#dad!constantine

Nope. Not a chance. He will not step a foot outside this house... for another week or so.

He'd rather not leave at all, but then who knows what hell the world would drag itself into the maws of. It's not like his kids can't handle themselves anyways. They're smart. It's actually kind of scary how smart they are.

Then again, one of them is the same person as the other, just from a twisted fate future. And the other one is a clone.

So maybe it's not that surprising once you get used to at least one of them being weirdly smart.

But that's not the point right now. The point right now is that he is not stupid. Let it be known, his kids aren't stupid, and he isn't stupid.

So what exactly is this about? It's about the fact that he's easily learned to nip certain problems in the bud. The problem at hand? Danny's obsession with helping out with missions. Even though he's an 18-year-old who should be more worried about college and the stars, or whatever it is he's always muttering about.

...maybe also worrying about the whole ghost king thing too.

Isn't he getting crowned in a week? Wait no, not a good time to remind himself of that. No need to take on that problem right now.

He's good at nipping certain problems in the bud and that whole royal sich isn't it.

Maybe it should be. It's what any normal parent would probably help their kid out with. But he's not a normal parent, this isn't a normal situation, and he literally met his son through a demon summoning. So nothing about anything here is normal. Like that one coffee mug Danny's so protective over. The joke one, about labs and not understanding science or something.

Danny had been a surprise, yes, but Dani had been an even bigger surprise.

Sure, Danny had popped in through a random summoning of the ghost king, and that's how Constantine had gotten his much-needed new information about the change of hierarchy in the Infinite Realms. And then he ended up adopting the kid. But Dani, Dani had appeared out of literal thin air. Danny had explained a lot that day, but it didn't change the fact that there was no build-up.

He didn't meet her somewhere beforehand, he didn't talk to her at all before this. And then one day she's just on the couch next to Danny when he gets home from a League meeting. And they're watching some knockoff kids' show. And he doesn't even notice that she isn't supposed to be there until she calls him 'new dad' and ends the conversation there.

And then there is Dan. Dan is something else.

Like for instance, the fact that he was actively attempting to pry his younger self off of Constantine as we speak.

"I want to go!" Danny yells, sounding much younger than he is. Constantine almost pities himself in this situation. Instead, though, he watches with barely hidden amusement as Dan pries Danny's fingers loose from his coat.

"No way. Pop's got an important hero thing to do. And don't you have homework?" Dan responds to Danny's whining. His voice doesn't even convey his age at all. It's deep and gruff, but at least not young-like in the way Danny had been figuring out how to throw his own voice.

"So what? I used to fight all the time when homework was due the next day!" Danny all but shrieks back, his body lifted away from Constantine but his sharp nails still caught in the fabric of Constantine's coat. He's sure if this isn't resolved soon, he's going to have to buy himself a new coat. Lucky him.

"If you've got enough free time for heroics-" Constantine's not sure he likes the way this sentence is going, but he lets Dan continue anyways, "- then you've surely got free time for those Royal Meeting and Ghost Ruling Teachings that you've been skimping out on for the past week, don'tcha?" He declares, pulling just that little bit harder at the younger version of himself.

That thought seems to immediately result in Danny's release of his coat since the weight is now off his back and he can practically see Danny being held like a kicked puppy in Dan's arms. Maybe he needs to buy those cat nail trimmers. Would that even work on the three?

Speaking of three.

He reaches his hands up to gently scoop up the third sibling curled around his hair. Unlike the other two, she seemed to take to size manipulation pretty well. Danny doesn't seem to know how to do size manipulation, and Dan doesn't ever truly give up anything about his skills without a battle.

Pulling Dani off of his head, he turns her in his arms so that they're making eye contact. Blue eyes to Blue eyes. It's really the only thing he can count on to make a good fake backstory on how these three are his kids. They've all got matching eyes, which are a brilliant shade of blue. The kid's eyes turn an even frostier shade of blue when they use ice. His eyes turn a lighter blue when he stands in the right spot of sunlight.

