#darkice

Oop. Bobby's pose in the second panel always makes me laugh, it's so goofy.

His line about the charm powers is interesting, because there's two interpretations here: either Daken was using them and they clearly didn't work for some reason, presumably having to do with Bobby's powers...or Daken wasn't using them, but Bobby assumed he was, presumably because for all his sarcasm, he is actually attracted to Daken. Well, or he's just being annoying on purpose (likely, this is an annoying x annoying ship).

Bobby finds Zach and tries to talk him into coming home, but Zach isn't having it - and because his powers allow him to turn other mutants' powers up or down, Bobby can't force him. Daken thaws out and attacks:

Their fights are so fun. They're both functionally immortal so they always just seem like they're really enjoying cutting loose? (I mean, I say "functionally immortal" but Daken's died like three times. Comics!)

A consistent through-line with these two is that Daken is absolutely no match for Bobby (unless he can make Bobby fall in love with him, apparently) (we'll get there). Look how hard he's fighting! And Bobby's not even trying. (To be fair, Bobby is an Omega-level mutant (lol) which is the most powerful classification. Also it's Bobby's book so he gets to look badass, that's just how it works.)

But also can we talk about Bobby's dialogue in the first panel? "I know that what he's offering you sounds exciting, but Daken will hurt you." Are you talking to Zach or yourself, Bobby? Please recall that at this point in time Bobby has never even kissed a boy.

Zach gets in the helicopter and leaves. Daken tries flirting again, but Bobby isn't having it:

Ouch. Don't feel bad for Daken, though, he's mad but basically unbothered:

"You ruined my suit" lol. Bobby leaning on the snowflake also never fails to make me laugh. Also, Daken's line about charming Bobby seems to imply that he did attempt to use his pheromones earlier and it didn't work, even on Bobby's depowered form, which is interesting.

More flirting! More being extremely mean to each other! More Daken calling Bobby "snowflake!" (He does so four times in this issue alone.) I am eating this issue with a spoon.

Anyway. Daken and Zach go to Madripoor and do crimes, whatever. Meanwhile, over the next few issues, Bobby goes to LA and meets a cute guy named Judah, who is canonically the first man he kisses/sleeps with (if we don't count his time-displaced teen self's boyfriend, which we won't right now because that's confusing). They agree not to try a long distance relationship, but Bobby comes home and immediately starts talking about moving to LA...and Judah impulsively shows up on his lawn:

I SEE YOU, SINA GRACE. I SEE YOU EXPLICITLY PARALLELING BOBBY'S CANON LOVE INTEREST WITH THE SEXY BAD BOY WITH HIS SHIRT UNBUTTONED. I like Judah a lot - he's the best of the NPC queer love interests of which we have so many these days - but come on.

And then we get Iceman #9.

So. Bobby has indeed decided to move to LA for a guy he has known for 48 hours, and the X-Men throw him a going away party even though Kitty loudly tells him he's being a dumbass. (Love u, Kitty.) But! Zach sneaks back into the mansion and lures the students into a death trap in the Danger Room, and the adult X-Men are lured outside to fight fake Purifiers.

Bobby is not supposed to be part of the fight, he's supposed to be going to a nearby bar with the NPC love interests, but he decides to put Judah in his room where he'll be safe. Which of course is when Daken pops up:

"Oh no, I always unbutton my shirt halfway to my navel and put on a shoulder holster that doesn't have anything in it but makes my pecs and biceps look amazing when embarking on a completely idiotic plan to obtain ultimate power." - Daken, again

Of course, Daken's big evil plan involves...messing with Bobby's new boyfriend:

And then he makes a supervillain speech:

So. Okay. Remember in #4, when Daken said something about Bobby having an Apocalypse seed in him? So the very short version is that Apocalypse is an X-Men villain who likes to pick four mutants to be his Horsemen (Death, War, Famine, and Pestilence) and he amps up their powers but also enthralls them to a degree. A couple years before Bobby came out, an evil version of Beast stuck a Death seed in Bobby for safekeeping and he went evil and nearly destroyed the world, in a story that's, uh...not not a metaphor for being miserably closeted, I'll just say that. (In case you're curious, they did eventually get the seed out and um. Mystique ate it. And grew tentacles.)

Anyway, I don't know why Daken says he saw it because a) he and Bobby had never met at that point and b) Daken was dead at the time. (Wolverine drowned him in a puddle. Amazingly, Logan and Daken's relationship is better than Bobby and his dad's.) Maybe he watched it on YouTube or something. The point is, Daken was resurrected with a different Death seed, and it's still inside him.

