#dadthoughts

Lately, I’ve been thinking about that old question: Is the glass half full or half empty? It came to me not during a quiet moment of reflection, but in the middle of real life—when I was looking at my daughter’s latest school report. She’s struggling with some of her academics. Math has been tough, and her grades show it. But at the same time, she’s thriving in music, surprising us with her…

How long can a dad stand in the middle of a walkway at the mall, holding shoes, before people notice…

Hundreds stroll by, none giving a second glance. Feet feel like they will permanent root to the tile soon.

Happy couples.

Single moms with a small gaggle of little ones… all shapes and sizes.

Everyone in a phone. Including me writing this

Thought like… I wonder where I could stand where the ac would blow on me. I wish there was a chair here. My back hurts.

Poor girl in the baby toilet protection kiosk… she hasn’t sold anyone in 45 min. Most people just say no thanks. Sone ignore her like she isn’t saying anything. But then again how pushy do you have to be selling potty protectors.

The smell of pretzels wafting over me. Man. Why are those things so delicious… butter. Butter is why.

Ok. Now I’m getting impatient. When I move again I will have to be sure not to stumble or fall else I will stand out as a bad dad.

Keeping good posture seems to help a little.

Wow. I wonder if that little dog is going to drop a deuce.

Sometimes I can't believe what I have right now. No, this isn't a complaint. There are times (a lot of times) when I find myself just looking at everything I have. I mean, what did I do to deserve this? I have a wonderful wife who cooks (my waistline's furious) the most amazing food. And the best part is, most of them are just spontaneous! She makes her experiment recipes and comes out with a dish that you'll crave. She literally does her best to balance that work-life-mama'life balance. LOL. Couldn't ask for more. (But maybe 2 - 3 more babies hehe)

WORK Ever had a feeling that you hit a dead end? Like you had a simple routine, but it's no longer effective? And that it brings more bad than good? Yeah, I'm right there. As mentioned, I work 5 days a week in the office and my offs fall on the weekend. Great right? Kinda ideal. When I first started here, it was all good. I've had fun and learned a lot of things. Had a blast with the year end party and Christmas party. We eat in the office when we have a celebrant and whatnot. But recently, things have been kinda stale. Like everything's turning to black and white. The worse part is, I'm not the only one who feels this way. Apparently, people in my team also feels the same. What's worse than that? There's no solution to it. I can't help but feel as if I'm the burden by summing up all of my mistakes. Heck, I don't even feel worthy to take a 15 minute break or ask for a leave. I don't know. It's been really draining these past few months. I've always hated this feeling and hoped that I wouldn't go through it again, but I've been dragging myself lately. And I know that it's one of the signs that a person is no longer happy, no.. willing to do whatever it is needed to be done. I want to feel the excitement I had before. But how can I if I'm being micro-managed? They tell you one thing and it becomes a different thing quickly. A backhanded compliment. Favoritism. Being frustrated with you not knowing a certain process they didn't even teach. No proper training. I used to think that the people are worth the stay, but apparently that reason's starting to deflate.

(I wish I finished school instead.) Meh, hopefully one day we'll all find our spark again.

-- FAMILY Coming home to them brings me comfort. Sometimes I come home to my boy sleeping on the sofa and my wife working. A quiet afternoon. Relaxing. OR I'd come home and see my boy riding his bike in the yard, yelling "Daddy!" as I walk to the gate. I feel that the stress I have from work drops. And I squeeze out the remaining energy I have to play with him. I love weekends. I get to spend the whole day with them. May it be just at home, relaxing or out at the mall. Sometimes we'd attend a birthday party. Literally takes off the stress you had for the week before. Recently, I feel like I've lost my touch. Or is it just that they're growing up? LOL. He has his own feelings now. He knows what he wants and what he doesn't. That's great and all, until my wife told me something. Apparently, they went to the mall on a weekday (I was in the office), and Rex wanted this piece of gummy something from the candy shop. She said "No", because she didn't have extra cash on her and Rex took the candy and ran off. Kinda alarming, right? (Bet it is). She ran after him and took the candy back to the store. So fast forward to yesterday, we went to the mall since it's a weekend. To be honest, I never had a problem walking into a toy store with him. He never splat himself to the ground just because I couldn't buy something he wanted. He never cried, never yelled, never had a tantrum because we couldn't buy what he wanted. But yesterday, he was trying to get a chocolate egg with a toy inside (You know those little KinderJoy surprise eggs? Those ones.), and I said we couldn't because we haven't eaten dinner yet. I was holding the one he was holding and then he let go. I thought, alright, he understood. But, Alas.. his hands were fast to grab the egg next to what I was holding and ran off. So I ran after him and caught him. I'll admit. It wasn't cute. I was actually angry at what he did and I think he felt that. We walked for a little while and his mom was looking at clothes. I took this opportunity to talk to him. With all my might not to raise my voice, I told him that it wasn't right. It's bad. And that's how a person would end up in jail. (Come on, it is, right???) He looked up to me with the most sorry eyes I saw in my life with a bit of tears on the side and he said "Sorry" and hugged me. I think to myself, "If I didn't need to go to the office everyday, this wouldn't have happened". I don't blame my wife, because she already has a lot on her plate. She works from home, takes care of Rex, fixes his school bag, school lunch. Sometimes she does the laundry while working. She even cooks for their lunch. So, yeah. She has a lot already. I blame myself. I haven't been there for either of them. He had trouble breathing recently. We thought it could be Asthma, since I had that, too when I was a kid. He would breathe in deep and exhale, like a very deep sigh. But according to the doctor, it's actually psychological. The simplest example the doctor gave is that when we (adults) think about something that bothers us, or remember something really sad or when we were afraid, we tend to do the same thing. In this case, it's the same with children.

I feel sad. I should've done better. I should've been there.

It's been a very long while since I last posted something here. LOL. I hope you guys have been well. With all this Covid thing, one time we're all required passes, facemasks and even damn faceshields and the next thing we know, it's optional to wear facemasks and faceshields. Man, everything seems back to normal. But, we can never be too careful. My boy's turning 5 years old this year. Man, does time fly fast. One day you're changing their diapers, the next thing you know is that you're dropping them off to school, watching them run towards their classroom and saying "Hi" to their classmates. They're very curious at this age. I learned that myself. Every time I would do something, it'll start with a "What's that, dad?". After I answer, there's that follow up "Why?". And I explain to the endless "whys". It makes me better understand what I do at the same time, letting my boy know why I'm doing what I'm doing (does it make sense? LOL

They also talk a lot. Not baby talk anymore, no. But actual words. They explain what they're doing, they have their imaginary friends and they tend to name everything that needs a name.