And occasionally when he does strong magic, supposedly. He's never seen it.

"And what were you doing up there?" He asks, raising his eyes brows at her wide eyes. Lucky for him, she isn't as hero-strung as her brother. Unluckily for him, she's even more wander-strung. He's surprised he hasn't lost her in a mall somewhere yet.

"Just tagging along." She replies, her eyes squinting as she pulls on a smug smirk. Oh, she thinks he's going to agree to this. Yeah, no, that's not happening.

"No, you aren't." Is all he replies with before swiftly handing her off to Dan. Now he's holding both of his siblings. Which would probably be a hard feat for Constantine, but looks so very easy when Dan does it. Then again, he's pretty sure all of them could move the moon on their own. Not much of a fair comparison.

"Now, ground rules." He starts, turning on his heel to point a finger in Danny's face. The eighteen-year-old looks like he's fighting some deep primal instinct to just bite at it as he responds.

"No inviting friends... not like we have any." He bites out, still oh so very close to biting at Constantine's finger.

Swaying to face Dani, he repeats the pointing action. "No mystical bullshit." She drawls out in response, slouching in Dan's hold.

With another turn, he points at Dan's face. "And no inviting Clockwork in~" He finishes off with a snicker. Constantine has half the mind to roll his eyes but decides against it. Instead, he does a final turn towards the front door and stops short when extra weight suddenly weighs on him.

He doesn't even get the chance to turn around as the arms circle around him, and his three odd adoptees wrap him up in some sort of ghost hug. He's pretty sure Dani's leg is phasing through his ribcage, and that Dan's arm is phasing through both Danny and Dani's heads. He simply sighs, before raising an arm to hold lightly onto the arms wrapped around him.

When they don't move, he pulls on them lightly.

They still don't move.

"Dan."

The larger sibling barely moves, one of his eyes flicking open to look at Constantine. "Yeah pops?"

Constantine tugs at the arm again. It seems to make Dan chuckle. "Fine fine. Don't die or whatever... I will haunt your ass."

Constantine freely rolls his eyes this time, before dipping out of the loosened hug. For three kids who have such indifferent views on most things, they sure are clingy. Especially the one he's pretty sure has some 'I killed the entire world and enjoyed it' trauma packed up somewhere.

Walking to the bare floor, which he specifically keeps bare so as to not have to move things around when he needs to use chalk. He turns and gives a little wave.

It's like leaving kids at pre-k. He's sure if he forgets to wave one of these days, he'd be hearing about it for years.

The dramatic little shits, the lot 'em.

---

"You've finally made it." Is all he gets as a greeting from the man in the 'not a fursuit' standing across from him.

Well, excuse him. Maybe if one of your little shits didn't decide to dabble in literal demon bullshit, he wouldn't have had to come here in the first place, thank you very much.

"Yeah yeah, I was on family leave. What's the problem?" He asks, in his best attempt to cut to the chase. He likes cutting to the chase. Means he doesn't have to spend too much time with mister-dark-tall-and-handsome over here. He's pretty sure the man's constantly brooding anyways, and he does not want to carry that emo-edgy energy with him into the house. Who knows what his more emotionally tuned children will do with the emotion?

Probably eat it. Like some sort of animal. The little bastards.

"Family Leave?" Is what Batman decides to focus on instead... instead of his literal magic-sickness-inflicted winged wonder.

Know what? fuck it. Who cares.

"Yep. Had it scheduled and everything. It's on the calendar." He responds, not wavering his eye contact for a second. Batman's got his cowl on today. Which is fine. His face would've served as a distraction for a multitude of reasons anyways.

"You have a family." He doesn't even state it like a question. More like an unbelieving assumption.

"Surprise! 'ol Constantine's not heartless. Now can we hurry this up and deal with your kid so I can get back before mine blow up my fuckin' house?" He asks, pouring his attitude into the statement. Now if only he still had his cigarettes. Unfortunately, the kids had taken to hiding them around the house like some sort of children's game.

