Who's gonna break my heart - Daishou Suguru x Reader
Friends to Strangers to Lovers - Title inspired by my current dopamine song "Dangerously Anxious" by MUNN
Words: over 8k so pace yourself
- 18/17
You know somethingâs up when Suguru enters the gym with a girl. Heâs already late, but the girlâs not wearing any gym clothes. So not a new manager.
Sheâs one year above you and youâve seen her around. Yamanaka Mika or something. Sheâs cute and bile rises up your throat at that thought. No.
âGuys,â Suguruâs grin is genuine, playful, a little proud even, âI want you to meet someone. This is Mika, my girlfriend.â
SĹ immediately stands guard beside you. Heâs the libero and the second-closest friend you have on this team. Well, he might get bumped up as of today.Â
âMika, this is the team.â He introduces them by name and the first-years blush under his praise. The third-years are not impressed, hitting him back with sly remarks that have Suguru blush instead.
Finally, he ends with you.
âAnd this is my best friend from childhood. I told you about her,â he introduces you and you have to fight everything in you not to snarl at him. Instead, you offer Mika your hand to shake, boiling inside.Â
She stays around to watch. You keep your distance.Â
When the first break runs around and you start handing out water bottles she slinks up beside you, asking for Suguruâs. Youâre more than glad you donât have to give it to him, couldnât stand the risk of touching him right now.Â
You manage not to talk to him about anything other than volleyball until training ends.
He leaves quickly, aiming to walk Mika home. You stay behind.
âYou okay?â SĹ asks quietly as you gather your things.
âMhm,â you nod, âJust peachy. Thanks for asking.â
âI donât like her,â he promises and you snort. âYou donât have to. If he wants to get himself a girlfriend, that has nothing to do with me. She might be nice, you know. Itâs not her fault heâs the way he is.â
SĹ nods, but he doesnât seem convinced. He asks if you want to walk home together but you decline. The quiet will do you good.
- 5/4
âWell, you stink,â Daishou declares with an air of finality. Heâs small for a five year old, youâre almost the same height.
You donât blink. He starts to grow anxious, his legs twiddling as if he has to pee.
âWhy arenât you crying?â He asks, clearly annoyed you donât react like anyone else heâs met before.
âI was waiting if youâd come up with something better,â you say, âBut I should have known you donât have any good ideas.â
âHey!â He yelps, âThatâs not fair! That was a good insult!â
You snort and his lip starts to quiver.
âNo way,â someone whispers behind you, âIs Daishou going to cry? What a whimp.â
âIâm not a whimp!â Daishou declares, eyes already reddening. âTake that back.â
You turn your best lazy stare at the person who had muttered that insult. In less than a second he backs away. You might not be a pretty little girl like your mother wanted, but you know how to keep the boys at bay.
âCome,â you take Daishouâs hand and pull him toward the far edge of the playground, âIâm gonna teach you some cool insults.â
- 18/17
âWhat do you want?â You ask instead of a greeting. Suguru snorts into the phone.
âWow, what hellhole did you crawl out today?â
âItâs called a period, thank you very much.â Thatâs a lie. But he doesnât like that topic, so itâs always safe.
âWhatever,â he grunts, âI just wanted to ask what you think about Mika.â
âIâm not into her if thatâs what youâre asking.â
He gasps before laughing. âThatâs not what I meant and you know it.â
âHow did that even happen?â You ask, hoping against hope that he doesnât hear the despair lacing your voice. He needs to believe you donât care. âDid you pay her to do it?â
âExcuse me?!â Suguruâs affronted. âI donât have to pay girls- You know I could-â He sighs before starting anew. âShe asked me out. Can you believe it? I never had a cute girl like me before.â
That stings. But, you try to comfort yourself, he doesnât know you like him. So maybe youâre still a cute girl in his head. Just not one heâs interested in.
âMiracles happen every day,â you tell him, working around the clog in your throat, âBut I need to get going, okay? I still have homework to do.â
âOh, okay, sure. Iâll see you in the morning. We can walk to school.â
âYeah, okay.â You hope he forgets.Â
He doesnât.
.
Suguruâs always been touchy. He was the kid who sat on his mother's lap until she pushed him off and though he made you swear on your life that it didnât happen, he used to be the one grabbing your hand on the way home from kindergarten.
And it used to be your thing.Â
How he pulls on your arm when heâs excited or slings his arm around your shoulders, shaking you. How he presses his face against yours, eye against eye, to make sure you really got his joke.Â
But you canât help but feel sick now, at the thought of it. Because it doesnât mean what you thought it meant. And heâs probably going to do it with Mika now.
âHey,â he pulls on your backpack as a greeting, dragging ice-cold fingertips along your neck. You shiver and he shows a wicked grin. âStill cranky?âÂ
âWas I ever?â You snap back and he cocks his head, tongue slipping out as he musters you. Itâs adorable and you hate yourself for thinking so.
âYou wanna get chocolate milkshakes after school?â
âIâm fine,â you point out. âAnd youâre going to walk Mika home, right?â
âAre you jealous?â He asks and your heart stops for a painful moment until he laughs. âCome on, weâve been best friends forever. Iâm sure sheâd like some Milkshakes too.â
And itâs like that, for days, and weeks on end.
Everything you used to do together is now something you have to share with Mika.
Until she breaks up with him.