It is at this point that we learn what all of this nonsense was about: Daken semi-kidnapped Zach because he wants Zach to use his power-enhancing/suppressing abilities to trigger the Death seed, while also suppressing it enough that Daken stays in control. Bobby, who turned into an ice kaiju and nearly destroyed the world when he was all Death-seeded up, is like "That is a terrible plan, do not do that," although I guess in Daken's defense, he's not nearly as dangerous as Bobby even with Death powers. But it's still a dumb plan.

Anyway Daken gets so powerful that his shirt explodes:

Daken's fun because I understand all the signifiers in his design telling me that he's supposed to be really hot but 90% of the time he looks like a dingdong.

Daken stabs Judah, and then tells Zach to give Bobby his powers back, mostly because he thinks it'll be fun to fight Bobby:

"There's my snowflake!" Daken this crush is embarrassing.

The fight continues into the next issue. Zach loses control and thus Daken also loses control, exactly as Bobby warned him he would. They fight some more, with Daken looking even stupider, and hilariously going for the "no one understands you the way I do" angle (they have been in three entire comics together):

Daken asks if Bobby's friends saved him from the Death seed with "fwiendship and miwacles" (no, they did it by Kitty calling him a punk bitch). But that's not gonna work on Daken, no sir!

They sure do like penetrating each other.

And then this happens:

I did not know that kiss was coming and the way I SCREAMED when I turned the page??? Also that little kick is hilarious.

Anyway Daken just...vanishes from the story at this point, all of his everything completely unresolved. Zach is captured. Judah is alive, but he breaks up with Bobby because getting "stabbed by some sexy Asian biker guy" just for hanging around Bobby actually wasn't fun.

I want to point out a couple of things. First, Daken's plan was objectively terrible, because it apparently relied on a 15-year-old never losing his concentration. When was Zach supposed to sleep?

Second, and more importantly, none of this required Bobby's presence. Zach could have triggered the seed in Madripoor. There was absolutely no reason to show up at the mansion and potentially have to fight all the X-Men.

So to recap, Daken:

returned to New York for no reason, coincidentally just in time to stop Bobby from moving across the country with his new boyfriend,

unbuttoned his shirt several extra buttons,

waited until Bobby was isolated and then manhandled him,

kissed and then stabbed his boyfriend,

exploded his own shirt off,

called Bobby his favorite pet name again,

told him no one understands him like Daken does,

let's fight all night together, Bobby,

love won't save me, Bobby,

whatever you do, don't try to save me with the power of love, Bobby!

omg he kissed me 😳

Like, look. I know Daken's "plan" didn't succeed. But Judah broke up with Bobby, so didn't it? DIDN'T IT??

(I also think it's worth asking...did you really have to kiss him to freeze the seed, Bobby? Hm?)

Unfortunately, the Iceman series was cancelled after only one more issue. Bobby and Daken did interact four months later, in X-Men: Blue #30...but it was time-displaced Teen Bobby, not regular Bobby:

This is Daken's version of cute aggression. Anyway, being like 15 does not stop Bobby from being able to effortlessly kick Daken's ass and someone else's at the same time, which is hilarious:

There is only one more actual interaction between these two, in Uncanny X-Men: Winter's End, and once again it's not the present day versions. Bobby's future self, who is a...space ice wizard...of some sort...comes back to the present to warn Bobby that he's going to fuck Daken and it's going to end very poorly:

Future Bobby describes this relationship as "a love that feels so real that it redefines every sense or feeling you had before." Intense. This, by the way, is literally centuries in the future because again, both functionally immortal.

Alas, Future Daken betrays Bobby and the X-Men in yet another bid for ultimate power, and Future Bobby comes back in time to kill his past self to prevent it from happening. Regular Bobby is like "Okay first of all you need to own your own mistakes, and second of all if I want to fuck Daken that's my choice to make." (Okay he doesn't say that but he does say "If I do somehow make your mistakes, just let me live my damn life!") So...never say never, I guess!

There is one other moment to note and that's this very cruel-to-me-personally bait-and-switch in Marauders Annual #1. Daken, who is pretty firmly a good guy at this point (it's 2022, well into the Krakoa era), disappears while on a mission. He's in a very cute relationship with Aurora at this time, so Bishop and Tempo ask her if she's seen him:

And on the next page:

I'm not going to try to explain everything that's happening on this page but the point is it's set up to make you think Aurora is talking about Bobby, when actually she's talking about Somnus, the guy in the last couple of panels, who was Daken's lover a million years ago. Sigh.

And that is the extent of Bobby and Daken's appearances together, not counting several crowd scenes and pinups in Pride specials where they always seem to be as far apart from each other as possible. 😭

But none of that changes what's important here, which is that Bobby kicked Daken's ass one time and it got Daken so embarrassingly down bad that he tried to take over the world about it. Sexy scary immortal knifehands bisexual assassin absolutely losing his cool over some dorky little accountant from Long Island, I can't.