Batman seems to pause. He's probably adjusting to the information. It's not every day that Constantine's able to stump him with something weird and new that he's done. The man's practically gotten used to his bullshit.

After a moment he nods, before beginning to walk away. Once again, Constantine honestly wishes this man came with an instruction manual. Instead, he just had to trust his gut and go with the idea that this is Batman prompting him to follow.

---

His hands are shaking when they finally finish. God, he could really use a smoke right now.

Instead, he has to actively decline the butler who attempts to give him tea. He likes tea. Now's not the time though.

Instead, it's time to find some chalk in this goddamn house. Because that stupid spell for Batman's stupid kid used up all his stupid chalk. Lucky for him, there's some chalk used for evidence lines down in the cave. Unluckily for him, the entire Gotham fursuited hero convention is down in the cave.

He does his best to ignore what are probably multiple stares as he goes about drawing his circle. He is not in the mood to answer stupid questions right now.

Though he pauses at the sudden presence to his right. Looking up, he makes eye contact once again with the cowl that gives nothing away. For a second he's about to go back to what he was doing, used to batman's silent curious staring that he tended to do when others did their own stuff.

He's pretty sure Batman's neurodivergent anyways.

But his voice cuts through before he can turn back to his circle. "What are your kids like?" His voice is quiet. Still like gravel and concrete, and very much batman, but softer and quieter. He's in one of his more curious moods then. Fine, whatever. Gotta be civilized with your coworkers anyways.

He lets out a sigh and turns back to his circle, continuing in his drawing as he ignores what are most definitely the suddenly curious stares and attention spans of the entirety of the furry brigade. Well, now the entire group knows. yay.

"Funny enough, the three of 'em kinda look like your kids. Black hair and blue eyes, the lot of 'em." He starts, focusing and tuning more into the drawing of the circle. He does not want to see what Batman or any of his weird gaggle of children make of that information.

"How many do you have?" Batman voices again.

"Three. They've all got matching names. Danny, Ellie, and Dan. Aka; Daniel, Danielle, and Danimir." He answers starting to get more into the flow of the conversation. His kids were an easy topic to talk about, not that he ever got to. "How old are they?" A different voice speaks up from his other side now. Nightwing he's pretty sure.

"Ellie's 14, Danny's 18, and Dan's in his 20s. Don't ask me what 20s, he won't say." He mumbles out the last bit, going quiet as he focuses on a thinner line of the fancy-designed circle. The three had pushed him to make a safer mode of transportation. For a moment there it seemed like they had planned to fly him everywhere due to their weird overprotective nature. So instead, he'd quickly gotten to putting together a more 'in one piece' transportation circle.

"Ellie loves to wander. She really likes going places, even if she's been there a bunch. She just likes being on the move. Danny likes space shit, like the stars and all that. He's also good with engineering but won't own up to it. Dan's the strongest physically, which makes sense cause he's built like a tank. Pretty sure he could kill a man with his bare hands. Bloody good at fighting too, which is good 'cause he's in charge when I'm out." He's rambling, he knows he is. But gosh is his shaky, and talking really does help to soothe out those more thin and delicate spell lines.

"They all look like triplets too. Wouldn't be able to tell they weren't if it weren't for the obvious age differences. Copy-pasted, those three are. Right down to the bones." He finishes with a small weak chuckle to the inside joke before leaning back and standing up; looking over his spell work. It's a bit eh, what with the shaking of his hands, but it can't be helped.

He offers the chalk in the general direction of where he remembers Batman standing, not even glancing over when it's taken from his hands.

"Now I've got to go make sure they haven't dragged my house into the pits of hell... again. I'd say it was fun while it lasted, but I don't want to lie." Is all he gives as a goodbye before stepping into the circle. He still doesn't look up. He's sure he's giving off a very cool vibe.

He doesn't really care.

He needs to check on his kids.

And maybe get a smoke.

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