#darkfire writes

@-hollow-hearted Yooooo did anyone see that @A-Kaji was in the hospital today? #KaiKari baby when, ammiright? @kaikari-fancaps It's about time! Maybe now all the haters will finally realize they're really dating and will stfu @-freak4freak She has put on weight recently… @cryptid-fucker07 There's no fucking way. She doesn't even hold his hand when they're out together, how they FUCK do you think he'd get her pregnant? We all know it's just some weird publicity thing so fans don't hit on her, get over yourself. She probably had a physical, like @-freak4freak said, she's put on a noticeable amount of weight these last few months @-orbiting-jupiter fans be fucking normal challenge level impossible. Smh just leave her alone, it isn't that hard. She had a doctors appointment, who cares? And its good she put on weight, she was way to skinny before, y'all just aren't ready for actually healthy human bodies @-musicisloveandlife okay tryhard, just admit you want to suck her off or something, we're just speculating, it's literally harmless

@hotfourhusband she's not pregnant you dunce, didn't you pay any attention in biology? She's obviously gotten comfortable with her status and she's letting herself go @day-jobing 100% this. She's just gotten complaint and lazy with fame and isn't putting the work into herself anymore. Maybe now Kai will finally leave her dumb ass… @-fr-ee-ky yes!!! Open up your eyes @K_bomi you deserve so much better King <3 "FUCK OFF AND GO TO FUCKING HELL!" There's a harsh snap as she pitches her phone across the empty space, ricocheting off the floor once before skidding to a halt against the far wall. She's back on her feet immediately, chest heaving from rapid, jagged breaths. Too quiet. Gotta have noise, something to replace the thoughts. The stage laptop is still on, neglected and forgotten after last night's show, a shake of the mouse brings it back to life, and a few quick clicks gets the speakers shaking with the first playlist she finds. "Fucking assholes," she tears a hand through her hair as she paces behind the bar. "Get a fucking life and stay the fuck out of mine." The fridge shakes as she rips the door open, grabbing a bottle of orange juice, throwing it back in one shot and lobbing the empty bottle into the bin. "I get it. I fucking get it! I'm a self-centered, un-affectionate bitch who doesn't deserve her boyfriend. Thank you for fucking reminding me."

This is an ADL one. Akari's always had a certain amount of attention they gather from fans and "fans" alike, its an interesting dynamic to play around with for me. I had a lot of fun building the comment section and adding in the speculation and jabs that keep coming back during Akari's spiral until they hit the point of no return. This is long as it is but I definitely could've pulled more to hit the switch between knocking back OJ to fill an action to actual booze as they bottomed out and relapsed.

....but we're almost at the hospital so it'll be okay." A shiver ran down Akari's spine. Cold spreading further over her as his words sank in. Where she was. Where they were going. "No thanks." Kai let out a dry laugh, "Sorry gorgeous, no choice on this one. Your bones sticking out of your fucking leg."

Same fic as above but aftermath. I like the difference between the immediate before, Akari waking of hazy and confused but immediately going for checking in on Kai before asking the what and where ("why ya crying, baby?") then into the steady dry remarks of both of them trying to hold it together here for very different reasons.

"Hows…," she didn't know what to ask or how to ask it. Seven hated this. She didn't know how to help. Or what was allowed in the rules she'd set herself. Or what wouldn't make Akari feel worse then they already did, which was also partly her fault. "….how're you holding up?" "I'm wet." "Besides that," Seven couldn't help the smile that crept onto her face as she rolled her eyes. Any little sign of their normal self felt like a life raft right now. She'll happily take the sarcasm and playful bite over seeing them like this. "How's the hurt?"

Infamous hurt/comfort with Akari and Seven. Everyone's having a bad time, Akari's hurting and Sev is trapped in a mental hell loop trying to help. Again with the dry Akari bite back to cope, Seven made them shower and now they have pain (ouch) and pain (sensory hell of being wet)

Gravity took hold of the towel as Seven abandoned it to grab a new one, low chuckle rumbling in her throat as she tossed it over their head. "Sopping wet beast," she teased as she mussed them up, rubbing the towel over their hair without much care towards whatever tangles she was creating and would inevitably have to coax them into allowing her to brush out later. Quickness was the priority. That and the way she could hear them huff and bite back giggles of their own.

Same fic as above again, a breif break for a little silly lighthearted banter. Even after 3 years it can still be easy sometimes provides nobodys overthinking it. Honourable mention to shortly after where Seven continues teasing them on the state of their hair agter the breakup lol "should tell Paige just to fucking shear you," she snickered, placing another kiss on their cheek. "Like a sheep."

The news station that broke the story of her alleged affair with Victoria sticks in her mind, not about the cheating but about her music. "Covering for bad music." She rolls the phrase around a few more times in repetition, trying to unstick the thought from her head. Was her music that bad? Probably. Wouldn't surprise her. "Wanted to quit when Sev left. Should've. Done myself and everyone else a favour." She swallows a lump in her throat. At least she isn't shaking any more, the flask bringing her back to a comfortable existence. "She was the better one. Writer, singer. I can dance and play guitar," she scoffs. "Very replaceable." It was something she became acutely aware of after the vote. They did it so easily. Just business after all. Which means it was only a matter of time before they realized she was shit and kicked her out to. Every little fuck-up became a noose tightening around her neck, with nothing to do but wait for the floor to drop.

