Well, well, well, my “crazy idea” is seeming less and less crazy all the time now, isn’t it? With a man who doesn’t understand fundamental biology, well, it’s only a matter of time. Do I still get to be the godfather if I say “I told you so”?

Oh, hush! He understands enough; it’s not his fault they didn’t teach sex ed on the Isle. In fact, at the risk of sounding like you, how is it that none of the Isle kids have had kids yet? It sounds like they participated in a lot of ‘gang activity...’ You don’t think they like, spelled them all to be infertile or something, do you?

You should be worried about yourself and your GPA, if anything; “secret plans” aren’t my Forte. Or, well, maybe they are, but about survival and end-of-the-world scenarios, that sort of thing. Maybe I just truly have no comment about you, have you ever thought of that? Or maybe you render my usually-eloquent-self speechless with your being, or maybe I’m too busy with other things to get too in-depth with an analysis, or maybe my comments wouldn’t be so nice and if you’ve got nothing nice to say, say nothing at all, that’s what they all say! There’s a plethora of options, really, and the only thing they all have in common are that they’re none of your business.

I do worry about those things, actually! Very often. Which is why I was a little bit worried about someone else trying to sabotage them, since left to my own devices I have them mostly under control. You having no comment on me would be admittedly a little disappointing, since I feel like I have so many comments to make about you, but I guess I don’t need to be memorable. And thinking you were rendered speechless is very romantic, I’ll leave that kind of thinking to people like Margo Vasilovich, they have more fun with it than me. Or the opposite of romantic, wow, you’ve done an excellent job of making me regret teasing you about this, Keanu. Congratulations, another victory for you.

IT IS! And I raised you better than to scoff at my very thought out and elaborate conspiracy theories! Besides, even if it’s not a scam, it’s the stupidest thing ever and I hate these questions, but if I said that, everyone would just call me a grinch and I’d hate it.

And I raised me to call you out when I think you’re being a big dumb dumb! Maybe it is a conspiracy, but sometimes it’s nice to just let the conspiracies happen if the end result is a decent one. You’re not a Grinch, you’re just a grumpy sad boy!!! But you never know, if you’d ended up with a certain someone under the mistletoe maybe you could have like, had the world’s most incredible kiss and gotten someone to realize there was more magic with you than with, say, Kendall Andersen. Just saying!