Fontalicious, but not delicious
A new font rant after so long that's actually fair and not just a bowling ball to the ballsack of the people who created this font? No way! Big shock! Domain expansion! Billions must have their mouths wide open like they're about to suck the best dick they've ever sucked in their life, in shock!
Did they pull "swinky" out of their ass? I searched up the definition of this obscure ass word and i only got the definition of "swanky" + 6 urban dictionary definitions of swinky that are completely different and have nothing to do with each other. Like, where did they get it from?
Now imagine if you slapped this unknown concoction on your dad. Then what the hell would it be? It would be Swinkydad. That is the most random name they could have picked.
Now i'll get back on the definitions. In Dafont.com (a really nice site), it says "First seen on DaFont: before 2005" The font was made before 2005. So i went back to urban dictionary to see the definitions of "swinky", and the oldest definition.. is it from 2010? 2004? 2007? 1969? Fuckin' 200 B.C.? No.
It's from FUCKING 2016, and has 14 dislikes out of 6 likes.
Ok, let's stop vomiting mom's spaghetti on the font's name and rant on the design.
The design is terrible! All of the glyphs are squashed into a pulp, not to mention how unnecesarily wide it is! I will show you the comparison between "Swinkydad" and another normal Fontalicious font, to prove how c h o n k y it is.
This is in real size too.
If you somehow can't notice a difference, "Swinkydad" is SO W I D E, that less letters would fit into a single row because the cells are stretched in favor of the wideness of the glyphs, and that's why it has an extra column!
But not "Kravitz" though, which is likeably slim, thus making the cells skinnier and allowing more letters to fit in a single row, and removing the one added column.
Now let me do some maths real quick.
2 + 2 = 69 xD xD xD xD xD xD xD lol lol lol haha my roflcopter go swoosh swoosh swoosh swoosh swoo-
Ok, enough fucking around, now for real.
I counted every "Swinkydad" letter in each row and then put it on an average calculator, and the average was 6.5 letters per row (8, 8, 7, 3)
6.5 is a quarter of all the normal letters in the alphabet, which is not shocking at all.
I counted every "Kravitz" letter in each row and was pleased to see how many letters per row there was.
The average? 8.6666666666667 letters per row!
That's exactly a third of all the normal letters in the alphabet!
It's a surprisingly big number, but it's a bit unsurprising due to the skinniness of the letters.
So i subtracted the letters per row in both fonts by descending order (8.6666666666667 - 6.5), and got a 2.16666666667.
Kravitz has 2.16666666667 more letters per row than the fatass that "Swinkydad" is. That's how wide "Swinkydad" is.
But i'm not here to give a handjob to Lenny Kravitz so i'll get back on track.
I do not like how the letters look at all. It looks like Nikocado Avocado took "Bauhaus 93" and- oh wait, he tricked us all.
Well, it looks like some fatass took "Bauhaus 93" and sat on it, flattening it in the process. The lowercase B is just the uppercase B flipped vertically and horizontally, and if the lowercase D is the same as the uppercase D, then the 6 IS JUST A FUCKING D!!!!! They didn't even know that a 6 isn't flipped horizontally! And it's just a crushed Bauhaus 93 D too!!! It's like some dumbass is counting and then..
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, uhhh... d, 7, 8, 9, and tin!"
Also, some simbols for some reason are a playing card ace of clubs, and some are uhh...
WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS IS!
Some symbols also for some reason have dots inside them like for example, the uppercase and lowercase O, which instead of a normal glyph, looks like a planet, and the 8 which just looks like a sideways "No words" emoji. almost half of the symbols are blank, and 3 lowercase accentuated letters have NOTHING to do with one another!
The õ is just the 4 with a rounded tail, the ù is probably a scrapped design for the lowercase G, and the ú? It's just a fucking Y! Yeah, Y! Y! Y for why! Why! WHY! WHY? WHY?!
I do not have anything more to say.
