It’s now 19 years later and I still recall the way he first touched me. I was standing on the rail watching the other dancers circle the floor. I felt someone trace a knuckle gently across my lower back. My spine tingled with the simple touch. The energy in that gesture was enough to get me hooked. He then asked for a dance. From that moment on he became my amazing dance partner, lover and friend.
JB was 11 years older than me. He lived in LA and was a professional. I was in nursing school but worked as an aide. He seemed to be a world away from my simple life. He was destined for greatness, I still was figuring out what it meant to be an adult, already immersed in my addictions. We began to chat on the phone until he invited me over.
The first time I went to his little house in West Los Angeles I was dressed in my grandmother's lovely, vintage dresses. He had asked me to wear it. I enjoyed showing off my pretty dress. He had an idea to drive out to Hermosa beach. I mentioned that Hermosa meant beautiful. He replied, that's why we're going there, because you're beautiful. I was 21 years old, Â innocent but wanted the world. I left that dress at his house accidentally. Of course I had to come back to retrieve it later.
We walked out to the sand on Hermosa beach, holding hands and talking. I remember lying on my back in the sand with him hovering over, Â kissing me endlessly with the moon shining overhead. It was a clear night.We talked about how well we danced on the floor, and how that would mean we have good bedroom chemistry. He took me back to his place and carried me to bed. Â I treasure the memory of him taking off my shoes after gently lying me on the bed. He was only the 2nd man I'd ever been intimate with. It was magical. My first boyfriend was puppy love, this was passion and devotion. This was the passion you read about in books.
From then on we were dancing and being intimate often. I would always wait for him to call. Back then I only had a land line. He'd call the evening of our usual dance night and I'd just answer with "yes, I'll be there". I knew what he wanted to see me and dance.
This gentle soul taught me how to surrender. Not only as a lover but as his dance partner. I was not allowed to ask him for a dance at the honky-tonk dance hall. I had to wait for him to approach me. I'd see his gaze from across the crowded hall, eyes that said 'come to me' and right to him I ran. I can't tell you how I learned to let that man move me to the music. It just became an extension of myself. The rhythm of the beat kept driving us forward. I will never forget how to move my feet to that rhythm. Â That two-step to a four-count beat. The 90's country played the soundtrack of those days. Chris Le Doux, Hal Ketchum, Dwight Yoakum, Gary Allan, Clay Walker.. they moved my soul.
He is was the best dancer a girl could ever ask for. When I was in his arms, the world stood still while our bodies moved in rhythm. I learned how to move the way he wanted my body to move. We'd waltz and cha-cha finding our own way to interpret the music. We danced circles around everyone else. I let go and let him lead. To be able to truly learn how to let go is do enchanting. The one time (and I mean only one time) He dropped me, He just picked me right back up and kept moving as if nothing had happened. That chemistry we created has lasted all these years.
He used to wear a cowboy hat for a long time. Its the whole Western theme out there in California, you see. Eventually he decided to take off his hat. What he found after that is that we could be closer to each other when we danced. I remember us biting each other playfully after a particularly great dance. I even remember that he had stopped dancing with me so frequently and then resumed. He said that he had not realized what he was missing, keeping apart from me. I asked him once which he liked more, dancing or sex. His reply was "dancing is sex". I recall one time I fed him a mint and he bit my fingers ever so slightly. So sexy. His name for me was Jamiegirl. He'd say that in his sweet, soothing sensual voice. God, I loved that man.
I would work an evening shift, call him and beg to come over. He'd finally agree. I'd race to his house. Late one night I walked up the drive to his home. He met me at the door in the dark with only a candle for light with a tender look on his face. We'd fall into each other's arms. He'd carry me to bed and gently make love to me. We'd wake up in the morning and I beg him to make love to me again. He would let me stay over and sleep in. Every time I would get up during the night He would kiss me when I returned to the bed and then snuggle me close. I remember one morning he just laid in bed next to me. I woke to him staring at me, I blushed when he said he just liked to watch me sleep.
One night that I'd stayed over, we walked to a coffee shop in the morning. He sat facing me very close. He touched my legs and fawned over me constantly, introducing me to friends. I was enthralled, Â enraptured. The world was glowing. I had never had a man treat me like a Goddess before. One night I walked him out to his car after dancing. We had a fabulous make out session. A week later , the print of my hand was still on his window. Our passion left behind reminders of those moments. He used to help me into his car and put on my seat belt for me. He was so tender.
I was with him when the world got the news that JFK Jr. had been found dead. Silly us laughed at the beach they called "gay head". I miss those early LA mornings when the sky was overcast and the world was new. Oh, to have those moments back if even just for an hour.
He had been getting some Chinese themed work done on his upper arm, the character of the horse and a Pegasus. He is year of the Horse, I am the Snake. Â I had been wanting to get a Chinese written tattoo. I wanted it to say Daughter of the Sun and Moon. He helped to research a tattoo for me and found the phrase "essence of the sun and moon". He took me to his tattoo artist in Hollywood. He held my hands while the artist inscribed the words onto my spine. I winced and he said "oh that sweet sting". I have a piece of him with me always.
He came to my place and spent Christmas Eve with me one year. I was overjoyed that he had come to my home. I kept staring at him in disbelief that he was actually there.He would stay over at my house a few times after that but Christmas was the first time. We stayed up late talking and being intimate. I was able to wake up Christmas morning to the man I loved and say Merry Christmas. The family picture I took that day had me smiling ear to ear with a very happy grin..