- 9/8
âCan we play family?â You ask, a bit more confident in the coziness of your own bedroom. Your parents make more money than Suguruâs, you can tell. Itâs no surprise he likes hanging out at your place more. You prefer it the other way, like the warmth of their kitchen and the noise, always someone around to talk. You like his older sister who teases him relentlessly and his mother who always calls you cute.
But youâve got better toys so youâre hanging out at your place. And since itâs your place, you call the shots.
âAgain?â He asks, but already picks up the Squishmallow you usually use as a kid. You own two and the other oneâs sitting next to your bedroom door, playing dog.
âToday,â you declare your newest idea proudly, âIâm going to make a lot of money. I work in finance, like my dad.â
Suguru nods, gently nursing the Squishmallow kid in his arms. âShould I stay home with the kid then?â
âYeah,â you nod, âYou could make some dinner for when I come home. Do you want to have a Hobby, like Mom?âÂ
âOh yeah,â he grins, âIâm going to be a famous volleyball player on the side. They only have to train and win games, so I have more then enough time to care for our kid and the dog. Do we have a daughter or a son?â
âI donât know. What do you want?â
âI want a daughter,â he lifts her up, squinting as if he can see a real kid in the soft pink plush. âAnd she looks like you.â
- 18/17
Itâs SĹ who tells you. He happened to walk past them on the way to training, couldnât help but overhear.Â
âYouâre such a bore, all you ever do is focus on club activities,â SĹ repeats before you can stop him.
He opens his mouth to ask, but the gym doors open. Suguru looks positively mad.
âWhat are you doing?â He asks SĹ, voice sharp. âThis is supposed to be training. Start running!â He turns to you but you donât even let him open his mouth.
âSuguru,â your voice is cold, clear and cuts through him like always. âCan I talk to you outside for a second?âÂ
He huffs. âWhat if I donât want to?â
âThen Iâll have to ask Coach to tell you to talk to me. You want that?â
âNo,â he snarls, turning back to where he came from. âHurry up, I want to train.â
âWarn the others,â you whisper in SĹâs direction and follow Suguru outside.
Thereâs a group of trees not far from the Gym thatâs pretty much secluded.Â
Suguru swings as if to punch one of the trees but youâre faster, grabbing his elbow and pulling back.
âWe still need your hands,â you huff, âKeep it together.â
âI donât want-â
âI know,â you pull him in, hug him as tight as he allows. âI know.â
You donât know how long youâre standing like this, Suguru trembling like a leaf. Heâs always been a crybaby, even if heâs a little ashamed to admit it.
âWant me to egg her house?â You ask, wishing that just once heâd hug you back.Â
âNo, thatâs stupid.â
âI could put eggs into her shoes,â you point out. âLike I did with that girl that bullied you in Junior High.â
He snorts wetly. âThat was amazing, but no, I donât⌠I just wanted her to like me.â His face is pressed against your shoulder now and you can feel his mouth move against the fabric of your shirt when he talks.Â
âMaybe I should quit Volleyball.â
âBecause some girl told you it was boring? Suguru, youâre better than that.â
âMikaâs not just some girl.â
You swallow thickly, unable to snap back for the first time since you can remember.Â
If only heâd say such things about you too.
âWell,â You manage after a while, âYouâll just have to win Nationals then. Show her what youâre made of.â
âYeah,â he nods and pulls back, your sign to let go. âYouâre right.â
He wipes his eyes and tries a shaky smile.
âLetâs beat Nekoma to a pulp.â
You roll your eyes. âYou and that team. But if it makes you happy, we will.â
- 13/12
âHave you kissed somebody yet?â Suguru asks.
Itâs a nice day out and youâre using your huge garden for Volleyball practice.
You donât like playing it that much, but since Suguru doesnât have that many male friends to play with, you donât mind helping him out.
âNo, you?â
âNo.â
You wait, knowing heâll eventually explain himself.
âHaizaki said itâs lame if you havenât kissed anyone yet,â Suguru explains and leaps into the air to spike a ball.
You receive it, albeit a bit clumsily, and the ball tapers off into the shrubbery to your left.
âI told him that I kissed you,â he says instead of moving, and since you donât really like Volleyball all that much you stay where you are. You have to move enough as it is already.
âOh?â
âYeah,â Suguruâs glaring at the shrubbery now. âHaizaki didnât believe me at first. I showed him that picture from the festival last year. Now he thinks youâre too cute to be kissing me.â
You snort and drop to the floor, too lazy to keep standing. âDid you tell him how I bit your chin when you tried to put your arm around my shoulder for that picture.â
âNo,â now heâs the one snorting. âBut I should have.â
âMhm.â
âDo you wanna kiss?â
You knew that question would come. Still, you donât really have an answer to it.Â
You put your head on your knees and pear up at him, blinking through your eyelashes until he blurs into a shapeless blob.
You donât really care about kissing. Or boys. Thereâs no one in your life thatâs as close to you as Suguru is. Youâre friendly with your classmates, but most of what they want to talk about is boring.
Maybe you donât want to kiss. Or think about it. But Suguru wants it. So you can at least try, right?Â
âFine,â you stretch out your hands, ask him to pull you up. As soon as youâre standing you press your lips to his.
Itâs awkward, and not at all nice. His mouth is slightly open, a little wet with saliva or maybe sweat and his nose bumps almost painfully into yours.
Suguru squeaks as you move away, grabbing your hands to pull you back in. This time your teeth knock against each other and it hurts even more.
âMaybe,â you say, your face pressed against his shoulder when heâs still not letting you go, âHaizaki also never kissed a girl. Maybe itâs totally overrated and disgusting but he just thought youâd believe him.â
âYou think?â Suguru asks, clearly downfallen by this failure. He always just wants to be cool.