Im rewriting Relapse. I am. Ignore that I never finished it but im going to rewrite it if I do anything. But this is from chapter 1 and I do like it. Really knocks out Akari's feelings towards their band and how they're doing in the aftermath of the vote very efficiently imo.

Seven crosses her arms, shuffling her feet and starring intently at the table. "You can't keep doing this to me, Kaji." Akari can try to pretend that the use of her surname doesn't sting, especially after Seven had said her name earlier. She stares. It's all she can do. What is happening? Seven brings her here, forces her into the shower, orders her food and then berates her? The fuck kind of mind game is this? Then again, Seven did go out of her way after the split to fuck with her head. Multiple times. "Doing what? You brought me here!" It comes out a little sharper then intended but at this point? She's tired. Tired of this back and forth she hates her she tolerates her that Seven has been perpetuating since week two. It's exhausting. "You're confusing me," the truth. Honest and spoken in a whisper, the only way she could admit it. For the second time tonight, Seven moves all too fast. Except this time shes grabbing at the front of her hoodie and pulling her into a kiss. Messy and desperate and just how Akari remembers.

Relapse chapter 2. It was said on the tumblr that Seven could very well be the assertive one and I for one am into that. Seven knows what she wants and she hates it but she misses and wants just as bad as Akari does. I like the whole kiss scene a lot, and the little mini Akari breakdown afterwards. But this part is enjoy. Seven trying to talk herslef out of it, using Akari's surname again before going all in and taking the leap

So for some reason that I do not comprehend, the one below this wouldn't save or post if I put it indented like this. But its my favourite so it isn't getting cut. Infamous again, set a year and a half/two years post breakup, Akari's doing secret solo gigs in bars to get by. I dont write fight scenes very often but I heard Don't Stop the Devil by Dead Posey and the mental amv was so strong I had to write it. Was super fun to build everything around the lyrics and puzzle it all out. Probably the fastest I've ever written anything

It took approximately 23 seconds for Akari to throw her guitar aside, bark at Rowan to stay, and sprint across the stage, sliding down to shove the woman back, nailing her with her fist the second she had enough room.

The speakers continued playing the song, scratchy and quiet, not meant to be without a vocal accompaniment. The crowd parted, backing away as the nights entertainment kicked off a brawl.

I like the games we play

Akari's fist took hold of the front of her shirt, holding her upright as she pulled back and drove her fist into her face a second time, fanged grin splitting her face as cartilage crunched under the contact.

She swung to her right as a pressure tightened on her shoulder, shaking off the guy who'd grabbed her. Both hands shot out to thrust into his chest, she followed as she pushed him back, landing a punch to his gut, doubling him over. She spun on her heel, turning around just in time to take a right hook to the jaw, curtsy of the blonde.

When you're inside my veins

Akari hissed, shaking her head as she spurred herself forward, aiming for a blow for a blow, hands up and ready. Right before she could pull back, a sharp pain pierced the back of her head. She tried to move away, put some distance between herself and the offender, only to be pulled back again. One of the girls friends had a death grip on her hair, yanking her away and towards the stage again.

She grit her teeth, jerking her head away and out of their grasp, twisting herself around to take hold of their bangs, bringing their head down agaisnt the edge of the stage.

Cause a little good don't stop the devil

If I go up in flames

Then just put me away

The guy from before whipped her around, clocking her dead on. Akari's vision blurred as the second punch hit, blood tainting the inside of her mouth, intimately aware of a steady trail dripping down her face.

Cause a little good don't stop the devil

Akari screamed, ramming herself into him and sending them both tumbling to the floor. Catching her surroundings, she threw punch after punch, knuckles staining red.

Soul buyer

I'm spittin' fire

Arms wrapped around her, looped around her shoulders and chest, hauling her off and back up.

"No shit! Ray, you weren't kidding, she's stacked under all this!"

Only your touch gonna get me wild

Akari contorted her neck, bending over to bite the hand within reach. She clamped her jaw down with as much force as she can muster, capped canines sinking into the meat of her palm until she tasted blood stronger then before.

Say I'm not a sinner

But you make me a liar

The woman cursed, spitting profanity and insult towards Akari before jamming her hand in her mouth. An opportunity Akari seized to uppercut her, driving her hand deeper into her mouth. The woman staggered back, Arm going slack at her side as she gagged, "couldn't just take a compliment and a simple offer to enjoy some quality company," she spit out a tooth, "you think you're better then me but this just proves you aren't worth shit."

I like the games we play

When you're inside my veins

Akari pulled back, chest heaving and jaw clenched tight.

Cause a little good don't stop the devil

She swung her fist forward, adrenaline rushing through her veins setting her on fire.

If I go up in flames

Then just put me away

The punch connected, the woman let out a strangled grunt as she crumpled to the floor. Satisfaction lit up Akari's nerves, bright and consuming. How long had it been since she'd been in a fight? It felt so good, made her feel alive. Only thing left to parallel performing.

A crack rang out in her ears, quickly followed by a sharp pain along the side of her head. The blonde stood before her, the neck of a shattered bourbon bottle clutched in her hand. Akari's head pounded, pain striking across her neck like lightning.

