magic crashed into the Control Tower of the district, instantly freezing the entire structure to its very core… and any life that was within. Five seconds after the deed had passed, above the skies of the raging battlefield, Greed’s heart contorted as the Archbishop gasped  for air for the first time in centuries.

"So now, Witch Cult, stop wasting everyone's time. You have taken enough of mine.”

Not suffering from exhaustion or any drunk distractions, the Sword Demon let his blade convey all the love that had festered for 15 years and finally uttered  the words he had never been able to say. At the same time, the Failed Shield and Finest Knight managed to find an opening in the Former War God’s technique, proving their skill to the legendary warrior. Guided by the wind, their ashes spread across the battlefield and left this world.

“You hideous disgusting beasts that make me sick when looking at you,” 

Being kept in check by the Following Star, Lust was forced to regenerate over and over—while also dealing with advanced magics from the Court Mage above—not being given a chance to retaliate. In the end, thanks to the efforts of the Valkyrie, Blue and Great Merchant, the City Hall’s flooding mechanism activated, drowning the Archbishop with the same method that took another Witch in the past. Only by splitting herself into a nearly infinite number of microorganisms—that managed to pass right through the stone walls of the magically sealed waterlogged chamber—was Lust able to escape her watery prison and left the Watergate City.

“You monsters that no one has ever loved or will ever care for in the future,”

Shrieking about the cruelness and misfortune the world had brought her, Wrath tried igniting the hearts of everyone present ablaze, yet the Sun Princess cut her off at every turn, scorching her every attempt. Disgusted by the Archbishop’s pathetic self, the Sun deemed her existence to have run its course. With a final slash, Wrath’s suffering burned away and left this world.

“You sad miserable people, where the more I learn about you, all I feel is pity.”

With his heart returned and no Silver Maiden to marry in sight, Greed thought of desperate ways to escape his looming fate. Yet even that wasn’t awarded to him. Beyond the sixth second of the Archbishop’s beating heart, the Sword Saint did as he was ordered. With a single punch, rupturing through flesh and bone, the Saint’s arm grabbed hold of the heart and with a single squeeze erased it from existence. Falling down from the heavens to the ash littered field, Greed’s words blew away and left this world.

“Come to me,”

Black Pendant in hand, the Man hadn’t bothered watching the spectacle unfold. With the sequence already perfected 7000 tries ago, his attention was aimed on what lay still ahead. Gazing at the helmet worn by the Following Star—who had emerged from the depths of the Watergate City—their eyes connected for just a moment, as the final act of the Battle for Priestella would commence.

“Your natural enemy!"

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IITS FINALLY DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE11111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Originally i wanted this thing to be 5 times longer and have more focus on Al, along with it being for day 6... but realized I started too late. Hope this is fine enough. Might one day finish the full one shot and post on ao3