âYeah, you just need to be really confident when you tell him that youâre not interested in that. You know? Like, tell the class that Haizakiâs so bad in school because all he thinks about are girls. If you sound like you mean it, everyone will gang up on Haizaki. I do that too and it works all the time.â
His arms, clammy with sweat, loosen their hold on you. His adams apple is bobbing up and down as he steps back.
âYeah, youâre probably right,â he says, voice still a little unsure, âCan we⌠can we play some more volleyball?â
âIf we must,â you groan and his smile flickers back to life, this mischievous teasing thing youâve grown fond of.Â
He pinches your side and moves toward the shrubbery.
âFifty receives or you donât get any ice-cream.â
âThis is my house, you know!â
- 18/17
âCan I talk to you for a second?â
 SĹâs eyebrows shoot up but you remain calm.
âOf course,â you say, following Mika out of your classroom and down the hallway into an empty classroom. You think this oneâs reserved for Music Club.
âI wanted to ask,â she looks nervously to the side before continuing, âif you and Suguru⌠Are you⌠dating?â
You allow Silence to settle before you answer. The question hurts you just as much as it might hurt her to ask and if you can make her suffer a little longer, you will.
âNo.â
âOh,â she looks like she expected a different answer, as if sheâs not sure where to go from here.
âIs there anything else?â
âYes!â She surges forward, boxing you in. âI⌠I want to apologize.â
âFor what?â
âFor breaking up.â
âYouâre talking to the wrong person then.â
She huffs, crossing her arms now. âCould you be any less helpful?â
âWhat do you want me to do?â You snap, losing the small of patience you had.
She slinks back, shrinking into herself. âI just⌠I kinda think it was a stupid decision. But I donât know. Do you think Suguru liked me? Like, really liked me? Youâre his best friend.â
âI donât know,â you offer helpfully, âIâve never been in a relationship. I donât know what really liking someone means.â
And youâre being honest this time, even if she might not believe you. You only know that Suguru doesnât really like you like that.Â
âKaya⌠my friend⌠she said that maybe youâre into him and thatâs why we broke up.â
You straighten, hands balled to fists.
âYou broke up with him,â you hiss, âDonât you dare pin this on him.â
âI know!â Mika howls, clearly exasperated now. âI know! I donât know what Iâm supposed to be doing. Thatâs why Iâm asking you for advice!â
You stiffen, turn toward the window. You can think better when youâre not looking at her, when you can pretend sheâs not looking at you.
If someone asks you about this, if someone ever dares to question it, you will deny it with everything youâve got, but you canât⌠you just canât-
âJust come to our next game,â you tell her, voice tired. âWeâre playing against Nekoma for the Qualifiers. He hates that team. You can decide there how you want to go on.â You turn and move for the door. But something just needs to be said, even if you donât want to speak it into existence.
âAnd heâs not into me. Suguru, I mean. Weâre friends. I just donât have that many and Iâm not used to sharing, thatâs all.â
You leave her standing there, donât turn back to look.
Instead, you go straight to the school nurse, wait until she calls your mum to come and pick you up.Â
You feel sick to your stomach and even though the Congee she cooks does little to soothe that kind of hurt, you donât argue against it.
.
Mika doesnât ask to speak to you again.
But sheâs at your match against Nekoma, you can spot her in the crowd. When she approaches the team after your loss youâre glad that the team moves away in unison.
You donât want to be there when it happens.
âMaybe you should date someone too,â SĹ offers. Heâs remarkably calm about their loss. âKuguri and you are quite similar. You could get along.â
âWhat?â Kuguri turns to look at you, âI heard my name.â
âYou have ears,â you praise him, âGood job.â
He scowls and turns away again.Â
You close your eyes, lean your back against the wall.Â
âI think Iâm going to focus on school work,â you admit, âLeave the Club.â
Takachiho gasps. âLeave the Club? You?â
âWhat?â You scowl, âLike you care. Youâre leaving this year anyway.â
âYeah, but the Club needs you!â Seguro sidles up to you, âYouâre our Manager.â
âLike you canât fill your water bottles without me,â you snarl.Â
âI bet,â Numai mutters darkly, rubbing his chin, âIf youâd get your ass on it, you could turn this team around.â
âIs that a dare?â You ask, stepping up to him. âDo you really think you can dare me to do better?â
âAbsolutely! I bet you could get rid of these cheap tactics and get us to Nationals without Suguru interfering.â
Hiroo snorts. âYou do know, Numai, that our dear Manager is worse than our Captain when it comes to trashtalking, right?â
Your smile grows as Numaiâs flickers and fades.
âBut,â he starts just as someone clears his throat behind you.Â
âSomething going on?â Suguru asks.
Looking at him feels like a punch to the throat. You can tell that heâs happy without him having to say it. Mikaâs nowhere to be seen but it still feels as if sheâs wrapped around him.Â
The team lunges forward.
If anyone notices that youâre not taking part in their playful attack, they donât address it.Â
You sneak away undisturbed.
.
Seguroâs named Captain a few days later.Â
Mika must have talked to Suguru because heâs not dragging you with them anymore. And while you had thought that there could be nothing worse than being the third wheel on one of their dates, being forgotten is so so so much worse.
School is boring you. Training is torture. You need something to occupy your mind.
- 18/17
âAll alone?â Someone settles heavily on the chair next to you.