She leaped forward, surprising the blonde with the fact she was still standing, throwing herself into her to push her up agsisnt the stage, hand firmly holding her down by the neck. The room spun as Akari hauled back, ready to finish this and call it a night.

Cause a little good don't stop the devil

Her fist reached its apex, coiled back, muscles tense and ready to release, but the downswing never came. Her arm was caught, used as leverage to yank her back. Akari stumbled along the backwards momentum, unsteady on her feet as it was she went crashing to the ground. The woman was still kicking, apparently Akari wasn't the only one who didn't go down easy.

She loomed overtop of her, straddling Akari's waist, face bruised and bleeding, expression unmistakable for anything other then seething.

Cause a little good don't stop the devil

Her punches hit hard, each landing on Akari with devastating accuracy and force unfit for someone who'd just had the shit kicked out of them in Akari's opinion. Everything hurt, her body screamed blaring red alarm bells, it hurt to breathe, hurt to exist, she felt like she was gonna be sick.

She struggled under the woman's increasingly handsy grasp, unable to bring her arm up to take a swing. She thrashed her legs, increasing desperation taking hold to get her the fuck out of here taking full control. The womans hand wandered higher, Akari's breath hitched, stomach churning with nausea and hot iron rage. Her next kick yielded results, knee catching the woman in the groin, grip on her loosened. The weight of her on Akari's lower body gave her enough of an anchor to thrust herself upwards, bashing her head into the woman's own, the crown of her head connecting with her already broken nose.

Free again, Akari gathered all of her strength, right hand locked and loaded without a trace of hesitation.

A little good don't stop the devil

They'd been here plenty of times. It's just that they'd been a spectator at best. The far larger than it needed to be room in the Rangers' HQ where the media team tore your self-esteem to shreds. Sit and stay still while too many people touch you and make sure you look proper and presentable for the cameras. But it had always been watching Julia. Chatting. Visiting. Distraction. Whatever they needed to be, while some asshole lectured her on and on about how she should be doing this or that or avoiding something else entirely. They remember getting dragged out for lashing out after the way they'd treated her when she'd cut her hair. Nothing good comes from this room.

And yet here they were. Frozen in place in a chair, afraid to move, least they get chewed out for fidgeting or wrinkling their dress shirt again. It wasn't the same but was still sickeningly familiar to how their parents played dress up with them all those years ago. Sit still and be fixed. Look correctly. Not trusted to look after themself. Clothing picked out by someone else, face shaved, makeup, eyebrows, half their piercings removed, hide scars and marks, hair done and not a strand out of place. The stylists wouldn't let them wear it tied up like normal, insisting that it was more presentable down loose and styled.

They hated this. The poking, the prodding, the 'have you considered doing this?' Insufferable. Made their head hurt and stomach churn. Discomfort and memories all in one and the last thing they needed before having to be out in front of who knows how many people.

They can see the back of Julia across the room from them on their mirror. They doubt she's doing much better than they are. The media's always been hard on her, and it's only gotten worse over the years. Makes them wish she'd quit. Run away with them and go somewhere different. Less reporters and cameras and expectations. She won't, though, something they're all too aware of.

It's only when a heavy hand claps down on their shoulder that they jolt back into the present. Stylists no longer present, but they were so focused on behaving and not lashing out telepathically that they hadn't actually noticed.

"Survived?" Julia asks. There's a tinge of amusement under her otherwise genuine sounding tone. More of an attempt at a pick-me-up than poking fun at their discomfort, Valya reminds themself.

"Oh yeah, fucking great," Valya rolls their eyes at their reflection, "I love nothing more then spending what? Two hours? Being constantly touched and told how inferior I am."

They watch as her hand reaches forward and grabs a hair tie off the counter. "They do love their opinions," Julia sighs, sweeping Valya's hair back into their typical bun. "You're too young, you're too old, you're rushing into this, you've waiting too long, what about kids?" They wince as her voice hardens, and she pulls a little too tight at them. They can't say they blame her. She's gotten the worst of it since they announced their relationship, and having kept it secret, it did seem out of nowhere they supposed. "Joder, solo deseo que se fueran de mi vida y nos dejaran en paz."

"Their Marshal, their hero, is out of the blue marrying some weird-ass nobody mod tech that handles all her maintenance. Fucking gulls aren't gonna let this drop for months."

"Ey, be nice." She hits their shoulder and moves to stand in front of them, "that's my future partner you're talking about."

"Pretty." The word sticks in their throat, caught on dry lips. Dark blue dress that compliments warm brown skin, small handful of gold jewelry pieces to pop out. The not-as-expensive-as-it-should-be ring they'd bought her adorning her left hand. The people had left in the stupid fucking earring they'd given her and they can't help but wonder if she'd made them? That felt nice. She's gorgeous, and they cannot for the life of them figure out how they'd gotten here.

"Mmm," Julia hums as she leans down to kiss them, "yes, you are, very. That's much better."

"I meant you, idiot," Valya huffs. Laughing comes so much easier around her they don't think it'll ever get old. "Pretty sure they don't know what to do with me besides make me look as passibly man as possible without saying it outright." It was fine. They could suck it up for one official engagement announcement. They'd been telling themself what others thought of them didn't matter thus far. They could continue. Fuck 'em.

