Interviewer: [reading the flavors] “ok so… Damian you either have strawberry banana smoothie or dead fish”

Tim: [whispering loudly with fingers crossed] “pleasebedeadfishpleasebedeadfish]

Damian: [pops it in his mouth] “it’s the smoothie” [steps on Tim’s foot] “and why is it called dead fish? Aren’t fish typically dead when they’re consumed?”

Interviewer: “that’s a good question that I don’t have an answer for. Tim, spin the wheel and pick your bean”

Tim: [flick the spinner] “oh man, toasted marshmallow or stink bug. Bottoms up” [grimaces and spits it out] “oh god, oh god, how did they make that a flavor??”

Duke and Damian: [snickering]

Dick: ”my turn, let’s go” [flicks spinner] “ cappuccino or liver and onions. Oh gross” [puts the bean near his mouth before smiling innocently] “do I have to?”

Interviewer: [laughs] “yes, yes, you gotta!”

Dick: [dances on his toes before taking a deep breath and eating the candy] “oh thank god, it’s delicious”

Interviewer: “you’re safe now but I’ll make sure to have you play this again if we see each other”

Dick: “oh I’ll be ready”

Interviewer: “Duke ready to spin?”

Duke: [shy smile] “I guess” [spins] “blueberry or toothpaste, that’s not bad” [eats his bean] “it’s toothpaste”

Interviewer: [light teasing] “I think you should go again, that’s not fair”

Duke: [doing a victory dance] “I’ll take my loss as a win today, thank you”

Interviewer: “ok Mr. Wayne, it’s your turn. We can’t let the kids have all the fun”

Dick: [is a grown man, looks into the camera with a bitch what look]

Bruce: [smiling widely] “the old people need to be apart of the wild shenanigans”

Tim: “please don’t embarrass us, B”

Interviewer: “oh! You like to embarrass your kids?”

Bruce: “it’s a hobby of mine. They’re annoyed when I make twits on twee— Twitter!” [laughs at himself]

Duke: [wants to set himself on fire]

Bruce: “ok let’s do this” [shit spin] “oh that was a bad spin”

Damian: [mumbles] “you should’ve worn your glasses”

Bruce: “shh” [spins] “ok buttered popcorn or rotten egg. I don’t want either of those” [takes bean]

Interviewer: “1 2 3 go”

Bruce: [chews it and swallows]

Interviewer: “buttered popcorn?”

Bruce: [shakes head] “no, it was rotten eggs”

Interviewer: “you didn’t have to swallow it!”

Bruce: [waves her off] “spitters are quitters” [eyes widen and face turns beet red] “oh sh—“ [looks at his kids expressions]

Duke: [slowly turns his head to make eye contact]

Tim: [leaning down trying to stop himself from laughing too loud]

Dick: [looks like he might murder Bruce]

Damian: [is a bastard child] “what does that mean, papa?”

Me: hey dad, you know how four feral dogs are attacking you and your dog friend?

Dad: yes

Me: you should probably pull out a gun and kill them

Dad: yes well I would but see I'm struggling to remember which button that is

Me: how long have you been playing this game

Dad: just over a month

Then

Dick: [has a mild fever]

Bruce: “oh fuck what do I do? Do I take him to the hospital?? Dick get up, we’re going to the hospital”

Now

Damian: [walks up to Bruce and shows him his detached finger] “I would like your help”

Bruce: [looks at the finger then Damian] “with? You know how to reattach a digit”

Damian: “yes, but seeing as I have to do it on my own hand it’s quite difficult”

Clark: “I’m sorry, I’m not understanding here. What rules do you follow in the manor?”

Bruce: [sips coffee] “well, I had to make rules as I went and they’re all unspoken really, so I’ll try to explain. Rule number one: don’t sleep naked in a house where children are being trained to use lock picks”

Clark: “how did that even come up?”

Bruce: [squints into the distance] “I learned this one the hard way”

Flashback 8 years ago

Bruce: [sleeping naked when he hears his doorknob rattling] “hello?” [gets up and slowly stalks around the bed]

Jason successfully unlocks the door, Bruce sees his small shadow before his head makes it past the door. Bruce quickly rips the sheets off the bed and covers himself

Bruce: “no no! Shield your eyes! Shield your eyes! Look away, Jay!”

Jason: [is confused and scared squeezing his eyes shut but still walking into the room] “what? Why? What’s happening?!” [panicked screaming]

Bruce: [is panicking] “walk away, Jay! Out the door!”

Jason: “where is the door?! You told me not to open my eyes!”

Back to the present

Clark: “Bruce? Bruce? Hello, Earth to Bruce”

Damian: “it’s an incredibly stupid ide—“

Dick: “Dames, stop being so quick to shoot things down”

Damian: “I would listen if it weren’t stupid”

Dick: “Damian, you need to—“

Bruce: “if you’re going to argue at least practice in your goal languages. Damian you need to work on your French, your pronunciation is god awful. Dick, you need to practice your German”

Bruce: “Damian, what do you have there?”

Damian: “a knife!”

Bruce: “Dick get down before you fall”

Dick: [giggling] “no!”

Clark flies in

Clark: “hey sorry for just popping up- oh! Dick get down before you fall!”

Bruce: [glares at Clark] “are you questioning my parenting skills? Everything is unde- catch him”

Bruce: [vibing in the cave after patrol]

Alfred: “Master Bruce, where is Master Richard?”

Bruce: [panics]