You donât have to look up. Youâd know that honeysmoothed voice anywhere.
âNot interested, roosterhead.â
Kuroo chuckles softly. âDonât bite, Snakelet. I just want to make some friendly conversation.â
âSure, sure. So youâre not here to scope out the competition?â You donât take your eyes off the game.Â
Below your seats the game is reaching itâs Finale.Â
âWhich one do you want?â Kuroo asks, mouth so close to your ear his breathe washes over your face. You donât flinch.
âIf I had to guess you want the Captain. Heâs got an amazing defense. And with your stupid First-Year youâll need some good defense.â
âNow now, donât insult Lev like that.â Kuroo stretches, yawns and rests his arm on your shoulder. âHeâs even dumber than you make him out to be.â
You canât help but laugh at that comment. At least heâs self-aware.
âGo on,â you nudge your elbow into his side, âTell me who Iâm picking.â
âYou want both Outside Hitters. They are both tall, broad shouldered and have a lot of energy and drive, so you think that would balance out your lethargic teammates. But thatâs a risky move. One of them moves like heâs chugged ten cans of Monster before the game and the other feels like this game is the beginning of his murder-spree.â
âI need someone with Stamina,â you agree, âIf I can get both of them, I will. If I can get only one of them, Iâll take Mr. Murderspree.â
âGood.â Kuroo grins. âI donât want our games to get boring.â
You roll your eyes. âTheyâre not our games, Roosterhead. Youâre graduating.â
âAh,â he pinches your chin. âBut Iâm still watching, you know. From the shadows.â
You snort. âSure. If that gives you closure.â You get up. âYou can stay here if you want, I need to get going. First one to get a student to sign on your team wins.â
âLoser pays the drinks,â he calls after you.
.
Youâre not sure how it happened or when. You donât even know what to call this.Â
Suguru is your best friend, so Kuroo canât be it. Kuroo is Suguruâs enemy and youâre pretty sure you donât feel the same way about him, so he canât be that either.
Youâd call him an annoying cousin youâre not related to if these conversations wouldnât sound so much like flirting nowadays.Â
In some weird way you think he understands you, or at least how your brain works. Heâs pointed out, often enough to remember, that you remind him of Kenma.Â
And youâd argue against it, but heâs never once insulted Suguru in front of you. Talking shit about Kenma feels like disrespecting that truce. Even if you feel a lot smarter than a guy whoâs cosplaying a bowl of pudding.
.
âCongratulations,â Kuroo sets your coffee down in front of you before taking a seat, âBoth Outside Hitters and the Setter, Iâm impressed.â
âHeâs more of a glorified Pinch Server, but thank you.â You drag your spoon through the foam in your cup, destroying the artwork the barista created. Youâre not in the mood for little foam hearts today. âHowâs your new Captain doing?â
âTerrible, but thatâs to be expected.â
âSame.â You let your eyes wander through the cafĂŠ only to get caught on something outside. You know that jacket, that haircut, that smi-
âEverything okay?â Kuroo peers down at you.Â
âDropped my earring,â you claim, patting the floor. Outside Suguru kisses Mika goodbye and turns with one last wave of his arm before jogging of.
You get back into your seat, ignore the amused twinkle in Kurooâs eyes and dare to think that youâve got out of this alive - until someone appears next to you.
âOh, hi!â Mika blinks with a smile, âSuguru just left, what a surprise! I havenât seen you in a while.â
âLikewise,â you press out.Â
âHi, Iâm Kuroo,â Kuroo offers her his hand, âYouâre Daishouâs girlfriend, right?â
âYeah,â her smile brightens, âIâm sorry, I donât know you, are you from Nohebi?â
âNo,â he shakes his head, but doesnât disclose his own school. You donât flatter yourself with thinking itâs because of your glaring. âJust visiting a friend.â
âOh,â Mika rests a hand on her chest, âSorry, I didnât know- of course, Iâll leave you to it.â She all but flutters away. You want to leave.
Kuroo, however, leans over the table, grinning like the literal Chesire Cat.
âShe thinks weâre dating.â
âI donât care what she thinks,â you snarl.
âOh?â His eyebrows lift to where you canât see them. âOhoh?â
âNot like that,â you groan, âGet your head out of the gutter.â
âWhat? I could date you,â he twirls his spoon between his fingers, âDonât all girls want an older boyfriend?â
âI think itâs more about wanting a smarter boyfriend,â you point out, âSo I doubt weâd fit that scheme.â
âYou wound me,â he huffs playfully, âBut if you ever want to make someone jealous you can call me up anytime.â
âThanks, I already hate that idea.â
- 18/17
Itâs a shame you cannot skip graduation.Â
Itâs not even your own but you know Suguru would never let you live it down.Â
So you force yourself to smile in every picture, pretending you donât see the second button of his blazer missing.Â
Ever since Kindergarten heâs been one year above you. Ever since Kindergarten, you went out for ice cream afterwards, you paying for his on his graduation and him paying for yours the next year.
This year he asks if he can bring Mika along. You pay for him, he pays for her and when itâs time for you to pick your own ice cream all you want to do is go home and sleep.
But you canât, so you pick the first flavor you see, not wanting to ruin the taste of your favorite ice cream with this awful memory.
âThis is a cute spot,â Mika announces when youâve found a spot outside under an oak tree, âWe should come here for a date. What do you think?â She addresses you all of a sudden, âWe could do a double date.â
Suguru chokes on his ice cream.