Besides, they could be wrong. It was the way they leaned, rather heavily, really, so maybe they were overthinking it. The stylists could've been oblivious to all the tabloid whisperings for all they knew.

They did look much better with their hair up. More like them and less like a concept. It made Valya beyond happy that Julia didn't care about the others and cared enough about them to undo all that work just to throw it in a poor excuse of an updo.

"Well," Julia sways and takes a step back, pulling Valya to their feet as she goes. "They won't be back now, so we're more than free to put you back together." A wink and a grin, and she's placed the container with their piercings back into their hands.

Fuck they love her.

Makeup washed off, acne and scars on full display, face full of non-conductive metal. Much better. Not so fake. And impressively made them feel notably more prepared to walk out to whatever crowd awaited.

"There you are, much better." Julia smirks, leaning down to kiss them again. Valya was more than happy to return with no little amount of heat and wandering hands. Enough to make them wonder exactly how much time they had before this thing started.

But by the time they finally broke apart, they had other ideas. Wants. Though somehow more embarrassing feeling than potentially getting caught in the act.

"Julia," Valya mutters, looking away as soon as they feel their face heating up. It wasn't like them. This was a surpirse. It felt weird but in a good way that made them continue to see how it goes. "Can I...." they take a shakey hand and point it across the room to where Julia say earlier. "Can I wear some?"

They fixed their eyes on their shoes, horribly aware of the flush that covered their face and ears. Bright red and hot. Arm still extended out to single out the tube of navy blue lipstick on the other counter. The same one that Julia was currently wearing.

They think it's fear. The way they shake and try not to let their breath stick in their throat and choke them. The thought. The want. Had just materialized in their head, and they couldn't shake it. It didn't match or compliment or anything else anyone had attempted to make them look when putting them together. And it wasn't something they'd ever done or felt any need to do before. But it was here now, and they wanted it. Badly.

But it went against how they normally presented, and that took long enough to not have issues around for themself as is. And it certainly wasn't how the media team was trying to present them. And what if Julia thought it was weird, or it looked stupid, or the sensation or texture of it set them off or–

"You think too much, you know that?" They hadn't noticed Julia leaving them. Or that she'd retrieved the new object of their interest. Her hand cupped their cheek, nails digging into their skin in little pinpricks that brought them back to reality. "Hold still."

They did. Stood there cross-eyed as they watched her take the thing and slide it across their lips. It didn't. It didn't feel that bad. Wasn't as noticeable on their skin as they'd feared. And as Julia pulled back, she was smiling.

"Dunno if it's your colour," she was squinting at them, chin held between her thumb and pointer finger. The pose quickly dropped as Valya's eyes widened. "Relax, relax! I was kidding!" Hands up in mock surrender, face lit up in that big stupid smile of hers. "Mi vida, you look fantastic."

Valya leaned around her to get a better look at the mirror. It really wasn't that bad, actually. Out of place, but they supposed maybe that was to be expected. It didn't look as good as it did on her, but the rich blue on their smile was nice. And they matched. They liked that.

"Wanna give them something to really talk about?" Julia smirked, applying more to her own lips. "Napkins are only one way to get rid of the extra," her smile only widened as she leaned in to kiss at Valya's jaw, just underneath their ear. And in her absence was a dark blue print.

Oh, they liked that game.

Wicked grin of their own. Lovingly malicious. Valya's hands slide up to Julia's shoulder, pushing the strap of her dress just enough to the side to make room for them. They didn't bother biting, wasn't worth the risk of messing up the game, but still, the mark that was only partially covered by the fabric was visible and telling enough by itself.

"I think I could get used to that," Valya mutters. They'd been missing out, it seems. They'll have to make up for that.

Julia smiles, taking their hand in hers. "We'll have plenty of time after this is over, so what do you say we get this mess overwith?"

More then anything she wanted a drink. To feel the familiar burn and wait for every shitty feeling to fade away into a haze of warm numbness. Make this all stop and go away. Its would fix her, this time it would surely fix her.

If it didn't there was always other methods that could. Even from its place haphazardly thrown over a chair in the corner, she could feel the burning presence of her lighter in her jacket pocket. Arms itching for pressure. Pain. Distraction.

But she'd promised. Swore to Seven that first night they reconciled that she'd do better. Try to stop. And she had meant it, every word, she just didn't realize that it would never really go away. Once she was doing better that was it, right? And she'd been doing great! Better then she'd been in years and yet here she was, wearing a hole in the carpet, fighting against every urge she'd ever had.

Nightmares weren't really new. But being back together with, and sleeping in the same bed as Seven again was. Akari's best guess is that combination is what scared her more. Still too new. Too fragile. Too risky. She didn't want to fuck everything up again.

Another lap. Maybe she'll calm down this time.

Maybe the problem was the nightmare was about Seven? Twisted perceptions and worst fears come reality. Cruel and unusual punishments from her brain. She'd woken up in a cold sweat, tears running down her cheeks and lungs heaving to get her to remember how to breathe. She'd shot out of bed, wavered on what to do and where to go in her initial panic, finally turning to walking the floor because if she left the room she knew she'd go to a bar.

