002: The Crucial Part (5.30.2)
SO backstory time. Basically, the first week of May (I actually think it was May 1st, but specifics donāt matter.), I addressed Gen with a problem I think I may be facing: Miles showing some interest in me.
The reasons I had the feeling it was happening started when we first started going over to the House. We played the new version of Clue, where people would end up dying if there were too many Clock cards drawn. Miles had gotten ClariseĀ ākilledā by forcing her to draw a card since he had relocated her to a different room, and the card she drew was the 8th Clock card (thus killing her). After he did that, he joked that his character (Mr. Green) was stalking mine (Ms. Peacock) through the house while carrying his ax (the weapon he accused Clarise with).Ā
The following week, when we actually joined in the D&D, he created a NPC as a halfling bartender that ended up having a thing for my character. It became a thing he brought up repeatedly that day. His NPC actually asked if Momo & Clariseās characters could put in a good word for him (which, thinking back in hindsight, could be construed as a hint for them as well). When their characters left the tavern and mine was still there with Irisās, his NPC hit on my character.
This is what I told Gen when I first mentioned it, and she said that he seemed to be flirting. After that, it was touch and go on flirt-vibes.
Anytime I went to visit them and spent time with him, he has been very attentive to anything I had to say. But I figure that is just him being nice. However, for a D&D session, there was a moment he was struggling with something and I helped him out with something, and I didnāt think about it until he commented about it withĀ āAt least Io likes meā towards Clarise who was giving him trouble. He also was a bit stricter towards me about my character voice that day, and the halfling was mentioned again.He also tried to impress me, I think. I showed him my class ring and he showed me his from when he graduated.
That was the one day, about 2 weeks ago, I think. Following that, we have just been playing board games and visiting places like the Japanese Grocery, so it was hard to discern.
Recently, some more came up. As I mentioned in 5.30.1, we were over there twice in the last 3 days. Turns out he was watching a show with his sister that I suggested, he joined in on the Bachelorette game, and involving himself a bit more. As far as Running Man, I tend to instruct people on the Korean aspects that they might miss and a bunch more. And he said he appreciated the Korean lesson, which I initially thought was sarcasm but turns out he was being honest. (I am VERY horrible at discerning if someone is being genuine or sarcastic.) And his attentiveness towards me was getting stronger. But to be honest, he was pretty preoccupied with his idea of setting up a fire pit in the backyard.
But today, the signs were stronger than ever. Some important things to highlight and are open to interpretation because I have one, and others could have another.
For the first time this past month, he sat next to me on the couch
He baked snickerdoodles & pointed out his proficiency at Pokemon Shuffle (attempt to impress?)
He was constantly leaning towards me and sat really close (he had a bunch more room on his side)
Our legs brushed repeatedly, thatās how close
For my turn, he would put his hand on my back
Anytime a dice fell, it always landed under the couch and he crawled down so I wouldnāt have to
Spending as much time as I did with him today, it wasnāt as awkward talking to him as it has been (on my side, but very likely because we were next to each other rather than facing each other.)
((NB: I have a bit of a complex about making eye contact with guys that either I have a thing for or I think have a thing for me, so up until today, talking to him was weird for me because I would almost intentionally avoid eye contact. However, if someone is speaking, I may very strong eye contact because thatās how I am, so I am a contradiction.))
When Iris & I were leaving, Miles and I actually hugged (first time ever)
Itās worrisome. All of it is. Gen thinks he has a crush on me or is trying to flirt with me (based on what I told her). I could be totally misinterpreting all of it. I could be overthinking everything. Wouldnāt be the first time, since when I first started hanging out with Clarise and Momo again, I was kind of hung up on a crush I had from a class I had (until I talked to him and learned more about him).
Sorry for ranting and raving about this. My plan right now is to just ignore anything he sends my way, pretend I donāt notice. The reasons that Iāve come up with are that, despite the fact that heās a pretty cool/nice/smart guy:
heās my friendās little brother (heās only younger than me by a year, before people start attacking)
not looking for anything seriousĀ at allĀ right nowĀ
I plan on leaving in less than 7 months
despite having had a crush on him in high school, Iām not attracted to him anymore (not a fan of his facial hair)
heās our DM which could cause problems or favoritism
I need to focus on me after the crush I had that failed miserably
But another problem I have is the fact that I am more likely to gain some kind of attraction to him do to the Propinquity (mere exposure/frequency) effect. He already knows all myĀ āabnormalā interests like video games, KPop, and I think RP.Ā
I donāt know. I guess this is going to be a reference page as well so that if anyone is wondering about the issue that I could refer to, this is it, in typed form.