âDouble date?â He asks. âIs there something I donât know?â
Mikaâs eyes widen. âOh, was it a secret?â
âNo,â you grind through your teeth, âItâs not a secret because I donât have a boyfriend. Or date anyone. I just met someone I know while I was scouting new players.â
âWho?â He asks, brows furrowed.Â
âHeâs got dark hair,â Mika explains, âKinda messy like Kuguri-â
âKuroo?â Suguru bristles, eyes turning wide. âYou went out with Kuroo?â
Something turns to ice inside you.
âYes,â you say, âI went out with him. Who cares?â
âHeâs-â
âThe Ex-Captain of a team that didnât win Nationals. Wow. How outstanding.â
âMy arch-enemy!â Suguru thunders, âAnd you know that.â
âPlease,â you huff, âHe barely knows you exist.â
âTake that back!â
âNo.âÂ
âI didnât think-â Mika starts but you shut her up with a glare.Â
âI donât butt into your relationship,â you clarify, âSo you donât get to butt into mine.âÂ
âYouâre dating-?â Suguru gasps for air, âKuroo?â
âDoes it matter? No. I was here to celebrate your graduation not to discuss my lovelife.â
âIf youâre dating Kuroo we can no longer be friends,â Suguru bites out and you nod, get up and throw your ice cream in the trash.
âFine. If thatâs how you want it, Iâll accept. Goodbye.â
You march away, donât look back. You donât want Suguru to see that your eyes start to water as the ice inside you slowly melts.
.
You: If your house gets egged this week, Suguru thinks weâre dating.
Roosterhead: Oh? Buy me Dinner first.
You: Iâm not dating you.
Roosterhead: Iâm heartbroken. You good though?Â
You: I will be after we demolish Nekoma.
Roosterhead: Looking forward to you trying.
- 19/18
Seguro and Yamamoto are shaking hands but all you care about are the glowing eyes of their setter who rest on you, unblinking.
Youâve lost this time, but youâre not giving up. Itâs only a Training Match after all and as soon as youâve figured out how to balance out your team, youâll be fine.
Still, it sucks that youâve lost to Kenma. Of all people.
âHey,â SĹ nudges you with his elbow, nodding toward the door. âWeâve got a visitor.â
He didnât need to tell you. You spotted Suguru half an hour ago but decided to ignore him.
The last two months have been filled with somewhat strained communication, mostly held up by Mika whoâs trying her best to mend a friendship you no longer believe in.
Heâs chosen Mika over you. Youâll be able to live with that, someday.Â
âHey,â someone else speaks up from your other side. You turn to Kenma, whoâs looking the other way.
âYeah?â
âKuroo mentioned something⌠about youâŚâ
âSo?â
He huffs. âI think I have an idea youâd be interested in.â
Youâll never admit that you only agree to buy into Bouncing Ball Corp because Suguru is watching you, but in all honesty, youâd probably agree to selling fridges in the arctic if it buys you a few more minutes away from him.
It doesnât matter in the end. He stays until everyone else has left, hands buried in his pockets, nodding at the players that know him, rolling his eyes at those who donât.
âWhatâs going on?â You ask when youâve run out of reasons to avoid him, the gym empty besides the two of you.
âCanât I come see my best friend?â
âI donât know, are they in the room with us?â
He huffs.Â
âI mean you.â
âCould have fooled me.â
You turn away, take a few steps just to put space where there used to be none.
Suguru calls out your name. Thereâs something in his voice, a softer, more vulnerable tone, that makes you turn around. His shoulders are down and heâs staring at the ground and you know, just by looking at him, that he lost.Â
You donât know if itâs a game or a thing, a person or an idea, but thereâs something to it, the fact that he comes to you for comfort, that soothes some of the hurt.
âWhat did you do now, you fool?â You ask and maybe thereâs something in your voice too, because he takes a few steps and pulls you in, rests his head against your shoulder where no one can see if he cries or not.
âCoach kicked me off the starting Line-Up,â he admits, âIâm just a pinch server.â
âSo?â You ask, âYou were a Pinch Server when you started at Nohebi. Those things take time.â
âYeah,â he croaks, âBut I also failed my first exam.â
âMhm,â you hum, âMath?â
âYeah.â
âWhat else?â
He huffs. âWho says-â
âWhat else, Suguru?â
âI canât get a job. Like, Iâve tried but the only shops that might take me are the fast food joints around College and the hours there are terrible. And I need to train.â
You sigh. He hasnât changed at all.
âHave you talked to Mika about it?â You ask and you know your voice sounds a little condescending right now, but he deserves it, right?Â
âNo.â
âWhy not?â
âI donât want her to know,â he huffs, tensing as you try to push him away. âPlease?â
âIâm not your manager any longer,â you point out. âYouâre old enough to get yourself out of the mess you got yourself into. Iâm not here to-â
âPlease,â he repeats, but thereâs a different tone to it now, âThis is not why I came, okay? I just⌠you always know- Ugh, you just understand me, okay? I need to talk to someone who understands. Please?â
âFine,â you let your bag slip from your shoulder, âYou carry my bag and Iâll listen.â
And itâs a tale as old as time, you think, as you walk next to him, almost knocking your hip into his from.Â
Suguruâs not stupid. He just gets too much in his head about how things should be like until he can no longer see the big picture. And as much as he enjoys dishing out, he cannot take a hit for the life of him.