Her stomach rolled, too many circles had finally been achieved. She had to stop. Couldn't go back to bed yet. Still too keyed up. Akari raked her hands through her hair, pulling until it hurt. Why had nobody told her it would be this fucking hard?

Continuing pacing wasn't the move, she swayed on her feet amidst rolls of nausea, continuing anyways because what else could she do? On her next loop by the bedside table she snatched up her water bottle, disappointed and anguished to find it empty. Fuck.

Going back to bed wasn't an option, which left her with two choices. Keep pacing until she got sick for real, or bite the bullet and leave the bedroom to get something to drink and calm her insides back down.

Akari finally came to a jagged halt, swaying on her feet and taking a step back to steady herself. The door was in front of her. It was fine. All she had to do was open it, go to the fridge, and grab a bottle of water. Easy. It should be easy. Why couldn't this be easy?

As soon as her hand wrapped around the handle she jerked it back like it was burning. She couldn't do this. It was stupid. It was a door for fucks sake. It opened up to the little sitting and kitchen area. That's it. Not the outside, not a bar, not a booze store, just the damn kitchen. That's it. Inside, private, vice-free. If she wanted to blow up her life it would be a conscious decision and she actively did not want to do that so there shouldn't be an issue.

Akari stood in front of the door for what felt like an hour before the idea hit her. If she was scared of ehat she'd do once over the threshold, she'd just make it impossible to do it.

With a little more struggle then she'd care to admit, she pulled her shirt up and over her head, leaving her upper body exposed to the slight chill of the night, throwing her shirt into the far corner of the room. There. She'd never go out like this, so problem solved. The additional extra steps should be enough to keep her here and sober and fine.

And people say she's stupid. Fucking genius is what this is.

Newfound confidence took her out the door and to the fridge, flinging it open only to immediately wince at the sudden motion and light piercing the darkness of the room and her vision.

"Gah! Mother fuckin' hell."

The room went sideways, she took another step back, digging her palms into her eyes in a desperate attempt to make it stop. Staggering further back into the room until her foot caught the carpet, sending her toppling down towards the floor, crash landing on her back.

"Fuck!"

Great. She couldn't see, couldn't breathe, and her previous disposition had yet dissipated. If anything, she wanted that drink more now.

"Akari...?"

Oh fuck her, and now she'd woken Seven up with all her fumbling around. Maybe if she didn't say anything Seven would go back to bed. Laying on the floor in the dark is hardly the worst way she'd spent a night. Sounded kinda nice actually, she hadn't had a floor nap in a hot minute. Not a sober normal one anyway.

"You good out here?"

Just ignore her. It isn't ignoring if its for her own good. Seven doesn't deserve more of her shit, not when they've been working on finding their balance again. Akari had already put her through so much. Over and over again. This is one thing she didn't want to fuck up again.

Sober. Focus on the word. That's what she is right now. Sober and intact and not inflicting anything on herself. Behaving. Still shaken. Still scared Seven will find her on the floor behind the couch.

But sober and uninjured.

"I know you're out here I heard the banging, is everything–" Seven's rising panicked questions cut off at the same time Akari bites down on her tongue as something strikes her shoulder. "Akari?"

Fuck. Caught.

"Hey there," Akari cracked a grin at the Seven shaped silhouette leaning over her, when she couldn't make out a smile in return, her face softened. "Didn't mean to wake you, sorry bout that. I'm fine Sev, go back to bed."

"Its three in the morning and you're on the floor." The deadpan remark stung more then it ought to, Akari could basically feel Seven's eyes narrowing in on her.

She had to tell her something. Majority truth rules. She'd never lied to Seven and she wasn't about to start. "Look, I had a bad dream and needed some space. It's nothing."

The Seven shape shifted, gesturing towards the couch that loomed over Akari from the other side. "And you're on the floor because?"

"You've had floor naps before and we both know it," Akari crossed her arms, "don't pretend you're all high and mighty with the big, soft double bed. This hits different." She would've ended up here anyways even if she didn't fall. Less worry for Seven this way. "A bed that you should be getting back to."

"I'd like it better if you joined me again," if it wasn't for how deadly quiet the room was, Akari probably wouldn't have heard her. Soft and spoken with such uncertainty that it make Akari hurt all over.

And it made this hurt worse, "I don't think that's a good idea. And you know I don't want to say that but...but I think it's the better call right now."

"Can I sit?"

It came so abrupt that Akari had to lay there and process the request. "Course," was all she could get out. Insides all light and jittery. Things were better, so much better, but still weird sometimes and she supposed this was one of them.

As she lowered herself down, Seven came into a little better focus. Gently lit up by the ambient city lights from the window, sitting at Akari's head and leaning down into her line of sight. Her hair was a mess, she was chewing on her lower lip. "It was about me, wasn't it?"

"I never said that." What was she supposed to say? Yes? That she was, is, occasionally haunted and tormented by her subconscious with images of Seven yelling at her, hating her, casting her aside and replacing her and a whole onslaught of other horrible bullshit? That she wakes up scared and crying and in a cold sweat with the most intense ick and self hatred she's ever felt? That's a horrible fucking idea, even she knew that.

