#dax rambles

i’m not sure how many people are interested, but i’m in the process of customising some of the once upon a zombie dolls, and i hadn’t seen any uploads of their sculpts anywhere so i thought i’d share them here since i’m stripping them anyway

this is ariel’s (she’s just called the little mermaid in the branding, i assume due to licensing issues)

This isn’t a “let’s talk about me” kind of thing, it’s just. I don’t do this processing for other people, I just let them see it if they want. Matt’s handling of Beau’s treatment by the Soul, this fictional scene, was for her above all else. And the tidal wave of emotion that came over me and so many of you on this dinky, defunct website - it’s stunning. And I think just maybe I’m caught up a little, like. In that feeling that comes from looking around at all the shit going wrong in the world and the hopelessness and the drudgery and the feeling, correctly, that you can’t do anything about it -

And then looking around and realizing that humans are also amazing. We are incredible creatures capable of so much good just doing our best to survive in a world hell bent on suppressing what we’re capable of unless it serves some private interest and benefits someone in power. I’ve been locked in...in stasis for a year in a lot of ways, just like you. And in a lot of ways it’s fucking sucked and it’s gonna leave marks maybe forever. We have been so utterly failed on so many levels by the people in authority and we’re just used to it.

And looking at the hundreds of thousands of words I have put out just about my own struggles and triumphs and experiences projected on the same characters in the same world that Matt created...his love for his family feels like a hand up. To be able to look around and say “actually I did a fucking lot this year, whether it turned out useful or not.” It was for me more than anything, because it kind of has to be when it’s this personal, but people have noticed. Not me - the work and the heart that went into these works. And I’ve been touched by so many others.

Like I said, I deal in words but this concept is tricky. I don’t really know what I’m getting at. But it feels like a kind of power, to touch people simply by choosing to craft a world where hard shit gets acknowledged and handled with kindness and love - for spouses, for friends, for ourselves. Being able to experience Matt loving Marisha so loudly, just seeing her - and every other time he’s done it for each of his friends, because this isn’t the first time, only the one that hit me the hardest - there’s a lot to be said for making our own meaning from things we face. Nothing has inherent worth or meaning. There is choice involved even if it’s not the only factor. We have to let it in.

It’s just really neat to think that maybe finding meaning for ourselves and for our loved ones can have such a profound effect on the people who are looking for the same. And maybe we owe it to ourselves and the ones we love to use the influence we have and the choices we make to build something better. Even if it’s just ourselves, even if it never gets shared.