âSo?â You ask when you reach the cross roads that separate your houses, âFeeling better?â
âYeah,â he nods, âI- I wanted to say⌠If you want to date Kuroo, thatâs fine.â
You balk. âWhat?â
âYeah,â he grimaces, âI mean, I donât like him, but if you think heâs decent enoughâŚâ
âIâm not dating him.â
âKenma then?â
âJust shut up, okay?â You snarl. âIt doesnât matter. Iâm not- I donât care- You know, letâs just say you wonât mind and forget about this, okay?â
âNo,â he shakes his head, âI want to talk about this. Youâre my best friend. Iâm sorry I neglected you. Youâre doing a good job with the team, better than I did when I was Captain last year. And Mika⌠sheâs sorry too. This is my idea, coming here and talking to you, but I know she feels bad too. Sheâs just⌠I think she got a little excited at the idea of us going on double dates. But it wasnât right putting it out like that.â
âIt doesnât matter,â you repeat, too stubborn to give in, âBut I appreciate it. What are you going to do now?â
âOh, study for math, keep looking for jobs,â he huffs, dragging his hands through his hair.Â
âI meant today,â you snort and he blushes awkwardly.Â
âThen say it like that, idiot. You wanna play some volleyball? I have the time.â
âNo,â you shake your head, âBut I could use some math practice.â
- 19/18
Itâs weird, still.Â
Suguru makes an effort to come over once a week. It helps that you can give him pointers in his math studies, but itâs not the way it was before.
Heâs too touchy for a guy with a girlfriend. And though youâve got your heart on a tight leash you can tell itâs much too easy to get lost in this until something reminds you of the truth.
So you do what everyone would do in your situation.
You ask Kuguri out.Â
It goes about as well as one would expect.Â
Sure, you could ask Kuroo. Youâre pretty sure heâd do it, but you donât want to ruin a perfectly fine friendship - if you could call it that.
Soon matches and exams turn up back to back and all you see of Suguru are the short messages he sends whenever he remembers.
He doesnât forget your graduation, but ice cream just doesnât taste the same way it used to.
You wish you could have stopped this ritual when it was still fun.
- 20/19
If someone would ask you for the name of your best friend, youâre no longer sure what youâd answer.
Thereâs Suguru, who you rarely talk to, yet know better than yourself most days.
Thereâs SĹ, whoâs taking the same Classes as you, who youâve shared quite a few wins and failures with since attending Nohebi.Â
And then thereâs Kuroo, whoâs an absolute pain in the ass, but at least heâs reliable.
âI want to get paid for this,â you tell him when you hand over the CD. âI spent a while analyzing all that footage.â
âAh, you love doing it,â Kuroo teases, moving to ruffle your hair, âBesides you always bet on Bokuto. Iâm just helping you get your money through that.â
âI do not,â you grind through your teeth. You hate him sometimes.
âDo to,â he jokes, turning when something catches your attention. âThe Barista has the hots for you.â
You snort. âYeah, sure.â
âAbsolutely.â Kuroo gestures with his hands before grinning. âSee? He wants your number.â
âWhat?â You squeak, turning to look for yourself. The guy isnât bad-looking at all. Maybe a bit less athletic than youâre used to. And heâs waving at you, gesturing in a way that can really only mean one thing.
âWell, Iâm not giving it to him.â
âWhy not?â Kuroo leans back, eyes twinkling. âWould you rather go out with me? Oh, Snakelet, Iâm honored.â
âFine,â you bite out, âIâll get his.â
Kurooâs still grinning when you come back, leaning over the table to look at your phone.
âAh, so thatâs his name. Now, Iâm waiting. Text him.â
âWhy?â
âBecause I wonât believe you otherwise.â
âYouâre sick in the head.â
âMhm, you too. Now chop chop, we donât have all day.â
If you say that your first relationship only exists because of Kuroo, you mean it.
.
Moriwaka isnât all that bad. He might just be exactly what you need.
He studies Psychology, works part-time as a Barista, and collects Star Trek memorabilia, which means you have literally nothing in common and so much more to talk about.
And itâs nice, how he never once asks about Suguru - theyâve only met briefly - or Volleyball - he doesnât like Sports - or your parents - heâs not into Finance.
He doesnât push you either.
You donât like being touched? Thatâs fine with him, heâs happy sidling up to you on the way to the Cinema - he bought two tickets for the newest Star Trek movie.Â
All in all, it feels a little more like having a new best friend, just that Moriwaka likes to tell you how good youâre looking every single day.
- 20/19
âIâm going to use the bathroom,â you say, getting up from the Couch.Â
âIâm pausing the movie,â Moriwaka announces, âThis is the best part.â
Youâd probably disagree with him if you cared enough, but itâs fine. Star Trek is important to him and he never once complains when you make him rewatch a Volleyball Game.
The doorbell rings just as you close the door behind you.
âThatâs probably the Pizza,â he announces. You yawn.
The window doesnât close properly but you donât care, no one can see you pee anyway.
âWhat are you doing here?â Moriwakaâs voice floats up.
âIâm looking for someone.â You freeze, the voice too familiar. Whatâs Suguru doing here?
He says your name.
âAh, sheâs not here.â You can hear Moriwaka, your heart thumping awkwardly in your chest. Why is Suguru looking for you if he could just call you?
âNo, no, Iâm sure sheâs here.â
âSo what? She doesnât want to see you.â
You fumble the door lock trying to get out. Whatâs Moriwaka doing?
It doesnât take long to get out of the apartment and down the stairs, but it feels like half an eternity.
The door is open and you can hear Moriwaka before you can see him.
