#datingwhileautistic

I’ve met my boyfriend at his job (he works at a bookstore) around the second semester of last year and, since he is a very social person, we hit it off quite well. Now, I don’t think I have much to share when it comes to this part because I don’t know at all how or when there was a sign that something more than friendship was going to spark. I remember wanting to be his friend and thinking about asking for his number with platonic intentions in mind (since I thought he was gay because I’ve never met such a polite straight man before), but I ended up giving up on it because I didn’t knew how to categorize our relationship.

You see, being autistic, is very hard for me to categorize relationships and decode people’s intentions. So I had no clue if, after a few months, we simply had a close relationship as seller and client, or if we could be considered friends. At this point, after burning a lot of braincells thinking about it, I've decided to give up on trying to ask for his number as I was scared that I’ve read the situation wrongly and could make him uncomfortable.

And then one day he simply asked for my number.

And mind you, I still thought he was gay.

Either way, fast foward we go on a few dates and let me tell you, dates can be very fun and not nerve wrecking at all!!! I don’t know if it was because I didn’t go with much expectation about it, if I already kinda knew what to expect out of the experience or because of the person I went on a date with but every single time we went out together I had a great time and felt incredibly comfortable.

A thing I find important to share is that, in my country, is basically a non-speakable rule that you’re going to kiss on the first date and it’s very rare that you don’t, so I went on the first date already having "accepted" that fact (even though I wasn’t too comfortable with it because I’m probably not that good of a kisser, having only kissed 1 other person before). However, we went not only on 1 date without kissing, but 2!!! AND THEY WERE GREAT DATES!!!

By the 3rd date I already felt so comfortable around him that I was okay when he tried to touch me, in fact, I actively wanted us to kiss. And so it happened. And it didn’t felt uncomfortable at all. I don’t know if the kiss was any good, but considering that we’re dating now, I don’t think it was that bad.

(By the way, I made it clear by our first date that I was autistic. He doesn’t know much about it but it doesn’t bother me since he’s very willing to learn. Still, I haven’t told him yet that he’s my first boyfriend. Oopsie.)

Fast foward a little more, we naturally started calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend (but given my understanding of non verbal cues I had to ask him “hey, I was talking with someone I know and refered to you as my boyfriend, is that okay with you? I don’t want to do or say anything that makes you uncomfortable” (credits to my amazing friend Nath that used this line on my other friend End, who’s her partner, in order to know if they were dating). And to be honest it’s been a very interesting experience given the fact that I’m exploring romantic relationships for the first time ever as a 25 y/o woman. Everything still feels a bit weird to me, the fact that someone likes me in that way, the fact that I like someone and it is reciprocate… I haven't had many big struggles til now, only the ones related to him being a new person to me and that I’m still getting used to knowing him (since we know each other for less than 6 months), so I still am not too familiar with his behavioural patterns. Which means that I don’t know a lot about what he likes or doesn’t like in a relationship.

That being said, the only tip I can give and will be living by for now is: if you don’t know, ask. That’s what I’ll do with some stuff that’s making me itch a bit inside.