Seven ducked her head, too-long strands of hair falling over her eyes, "you didn't have to." There was a pause, Akari could hear the deepening of Seven's breaths, not uneven, but heavy. "What was it about?"

"Sev, that's not–"

"I won't break you know. Don't coddle me, I don't want that." Seven's tone was sharp enough that Akari had to tell herself Seven wasn't mad at her. Shake off the lingering nightmare and try to be more present. She was fine. Seven didn't hate her again all the sudden.

"I love you," it was her favourite thing to say when her and Seven started dating the first time, she could never do it enough, and the second time didn't lessen that a bit. And maybe she needed to hear it back to calm down. Maybe.

Seven leaned forward, reaching out of prying Akari's arms off their place folded over her chest. "I love you too," her hands slid down Akari's forearms, over tattoos and healed scars alike, "I love you and I promise I won't let this be a repeat of last time." Her hands finally reached Akari's own, intertwining their fingers together, bringing one up so she could kiss along Akari's knuckles. "I meant it. That I'm gonna fix those parts of me, I want this," she mirrored the action on Akari's other hand, "us to work."

Seven Lawless declarations never really got old. Leave it to her to take one simple phrase and run so far with it that it made Akari's head spin and cheeks heat up.

Akari paced around Orion's hotel room, staggered, hasty circles stalked around their manager as they rambled fast enough to not allow him a single word. Out. They were going out. Seven wanted to go out. Together. With them. Again. Things were better now, but Akari still wasn't sure how to proceed with....whatever they were now.

So they went to Orion. Objectively the worst person to go to, but he was all they had at this point so they'd marched down to his room, banged on his door, then stormed in and started talking and hasn't stopped yet.

"I mean. What do we do? We used to do everything together and then we didn't and now we still don't really and I don't know what this means," their hands tore at their hair as they lapped him again. "Does she want to go out with me like a date? Just go out with me like hang out? I don't even fucking know this city! The fuck is there to even do here?"

"Akari."

"If its a date shouldn't I get dressed up? I don't have anything. But if it isnt I don't wanna be too much and stress her out. But I can't be under dressed and look like I don't care."

"Akari."

"I can't fuck this up I can't. I love her so fucking much I can't blow it again it'll kill me. Do I take her out to dinner? Is that normal? Is there something I should know about we're celebrating?"

"Akari."

Orion's hand caught their wrist, skin burning at the contact. Akari jerked to a hault, held in place by Orion as he narrowed his eyes them. "Take a breath," he took a deep breath in, Akari rolled their eyes but followed. They repeated a few times before he spoke again, voice as level and calm as ever and immediately getting on Akari's nerves how effective he was at talking them down now. "What exactly did she ask you?"

His hand fell away from their wrist. Akari didn't bother to be subtle as they wiped their hand on their pants until the itchy feelings faded away. "I guess filmings supposed to end early tomorrow, if you want we could go out and explore the city." They rhymed off the message, burned into their memory in the hour since Seven had texted them. They moved to resume their obsessive nervous attempt to wear a hole in Orion's floor, but the way he sharply cleared his throat left them starring at the floor, fidgeting in place.

"Answer me honestly," Akari glanced up to look at him. He sat rigidly upright, arms tightly crossed over his chest, professional air only betrayed by the soft frown pulling at his lips. "Have you been drinking?"

"Fuck you," they snapped, teeth barred as they glared at him. "I've been clean for three weeks." They should leave. This was fucking stupid. The fuck did he know about any of this anyways, all he did was work and fret.

Akari snorted as he raised his hands, palms out in what they figured was supposed to be surrender. "I apologize," he began to sooth, but they weren't having it.

"Fuck this," they stuffed their hands deep in their pockets, stomping towards the door, "I'm leaving."

"You need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself," Orion's voice chased them across the room. "Just go out and have fun, try not to think about it. You could both use the break, take the opportunity."

Akari bit their lip, chewing on it as they looked back st him over their shoulder. Big fucking words for someone like him. But as they twisted their neck to look at him, Akari found he did look genuine. Orion sat closer to slumped over the table, starring after them with his thumb and forefinger tenderly rubbing at his temples.

"There's a shop we passed on the way in. Looks nice," they mumbeled, "i need a new guitar after last week."

Orion's sigh was audible even from Akari's place leaning agaisnt the doorway, "no work, Akari. It's important to take a break once in a while."

Akari stood leaning agaisnt a streetlight, staring up at the flickering open sign on the door. She felt like a kid again, small and scared, eveything too big and too much to take in. Like eveything else, it had changed. The building had gotten a more modern facelift, repairs and less gaudy colours and signage that tightened Akari's chest just looking at it.

Nothing was the same anymore.

Beside her, Rowan whined, paw resting on top of her shoe as he stared up at her from the sidewalk. She was procrastinating, they both knew it. She should've let Seven come with her, she'd wanted to but Akari had quickly shut that down. She needed to do this alone.

Signing, she wrapped the end of Rowan's leash around her wrist and pushed herself off the post. It was three steps to get her to the door, that hadn't changed, her hand rested agaisnt the glass as she peered inside. Empty. That had changed, the diner had always been full of life, customers and staff always filling up the space like some sort of tv show. It was one of the things she'd loved about it.