âIâve seen your messages,â he announces, voice weirdly cold, âYou only call to unload your baggage on her. Youâre a pathetic, wet rag of a man.â
âAnd youâre any better?â Suguru snaps back, âYou have no idea whatâs between me and-â
âIâm her boyfriend,â Moriwaka announces just as you slide out the door behind him.
Suguruâs face turns perfectly blank at your sight, but Moriwaka isnât lucky enough to get the hint.
âIâm not allowing you to talk to her.â
âI donât think thatâs your decision,â you tell him coolly.Â
He turns, surprise evident on his face. But no guilt.Â
âListen, Iâm just trying to protect you.â
âI donât need your protection.â
He scoffs. âWhat? So youâre just going to let him drag you down again? He probably just lost another game. Or his girlfriend ran off or whatever.â
Suguru flinches. The breakup happened a few months ago, but heâs always been bad at taking hits.Â
âIt doesnât matter,â you tell Moriwaka snidely, âHeâs my best friend. You donât have any say in that.â
âYouâre just in love with him,â he spits out, âRight? Thatâs why youâre pushing me away all the time. You donât really want to date me, youâre just passing time with me hoping heâll suddenly turn around and be interested in you.â
Suguru steps forward, fists balled but youâre a little faster, always more inclined to use your tongue instead of your fists.
âGo,â you tell him, your calm facade your biggest weapon, âYour movieâs waiting. Iâm sure Captain Whatever has some inspirational quotes for you to flirt with next time.â
Moriwaka huffs, but heâs not dumb enough to take the bait. Or maybe he doesnât care enough either.
âGo, be unhappy if thatâs what you want.â He slams the door shut behind him.
-
The night is warm, the air around you humid and heavy.
Suguruâs looking up at a nearby street lamp, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.
âYou were looking for me?â You ask, not ready to deal with the can of worms Moriwaka just opened.
âYeah, IâŚâ He clears his throat. âI got⌠I got a deal. For the Yotsuya Motor Spirits. I know itâs only Division 2 but theyâll let me finish College while I play.â
âOh, Congratulations,â you step forward, not really sure what you want to do, just knowing that you want to be closer.
âThanks,â he clears his throat again, âI was⌠I was talking to my parents about it and when they hung up all I could think about was that I wanted to tell you. We havenât⌠we havenât talked in a while, right?â
âYeah.â You want to ask him whoâs fault that is, but really, isnât it your fault too? After all you were the one who fell in love in the first place.
âHowâd you know I was here?â You ask when heâs fighting for words, tongue slipping out between his lips as he thinks. Itâs a habit heâs had since youâve known him and altough youâve tried to hate it, it just endears him even more to you.
âAh,â He drags a hand through the hair at the back of his head, âI was at your place but you werenât there. And I figured you might be out with friends, but SĹ said youâre out with your boyf- some guy but he doesnât know where that is.â
âSo?â You did not miss the way he stumbled over the term boyfriend. Your heartâs beating too fast to be healthy, but thereâs a smug grin on Suguruâs face now, a look that tells you this story is going into a different direction now.
âYouâve been posting pictures of your favorite drink lately and thereâs only one shop in Tokyo who makes it exactly the way you like it, so I thought Iâd try over here. Remembered the dudeâs name too, can you believe it?â
You laugh. Heâs unbelievable, so proud of himself and his most basic deduction skills.
âYou did great,â you tell him, âYou wanna talk a walk? I need a bathroom and Iâm not going back up there.â
âOh, yeah, sure.â he ushers you along, âThereâs a 7-Eleven down the street.â
-
And it feels like yesterday, hips almost knocking into each other, walking down the street.
It feels like youâre six years old again and Suguruâs walking you home from school, his hand clutching yours because even though heâs older, heâs a bit more scared of the world.
It feels like youâre thirteen, only beginning to understand that some boys are gross and some boys are cute and why your heart flutters softly when Suguruâs tongue peaks out whenever heâs lost in thought.Â
It feels like youâre seventeen, heart heavy yet ready to leap, calculating all the ways a confession could go wrong - and the one way it could go right - only to miss your chance.
âHeâs right, you know,â Suguru points out in the too bright lights of the store when you come back from the bathroom.Â
Heâs staring at the cut up fruits in the fridge and maybe heâs thinking what to get for a late night smoothie, but maybe heâs thinking the same thing youâre thinking about.
How all 7-Elevenâs are kinda the same and if they are, is this a place out of time? A place you can stay in without getting older, without the consequence of change?
âI really am a pathetic,wet rag of a man.â
âHmm,â you make, stepping so close to him your shoulder brushes his. If youâd be a little braver, youâd take his hand.Â
If you could have a chance to get stuck in time, youâd take it if it meant being with him, hands not quite touching, bare faces reflected in the clear doors of an oversized fridge.
âI swear Iâm not doing this because Iâm lonely,â thereâs a wetness to his voice that your ears are used to, grown fond of, even. The back of his pointer finger touches the back of your hand and his skin is warm and a shiver races down your back.
âAnd I should hate myself for breaking up what you had with that guy, but-â
You want to turn, look directly at him instead of his reflection in the glass, but youâre frozen in place, heart thundering so loud he must be able to hear it.Â
âIâve had a crush on you since⌠since way before I asked to practice kissing. Youâre the coolest person Iâve ever known, and I⌠Iâm so tired of pretending that someone else can compare. Iâm sorry.â He whispers the last words, hiccups softly when your hand grabs his, squeezes as tight as you can.