I spent many a memorable time with him at his house. One early day we lay on his black leather couch while listening to an entire BB King album. Our times together were precious. He never did get as close to me as I wished. I wanted to be his everything but sadly it was just an affair. I ate up every moment of it all.I guess we were sort of dating but no commitment. We were lovers and friends. I wanted to be his one and only. But as the years have passed I discovered that he struggled with making connections. To this day doesn't have someone close to him.
One night we were waiting for our dancing friends to arrive. We were going to drive about an hour away to another dance hall. We were in his low lit front room. He held me close as we slow danced lost in the moment in each other's arms. He would never slow dance with me in the club. I look up to see Paul and Jill starting at us through the screen door with shocked expressions. Jill asked me later how long He and I had been together, I told her it had been a while. She was friends with the woman he was supposedly 'officially' dating. I was proud that my friend now knew about the relationship we shared. My dirty, little secret was out in the open. I felt so proud that night.
Because we weren't an official item, just lovers; I was to keep things private at the dance hall. That is why He would call for me when he was ready and I wasn't allowed to ask him to dance. I'd eagerly await for my turn in his arms. I'd watch his every move until those eyes caught mine and to the floor I ran. I would have to wait to come over to his house when he was free. It would happen infrequently at times. This give and take did not matter to me, I took every ounce I could.
The funny thing is that our affair lasted way beyond his connection to any other woman. I think he realized what an amazing connection we shared. I remember clearly her dancing on the larger floor at the large dance hall we'd travel to. He and I were dancing on the upper floor. She looked at me with an air of disdain. I smiled and knew that at that moment I had him in my arms. I felt special and wanted by the man I loved. She did not have a turn. Maybe they were not dating any longer.
After I began to date my eldest's father, we all drove out to the dance hall in Arrowhead. We met at his house. I walked in like I owned the place and helped myself in the kitchen. The girl he was dating looked at me with a shocked expression. We all road in the same car. JB brought the girl he was seeing and my guy sat in the back with them. I was in the front seat, Jill was driving. JB sat back there for the long ride and teased the hell out of me, saying all kinds of sexy, inside jokes. I was mortified with our respective partners sitting back there next to him. I was laughing too and felt special to be favored and included in his teasing.
We grew apart when I wasn't going to the dance hall any longer. I went to visit him on my way to a friend's baby shower.  He was overwhelmed by the ample changes my body made after pregnancy. I actually had to smack his hands out of my shirt as he tried to grab at my breasts, I was laughing.  He was obsessed with my chest. I even cheated on her father with him one morning as I left a job in Beverly Hills. Coming home  with evidence of our lovemaking still in my hair. So grateful that they have stayed voluptuous. I had called him and told him that I needed him. It had been so long since we'd seen each other. I remember him dipping down to me like a hummingbird to a flower. He made love to me ever so gently as always, oh that man!
I plan to go back out to California in the spring to visit family and see him once more. So incredible to find out that he yet dances with that old girlfriend of his. And here I come to usurp her once more. I laugh because I am younger and more pleasing. She may have him to dance with now but here nearly two decades later, here I come to claim him once more. I know she still gets to dance with him, probably every week but that's OK. I still get my magical night with him.
I asked him once how did he ever learn to dance as well as he did. He said that a close male friend of his took him to a dance hall one night. When he walked in and saw the dancers twirling around he just knew that was what he wanted. That same friend taught him how to dance in a living room. I'll have to ask him how many years he had been dancing before we met.I would be so curious to know. He was the best dancer, I can't wait to be in his arms once more.
I told him that I would hate to have to share him when I come back out. I asked him to plan it out that way. I will be sure that my desire is clearly stated. I will have my way..He did say he'd work out the plans so we could be more connected. Awwwww...I'm dreaming of seeing him again. Just the thought of being able to have him all to myself for one night is making me quiver. Before I would always have to share and wait for him. Even if I he does not dance with me continuously, I will be pleased to just be there with him. Thank heavens our favorite bar is still open and spinning country tunes.
Maybe we can snuggle and kiss between songs, or maybe it'll be like old times where I had to wait.It will be a long awaited dream come true. To have him all to myself for the whole night of dancing. What a wonderful, anticipated night that will be. I've now found the motivation to get fit and trim so that I can endure the long night of dancing and hopefully debauchery after that. I have been making progress, losing weight and gaining muscle tone. He told me that he was proud that I was trying to meet my goal but that I was always a cutie to him no matter what. He doesn't want me to lose too much weight and lose my chest! That gives me such confidence as I struggle with my weight and my figure.
I'll be sure to fill in the details when that time comes along. I will likely write an entire story about it. Details and debauchery included!! Until then, I'll work on becoming fit and slimmer. And prepare my spirit to surrender to his touch. I hope to bed him well that night. But that my friends, is up to the gods. He has however expressed a desire to bed me but again, I'll take it as it comes.
He's been sending me messages and interacting with me more which makes me happy. I now know that all that fun we had was not just in my head. He has good memories of me too! Of course he does, we had a great season together. I recently dreamed of him, dancing and making love. The biggest obstacle for me is to take him as he is and accept what he can give as an offering. I need to approach him with that mind-set. I have to remember that who we were 20 years ago, may not be who we are today.
To this day I consider him my first true love. I found love and surrender in his arms, if only for a season.We have remained friends throughout the years. I still adore those memories and try to keep them alive. It makes me happy to think back on these days. Â JB Baby, I'll love you always. You will always be my dancing daddy.