Right now though, it worked in her favour. The relief washed over her as she pushed the door open and stepped inside. Even the little entry bell was different now, still a real bell at least, but the sound that announced her presence wasn't the same.

"I'll be right with you," Akari froze as the voice echoed around the empty dining area. Not changed. Three years older and a little raspy, but every part as gentle and sweet as she remebered. "Sorry about that," Lucy pushed out the swinging kitchen doors, smoothing her hands down her uniform. "Slow season, running the midnight shift myself, you know how it is–"

Lucy halted as soon as she saw Akari standing there. Eyes wide as she slowly set her serving tray down on the counter.

From her place in the doorway, Akari shuffled under her gaze, ducking her head and awkwardly waving a little. "Hi, Lucy."

It was about all Akari could do not to breakdown in tears right then and there. Lucy looked different to, wrinkles forming on warm brown skin and greys highlighting dark brown hair. She wasn't standing as straight up either, and her hands were shaking just a little. Akari wanted to ask why. It's been closer to four years then three now, so much time, so much change and her heart couldn't take much more.

But she didn't get the chance. Before words could formulate, Lucy had rushed up to her and pulled her into a tight hug.

And then Akari did cry.

It was all so painfully familiar in a way that was comforting but also making it so much worse. Four years. Four years since she'd seen Lucy. Four years since she's talked to her. Four years since she's been hugged in a way that was actually comforting and didn't set her skin on fire. Four years since she's last interacted with the only loving mother figure she'd ever had.

Lucy rubbed her back as she sobbed out apologies and 'I missed you's and anything else that came tumbling out of her mouth as she realized this might be the first time in four years since she felt safe.

Akari sniffed as her head was pulled back, her arms still tightly wrapped around Lucy as she cupped her cheek. "That's enough of that, you have nothing to apologize for sweetheart." Lucy hushed Akari's protests, wrapping her back up, the hand on her cheek moving to cradle the back of her head. "What's important is that you're home again," Lucy whispered, barely audible waver to her own voice.

"I'm sure Seven has already mentioned what my opinion of," Lucy paused. Akari braced herself for the conversation she didn't really wanna have. "What happened between the two of you. I'm sure I don't know all the details either but Akari you didn't deserve how she lashed out. I'm not saying you handled it well either," Akari ducked her head, saying that was an understatement. "But you did not have to remove yourself from the equation."

"I didn't want Seven to be mad that I still talked to you," it was an easier admission then Akari had figured. Full truth. Who in their right mind would keep consistent contact with their ex who hates thems mom? "I did enough to her."

Lucy made a sound that stuck in her throat, cutting off any arguing that would upset Akari of she pushed that she didn't do anything wrong if Akari had to guess. Lucy didn't get it, Akari deserved all Seven did and more.

"Akari," Lucy was rubbing little circles around her back. It was nice. "When Seven left you with the apartment, what happened?"

She swallowed. Tried to keep her breathing from rapidly increasing. Lucy held her tighter, whispered that it was okay if she didn't want to talk. She did. She did a lot. But it'd been so long and everything was different and she didn't know how or what. She could say a little. Not everything. Not yet.

"Couldn't afforded it," she mumbled out into Lucy's shoulder, "had to cut my losses and go back home."

Akari continued as Lucy stiffened, damage control as fast as she could. "I didn't have a choice. It wasn't as bad this time, after five years no contact, they mostly left me alone." Mostly. Much like the drinking, Akari would leave those details out too. There was a lot Lucy didn't know from before, unless Seven told her.

Akari doubted that, Lucy would've sat them both down to talk. Fighting or not.

"Alright," Lucy pulled away, swiping her hand across her eyes. Akari's chest tightened and pulled. "When you're ready. Do not go thinking you aren't welcome or can't talk to me, okay sweetheart? Whatever happens, you're family, you understand?" She straightened up, brushing down her shirt and aporn, "now, look at you! There's nothing left," she exclaimed, pulled Akari along, sitting her down at the counter. "Wait there while I go make you something to eat, I'll make some hot chocolate too, we've got a lot of catching up."

Lucy smiled before disappearing back through the swinging kitchen doors, leaving Akari alone in the diner once again. There was a weight off her shoulders but a new one settled deep in her chest. She'd wasted so much time with Seven and Lucy both and she had no idea how to make that up to either of them. Making up with Seven was easier then this. But she was determined to try.

It's the middle of the night, and the apartment is almost quiet. Just the hum of the appliances and your heart pounding in your ears. The new couch isn't as nice as the old one, but it's fine for what it is, you suppose. The room is nearly pitch black, and Julia is cuddled up next to you, head resting on your shoulders.

You aren't sure what compelled you to answer her call at two in the fucking morning but you're glad you did. You should've been more careful. It could've been a trap. But the pile of empty bottles reinforces the little feeling that it's not. That you're safe. That she really did call you drunk and alone and wanting to see you.

So you came. Left the comfort and safety of your base in the middle of the night to come see her. You didn't even take your time walking. You found someone sitting in their car and 'convinced' them to give you a lift before thoroughly expunging yourself and your location, even if it was two blocks away still, from his memory.

And that's where things started to go a bit downhill.