Youâre going to cry any second, you know, but you donât want to, even if itâs him youâre with.Â
You donât want any tears to blurr your sight when you can look at him, see him, face flushed and eyes watery, all 179,5cm of pathetic, wet rag of a man.
âDo you want to play family?â You ask, voice a little rough, eyes a little watery too. âWe can even get a dog.â
He smiles so wide you can barely see his eyes.
But when he leans in and kisses you, nose softly bumping yours and chuckles ringing through the air, you have to disagree with your younger self.
Kissing isnât overrated at all. If anything, itâs probably underrated.
- 21/20
âOh no, we have to play against you guys?â Bokutoâs voiceâs too loud to ignore even in the bustle of a packed stadion.
Suguru bristles next to you but relaxes a little when your elbow digs into his side.
âLike theyâre going to give you any problems,â Kurooâs voice is smooth and sticky, clinging to your ears like caramel to the teeth. âRight?â
âKuroo,â Suguru drawls, âYouâre here too?â
âWell of course,â his grin reminds you of the famed Chesire Cat and your arm slings around Suguruâs waist, pulling him in.Â
He stumbles a bit, turning to look at you. Surprise, joy and then deep adoration wash over his face in a way youâll never grow tired off. Suguruâs hand slides into the back pocket of your jeans and you know, would there be less people around, heâd be kissing you too.
âAww, cute,â Kuroo sings, âYou didnât hear anything I just said.â
âShould we?â You ask, âIf I want to hear an asshole talk I can just fart.â
Suguru snickers even as Bokuto howls in the background, clearly excited to have a new insult to try on someone else.
But Kuroo wouldnât be Kuroo if you could best him with one lame insult.
âFunny,â he smiles, âYouâre managing today too?â
âNo,â you shake your head, âJust here for Suguru.â
âAnd weâre going to win,â Suguru declares, âMSBY has no chance against the Yotsuya Motor Spirits.â
He says it with conviction, but you know the chances of him winning are low. MSBY have been rising to the top ever since they drafted Miya Atsumu right out of highschool. Now theyâve got Bokuto too. If theyâd gotten Sakusa Kiyoomi too like theyâd been planning for months, youâd bought the consolation cake already but at least heâs insistent on finishing College before he starts playing professionally.Â
It doesnât matter, though.Â
Youâre not with Suguru because heâs got the best chance at winning the game and he knows it. And no matter the outcome of this game, thereâs already a small velvet box at home that he thinks you donât know about.
Like he could keep any secrets from you.
- 27/26
âThatâs all,â you cut off your assistantâs questioning, âEverything else has to wait until tomorrow.â
âI understand. Have a good evening.â
âYou too.â You cut the call and park the car, thinking for the umpteenth time that you need to start looking into the possibility of hiring a driver. Some of these calls get too intense to be held at the wheel of a vehicle.
Thereâs a Volleyball on the front lawn and a chewed-up dog toy. You drag your keycard through the scanner and stifle a yawn as the door opens.
âIâm home,â you call out over the pitter-patter of feet.
Thereâs Princess, your husky-mix and Kuroo, the little black Frenchie that his namesake gifted you at your wedding.Â
âKitchen!â You hear a voice over the Princess howling. Sheâs always so excited to have you back home.
âHey,â you canât help smiling as you step into the kitchen, both dogs hot on your heels. Suguruâs standing at the stove, Hime tied to his front. Only a tuft of her dark hair is peaking out and you lean in to kiss him first and then the top of her head.Â
âHow was it?â He asks, âTired?â
âExtremely so, but everythingâs going well. Even Dad is impressed. How was your day?â
âMh, no, youâve got to tell first,â he insists, pulling you into his side, âBecause I wanna hear your voice a bit more before I tell you about the absolutely disgusting diaper change I had to go through today.â
You laugh. âOkay, so you remember Mamushi, our Client?â
âMamushi with the thick eyebrows or Mamushi who slurps every beverage?â
âSlurper Mamushi.â
âOkay, Iâm following.â
âSo, this morning I got an email from him where he claims that weâre charging him too much. He gave us two options: Reduce the cost or dismiss the contract altogether.â
âOh, thatâs spicy. What did you do?â
âWell, remember how I had to cut our lunch call short? I met up with him for coffee right after and got down to business and you wonât believe it: he settled on a different contract that actually costs him more but heâs happy with it. Apparently he doesnât like how itâs done nowadays and the old times were far better.â
âAmazing,â Suguru drops a kiss on your temple, âI would love to see the face of this man when he realizes how stupid he is. Youâre a genius.â
You giggle.
âHow was your day, then? Apart from the diaper catastrophe?â
âWell, I regret to inform you that Hime already has an admirer. Kojiâs head over heels for her. I had to threaten him with bodily harm to get her back.â
âOh, is that your libero?â You think, âThe one with the Iro?â
âYep, he died it pink last week.â
âWell, pink suggests heâs sensible. If Hime likes him too-â
âDonât say that!â Suguruâs hands come down to cover Himeâs ears, âMy princess isnât going to date anyone until sheâs at least thirty.â
âMhm,â you lift your eyebrows, âAnd how are you going to explain to her that we had her way before we turned thirty?â
A blush works its way up his cheeks and you lean forward to sink your teeth into the flushed skin only to press your lips onto it right after.
âLove you,â you tell him, voice a bit raspy with emotion.
Sometimes, in moments like this, you can barely believe that this is how your life played out.
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