You banged on her door to no answer for at least seven minutes. Only to discover it was unlocked when you went to see if you could break in. Something you should probably bring up with her later. If you were a better villain, you'd save that and have Entropy make a surpirse visit, and hopefully, that'd make her back off. But knowing her, she'd just double down on her vendetta. Once you got inside, you noticed she wasn't in the living room like you'd expected. And calling out got you nowhere. So further in you went and that's when you found her.

You thought she was dead.

And even you're aware of what it meant when your heart dropped down to your stomach and all the air felt like it was sucked out of your lungs. You don't want to see her dead. You never wanted that. And once again, all you could do was stand there and stare. Helpless to watch just like with Them-

Nope. Stop that. You'd made to move. Whether to leave or go to her, you really can't say it, but it doesn't matter.

She had moved. Slowly at first, grogginess clinging to her face as she oriented herself again. Then shed pulled herself up from her position laying on the bathroom floor like you didn't think that call was the last you'd ever hear her.

You helped her up. Awkwardly talked as she slurred and mumbled nonsense at you. Got her to the couch, and now you're holding her as she's cuddled right up to you. She stirs again, making the same sort of soft noise the cats at the ranch would when you'd wake them.

"I'm glad you actually came," she pulls away enough that you can see her smile. Big and goofy and pulling at the corners of her eyes. You stiffen as her hands slide up your body, thankfully on the right side of your clothing. "Surpirsed you answered the phone..." Julia's eyes glaze over as she just sits there and stares at you. Stupid smile getting impossibly wider.

You look away. Annoyed at your bodies betrayal as your cheeks heat up. "Yeah, well, so am I," you move your hands to tug your sleeves down further. Just in case. "Idiot. Your door was unlocked. Do you have any idea how stupid that is? And then I find you like..." You gesture at her, "this."

Laughter bubbles up and out of her, only broken up by the occasional snort. You know she doesn't like that, but you still think it's cute. "Don't forget. 'M the Marshall," she huffs and leans back. Teetering fast enough, you reach out and haul her back forward. Which immediately backfires as she decides to shoot her own arms out and grab you, momentum and weight dictate that she goes down and brings you with her. Her back hits the couch. Your face hits her face. Hard. "Will be nothing getting past me."

"Uh-huh." Julia's arms wrap around your waist and hold you against her. You get enough wiggle room to rub at your now sore nose. "Ex-Marshall, and I'm sure your reaction time and reflexes are at their peak when you're like this."

You get a certain amount of both amusement and satisfaction, watching how her face furrows and crinkles as she tries to process what you said. "Hey," you think you can actually see the wheels spinning behind her eyes as she stumbles around, trying to sort her words. "I got you caught, don't I?" Her grip tightens for emphasis. You're hit with the sharp smell of alcohol as she speaks. "That's. That's proof I can do anything." Her eyes light up at that. She's still staring at you with that same single-focused intensity. You're still staring at the space above her shoulder.

There's a lull. You don't know how long. But she just lays there staring at you with that dopey smile. Hands staying at the small of your back. Toying with the hem of your hoodie but surprisingly not going further up.

Instead, when she finally moves again and proves she didn't die with her eyes open, her right hand slides up to cup your cheek. "You're really pretty, know that?"

The feeling rips its way through your chest and burrows itself deep into your heart as soon as she says that. It's deep and burning and makes you feel sick. You want to pull away. Run. Shower. It didn't occur to you that in her drunken haze, she'd think you were Sidestep again, but now the thought won't leave you alone.

"Hey," her face softens as she strokes her thumb across your cheek. You still lean into the touch. "I mean that. Pretty." Anything else leaves your mind as she pulls you down, lips meeting hers in a soft, tender kiss. More than you'd think she was capable of given her current state. She tastes like cheap beer and tequila, burning at your tongue as hers skims across your lips, waiting for permission. You let her, breathing getting heavier as she deepens the kiss, tongue swirling around your stud.

You're almost gasping for breath when she finally pulls away. Your whole body is hot, and you can feel the sweat dripping at the back of your neck. "I'm glad you're here," Julia laughs as she talks, kissing her way across your face in between words. "....missed you."

She isn't going to remember any of this, so you see little point in attempting to be eloquent. "Right. I. I uh...I missed you too." You don't think it's a lie. "Would you ease up on the death grip? I can fucking move." You need to move. The alternative is laying here on top of her while she looks at you like you're about to vanish again. She doesn't oblige. "Julia, I need to fucking get up. Let go of me." The smile is gone. Clear from her face as her grip tightens of all things. Those big brown eyes are still locked onto you, but they aren't shining anymore.

"Don't go?"

Fuck.

If you didn't know her better, you'd say she sounded scared. Not Julia Ortega, though. The mighty Charge. Aptly named for her boost and her idiotic tendency to charge headfirst at any and everything with all the confidence in the world.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. She does think you're Sidestep, doesn't she? And that you're going to up and leave her again. Fucking hell you need a smoke. But you know that isn't happening so you'll settle for the next best thing.

"I'm not leaving, idiot. I'm going to make coffee." Solves two of your problems at once. You can get up and pace and get something into your system.

And think about how the fuck you got here.

She's smiling again. Apparently your in her eyes threatened abandonment all but forgotten. "I'm good, thanks."

"It wasn't for you, it's for me," you bite back. You doubt she's thristy after who knows how much she's had tonight.